Coming Home

Dr. Miller folded his fingers and placed them against his desk. The man was infuriating, more so than Rae could ever be. I wanted to punch his teeth in. I wanted to hurt him, but the only reason I wanted to hurt him is because he knew way too fucking much. He had gotten in my head. He saw who I was.

"Matt, can you talk to me about someone named Rae Martinez?"

My eyes widened and I pressed a fist against my jeans. "No. That person is off limits."

Dr. Miller sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. This was our sixth session together and I still refused to tell him anything about Rae. Of course, she had sent him everything about me. And apparently she hadn't left out details about our relationship. I hated her.

"Sanders, I cannot let you out of my sessions until we talk about everything. After talking to you, I know it's not the tours that have you spiraling like this. I know it's not about Jimmy, and I know it's not about the Bin Laden raid. What I don't know is why you are so adamant to not talk about Rae. I think Rae is why you are spiraling."

"I said not to go there." I could feel the anger rising, my blood started to boil. "We aren't talking about that. She is not why I am spiraling. I've got PTSD."

"Yes, you do." Dr. Miller stood up and reached for something in his bottom drawer. "But it's not what is causing you to spiral." He handed me a pair of boxing gloves.

"What the hell are these for?"

Miller motioned for me to stand up and I followed him out the door to a small gym next door. "We installed this when we got an influx of veterans. This is a place for them to talk and get out their aggression. Don't think I didn't notice you trying to not hit me."

I sighed. "Dr. Miller, I really don't want to talk to this."

"No one ever does." He climbed into the ring and put on some padding then motioned for me to hit him. "Now, talk and punch."

"Rae and I were always volatile." I threw a right hook. "We were so passionate and connected. But I fucked things up the first few times." I threw a combo, hitting the man in the stomach twice. "Then things only got worse as Jimmy died and we got pregnant and she aborted. Then she lost her leg and we got divorced." I kept throwing punches between each sentence. "Rae... all my emotions that surround her are good and bad."

Dr. Miller put his hands down. "Have you been in a relationship since Rae?"

I shook my head. "I don't think I've ever truly had a relationship other than Rae. I always thought she would be my one. I still think that, but she hates me. And every time I see her, it brings up all these old BULLSHIT memories. We are not good for each other."

"No, you aren't."

Notes

Welllllll Dr. Miller sure ain't pulling punches.