His hands are on me, running up my thigh. I'm trying to squirm out from underneath him, but he's heavy, lying over top me. I can't get away.

"Please, no!" I scream, jolting upright in bed. Bed. Whose bed is this? I look around me, taking in the unfamiliar setting. There's a clock next to the bed, it reads 10:00 am. The sheets are twisted around my legs. I'm sweating. The nightmare was so vivid this time, I could feel his touch on my skin, his hot breath on my neck.

I hear footsteps coming from somewhere, and I jump when the bedroom door opens suddenly to reveal Brian. Brian? The guy from last night, from the club. My mind is slowly piecing together the events from last night. I remember Brian helping me into the club, remember meeting Johnny, taking shots with Johnny, dancing with Brian, twice. I remember the way he carried me out of the club, but then my mind runs blank. What happened?

"Are you okay?" He asks, concern laced in his voice. "I heard you scream." He slowly walks closer to the bed. Why am I just now noticing that this spectacular man is shirtless in front of me? His shorts are hanging low on his hips, the tiniest bit of his boxers showing from the waist band. I find myself biting my lower lip, without meaning to. He's still waiting for me to answer. "Should I take your silence as a yes?" He dips his head down to look into my eyes. He noticed me admiring his half naked body.

"I'm fine. Thanks." I try to smile, try to push away the nightmare once again. "I'm at your house, in your bed. Did we..." I let myself trail off.

When he realizes what I'm getting at, he shakes his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "Nothing happened. I brought you back to my place because you passed out on me outside of the club. I didn't know where else to take you. I did remove your sweater, but only because you were wearing a tank underneath, and I thought you'd be more comfortable. I promise you I didn't touch you."

I find myself feeling a twinge of disappointment. Did he not want to touch me? You were drunk, you passed out, he didn't want to take advantage, you idiot. I tell myself. "Thank you." I say, not thinking of anything else.

"By the way, I didn't sleep in here with you. My bedroom is across the hall."

"Oh."

"I'm not really the kind of guy to take advantage of a girl like that." He says, reading my earlier thoughts.

"Thank you." I say again, feeling stupid that I can't seem to come up with anything else to say. I pull the covers from around my legs. "Can you show me to the bathroom?" I ask, trying to comb my hair away from my face with my fingers.

Brian leads me down the hall to a bathroom. I'm sure this is one of many, this house seems huge. I thank him again and leave him in the hallway, as I close the door behind me. I flip on the light, and I'm immediately alarmed at the girl looking back at me from the mirror. A small shriek leaves my mouth before I can stop it.

"Everything okay?" Brian asks from outside the door, not having yet walked away.

"Yes, everything's fine. Sorry." I apologize. Apologize? Why?

"Okay." He says. "I'm going downstairs, do you need anything? I can make you something to eat if you'd like."

"Do you have oatmeal?" I find myself stupidly asking. I throw my palm to my face, feeling like a fucking moron.. Of all the things I could've asked for, fucking oatmeal.

"Coming right up." He says, I can tell he's smirking. I listen to his footsteps get further away, then descend the stairs.

I turn back to my reflection in the mirror. I quickly throw my hair up in a messy bun and wash my face. My bag containing all of my toiletries, makeup, the works, is still in my car, which is back at the club. I look at myself, once again, taking in my clear face. I feel weird without make up on, it's always been my mask, hiding away all of my insecurities.

Before

"Why can't you be more like your sister?" My mom asked me one day, as I was putting on my makeup in my bedroom vanity.

I quickly whipped around to face her. "Why do you always have to throw that in my face? I'm not her!"

"I don't know why you have to be like this." My mom hung her head low. "Your grades are slipping, I'm not sure you'll be able to get into a decent college if you keep it up."

"What makes you think I want to go to college? Just because Jessa had a full ride to Yale. You're always comparing me to her, and I hate it. She's gone mom, let it go!" I scream.
Uncharacteristically, my mom reaches a hand up, and slaps me across the face. Hard.
"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" She yells at me.

That was the first and last time my mom ever hit me. Two weeks later she would walk out the front door, leaving me and my father alone.

After

I shake my head of the memory, and walk back to the only other room I know in this house. I slip my sweater on and head downstairs.

As I near the bottom of the staircase I hear Brian talking to someone. The other voice sounds familiar. Johnny. There's more voices. I can't place them. I feel suddenly very out of place, nervous. I need to get back to my car, get away from here. Just as I'm opening the front door to leave, I hear someone behind me.

"Leaving so soon?" Johnny asks, leaning against the wall next to the door. "He was that bad, huh?" He chuckles. My face must be displaying some of the nervousness I'm feeling. "Oh," Johnny straightens up, "he didn't tell me any details, or anything."

"Did you not bother the poor girl enough last night, Johnny?" Another man strolls up to stand next to Johnny. More tattoos, more dark hair. Those green eyes. He catches my eyes and takes a moment to introduce himself. "I'm Zacky." Johnny sneers and Zacky corrects himself, "I'm Zach. You can call me either, honestly, I don't care." He nudges Johnny with his elbow, and sends me a smile. "You must be Allison." Brian must've told him about me. Did he tell him and Johnny that we slept together? After what Johnny said, I can only help but wonder.

I return Zach's smile. "Yeah, you can call me Allie." I say stupidly, like he's going to get used to seeing me around, or something.

"It's nice to meet you." Zach smiles again. "Brian's in the kitchen, follow me." He says, turning on his heel and walking away. I feel obligated to follow him into the kitchen, so I do. Johnny trails behind us.

As we walk into the kitchen, Brian is sitting a bowl of oatmeal on his kitchen island. He looks up at me and smiles. There's another guy, two guys sitting at the island in front of Brian. What the fuck? Again, it hits me that, for some fucked up reason, these guys look familiar. Have I slept with one of them before? All of them? Oh gosh. The thought hits me, suddenly, and I feel a surge of bile rising up my throat. I clutch my hand to my mouth and quickly run out of the kitchen. There has to be another bathroom in this place, but I'm not sure where, so I hurriedly take the steps two at a time, until I'm at the top. I run down the hall to the bathroom Brian showed me to earlier.

Once inside, I hastily shut the door behind me and run to the toilet. I'm just in time, as I lean over the toilet and get sick. Probably all of the liquor from last night. I'm feeling very unsettled. I tear off a piece of toilet paper, wiping my mouth on it, before throwing it into the toilet, and flushing it down along with the contents of my stomach.

A knock sounds at the door. "Allison," Brians voice trails through the door. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I bring my knees to my chest, and rest my head on my knees.

I must not sound very convincing. I hear the door click open, footsteps, and soon a hand is rubbing circles on my back.

"Do you need me to grab you something?" He asks. "I think I have ibuprofin somewhere in here." He stands from his perch on the tub and opens a drawer under the sink to rifle through its contents.

"I'll be fine." I say. I don't have a headache, and I'm feeling much better now.

"You sure?" He asks, concern etched into his face.

"Yes." I affix a smile on my face and bring myself to my feet. I step over to the sink, and Brian goes to stand in the doorway.

"Okay, well I'll be back in the kitchen, waiting with your oatmeal." He smiles at me, and walks away.

I quickly wash my hands and gargle some water. I wipe my hands dry on a nearby towel, before heading back down to the kitchen.

"Allie," Zach greets me, as I walk back into the kitchen. "You alright?"

"I'm fine." I smile at him and take a seat at the island, next to yet another guy with tattoos. His head is shaved, and when he smiles at me his dimples are enough to knock me off my seat. Brian slides my oatmeal over to me.

"You know," He says, smirking at the guy sitting next to me as he speaks. "you sure knocked Matt here down a peg. He's not used to girls running away to get sick at the mere sight of him."

Matt. The guy next to me fakes a laugh and throws Brian a glare. "I'm Matt." He says, turning back to me. "And this," He says pointing to the guy sitting next to him. "is Brooks."

Brooks shakes my hand, smiling at me. "It's nice to meet you, Allison."

"That's enough." Brian interrupts. "Let her eat."

I feel awkard, eating my oatmeal, while the five of them are laughing and bantering back and forth. They all clearly know each other well, have for some time, as it seems.

"So when are we headed back to the studio to record?" Brooks asks, to really no one in particular.

"Friday." Matt answers him. "Though I'm not sure Brian will be prepared by then, what with all of his shenanigans."

"Oh fuck off." Brian flips him the middle finger. Are they talking about me? "It's Sunday, I have plenty of time. Where in the Hell were you assholes last night, anyway? Johnny and I were at the club, you were supposed to meet us there."

"We got sidetracked, man." Brooks says, laughing. "Seems to me like you still managed to have a good time without us." Brian shoots him a look. What did he tell these guys happened between us?

"We didn't sleep together." I find myself clarifying. Why the fuck do I even care what they think? When I leave here, I doubt I'll see any of them again.

Realization hits me then. When I leave here.

When I leave here, I have no where to go.

Notes

I hope you all are enjoying the story so far! There's much more to come, so check back often!

Thanks for reading!

- J