From Mountains to Lone Stars

Matt held me in his arms. He had checked out sometime after the doctor basically told me I was dying. I had never seen him like this, just oddly silent. Since the doctor and nurses had come and gone, he hadn't moved. It was like he was zoned out on something.

For once I wasn't crying. Usually I was crying or shaking, but I was just numb. It was almost like my brain was finally coming to turns with my body attacking me. Did it suck? Of course it did. Did it help to get upset about something I had no control over? No, it didn't. For once, I was the one able to comfort I loved one.

Stroking Matt's hair, I just watched his face. His hazel eyes were red rimmed as if he was about to cry. I don't know if he had come to terms with what the doctor said or if he was just trying to process. It didn't even matter anymore. Nothing really mattered anymore.

My phone rang, breaking the silence. But it didn't break Matt out of his trance. His arms still stayed wrapped around me, albeit loosely. I wiggled an arm free and saw my mother's name flash across my screen. Any other time, I would try to avoid talking to her, but I needed my mom right now. I think I probably always would.

"Alexa?" Her voice sounded tired.

A smile some how made it on my face. "Hi, mom. Did the doctor from Huntington Beach call you?"

"Yes, baby. Your dad and I are on our way. We're about thirty minutes. We got a quick flight. How are you?" The stress in her voice was more than apparent now.

"I'm okay as I'm going to be, Mom. I think I'm just mainly numb. What am I even supposed to do in this case? What affairs do I need to put in order?" I asked, my voice still remaining calm somehow.

After everything that happened to me, I had no idea that I was going to be the calm one in this situation. I had no idea that I would be the one making sure everyone was okay. Maybe that was just something that happened when you knew you were dying. It was like an entire new person took over my body.

"Your dad and I will help you get it sorted out. How's Matt handling everything?"

I looked over at my boyfriend, still staring absently into space. "To be honest, Mom, I don't think he's handling it all that well."

"Oh, poor thing," Mom said and let out a sigh. "I'll talk to you soon, baby. I love you. Your sister is coming down tomorrow."

"Love you too."

Hanging up the phone, I stared at Matt. His hazel eyes finally connected with mine. He sniffled and tears slowly crept down his beautiful face. Matt's large arms pulled me closer to his chest, holding me like I was about to disappear.

"Maverick, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

I turned as best as I could in his arms. Slowly, I caressed his face and pressed the smallest of kisses to his lips. "Move on, Matt. You're twenty-three years old. This is just a little phase in your life. You and the boys are going to do amazing things with your life. Be upset, take your time, then move the fuck on."

Matt pulled my face to his, crashing his lips against mine. He pulled me closer to his chest and then finally rested his head on top of mine.

"My life has forever changed since you've been in it, Alexa. I don't know how I'm going to just be able to move on," he said, his voice rough. It was kind of hot to hear his voice rough like that.

"You'll find a way, Matt. I know you will." I hugged him, holding onto his trim waist. "Use your music. I have no doubt that it will help."
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My mother watched me as I slowly stood up to go to the bathroom. Neither she or Matt would leave my damn room. They would take turns so someone else could visit me, but it had to be one or the other in here with me.

Matt's mom had come in to meet mine, and the two women had hit it off really well. Kim had hugged my mom when she had broken down into tears at the sight of me. Matt's dad was also doing really well with mine. My dad was a hard pill to swallow but the two were doing well.

"Do you need help, Alexa?" She asked, holding out a hand as if I was going to reach for it.

"I can still walk." I sent her a weak smile. "It's not that bad just yet. Did you see Matt?"

He still hadn't really talked much after I told him he would get over me. He had been melancholy. Matt had perked up a little bit when he got to meet my parents, but he was still very much a despondent man.

"I think Kim sent him home for a shower and a new pair of clothes. They had already done the same. He's a very sweet man, honey." Mom stood in the bathroom with me. I could tell she was very nervous.

"Yeah, he is. If things went better, I could really see myself with him."

Mom titled her head and gave me a warm smile. It was the first smile I had seen since she'd been here. "Can I ask a personal question?"

I nodded my head, eyes narrowing. What kind of question could be personal after our summer? This woman was my mother. I had come out of her vagina. There really weren't very many boundaries with us anymore.

"Did you two... have sex?"

A smile lit up my face as I remembered that night. "Yeah, Matt was my first."

My mom hugged me. "There's so much you're going to miss out on." She instantly dissolved into tears. "What am I going to do without my baby?"

I wrapped my arms around my mother, holding her. We didn't need to share words. There was nothing I could say that would make this moment any better. There was nothing I could do to make any of this better. All I could do was ease their pain by making life easier on each of them.

Dad would be the strongest of them all or my sister. She loved me, but she so rarely reacted with emotions. Marianne was just all logic. She was the type of person who bottled it up until it finally burst. She would probably be the one to keep the parents going. And Matt had the boys. Everyone would be okay.

"I love you, Mom." Tears sprang into my eyes, happy ones. I finally felt at peace with this. Sometimes life just hit you in the gut.

"I love you, Alexa. You're my baby."
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Matt held my hand as a round of coughing wracked my body. Though I was basically at terms with dying, the pain still didn't feel great. I wish dying could just be peaceful. I wish cancer could just be curable.

Squeezing Matt's hand, I sat back up in bed. The doctors really didn't want me moving too much other than eating and bathroom breaks. They wanted to limit my pain as much as possible. It really scared me that they weren't even trying for surgery. They just had given up hope.

"Maverick?" Kim poked her head into the room, staring mainly at her still silent son. "Your sister is here."

Matt's eyes met mine. "Do you want me to leave?"

I shook my head. "You can stay. Marianne wants to meet you."

My sister walked in, all four ten of her. She was a tiny thing, even smaller than me. Her blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail and her unwavering blue eyes trailed my body. I could see her reading me like she would a geology text.

"You look like shit, Lex." Marianne sat down on the foot of my bed. "Just had to be fucking dying, didn't you?"

A laugh made its way out of me. If anyone could make me laugh during this situation, it would be my big sister. "Shut up, Marianne. We all know I took after Dad in the health department."

She rolled her eyes and looked at Matt who was still holding my hand. "And this dude is...?"

"Matt," he said, holding out a hand.

"Nice to meet you." Her eyes turned back to me. "Now, I happened to be in Texas before coming here. Because I basically look like you, they let me in your dorm and opened the door for me." Marianne reached behind her and pulled out my stuffed teddy bear and my old blanket. "I brought you Blankie and Paddington."

Reaching for them, I pressed my baby items to my chest. Matt stared at me, but he still didn't say much. "Thank you, Marianne."

"Yeah, of course. Let's talk about what you want at your funeral."

Matt flinched at her sentence. He stood up and walked out of the room. I watched him leave, realizing just how painful this must be for him. Maybe he would never really come to terms with it.

"I don't want a funeral. Just throw a party. Blast some metal music and some Backstreet Boys and some Moody Blues. Talk about what y'all loved and hated about me. Talk about the good and the bad and the fucking ugly. No one can be in black, okay? Just have food and share my life. And make sure my books get out there."

Marianne stared at me and nodded her head. For the first time in my life, I saw my sister break down because of me. Tears ran down her face. "You can't die, Maverick. You're my little sister, and I love you. You can't die."

I reached for her hand. We weren't big touchers, but it seemed like she needed this. "You have to be the strong one, Marianne. You can cry and shit, but Mom and Dad will need you. Everything will be okay."

Her watery blue eyes looked at mine. "Alexa, why is this happening?"

I laughed. "I think I pissed off a Greek god or something."

Sniffling, she let out a weak giggle of her own. "I love you. You know that?"

I pulled her in for a hug. "I love you too."

Notes

Okay, was that a long enough chapter for you?

Is anyone crying yet?

I'm A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

Okay, so I shit you not... this is my family. I love them dearly, but they are like that. Mom would freak out, Dad would be stoic until it happened, and my sister wouldn't reveal how she feels until she needed to.

When I was in and out of surgery and hospital for my own various health issues, this was them. I wasn't on my death bed or anything, but I couldn't do anything by myself. I can't imagine what it would actually be like to just come to peace with death. Maverick is stronger than me.

Enjoy, loves.