Holding on to Nothing

Many can try to say that chivalry is dead, but I ruled that out when Jimmy had actually walked me to my home. I felt safer with him by my side, as it had gotten dark by the time we had decided to call it a night. An act of kindness would be to invite him inside once we arrived, but for all I knew, he probably had plans to head elsewhere once he dropped me off, and I’d have to wait for another sporadic encounter.

“Thank you for being my drinking buddy tonight! Maybe I should make you my permanent beach day drink mate!” Jimmy chirped, retaining the same amount of enthusiasm that he had much earlier.

I couldn’t help but smile, finding it really hard to keep a straight face around Jimmy at this point. To anyone out there who was to break his heart, I don’t think I’d be able to withstand the amount of pain that would radiate from his overflowing personality. He was a one I could definitely see as a fragile soul, one who is rare to come across, and difficult to forget. The fact that he mentioned something along the lines of that earlier, told me that I was slowly learning who he was about.

“Anytime, Jimmy. It was a very enjoyable night, and a change compared to what I’m used to when it comes to weekends. Honestly, I should be thanking you for allowing me to accompany you. Besides my two good friends, I don’t do things like this. With that being said, thank you for changing up my routine.” I replied, gaze forward as I kept tabs on how far away we were from my house.

Turns out we weren’t that far away.

The rest of the walk was spent with Jimmy talking incessantly about his band and their upbringing, leaving me with a warm feeling in my stomach. It always felt nice to listen to someone talk about something they love, because it always allowed you to know just how much effort and heart they put into it. Jimmy was a very passionate guy from what I could tell already, and it kept me guessing just how passionate he’d be if he put his effort and heart into someone.

“Here it is.” We arrived outside my house faster than I had hoped. Going by the amount of silence between the two of us, he wasn’t too pleased about it. Was he longing as much as I was? Maybe it was out of line to be thinking that drastically.

“Funny, this is actually not too far from where I am! I’m surprised I haven’t run into you unless I have but just haven’t put the pieces together.” He added.

“I get the feeling that I have probably seen you, but it’s something I can’t exactly put my finger on at the moment,” I shrugged, fondling with my keys as I climbed the steps and neared my front door. “If you’re not too busy, you’re more than welcome to come inside for a bit. I can make us some coffee.”

Jimmy looked up at me as he took his turn on the stairs, a small grin on his face. Once he was next to me he rested his arm on my shoulder, gesturing his head towards the door. Okay, maybe he didn’t have plans.

“Sounds good to me,” He laughed. “Coffee is something you simply can’t turn down.”

Giving him a nod, I unlocked the door to present my home to him for the first time. Surely he’d find some form of fascination in my choice of interior design, as Zahra and Whitney were the same exact way.

“Halloween fanatic, huh?” Jimmy gaped, walking stepping much further into the living room. “This is the type of shit that I live for!”

My thoughts exactly.

“Yeah? I’m glad you like it actually! Halloween is all year for me, for I feel like it is something that should be celebrated more than once a year,” I emphasized. “My parents back at home tried to say that I was weird for it, but quite frankly I don’t give a damn about their opinion. Having my own home provides perks since I’m able to decorate it however the fuck I want.”

“No kidding,” He chortled, rounding the table before taking a rightful seat upon the living room couch.

“I’ll get some of the coffee started if you’re still wanting some.”

“Of course! I’ll stick around for a bit, and have a nice cup of Joe! Let’s see if you can make it perfect! Not very many people have been able to do it, so this is considered your make or break!”

As I walked into the kitchen, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his words while a smirk was plastered on my face. Leave it to him to attempt at sounding intimidating whilst sitting on my couch. My mother insisted on giving me a fancy coffee machine before I made the move to California, and as much as I didn’t want to accept it - part of me felt like it would serve as an important item in my home. Oh, how right I was.

Once I had two cups of prepared coffee, I finally joined Jimmy next to him on the couch, pulling out two coasters to put them to good use. Seeing the look on his face as he brought the mug up to his lips - gave me the utmost amount of satisfaction. Little did he know that he was drinking a brew of french vanilla that was prepared by a Keurig machine.

“You have been spared, coffee expert!” He gushed.

“So, a make?”

“You broke the break, and you made the make! Good luck getting rid of me now, for as I know where to go for the best coffee when I need it.” He set the mug back down on the coaster in the shape of a black cat, sinking back into the couch.

Jimmy more than likely wanted to get home at a decent time, so I felt like a conversation would make for a better passing of time, compared to simply sitting in silence. A quiet ambiance was something I preferred when I was alone, and it just wouldn’t make sense to create awkwardness.

“So are you ready for your tour?” I felt the need to ask, grabbing a nearby throw pillow to rest my arms on as I held my cup in my hands. He took a deep breath as he shrugged, which had me wondering what I was about to get from him as a response.

“Give or take, I suppose. Always ends up where I’m enjoying myself too much, and then it all gets cut short for the sake of sitting on a bus with my best friends for over a year or so. It’s fun being with them and all, but sometimes I like to kick back and see what happens while I’m home, you know?” Jimmy sighed, shifting a bit to rest his arm along the top of the couch.

“Definitely see what you mean. What all have you done to cause you to feel conflicted about leaving home to head back on the road?” I inquired, looking over at Jimmy as if he had all the answers in the world. Perhaps he did, and that would be something I’d come to find out in due time.

“I’m a person who likes to do as I please. So when I have to drop everything to pack up for tour, it tends to ruin a lot of shit. Especially when I meet new people towards the end of my time around here, and have to tell them that I’ll see them in a year or so. Never looks or sounds too good.” He explained.

“I can see why meeting new people can make things difficult,” I brought my legs up to curl up, turning my body so that I could face him. “Here’s to hoping that you don’t miss me too much.”

It was then that Jimmy’s face fell, a complete look of dismay plastered all over it. Did I strike a nerve? Was that the wrong thing to say?

“That’s the thing,” He mumbled, blue eyes looking past me entirely.

“What’s the thing?”

“I’m going to miss you. A lot.”

That was where I froze. There was a lot that was coming out of our blossoming friendship, but for Jimmy to openly admit that he was going to miss me during his time was something I wasn’t expecting at all. The two of us did have a lot of alcohol earlier in the day, so it could very well be a case of feeling a lot more emotional than normal. However, it had been a while since our last drink - and we didn’t drink to get drunk, as we were distracting the other in deep conversation. He was an affectionate guy, and that was something I kept forgetting about him. He probably said this about everyone, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?

“You’re going to miss me? Why is that?” I requested, setting down the cup to sit on my knees, growing extremely curious at that point in time.

He cleared his throat, staring into my eyes with his own. There came his claw, and it had a hold on me. If he were a crane machine, I would be that lucky prize he’d be taking home. Something he got fair and square.

“If you want complete honesty, today has probably been one of the better days I’ve had. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some awesome fucking days but nothing has compared to simply sitting down in a bar and getting to know someone one on one. The fast lane is cool and shit, but it doesn’t hurt to slow down a little bit to gaze at what’s passing by.” The crooked smile returned to his face. “You happened to be around during my times of browsing, and I really like where this is going.”

I could feel his weight shifting on the couch, and before I knew it - he was right in front of me. My mind was on earth this time, and I hadn’t left it during his time of being in my house. Everything he said, I heard loud and clear. He wanted to pursue what was going on, and I could feel alarms going off to warn me to put up my walls. Jimmy was such a great person and I wanted to accept that, so why was it hard to get past the boundary that I had placed after my breakup with Bradley?

Oh yeah, because Bradley hurt you.

My hands rested against his legs, having found myself lost in the ocean blues again. They were sparkling, and it didn’t take a massive amount of light for me to know that. His gaze was showing that his soul was alive and fully engrossed. Our eyes were locked on each other, and we were having a whole conversation without any form of words and only knowing smiles as if we were telling a secret that only we knew.

The two of us were close to each other, feeling the air coming through his nose as both of our mouths were sitting slightly agape. I knew his heart had to be pounding because mine was pounding just as hard. There wasn’t any moment where I could recall getting this close, but I wasn’t about to question it. The lights in my living room practically disappeared into the background, along with California sounds coming from the open window fading away. Call it sudden, but I didn’t feel like it was. We had spent the entire day together, and it felt like I had known him for an eternity. Everything was falling into alignment around me, and I truly didn’t know what to do. My mind was extremely fickle, teetering between desire and hesitation all at once. What decision was I to make, when someone as pure as Jimmy was giving me the amount of attention that Bradley only pretended to give?

His eyes shifted down to my lips, finally closing his mouth as he proceeded to nudge me underneath my chin with his head, before wrapping his arms tightly around me. There were words he had managed to whisper as he moved to rest his head atop of mine - but I was entirely unable to make them out.

“I should probably head home. I’m supposed to be up early tomorrow to head to my singer’s house for some last minute shit before we head for tour next month and I’ve completely lost track of time,” Jimmy chuckled. “They’re going to have my ass if I fall asleep at all tomorrow.”

“You’re right on it being late,” I replied. “I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble, and have to tell your friends that you were up all night talking to a girl.”

With a giggle, I stood up to grab his mug and place in the sink along with mine. Jimmy was already pulling the front door open by the time I entered the living room, slowly turning around to face me with a smile.

“I had so much fun tonight and I really want to do this again. You’re truly becoming my favorite person to be around, and I’ll be pissed if you randomly disappear on me.” He insisted, leaning against the doorway whilst shoving both hands in his pockets.

“Randomly disappearing isn’t something that I plan on doing. I really like you, and want to keep you around.”

“I’m liked? Now there is a lot of context behind why someone is able to like someone, and you have me intrigued.”

With that, I brought my lips to his cheek, giving him a genuine smile. There was more than likely a lot of confusing thoughts flowing through Jimmy’s mind, but I knew what my gesture meant.

His mouth nearly opened to speak, but he immediately pulled out his phone to flip it open and view what had caused it to vibrate in his pocket.

“Shit,” Jimmy cursed. “Apparently Matt is on his way to look for me down at the boardwalk and pick me up. I need to hightail it the fuck down there before there is a damn search party. I’ll definitely be seeing you later, sweetheart.”

His lips pecked my cheek as quick as he was when he practically jumped from the top step, taking off in a jog down the path hence we came. As I turned all of my lights off to finally head upstairs to my bedroom, it then became my turn for my mind to race with confusing thoughts. With all that was in me, I prayed that he didn’t get the wrong impression.

Like I had said, to anyone out there who was to break his heart, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it - and now I was terrified.

Notes

The site has been down, and I have started putting more effort into the other site where I'm posting this story. A big thanks to Ramona for creating it!

I'll still post updates here.

Anyway, these two...I'm telling you.

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