Can't Remember to Forget You

It was nicer outside than it had been for the past couple of days, so after I'd taken a shower and tossed my hair up into a haphazard bun, I decided to walk to the bookstore. I felt like I'd been neglecting it lately and it felt good to be back; it was like my second home and it was filled with years of good memories with my parents.

"You know, I was starting to think you weren't going to show up." I jumped at the sound of Zacky's voice and heard him chuckle. "Sorry, did I scare you?"

"No," I huffed. Zacky laughed again. "Now move, you're blocking the door."

Zacky pushed away from the place he'd been standing, letting me unlock the door. I barely had a chance to make it inside before Zacky had his arms around my waist, pressing his face into my neck. I relaxed into his embrace but only for a short second and then I stiffened, my mind flying back to last night. Thankfully Zacky seemed not to notice.

"I missed you last night," he mumbled. "But I guess that just means you can cover over tonight. I'll cook and we can pick up a bottle of wine on the way home, spend the night watching movies. It's kind of our thing."

"Yeah, I guess it kind of is." I had mixed feelings about spending the night with Zacky. I enjoyed his company and I'd grown to enjoy the mostly quiet evenings we spent on the couch with a bottle or two of wine on the coffee table. But yesterday had planted a seed of uneasiness inside my chest and it wouldn't be easy to stifle. When I wasn't around Zacky, it was easier to deny that I was falling for him, and fast.

"We can do something else if you want," Zacky said. "We could go bowling or mini golfing or something. Then I could show you off." He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows, and I rolled my eyes playfully as I turned to walk to the back of the bookstore. "Come on, Wowza, I think it would be fun."

"I'm awful at bowling," I told him.

"I'll help you," Zacky offered. True to his optimistic nature, he still hadn't seemed to notice my attempts to deflect him. "Come on, it's been awhile since we've been on a date."

"We just went out a couple of days ago for my birthday."

"Okay but that doesn't mean we can't go out again," Zacky said. The look on his face told me he was starting to get a little frustrated and it hurt me to think it was my fault. I hated that he was a casualty of the war I was fighting against myself. "I just want to spend time with you, Wren, please."

I couldn't believe how quickly this situation had turned sour but deep down, it was almost what I wanted. It was what I had done with Clark, towards the end. If he was angry or frustrated with me, it was easier for me to rationalize ignoring him or pushing him away. "We wouldn't be able to go until later in the evening," I finally relented. "It's been a day or so since I've opened up the bookstore, so I want to spend a little time here."

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Zacky said, nodding quickly. He smiled. "Whenever you close up, we can head to the bowling alley. I think they might even be doing blacklight bowling tonight."

"Oh joy."

"That just means people won't be able to see how awful you supposedly are." At this, I frowned and once again, Zacky laughed. It suddenly struck me just how much I enjoyed the sound of his laugh. It made me happy to know he was happy and how much, well, how much I wouldn't mind hearing it all the time. But as they tended to do, my thoughts wandered and then suddenly I was thinking about losing him and never being able to hear his stupid laugh again.

"Uh, Wren?" Zacky waved his hand in front of my face, catching my attention. "You okay in there? You've been staring into space for like twenty seconds."

"Just thinking," I answered.

"About me, I'm sure," Zacky said, smirking. "I mean, I'd probably do the same thing if I had a boyfriend as gorgeous as I am."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, I think it's time to put you to work."

. . .

"Oh God, this place is packed," I said, walking into the bowling alley. Somehow I'd ended up in front and I reached back for his hand as we made our way to the counter. "I don't even think there's a free lane."

"Sure there is, right over there." Zacky pointed to the far end of the bowling alley, where there was in fact an empty lane next to what looked like a family with several children. "Nice job trying to get out of it, though."

I huffed and felt Zacky flinch behind me, knowing he was expecting a playful smack. But I kept my free hand clenched around the bottom of my shirt. "I wasn't trying to get out of it," I mumbled. "Just pointing out how busy it is."

"Uh huh, I'm sure. You want me to ask them to put up the bumpers?"

This time I couldn't resist reaching out to smack him on the chest and despite myself, I even smiled. "You do that and I'm walking out of here."

Zacky said nothing else, only returned my smile as he stepped up to the counter. He paid for our game and shoes, telling the man behind the counter our names as I went over to the lane. "I told the guy to put me first, so I can show you how it's done," Zacky said as he sat down next to me.

I rolled my eyes, lacing up my shoes. I looked up at the screen as Zacky stood to take his first turn, scoffing when I noticed what name he'd given for me. Zacky heard, turning his head to look at me with a grin. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist," he said. He paused and I noticed the smallest hint of a frown flash across his face. "You know, this is the part where you're supposed to say it's a good thing you like me so much or something like that."

"I'm not really sure how I feel about you right now."

"I'm just going to assume you mean that in a good way," Zacky said teasingly. But his smile didn't quite reach as far as it had before and I had a sneaking suspicion that he didn't entirely believe I was joking. And I felt bad because his demeanor was notably muted as he finished his turn, dropping down into the seat next to me with a sigh. "Your go, Wren."

I reached over to lay my hand on his knee. "You said you would help me, remember?" I reminded him. Despite my conflictions, I still felt the strangest urge to keep him happy and I hoped this would help.

The smile that sparked on his face was enough for me to know my idea had worked. "Of course I'll help you." He offered me his hand and pulled me to my feet, pulling me over to the lane. He handed me my bowling ball, letting me step up before he wrapped his arms around me. I would be lying if I told anyone I didn't like having him so close to me; his embrace was warm and secure, but what if I never got to experience it again because I lost him?

That was the burning question that soured my security into fear. What if? What if something awful happened? What if Zacky suddenly decided I wasn't what he wanted? What if?

"Okay, swing back, just like this." Zacky's voice pulled me back and I felt him pull my arm back. "Then kind of just..." He paused, guiding me forward and I dropped the ball, honestly a little surprised when it didn't immediately roll into the gutter. "There you go, Wowza!" Zacky exclaimed. "You're better than you thought. Maybe you should try this next one on your own."

"I think you just want me to do that because you know you'll win that way."

"It doesn't matter who wins as long as we're having fun," Zacky said, sitting down with a grin. "And I always have fun with you."

. . .

With a little bit of begging and pleading, Zacky managed to convince me to come back with him to his house when we left the bowling alley. I eventually gave in because truthfully, I felt a little guilty. It didn't help that I couldn't come up with a believable excuse as to why I couldn't. I'd never really been a great liar.

"So I'm going to start on dinner," Zacky announced, rubbing his hands together. "You can change clothes and wait on the couch. Unless you want to help?"

At this, I couldn't help but laugh. "Don't you remember what happened last time?" I asked.

"That's right, you cut yourself on my cheese grater," Zacky laughed. "But I don't think you need to worry about that. I'm making beef enchiladas, no cheese grater required. Maybe you could manage to help without hurting yourself, Wowza."

"I think I'll just watch, thanks," I drawled sarcastically. He laughed again and I rolled my eyes before heading down the hall to the bathroom so I could change. When I returned, I grabbed a glass from Zacky's cabinet and poured myself a little wine, drinking it a little bit quicker than I ought to have as I leaned against the counter.

By the time Zacky pulled the enchiladas out of the oven thirty five minutes later, I'd already gone through four full glasses. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't stop thinking about how I might actually be falling, really falling for him, and I needed something to distract myself from that tonight. And wine had always been one of my favorite distractions.

"God, I'm a good cook," Zacky said, rubbing his stomach as he sat his empty plate on the coffee table.

I rolled my eyes. "You stuck something in the oven for thirty five minutes, it's not exactly something that takes a lot of skill."

"Sounds like somebody is jealous of my talent."

"I'm not jealous of shit," I said and Zacky chuckled. I pointed to me empty wine glass. "Alright, Chef Boyardee, pour me another glass of wine."

"Another?" Zacky asked. "You've already had like, five." Still, he filled the glass before passing it to me. "But that's okay, Wowza, I'll take care of you if you get too drunk. I've got lots of practice from taking care of Johnny."

"I'm not going to get drunk."

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say." I reached over with my free hand and gave him a slug to the upper arm. "Ow, hey! No hitting."

"You deserved it," I told him, taking a long sip of my wine.

"I think I also deserve a kiss, since I just cooked you dinner and you're beating on me." Zacky gave me what I was sure was his best pout and I had to admit, it was surprisingly convincing. But maybe that was the wine talking.

"Fine," I relented. Zacky smiled as he leaned in and his smile lingered as he kissed me. It sparked butterflies in my stomach and when he pulled away I found myself bringing my wine glass to my lips to try and drown them.

"Jeez, was the kiss that bad?" Zacky chuckled.

I drained the rest of the wine in my glass before refilling it. Obviously I couldn't tell him his kiss was the opposite of bad and that was why I was chugging wine like I was dying of thirst. "Mmm hmm, just awful," I said, looking at him over the top of my glass. The look in his eyes was making me a little nervous but only because it seemed like he was taking my words as a challenge.

"If it's that awful, I could probably use a little practice, don't you think?"

"There's a pillow right behind you."

Zacky huffed and I couldn't help but giggle, which to me was a sign that the wine was definitely helping. I was too tipsy to really worry about anything. "I think it would be more...beneficial if I could practice on the real thing."

"Let me finish this glass first," I said and Zacky rolled his eyes. I sipped at the wine slowly, knowing he was likely a little impatient.

When I finally finished off the glass, Zacky was quick to take it away from me, setting it out of reach before he leaned in again. The butterflies were there again but so was something else, something simmering in the pit of my stomach and my entire body was tingling by the time Zacky pulled away.

"Better?" he asked. When I nodded, he smirked. "Well, good. Can't have you thinking I'm a bad kisser, now can I, Wowza?"

"Good...job," I hiccuped. "You just haaaaad to ruin the moment."

Zacky scoffed playfully as he pushed to his feet. "You're drunk," he said.

"I am not!"

Zacky made some sort of face that told me he didn't quite believe me. "I'm going to go clean up the kitchen and put the leftovers away," he announced. "Why don't you pick a movie, little drunkie?"

I huffed at him, reaching for both the remote and the wine bottle as he disappeared into the kitchen. I knew Zacky was mostly right, I was well on my way to being extremely drunk. But this was the most comfortable and relaxed I'd been around Zacky since I realized just how strong my feelings for him were and I knew it was because I'd had so much to drink.

When Zacky dropped down next to me on the couch again a few minutes later, he had the second wine bottle in his hand. "You're whining that I'm drunk and yet you've brought in a second bottle of wine," I said.

"Excuse you, I'm not whining, just pointing out the facts," Zacky countered. A slight smirk appeared on his face. "And I brought it because I need to catch up to you at least a little and you've pretty much finished off the first bottle by yourself. Why are you drinking so much, anyway? You usually just have two or three glasses, maybe four."

My stomach did a slight somersault and not the good kind. Was I really that transparent? "It's Friday," I told him.

"I guess you have a point." Zacky pulled the cork from the second wine bottle and poured himself a glass, tossing his arm over my shoulders. "Did you pick a movie?"

"Yeah, I found Mama Mia."

"Shit, I forgot I let the little theater nerd pick the movie," Zacky teased, poking me with his free hand. I gave him a smack on the chest. He laughed and I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head. The affection made me happy, but there was still the tiniest shred of a doubt, of a 'what if', for me to bring my wine glass to my lips and drain it.

I drank a little more slowly after that, my attention focused mostly on the movie and the growing comfort of Zacky's arm wrapped almost protectively over my shoulders. The wine was definitely doing what I'd hoped it would do and by the time the ending credits started, I was curled up on the couch, my head in Zacky's lap and his fingers running through my hair.

"Alright Wowza, I think I should probably get you to bed," Zacky said. Before I could say a word or even nod, he was getting to his feet, scooping me into his arms before heading upstairs. I closed my eyes as soon as he laid me down on the bed, listening to the sounds of him moving around the room as he got ready for bed. When he crawled into the bed next to me, I instinctively moved closer.

"Mmm, 'night, Zack," I mumbled.

"Goodnight, Wren."

Notes