Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Regret.

If Ellie had a dollar for every time she had felt that emotion over the last 48 hours, she’d have enough to buy herself a few more drinks to go along with her bad decisions. When she had woken that morning, with Zack’s sparsely tattooed arm thrown across her torso, she felt an instant bought of nausea. She was thankful when she learned that Zack was still a heavy sleeper, and quickly slipped out from bed, threw on a pair of sweats and a light jacket and took Berkley out for a walk. She spent the first 40 minutes of her morning walking around her neighbourhood with music blasting in her ears and her hood up, trying to drown out the world around her.

When she shut her apartment door behind her and unclipped her pup from his leash, the last thing she expected to see was another person in her kitchen. It took her out of her isolated existence that she had created for herself while on her walk and plummeted her back into reality. Ellie winced at the sight of the grin that was beaming in her direction.

“Please Katie, don’t start,” Ellie sighed. She had almost forgotten she shared the apartment with her blonde friend. Ellie had been so wrapped up in her blast-from-the-past reunion that she hadn’t had the chance to update Katie on the happenings of the last two days, which she knew she would pay for. Katie was the type of friend that demanded all the details about any life event, no matter how small and irrelevant. The way Katie’s deep brown eyes dashed between Ellie and the large pair of men's converse that were on the doormat beside where Ellie stood meant that Katie was taking Zack’s presence as far from irrelevant.

“Ellie, what do you mean?” Katie asked, “Those are clearly a pair of men's shoes. You haven’t had a man stay in this apartment in two years. Trust me, I’ve been counting. I need to know all about him! Who is he? How did you meet? How long have you been hiding him from me?”

The only thing Ellie had felt thankful for at that moment was the hot cup of coffee that Katie offered her as a bribe. Taking a long sip, Ellie began to contemplate how she could delicately give her friend enough information that would satisfy her without giving too much away that she would demand a full explanation.



“Look, Katie, I know you want all the details, but I need to do this at another time. Can we do brunch tomorrow?” Ellie asked in return. She saw the disappointment wash over her friend’s face. Ellie actually felt bad for the first time about keeping the details of her past from Katie. They had met in residence during their first year at school and had essentially been attached at the hip ever since. They had both arrived in Miami from out of state, both blonde and in the same program. They had been nicknamed the twins by their peers, due to how much they had in common. Well, on how much Ellie lead people to believe they had in common. Ellie’s life in Miami wasn’t a total lie, but it was a fabrication that left out the troubles of her teenage years and replaced them with an uneventful, run-of-the-mill high school experience. Katie was an upper-middle-class girl from Chicago, who knew nothing of what life was like for those who didn’t always fit in and got into trouble with the law.

“He’s a friend from California. He’s leaving town today and I would really appreciate if I could spend today with him. Tomorrow I promise I will answer any and all questions you have, but I really need you to make yourself sparse until we leave this morning. I’ll owe you, big time.” Ellie’s muscles began to relax when Katie mulled over the idea and agreed. Ellie hadn’t even realized how tense she had become at the prospect of discussing Zack with Katie.

“I’m so excited to hear all about him!” Katie grinned again. This girl was way too happy, considering it was just reaching 7 o’clock in the morning. “But brunch tomorrow is on you, as payment for keeping things from me. Lucky for you, I am heading out to the gym anyway, so have fun today.” The blonde picked up a smoothie and a shaker bottle off of the bland kitchen counter and placed the latter in the gym bag at her feet. She kissed Ellie on the cheek as she walked by, which was customary between the friends, and left the apartment for the morning.

Ellie brought her coffee mug with her when she moved across the small apartment to sit on the couch beside her pup, who had resumed chewing on his rope toy on his favourite cushion on the couch. She kicked her feet up on the espresso finished coffee table and sighed. She couldn’t keep her emotions in check for the life of her. Ellie didn’t bother to fight the few tears that managed to escape as she contemplated her position.

“What the hell happened to you that made you close yourself off so much from the world?” Zack asked, causing Ellie to jump. She hadn’t heard him make his way down the hallway from her bedroom, but when she turned to look, he was leaning against the wall frame at the entrance of the hallway. Ellie’s eyes met his briefly before she turned away again, this time pulling her knees up to her chest. She heard Zack sigh and push himself off the wall. His bare feet on the cheap linoleum wood floor made a soft sticking sound as he made his way to the armchair that was beside Ellie’s couch. He sat but didn’t make himself comfortable, choosing instead to sit on the edge of the chair so Ellie would know that she had his full attention.

“This was a mistake, Zack,” she whispered, unable to bring herself to look up at the man in front of her. Zack winced at her words, which hurt him more than he expected they would, considering the years and the distance between the pair.

“So there’s someone else in your life, is that it?” Zack jumped to the first assumption that came to his mind and found himself even more frustrated with Ellie when she shook her head as he asked. “Well then, what is it, Ellie? How can you drop everything we had, lose contact with me for four fucking years, sleep with me the first night we see each other again, and then tell me it was a fucking mistake? I’m missing something here. Did I do something wrong somewhere along the line?”

“I’ve changed my life Zack, I’m not the same girl I was in California,” Ellie’s voice cracked as she spoke, tears steadily making their way across her cheeks. “I got out. I haven’t been in a fight since I left the west coast. I am months away from graduating. I’m on track to have a successful career and a life that I can be proud of.”

“Well, hello Mr. Brandt, I didn’t realize you had joined the conversation,” Zack scoffed, making a very sour comment to let Ellie know that she sounded just like her father. Zack didn’t hold any ill will towards the man, he just was unappreciative of how much Ellie’s father enjoyed controlling her life.

“Well Zack, I’ve come to learn that my father was right about a lot of things.” Ellie sighed, feeling defeated by the conversation already.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Zack fired back, knowing very well that though Zack didn’t necessarily dislike Ellie’s father, there was plenty of animosity from Ellie’s father’s point of view.

“Zack, I beat a girl within an inch of her life before I left California. That fight spiralled out of control so fast and it almost ruined my life and hers. She, thankfully, made a full recovery, but I’m lucky my ass didn’t land in jail. I was 18, I would have been tried as an adult. The only reason I didn’t was because of my father.” Ellie’s hand shot up to her mouth as a defence mechanism. This was the first time she had told anyone a fragment of the real reason she had left California. As horrifying as it was to admit what she had done out loud, even four years after the fact, it felt good to speak the truth that differed from the “following her father’s footsteps” narrative that she constructed for herself in Miami.

“Ellie,” Zack started, his eyes softened as he watched more tears fall down her face. In all the years he had known her, he had never seen her this upset. “You can't punish yourself for the rest of your life over a stupid fight that happened when you were 18. We were always getting into fights or some shit back in the day. You can’t let that dictate how you live the rest of your life.”

“He hasn’t spoken to me in four years Zack. I have no one left.”

“You still have me,” Zack said, his voice sounding surprisingly small. He almost couldn’t believe the words came out of his mouth. He felt like a cheesy character from a bad romantic comedy, but he wasn’t lying. Ellie laughed and rolled her eyes, her breath catching from steadily crying throughout the conversation. She thought little of Zack’s cheesy, too-good-to-be-true, line.

“How can you say that? It’s been years. Just because we slept together one night doesn’t mean fuck all Zack. Besides, I live across the fucking country. This isn’t high school anymore. You leave town tonight and who knows when we’ll see each other again.”

“You said yourself that you’re almost ready to graduate. You could move back to California. You’d have me. You’d have the guys. You can work on your relationship with your father. It’ll all work out in the end.” Zack felt hopeless as he rambled reasons that Ellie should return home. It made no sense in his mind that he was fighting for a girl he no longer knew. He was fighting for a girl who clearly had no interest in repairing whatever relationship that they once had.

“I loved you once, Zack. I wish it had worked out back then, but clearly, it wasn’t meant to. Please don’t make this harder than it already has been.” Ellie hated herself for lying to Zack at that moment. She still loved him, as irrational as she told herself it was to still be in love with him despite the years of no contact. She also hated herself for not coming clean and telling Zack the entire reason why she left California in pursuit of a new life. She couldn’t bring herself to break his heart any more than she already had. So instead of taking her chance and opening herself up to him, she got up to place her now cold coffee in the sink so she could shower in preparation for spending the next few hours with her friends.

By 11 o’clock that morning, the six friends were huddled around a table in a small diner close to the venue the band had played the night prior. They were the picturesque sight of a hungover group: a coffee and an orange juice in front of each person along with variations of the largest and greasiest breakfast the diner had to offer. The conversation was relatively sparse until Matt spoke, breaking the tension between the friends regarding the night before.

“I’m sorry for acting like an ass last night,” the frontman started, “I kind of fell back into the protective routine, and I was out of place. Not that I want to know what happened between you two last night, but I’m sorry for ending the night early.”

Both Zack and Ellie nodded as a silent appreciation. The night before was a sore topic, considering Ellie had cut Zack off from any further discussion when she got up from the couch that morning. Ellie didn’t want to discuss her relationship with Zack, whatever the hell it was, with her friends, and Zack certainly didn’t want to either. He was doing everything he could to put up a straight face in front of his friends, for Ellie’s sake, but he was angry that she had seated herself as far away from him as possible at the diner’s table and did little to interact with him all morning. Zack understood that expecting a relationship out of being reunited with Ellie for one night was irrational, but he at least figured that they would fall back into their friendship with ease.

“Thanks, Matt, I know you’re always just looking out for me,” Ellie smiled, but changed the topic of conversation quickly, She was desperate to avoid any further discussion of the night before. “But for now, let’s keep the past in the past and enjoy the next few hours that we have until you leave the city.”

Once the friends finished brunch, they did just that. They crammed into Ellie’s car, with Johnny riding in the trunk, and parked close to Central Miami Beach. The afternoon was spent walking the boardwalk, playing some beach volleyball, and checking out all the shops that were on the beach front. Ellie was thankful for the weather, which was hovering around the 75-degree mark. It was warm for the first week of December, which Ellie loved. She had spent one Christmas Break with Katie in Chicago and barely survived the snowy weather. Miami was much like California, only warmer and not troubled with constant reminders of Ellie’s past.

It was too soon that Ellie found herself standing awkwardly in a parking lot, with the guys waving from the windows of an idling white van with a trailer full of equipment attached. She waved back as the van began to pull away and didn’t make her way back to the driver’s seat of her car until the van was out of sight. Ellie ran over the events of the last few days when she began her drive home. Running into Matt, being reunited with her friends, sleeping with Zack and subsequently ruining whatever sense of normalcy the pair could have fallen back into.

“This isn’t goodbye, Ellie,” Zack had said as he pulled Ellie in for a hug before he climbed into the back of the van. “I’m not letting you go this time.”

For the first time in four years, Ellie felt like Miami wasn’t far enough away from California.

Notes

Hi everyone!

I'm so sorry this update is delayed, I have no good reason other than poor time management skills. I just want to thank you all for your support on this story.

Is anyone else mad at Ellie for shutting Zack out? I created the damn storyline and I'm mad at her! Does anyone have any guesses as to what she's keeping from Zack about the reasons she left California?

xx