Cold State Line

I stared at Matt laying on his hospital bed. He looked so peaceful in his bed, resting after a long and exhausting day. His face was so serene and calm and beautiful. I could watch him sleep for forever. Matt was such a gorgeous and kind man, and I couldn't imagine a life without him.

But that's what I need to do. I needed to get away from everything. There was no future for me in Texas and as much as I loved Matt, I couldn't pull him away from his band and his brothers. There was also so much of me that still needed to find out who I was. My entire life had revolved around men and barrel racing. For once, I needed to spend time on me.

Matt's wonderful hazel eyes popped open. I smiled at him gently. Those eyes and dimples were what got me into trouble in the first place. Had we never bumped into each other at the Houston Rodeo, my life might be entirely different right now.

"Hey, babe." Matt smiled at me, flashing those dimples. "Are you feeling okay after everything?"

I watched his face and nodded. "It needed to be done, Matt. And Matt... we need to talk."

Pain flashed across his eyes. I wondered how many times he had heard those words for their to be pain behind that statement. How could a phrase cut him that deeply? Was he the type of guy who had been rejected a lot? No one could possibly see something wrong with Matt. He was an amazing man. And I didn't deserve him.

"Talk about what?"

I sat down next to him and took a massive hand into both of mine. "About us." I kept my eyes downcast, unable to actually look him in the eye for this. All my life I had been a chicken, why should I change that now.

"What about us?" I could hear something hidden in his voice. It wasn't how Clay hid things. It wasn't anything angry or scary. This was fear; it wasn't something I would have ever associated with Matt.

"Matt... so much has happened since we met. Everything feels so explosive, and I have so much appreciation and love for all you have done for me. You have no idea what it means that someone finally believed me. You are truly the most amazing man ever.

"But, Matt, I just... almost... Matt, I need time. I need time to process everything that has happened since meeting you. It has been one thing after another. And you have been my rock through it all just like Tina and Anna before you. It's time I finally take a hold of my life.

"Matt, I love you. I love you so much, but I need to figure things out for myself. I need time to figure out who I am and time to figure out how to be me."

Matt's hazel eyes glistened. There were tears in his eyes, actually tears. "What does that mean for us?"

"It means that I love you and that I want to date you, but I want to find myself. It means that I need time to figure out who I am. Matt, I want to be with you, but I haven't been whole in so long, I don't know how I can handle an actual functioning relationship."

Matt kissed my hands. "I understand. Can we still talk?"

"Of course we can. I love you, Matt."

"I love you too, Haylee."

Notes

At that ends Cold State Line. Is a sequel on the horizon? Who the fuck knows?