25. Bailey
I Know It’s Hurting You, But Its Killing Me




**Trigger Warning**

“Let me wash your face, you’re covered in blood.” Lacey said.

“I can’t be in here, can you lock him in here please…” I cried, my body shaking. My heel had broken so I threw off my shoes before practically running out of the room.

“Let him alone.” Lacey said as I saw Zack just outside the patio doors, he was knelt down with his head in his hands with a cigarette inbetween his fingers.

I ignored her and ran outside, standing in front of him. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t barely hold myself up… I felt broken. I fell to the ground in front of him, my hand on his arm. His head raised enough for his dark green eyes to meet mine, he hesitated before taking me into his arms.

“I’m so sorry.” He said into my hair. “I’m so sorry I didn’t look for you earlier. I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

“You couldn’t’ve known…” I closed my eyes, holding him as tight as I could.

“What the fuck?!” Johnny said coming out of the house. “What the fuck happened?!”

“Not now.” Lacey said dragging Johnny back.

“No, the cops are out front and I have an unconscious man beaten to fuck in my bathroom. Baker, this is all your fault.”

“My fault?” Zack stood up, pushing me behind him. “Your sister was assaulted by some guy
YOU practically herded her to. YOU told her I was inside when you knew I wasn’t. You knew this guy was all over her and handsy with her, that it made her uncomfortable and you fucking told her to go inside knowing they’d be alone. If this is anyone’s fault, Johnny, it’s yours.”

Johnny stayed quiet, his face falling.

“For fucking once can you stop being a fucking douchebag to your sister and to me? Can you fucking be a decent human being? Like fuck Seward, she was almost raped! YOUR fucking SISTER. Oh wait, I forgot who I was talking to… you didn’t care when she got hurt and was missing back home why would you care about tonight.” He had turned and started to angrily pace before sitting on the ground with his head in his hands.

I started to cry again, this was absolutely awful. I regret coming to LA, I regret getting into the car with Zack. Zack tore into Johnny for a good amount of time but I was pulled away by Lacey a few moments later, she insisted on cleaning up my face and finding a jacket to put on me.

“Ma’am.” Two police officers said coming into the back yard.

“Remember, you haven’t had anything to drink.” Lacey said for only me to hear. “Leave that part out.”

I nodded standing up, I felt sober anyways.

“Can you tell us what happened?”


**Flashback**
“Zacky’s waiting for you inside.” Johnny said. I was drunk enough to believe him but the small single sober cell in me told me – didn’t you just see Zack and tell him you were going inside?

“I have to go pee anyways.” I said making my way inside the house. I started my way down the hallway when I felt someone grab me, throwing me up against the wall. His lips pressed against mine and I pushed him away lightly, though he didn’t like to be pushed away. He wasn’t usually this pushing. Zack’s never been anything but gentle with me, maybe he’s just drunk.

“Zack.” I laughed shrugging off the sure bruise to my arm I would have in the morning. “Stop, what if Johnny sees? You have to consider how uncomfortable--…”
I met two brown eyes, not green eyes. Panic started to set in, but I figured a swift kick to the balls and he would release me.

That didn’t work.

A punch to the face.

Nope.

“Stop fighting, you’re just gonna make it worse for yourself.” He laughed dragging me into the bathroom. I tried to scream for someone but he took the outer shirt he was wearing and basically shoved it into my mouth. I tried to pull it out of my mouth but he took both of my hands into his one hand and turned me around roughly.

I kicked him hard enough it had distracted him, I turned around and tried punching him in the face again. I regretted it as he pulled back and hit me straight in the side of my face, making me land on the floor. The heel of my shoe had broken and I was seeing stars. I felt like a mess, but I was definitely sober now – all the adrenaline pumped the alcohol right out of me it felt like.

I got the piece of cloth out of my mouth and told him to stop but he just laughed. He had ripped my dress, my beautiful dress, and had started on his belt… this was it; this was how I was going to lose my virginity. He picked me back up, I stumbled due to my heel being broke, but he sat me up on the counter, trying to get my panties off but I wasn’t going to let this happen without a fight. I would die before I let him do this to me.

He hit me again and I almost lost consciousness but I kept begging God to help me. I begged for strength and courage, I begged for all of this to stop.

I screamed for Zack but that really made him mad, he grabbed my neck and pinned me against the wall so I couldn’t breathe. He muttered a few threats at me before his hand started going up my leg, up my stomach and underneath the top of my dress and over my breasts. He stopped trying to get my underwear off, happy that my dress was hiked up past my abdomen, his mouth was all over me as his hands roamed my rigid body. He seemed happy with that until the door opened.

It was Lacey. She screamed, hitting him with a plant that was on the counter. He let go of me but only for a moment, realizing it was no use because Lacey had backed off.
He laughed thinking the threat was gone, but Lacey had backed off to let Zack by – and I swear it wasn’t Zack I was watching. His eyes were black, his face was a stone – as were his fists.

He pulled the man off of me, causing me to fall to the floor to which Lacey pulled me to my feet and held my head away while Zack beat the guy senseless. I could hear his every blow and all I could do was cry harder.

I just cried, I let it all out – all the fear, all the pain and agony… I felt disgusting, but at the same time – I was thankful they had saved me. I felt relieved. I had given up, I had done everything I was supposed to when you are attacked … and NONE of it worked.

None of it.

**End Flashback**



“Here, Lacey said you needed a coat.” Zack said handing me a thick jacket he had. “Are you
okay?”

I nodded before looking back up at the policemen; they had grabbed handcuffs and asked Zack to turn around. He nodded and turned around calmly, his cigarette still in his mouth.

“What, no!” I said pulling at the officer. “No! He was protecting me.”

“It’s just a precaution until we’re done. The other guy is awake and they’ll be taking him to the car.”

And just like they had said, two other officers had him by the arms, blood was running down his face and his eyes were swollen but he still smiled at me when they walked him past. I felt the cold run up my spine, I’d puke if I had it in me but instead I stepped behind Zack – back into my safe place.

“You cant arrest me, she wanted it! Look at her the fucking whore!” He screamed dragging his feet, trying to pull out of their grasp. “She fucking wanted me to fuck her. She begged for it.”

I started to cry but Zack took a step towards me, the officer started to pull him away but relaxed, seeing he was just trying to comfort me.

“It’s okay, listen to me he’s a fucking freak. He’ll get what he deserves.” Zack whispered.

“You can’t arrest him… Please.” I begged hugging Zack. “Please, he was saving me.” Lacey pulled me away, Johnny was there now and he was talking to the other officer, telling them that he’ll pay Zack’s bail right there.

“We have to get his story, please.” The officer said. “Go sit down.”

Lacey took me to a small table and got me a drink, letting me sit for a few moments. My eyes never left Zack, to my surprise Johnny was right beside Zack and looked like he was sticking up for him.

I couldn’t stop crying or shaking, even once I had finally talked myself down I still couldn’t make it stop. Lacey was on the phone with someone and was talking quietly, I ignored her – I was trying too hard to compose myself. A few moments later Johnny came over to me, hugging me.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Johnny..” I protested.

“No. for everything. For being an ass. It stops. It’s so fucking stupid. Why would I be mad anyways that my best fucking friend is with you, you two are so happy…what’s wrong with that?” he kissed my cheek and hugged me again. “A little bit of awkwardness is better than losing you two. I almost lost you both in different ways, and I can’t believe it’s taken this to wake me up. I love you.”

“I love you too…” He sat with me for a moment, Lacey had handed him the phone – I guess it was Matt and Val on the other line, wondering if they should come back or not.
Then the officers and Zack stood up then turned around, the cop taking Zack’s arm. I panicked and jumped up, running to Zack. He leaned down and put his head in the crook of my neck planting a small kiss on my shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“We have your number, we’ll be calling.” The officers said taking Zack out of the cuffs. He rubbed his wrist but smiled, glad to be off from the assault charge we were all sure he was gonna get. “I’d take pictures of any bruises, cuts - anything.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

“Stay safe.”

Johnny walked up to Zack, they stood still for a moment before Zack nodded and Johnny gave him a hug. Men, they don’t have to talk things out – they have some unspoken language.

“This birthday was a bit too big.” Zack laughed. “I don’t know about you guys, but I want to go to bed.”

“You guys are staying here?” Johnny asked. “The guest room is open, I think.”

“Yeah, I think everyone cleared out when the sirens happened.” Lacey laughed. “Gonna have to buy a siren for the next party so I don’t have to deal with stepping over people in the morning.”

When we got to the guest room Johnny brought us some waters and snacks before saying good night, he lingered in the door a moment before leaving; a moment later Zack was sitting on the bed.

“Well, I was going to take you home and tell you how amazing you looked… how proud I was to have you on my arm all night.” Zack said softly.

“You can tell me those things now… Please don’t look at me differently.”

“I don’t, baby I just… I was so fucking scared.” He sighed. “And so fucking angry…” He said looking at his bruised and bleeding knuckles. I tutted him and dragged him to the bathroom, I hesitated but entered- I can’t be afraid of bathrooms now. I put his hands under the tap and let the blood wash away. I took care of his hands and then bandaged them, planting a kiss on his knuckles before leading him back out of the room.

Zack stripped down to just his underwear and got into the bed before he helped me get my dress off and pulled his hoodie over me before pulling me into bed. He kissed the back of my neck and held me tighter than he ever has before.

I don’t think either of us really slept that night, but neither of us spoke or moved. I was safe
here, everything was okay as long as he was here and holding me.

Everything will be alright….

Notes