Coming Home

My body ached as I managed to struggle out of bed. That night without Charlie had been held. All of my old nightmares had flooded back, leaving me anxious and restless. I had no idea that my former commanding officer had managed to make me feel so safe. Sighing, I hobbled to the bathroom. There was no way I could ever fix this. I had fucked up beyond repair. It's what Marines called FUBAR.

The water hit my back as I stood under it, hoping that it would somehow make me feel better. I knew it wouldn't. It was going to be a quick mask. My brain couldn't even form an idea of how to fix this. I couldn't think past how much I missed him. I couldn't think past how much I loved that man. My love for Matt and my love for Charlie were different.

When the water told cold, I hopped out and wrapped a towel around my body. My crutches felt cold as I made my way to the kitchen. Without Charlie here, I didn't need to put clothes on to start the coffee. If Charlie had been here, we would have had amazing, mind-blowing morning sex. But Charlie wasn't here, and I only had myself to blame.

With the coffee going, I decided to put my outfit on. Everything felt like an ordeal now. When Matt and I had broken up, it hadn't felt like this. I had been too angry to feel anything else. With Charlie, there was just sadness, guilt, and remorse.

By the time my work clothes were on, I could smell the coffee. A small smile somehow found its way onto my face. It made me marginally feel better to have the bitter drink in me. A scream tore through my throat when I saw someone in my kitchen.

Charlie slowly turned to me, a coffee cup in hand. "Relax, Rae." His voice still sounded sad. But it felt like a good sign that he was here. "I think it's time you explain everything to me, staring with the Facebook post Matt put up."

I sighed and sat down at one of our bar stools, itching at my prosthetic leg. "I don't actually know what he wrote. He called me yesterday to say he mentioned me in it."

"He said he thought you would be the one he married. Lay it all out, Rae," Charlie said, "I'm not going to play second fiddle. That's not the type of man I am."

I nodded my head. "Matt and I met back in 2003. I was working out in the gym, preparing for the Force Recon I had my eye on. He walked in, and I was almost instantly caught up in how attractive he was." A blush flushed my cheeks. I hoped Charlie didn't take that as me still liking him.

"We basically fucked right then and there. I don't think we actually ever dated those first few months. He was just someone I could fuck, Charlie. And then I got assigned to a Navy SEAL team in Iraq.

"Right before deployment, I told Matt about my dream of Force Recon. He laughed and said it would never happened. I had a fiery temper back then and ended things. Little did I know that we would be serving together.

"Basically that deployment was hell. I got shot, he saved me. He took care of me for months on end until he found out he was getting a shot at Green Team. I was still in recovery, no hope of returning to active duty. When Matt found out about Green Team, he proposed to me. I refused. I realized that Matt was the cause of all my pain, or so I thought at that age."

I paused for a minute. "I spent the next three years avoiding all my friends until Laura and Brian married. From there on out, Matt and I were exclusively fuck buddies. Every time we met, we fucked. And then Jimmy died. I don't know what happened but we got married.

"I fucked and married an engaged man. We tried to annul it, but I guess it never panned out. From there on out, we were friends. We were both working through our grief. One night, I found out I was pregnant. That was right before our tour, Charlie."

An entire slew of horrible emotions ran through me as I remembered that. "I talked to Matt and told him what happened. The next day, I aborted the baby without telling him. When he found out, we physically fought each other. Then we were both deployed. The last time I saw him before all this shit was when he saw me in Germany."

Charlie looked at me as I stared at him. "I don't really think what we had was ever love, Charlie. Matt and I were young and foolish and just great at sex and fighting."

Charlie looked me over and then pulled me into his arms. "Whatever you had with him, I know it's over. I love you, Rae."

I sighed at the feeling of his arms around me. "I love you too, Charlie."

"At least you said the right name this time." He laughed and pressed a kiss to my mouth. Before things got hot and heavy, the doorbell rang.

Charlie opened the door to reveal Matt.

Notes

I know it's short. Sorry Shade. I got shit to do in the morning. Longer one tomorrow.