Holding on to Nothing

The pub wasn’t as packed as I had imagined, but that was most likely due to the time of day. People certainly did come out to drink at all times of the day, but the real hustle always came during the sunset on a weekend. That was something I knew from my job. Customers seemed to enjoy coming in the later hours, and it made those shifts busier than anything.

Jimmy directed me to a spot at the bar that was close enough to the bartender, but far enough to engage in private conversation. Thankfully for us, I had established what my preference was before I sat down - which led him to immediately order drinks before he returned to his barstool. He smiled at me again, placing the beverages on coasters so as to not ruin the polished wood on the counter.

“Never would have taken you to drink a whiskey sour,” Jimmy laughed, taking a sip of his beer before placing it back down. “But I like your style!”

“Love them actually. Used to have these all the time back home. I probably ordered this every time to start off the night, and the funniest thing was that I always ended the night with it too.” I replied, lifting the tumbler to my lips - tasting the drink that I knew all too well.

Those blue eyes were studying me, surely taking in my simple mannerisms and casual form of discussion while in a public setting. He seemed incredibly interested in what I had to say, more than ready to continue the conversation.

“Back home? Where’d you come from? If you don’t mind me asking you that.” He questioned, eyebrows raised to show his curiosity.

I had to admit I was a little hesitant to answer, for simple reasons being it wasn’t every day that someone would encounter another from the state of Oregon, but it would be foolish to ignore his question altogether. Small talk was important, and I wasn't about to fuck this up for myself.

“Oregon. It really isn’t that exciting, and there wasn’t much there for me. California was always a place I wanted to settle down in, but I ended up packing up and coming early. My life was going to succumb to boredom if I didn’t do something about it.” I replied, bringing my drink to my lips again. “What about you? What are you about?”

I wanted to know so much about him, and there wasn’t any more of a perfect opportunity than at that very moment. His face twisted into a process of thought, surely trying to conjure up the right thing to say in regards to the question.

“Well, my actual name is James Sullivan, but I prefer to go by Jimmy. It just fits better and makes it feel less formal. I play the drums for a local band, and I like to think that we’re pretty decent. I’m not an only child and the middle child between two sisters. My parents are Primus fans right along with myself. My taste in music tends to be quite eccentric and out of the ordinary, and drinking is something I’ve mastered ever since I was a kid. The biggest thing about me is that I don’t even get what I’m about - but I plan to figure that shit out one day.” Jimmy described, ending it all with a crooked toothy grin.

“What band do you play for? There are quite a few local bands if I’m not mistaken.” I questioned, turning my stool to face in his direction.

“Avenged Sevenfold! Formed in the good ol’ ninety-nine, and have been going strong ever since.”

Where had I heard that name before? I almost wanted to say that I had heard it from Whitney, but I felt like she would have mentioned something about it upon the encounter all of us had in the aquarium. Then again, maybe she only knew of the name and not what they actually looked like. That was something I’d have to ask her about.

“You guys sound incredibly familiar for some reason, but I can’t exactly put my finger on it.”

That was when Jimmy turned to me, his posture slouching a little. He was definitely getting much looser than when I saw him on the bench.

“We get that a lot actually. The name is somewhat iconic in itself, but the symbol is probably what brings it to mind. If you’ve seen a skull with bat wings anywhere, that’s our shit. My good friend Micah drew it up for us, and it’s stuck as our label that the world recognizes us with. We are supposed to be going on tour, but we have about a month until that happens. It’s always good to kick back before heading out for a long ass period of time, you know? We’ll be gone for a while, so don’t miss me too much.” He smirked, lifting his beer bottle high before taking a sip.

“I’ll be sure not to.”

Before I could comprehend the concept of time, we were multiple drinks in. My body felt fluid, eyelids entirely delayed. Jimmy had the same look to him as well, along with a glimmer in those crystals. It’s like he knew how much those captivated me and had this huge plan on drawing me in with them. To make matters worse, he had actually draped an arm around me again. His happiness was vibrant, and it was definitely rubbing off on me - because it brought a smile to my own face. I loved his company, and I could only hope that he was loving mine.

“So yeah, Johnny is our shithead bassist who can’t seem to keep his shit together to save his damn life. Love him to death, despite the fact that I find every reason to beat the fuck out of him for the sake of showing my form of tough love. If you happen to see him again, feel free to take a shot at him. You can tell him it was from me.” He snickered.

“I’ll let you know if I decide to take you up on that offer, I don’t think he’d approve of a random person going up and beating the shit out of him.”

“He’d have to approve! What choice does he honestly get? You know those stupid whack-a-mole games? Place Johnny in the equation, and there you go! I’ll even steal you the mallet to hit him with it! The prize will have to come in due time because I need to make sure it’s good enough that you’ll be able to remember it for the rest of your life!” Jimmy enthused, resting his head upon mine.

There was so much I was uncertain about when it came to the amount of affection that Jimmy was giving, and I truly didn’t know how to take it. You’d think I’d know better, but it was hard to differentiate anything when Zahra was constantly filling my head with negative thoughts about men, for the sake of not feeling alone with her weariness towards them. So many times, she’d tell me that it was simply to protect me, but I don’t know how much I believe that anymore. It almost felt like I couldn’t think or act for myself, but I didn’t want to void our friendship entirely for what it was actually worth. She had her great moments, and I did consider her my best friend - but seeing as I was getting well acquainted with Jimmy, I worried about her reaction. Perhaps I needed to quit thinking so much and actually enjoy myself for once. My parents would want that for me, despite their constant coddling to the point of suffocating me.

“Hello? Earth to Lucia! You still here with me, space cadet?”

Jimmy’s voice snapped me out of it, bringing me out of my head and back into the bar once more. Talk about embarrassing.

“Yes, I’m here! Sorry Jimmy, I think I’m still groggy from the long work week I’ve had.” I lied, trying my best to avoid the gaze I had upon me.

“I’ll buy it, but I feel like something else is plaguing you. What else is on your mind? I don’t have my degree in psychology or anything, but I can surely try my best.” Jimmy offered, his lisp much more prominent due to the numerous amount of drinks he had managed to consume throughout his entire day.

He was practically waiting for my answer, and I knew he was ready to give his input once it was out in the open. Trusting him was something I felt like I could do, but I was clearly hesitating. I should know better though, as I had only spoken to him a couple of times. The alcohol was making it harder for my thoughts to be precise, and it took a lot in me to not vomit the words that were lingering in the back of my mind. I couldn't leave him hanging, and I knew he didn't completely buy my little white lie. He was a very intelligent guy and probably was able to pick up on my body language the minute I went to another world. Maybe we had a lot of similarities, or maybe he could just tell when I was making an excuse. Either way, I had to give him something to work with.

“Hold that thought actually, and come with me. A bar isn’t the place for deep conversations like this one.” He chimed in, finishing off the last of his beer before placing it back on the counter.

Deciding to go with it, I stood up as well - finishing off my drink and setting it next to his now empty bottle. The effects of the alcohol were still continuing to kick in, and I knew I had a matter of time before it would hit me tenfold. His hand had rested against the small of my back, surely to help guide me out of the now congested bar. I didn’t dare squirm away from his touch, and I didn’t even want to. Intoxication hit in two forms - alcohol and Jimmy.

Personally, don’t think that came out right.

Jimmy led me out to the beach once again, coming to a stop when he found a decent spot to sit us down. It was just the two of us, and his attention was on me. There he went, captivating me with those blue eyes again. It didn’t feel like an attempt to draw me in purposefully, for as he was more than likely concerned for how I was. A very good trait is to show that you care upon the first impression, and that much I do give him credit for.

“Alright, what’s going on up there? Earth wants you back, and I feel like you’re floating far away from me.” He muttered, resting his arms behind him to hold himself upright.

Was it appropriate to talk about what was in my head? A lot of it had to do with him, and I don’t think he’d care too much about Zahra - seeing as he didn’t know who she was. Perhaps there was something I could talk to Jimmy about, that didn’t involve him or my overprotective best friend. Avoiding another episode of overthinking, I took a deep breath...and went for it.

“You’re a really great person, Jimmy. That’s how I want to start this off. You’ve shown me that there are people who actually give a shit about someone’s feelings, and know the right things to say to lighten the mood. I’ve had so much happen in the past few years, that I had considered everyone in the world to be my enemy when they were simply trying to help me out.”

When he didn’t speak, I knew he was expecting more to come out of my mouth. Damn him for being so in-tune already.

“There was a guy I dated named Bradley. I thought he was my world, and he always told me that I was his. Everything was perfect, and I felt like he’d be the one I’d tie myself down to in a few short years. We gave each other an adequate amount of attention, space, and affection. I thought I was doing all of the right things, but one day I get told by my old friend that he was out with someone we both went to high school with. Typical popular girl, good looks, perfect hair, massive amounts of respect from the men around her, so on and so forth. Bradley always told me that he hated girls like that, and didn’t want anything to do with them - no matter the reason. So to find him out and about with someone like that, really painted a picture of who he actually was. It all got worse when I learned that he was actually sleeping with her behind my back for three years.” I swallowed hard, doing what I could to keep my composure.

Jimmy pursed his lips, blinking a few times as he was probably trying to process it all.

“So, your trademark douche-bag. First time hearing about him, and he already pisses me off. Did you ever tell him that he got caught cheating on you?” He perplexed.

“Confronting him was harder than actually finding out since he tried to deny the entire thing and make me out to be delusional. There wasn’t any evidence that he was cheating, so he covered up any tracks that could have been obvious, and told everyone around us that I was making the entire thing up. All of my friends pushed me away, besides the one who had seen the whole thing - and I had no one to turn to. My parents always loved him, so they tried to deny it of course. I felt alone, unable to go out without some type of drama unfolding. People in my city weren’t afraid to speak their mind, and boy did they do a great job at it.” I explained.

“Fuck all of them for doing that to you. They’re stupid to believe that dumbass. You’re a fucking phenomenal human being, and I would’ve taken your side in a heartbeat. Just know that fact.” He admitted, confidence in every word. I admired him for that.

“Jimmy, between you and I, all of the drama was the actual reason I moved.” I mumbled.

“The actual reason?” He looked incredibly confused. “What is the reason that you’re telling people here?”

“That there was nothing for me there, and I needed a change of scenery.”

“How is that not an actual reason? Technically there was nothing for you there, and a change of scenery is always the default reason why someone picks the place that they do. Leaving for your reason that you claim is actual, I can understand completely. Personally, I would have told every person there to get fucked, but you and I are probably different in that field. That, and when your own family isn’t taking your side, that’s more than enough to get the hell out of there and surround yourself around people that actually give a damn, you know?” Jimmy remarked, adjusting his position once more, crossing his legs whilst sitting up entirely.

“You do have a point.” I mumbled, feeling somewhat small. He was right, but it still felt like a task to speak of something that I had sworn I’d take to the grave. Admitting weakness was something I hated to do, and I always told myself that no one deserved an explanation for my motives - but with Jimmy, I felt like I couldn’t go by that. He deserved to know everything, and I wanted him to know.

“Lucia, I’m always here. Even if I’m not able to be around physically, I’m never out of reach in other aspects. I’ll side with you, even if I think the decision you want to make will affect you. It sucks when you feel like everyone is against you, and trust me, I know how that shit feels. Bradley has no idea how good he had it, and it’s his loss for wanting to be a fucking idiot. If someone here ever gives you a hard time, you tell me. I’d be more than happy to set someone straight. That’s a promise, and you better believe it.”

Those words touched me. For once, I felt like I had someone to fall back on. Even though he had spent an entire day consuming alcohol, Jimmy seemed to have his head on his shoulders. Like I had already figured out, he wasn’t afraid to give his opinions and knew the right things to say. He was someone I didn’t want to lose, and a person I wanted to hold close.

“You’re truly the best, Jimmy. Don’t ever fucking change.” I smiled.

“Don’t you worry about that. I’m the hardest to change, and being fake is not in my code. You’ve got a genuine person right here, and you deserve all of it.” He chuckled.

I then scooted closer to him and rested my head upon his shoulder, completely disregarding the sand. As daring as I felt, I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to take a chance on the wild side.

Tomorrow, I could probably blame the whiskey sours - but that wasn’t on my mind at the moment, because as soon as he rested his own head atop of mine, I knew that I did a good thing by letting him in.