From Mountains to Lone Stars

Maverick smiled at me as I walked into the room. Her face was gaunt, like she hadn't eaten in weeks. Her skin was tight against her bones and paler than snow. Her once beautiful eyes were dull and sunken in, dark circles underneath them. And yet, she had somehow never looked more stunning to me in that instant.

I walked over to the bed and pulled her close to me. Her mom had said it wouldn't be too far now, that soon we would all need to take care of each other. Maverick was about to have her last consultation with her doctor. Her hand was cold against mine, but her eyes were clear.

"You ready?"

She nodded. "Of course. They'll be here soon. They said no one else can be in the room."

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, I stood back up. "I'll see you in a little while then."
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Mr. Stewart paced up and down the waiting room. He hadn't really spoken much to me or anyone other than my father and his wife. He was the opposite of how Maverick had described him.

Eventually he stopped his pacing and sat next to me. We were the only two left in the room. My parents and Mav's family had all headed to the cafeteria. Even though Maverick didn't really eat anymore, they still brought her food. We all wanted to see her make some kind of miraculous recovery. There was no way that could actually happen.

"So, Matt, why have you stayed with Alexa for this long?" Mr. Stewart asked, staring at me calmly.

"Honestly, sir, I love her. From the moment we met all the way back in August, I knew she was special. Sometimes, you just know, sir."

He looked me up and down. "That's how it was when I met Anna. The second she stepped into the class I was teaching as a TA, I just knew that she was the one for me. It's a shame you two won't get what we have.

"How are you handling it all, son?"

I looked down at my hands. "I don't want her to go."

He patted my back. "None of us do. Maverick said that you play music. Music is the traveler crossing our worlds, bridging so many people. Music is a healer, Matt. Whatever you are feeling right now and when she goes, write it out. You'll feel better." With that, the man stood up and resumed his pacing.
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Mrs. Stewart handed me a bottle of water and a gross-looking sandwich. Lately food hadn't had much taste, so I accepted it without complaint. The water was refreshing but the sandwich was like saw dust.

"Matt, are you doing okay?" Tears were still fresh in her eyes. I don't think she had stopped crying since she got here.

"I'm holding up as best I can, Mrs. Stewart. How are you doing?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "You never expect to lose your baby. I miscarried many years ago, and I thought that would be one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But losing a grown child is the hardest. She's so young, Matt. She's my baby."

"Yeah, she is. I don't really have words, Mrs. Stewart. I just wish some sort of miracle would happen."

She looked at me with Mav's blue eyes. I was just now realizing how much the two looked alike. Mav would be a very attractive older woman. "No miracle is going to happen, no matter how much we might hope and pray. We just need to make sure she enjoys her last few days or hours."
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Mr. and Mrs. Stewart were in the room with Maverick. We were basically all gearing up to say our final goodbyes to her. Me and her sister had decided to say our pieces alone. So I sat and tapped a pen against my thigh. Lyrics had finally started to float through my head, even though my brain was supposed to be thinking of what to say to Alexa.

That's when a light bulb went off in my head, and I texted Brian to bring me something. It wasn't going to be a perfect goodbye be any means, but it would be something she could cherish in her last few hours.

Sighing, I found a piece of paper to write down the words traversing my mind. At least I could get those out before I went to Mav.

"Have you thought of what you're going to say to her?" Marianne asked, looking over my shoulder at the chicken scratch on my paper.

"Yeah, you?"

She shook her head. "This isn't something I ever thought I would have to do. No one really expects their twenty-one year old sister to die, do they?" She sighed and scratched her head. "It'll probably come to me in the moment."

"I really hope it does, Marianne. When she did talk about you, it was always like you were her hero. I think she felt like she lived in your shadow sometimes. But she loved you, Marianne. She really does."

A small smile much like Mav's crossed her face. All the Stewart women looked alike; it was a little strange. "Thank you, Matt. You would have been really good for her."
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It was finally my turn to say goodbye. Clutching the neck of my guitar in my hand, I pushed the door open. She looked the same as she had just a few hours ago. I was expecting her to look even sicker than she had before.

With a deep breath, I did what I needed to say goodbye.

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no...
Once again

There's nothing here for me, on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleeps
And all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no...
Once again

Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade...

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find

Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need the person who can be true to you
I left her when I found her
And now I wish I'd stayed
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired
I'm missing you again, oh no...
Once again

Maverick stared at me with tears in her eyes. "Thank you, Matt. I love you."
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The machine beeped steadily as Maverick slept. We were all crowded into the room, fearing she would pass in her sleep. The doctors didn't think she had much longer. What were you supposed to do but wait?

One of her blue eyes popped up and she reached for mine and her mother's hands. She squeezed them and then held them out for her father and sister. I think she knew something was about to happen.

A weak smile found its way onto her beautiful face. "I love each of you so much. Mom, you were always the strongest person I knew. You took every challenge you had to face with grace and courage and came out better. Dad, you are the funniest person I will ever know. You made me into the person I am today, and I will always appreciate that. Marianne, you're my hero. You've kept me sane more than you will ever realize.

"And Matt, there aren't enough words in the world to describe what you mean to me. I love you. I love each of you so damn much." Maverick ended her little speech in a coughing fit and then her body fell back against the pillows.

Slowly, ever so slowly, her eyes drifted close and a shaky breath found its way out of her chest. One more came and then the machine beeped. Mrs. Stewart broke down into tears as Mr. Stewart held onto her. Marianne turned away, tears slipping down her cheeks. I grabbed Maverick's had, hoping that wasn't the end but knowing it was.

"I love you, Alexa. I love you."

Looking up, I tried to suppress my tears. How do I live without the ones I love?

Notes

So... um... no one kill me, okay?