“Are you sure about this, Marina?”
I looked Coralee in the eye and nodded, “As grateful as we are for your hospitality, this was never supposed to be permanent. It wasn’t actually on the agenda to begin with.”
“I hear you. We just kind of scooped you two up,” she replied, giving me a sad smile.
“And I’m glad. I didn’t realise how much we needed the break,” I admitted, thinking back to the day we’d first met Coralee and Cole. “You’ve given us so much, I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”
“You’ve done plenty for us, Marina. An extra pair of hands on the farm was more than enough, not to mention all those supply runs you’ve helped out on.”
“That’s hardly worth mentioning, I haven’t worked any harder than anyone else here. I really wish there was something more I could do,” I lamented, sighing heavily.
“Nonsense,” Coralee chided, as she pulled me into a tight hug. “I’m just glad to have had you here helping out. And your Hallie is a credit to you, look how she’s grown.”
I followed her fond gaze over to where Hallie stood. It was true, in more ways than one. Not only were her ankles constantly sticking out of her trousers, she’d also had the chance to be around other children and come out of her shell. Despite us only having been here for the better part of a year, Hallie had experienced so much that I could never, or would never have thought to, have given her. Not only was she more outgoing, she was also a thousand times more self-sufficient. Never in a million years would I have taught her how to use a knife, and yet here she was, eleven years old and able to defend herself. In theory anyway - I’d put the brakes on it when Cole had threatened to take her out to test her abilities. I’d been so hell bent on trying to keep her childishness about her, that I’d unintentionally left her with nothing to help her survive on her own. Now she’d have a fighting chance though, and I had Cole to thank for that.
“She sure has,” I agreed, watching her laugh with the group that had become her friends. I was reluctant to take her away from it, but she’d been pushing to go. All of our conversations lately seemed to run along the theme of California. What was California like? Why did her mom want to go? Would it be destroyed? The answer to all of these questions was always ‘I don’t know’, but that didn’t stop her incessantly asking; so when I finally caved and asked her if she ‘wanted to go or something’, her face lit up with pleasure and she’d nodded enthusiastically.

And so here I was, stood before Coralee, informing her that we were leaving. It was an almost ridiculous concept, leaving somewhere so secure where we had everything we needed, for the unknown; but that was the draw it held. We were ready to leave behind everything we’d found here to chase Viola’s dream again. There was something about California that made our journey up to this point feel incomplete. Deep down, we both knew we didn’t belong here. I wasn’t sure we’d ever feel like we belonged anywhere ever again, but I owed it to Hallie to try, and I couldn’t say I’d tried until we’d been there.
“You take whatever you need with you,” Coralee insisted, breaking me from my daydream.
I smiled, gratefully, “We don’t need anything, Cora-”
“Now, don’t give me that. We wouldn’t see you leaving with nothing. Food, tools, bandages; you take all you need,” she nodded. “California, huh? Y’all are really going to walk that?”
“We’re no strangers to travelling on foot,” I informed her with a reassuring look.
“How could I forget?” she joked. “Walking from Texas, hot damn! Well, if anyone can walk to Cali, it’s you two. I’m just sorry we don’t have a vehicle to spare.”
“It’s really fine, Cora, we weren’t expecting anything,” I reminded her again. “I’ll be sad to be leaving though.”
“And we’ll be sad to see you go,” she sighed. “Holden’s gonna be mighty disappointed.”
“I know,” I replied, thinking of him fondly. “I’ll speak to him before we go.”
“Speak to who?” Holden asked from behind me, appearing as if by magic.
I looked at him apologetically, “We’re leaving.”
“Who's leaving?” he asked, though I could tell by his expression that he knew.
“We’re going today,” I answered, looking down at the floor as my eyes welled up. “Hallie and I.”
“Well, ain’t that the worst news I’ve had today,” he frowned, wiping his brow. “Still set on going over yonder, huh?”
I nodded, trying to blink my tears away.
“Now, don’t you be starting with that,” Holden chided, playfully. “You’ll get me going, too.”
I laughed lightly, but threw myself against his chest, wrapping him in a hug, “I’ll miss you, Holden. You’ve taken such good care of me.”
“I’ll miss you too, Marina. Y’all make sure you come back and visit us now,” he cleared his throat, patting his hand on my back affectionately.
“Of course we will,” I promised.

I stood before the wreckage of their gates, a sinking feeling engulfing my heart. This was not how their camp had looked just a few months before. There were no sounds of life leaking out from here. When we’d been here, there was the gentle hubbub of human life, but now it lay eerily quiet. I was almost too scared to go in, fearful of what I might find beyond the battered entrance. Where was everyone? Where had they gone?
My trusty, stolen vehicle had faithfully carried me across Arizona throughout the night without complaint. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness came in overwhelming waves. I would drive an hour, lost in the empty never-ending highway, and then suddenly a tidal wave of emotion would hit me, reminding me just how isolated I was becoming with each mile, away from the only people I’d had contact with in months. It was only when my surroundings started looking vaguely familiar that I was granted a sense of purpose to focus on instead. The realisation crept in slowly, and I welcomed the feeling like an old friend. I wasn’t far from our old camp, from old friends. Holden, Coralee, Jesse, Emma, Patrick, Fran, Dana, Ethan… I’d have even been happy to see Lincoln at this point.
I’d envisioned spending some time with these people, resting up and recovering a little, but something wasn’t right here, though. The emptiness before me was sending goosebumps prickling up and down my skin.

I gingerly stepped forwards, holding my breath and desperately straining my ears for anything that might turn the feeling of dread around. I crept so quietly that I could barely hear my own footfalls. As I peeked into the compound where I’d once been part of a community, I winced. The place had been trashed, and not recently either. The crops we’d planted so painstakingly under the sun had long withered, their soil now inhabited by masses of weeds. The buildings looked abandoned, doors were hanging open and… blood. In the nearest building - the one Hallie and I had spent so much time in - the stain of old blood was painted into the floor. I felt my stomach twist as I started connecting dots. Something had happened here… I clutched at my arms as I slowly picked over the scenery with my eyes, finding hints of devastation dotted everywhere. I had to go in and look properly, I owed it to them. I had to know what had happened, and if anyone was left. Running my fingers over the sheath of my knife, looking for confidence I didn’t have, I stepped over the threshold.

The destruction in the camp was more than just a side effect. It was a main event, it reeked of purposefulness. There was no way this had been biters, though one or two had wandered in now; this devastation had to have been entirely human in nature. The notion made me tense, my teeth finding my bottom lip in anxiousness. My eyes darted about as I progressed into the camp, silently picking off the two stragglers that were moseying around. I was looking for any sign of people, but the entire place was still. It was unnervingly different from the busy community in my memory. I crossed the road that ran through the camp, tiptoeing towards the nearest building – the one with the stain. Up close I could see the spatter that climbed the walls, uncomfortably hinting at a violent assault. I couldn’t stop staring at it, wondering whose blood it was. Was it someone I knew, someone I’d spent time with, someone I’d built a friendship with? Could it be Coralee? Jesse? Holden? There was no body, but no one could have bled that amount and survived. The thought further instilled the sense of dread in me.I turned away from the gruesome decoration and began climbing the stairs, slowly. One by one, I pushed doors open and peeked into rooms. All empty, save for the occasional biter milling about, seemingly lost. Every single one in every building so far had been void of human life. Not a soul around, and yet everything was still here, like nothing had happened. Clothes still hanging over the back of chairs, books earmarked next to unmade beds; if it weren’t for the light layer of dust… It was as if everyone had simply vanished into thin air.

I looked for clues, hints, anything that would tell me more about what had happened. Nothing stood out though, except for the unnerving stain in the doorway. It painted the picture that an outside force had orchestrated the event – whatever had happened. It probably wasn’t wise to linger here any longer, given that impression, so I made the decision to walk away from it all. I tried to ignore the needling feeling in the back of my mind, refusing to give in to the sinking emotion of losing yet more people. Perhaps they’d just relocated… though deep down, I knew this was unlikely, given that even their vehicles were still here. Their vehicles. I was pretty much out of gas, and another means of transport would be useful. Though it felt a little like theft, I still had my own self to think about. There was no one else here to use them, I was sure of that. After some hesitation while I thought about the morality of the situation, I shook off my qualms and found myself levering open the key safe with the very tools the people I was stealing from had kindly given me.
Every set of keys was still here, setting another train of thought into motion. I was still trying to wrap my head around exactly what had happened. Whoever had been here hadn’t been looking for resources - they’d taken nothing. Maybe no one had been here, but then surely Coralee wouldn’t have led everyone away on foot with no possessions? Nothing made sense. It weighed heavily on my mind as I checked all the vehicles over, eventually settling on a small van. I took one last look around the camp, deserted and aching without its occupants, before climbing into the driver’s seat.

Another two hours on the highway came and went. I’d been awake for nearly 24 hours at this point, running on a heady shot of adrenaline. It was wearing off though, and I could feel my eyelids growing unbearably heavy with every passing second. I was so close to Viola that I didn’t want to stop until I was by her side. I bit at my fingers, slapped at my cheeks, anything that would provide just enough of a stimulus to keep my mind focused enough to keep driving onwards. The burst of emotion that blossomed in my mind as the outskirts of the city come into view nearly finished me off. I was so close to her…
Tightening my grip on the steering wheel, I slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road; I would draw less attention on foot. Staggering forwards like a fawn taking its first steps, I tried to concentrate just until I’d dragged myself before the school. It still looked the same, exactly as I remembered it. The fence we’d scaled, the painted playground floor… and her grave. I climbed the fence with my jaw clenched in effort, practically falling to the floor on the other side in exhaustion. My energy was spent, it was all I could do to crawl across the asphalt to the flowerbed where Viola lay, blissfully unaware of how life had reluctantly moved on without her. I collapsed next to the soil, my face crumpling with all the emotion I’d bottled. My fingers curled into the dirt, digging it under my fingernails as I tried to grip on to the reality that I hated so much. My sister lay in this shoddy grave, out of my reach, leaving me completely alone in the world. She had been all I’d ever known my whole life, and now, because of the cruelty of fate, this was all I would ever know of her anymore. My sister, buried in a fucking flowerbed in El Paso. I curled up on my side on the hard ground, letting the grief overwhelm me. I just didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care.

Notes

Whole lotta feels going on today for Marina.