Another Cold State Line

My body felt both heavenly and like I had been in a fight all night long. It was feeling I very much loved. It had been years since my body felt this good after sex. Groaning, I rolled over to see Matt staring at me.

His beautiful hazel eyes held so much love. I had no idea how he could love me so much after I had lied to him about our daughter. Matt didn't have a bad bone in his body; he was a man of so much love for those he cared about. I was not worthy of that love.

"Mmm... good morning." I pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. We had much we still had to talk about, but I wanted to savor the moment as if Matt and I were a couple, as if I hadn't ruined our relationship by not talking about my beautiful little JJ.

"Morning." He softly stroked my hair. "Let's talk before our little girl is awake." Matt sat up and let out a sigh. It was a sigh that sounded like he had been holding it for years. It came from deep within him, a sigh so deeply held, it was a wonder he had let it out at all.

I sighed myself. "Okay." Nerves wracked my body, and I suddenly felt very vulnerable. Matt had seen me naked last night, had done things to me I was afraid to let anyone else do. I had been so incredibly vulnerable and open with him last night and now I just wanted to curl in on myself.

"Hey, don't go into that mind." Matt met my eyes. "This is an open dialogue. We need to talk about this like adults. There is a wonderful child involved."

I nodded. He was right, and I hated that I felt like an abused woman again. Matt had never done anything to hurt me, quite the opposite. I had been the one to hurt him. It wasn't something we had talked about, but hiding his daughter from him was heinous. I thought about it every day. I should have told him, but we could not change the past.

"What do you see from this?" Matt didn't beat around the bush. He wanted to talk about what we needed to talk about, and I couldn't blame him.

"I want you to be in Julianna's life. I want her to know and have her father. Nothing... nothing would prevent me from letting you see her. Now that you know about her, you both deserve each other. She talks about you all the time now." I cracked a small smile.

Matt's dimples flashed briefly. "And what of us?"

"You live so far away, Matt. I care for you. There are still so many feelings of love still in me. But, I am not going to give up the life I have worked so hard for just because we love each other. There is so much to work through and that's on me."

Matt's eyebrows lowered. "I love you, Hayley. I love you with everything inside of me. I don't want to give you up. I don't want to be a father that only sees my child every month or couple of weeks. This-- this is the most important thing in my life."

I gulped. I never expected Matt to still love me. How could he after I lied about his child? He was far too great a man, and I knew I would keep fucking up. That was the life of someone who was abused. They were so afraid to let people in... we ruined good relationships because of that.

Matt looked at me again. "Just answer this one question: are you still in love with me?"

Without hesitation, I said, "Yes."

He kissed my forehead so softly and so gently. I was amazed that one person could have that much compassion in them. He had the biggest hard but looked like the hardest of men. He would have fit in so well with prisoners or bikers.

"The rest doesn't matter, Hayley. We can figure this out, but I want to be with you and Julianna. I want to be in both of your lives. I am not ready to give up just because of distance. I will not give up on my family."

There was a passion and fierceness in his voice. He was so serious about this. He wanted to be in our lives, and who I was I to deny that? He was a good man, and Julianna deserved a good man.

Notes

HEYYYY I have no excuses. I explained on "Desert Flower."