What have I done?

Izzie heard Matt’s breath regulate and felt his arm heavy around her waist. Possessive, yet unresponsive because of the sleep that had taken over him.

I slept with a married man.

The last few hours had been amazing, there was no denying that, but the guilt was pressing on her hard.

I can’t undo this, I’m just as bad as all those groupies.

Her heart was beating irregularly and she started to crawl in her skin. She needed to get out of here. She couldn’t stay here one minute longer.

She wiggled her way out of Matt’s arms, making sure not to wake him. She put her clothes on as she collected them. The fact that she couldn’t find her phone must have been karma. This can’t be happening. This just can’t be happening. Matt stirred in his sleep and Izzie stood still like a statue. He couldn’t wake up. That would be the worst. This was what was expected from a woman like her, right? From a groupie? Leave right after the sex? Make sure you’re not here anymore when he wakes up? There was no way she should stay over. There was no breakfast for her in the morning. At least not at Matt’s side.

She looked around for her phone one last time, but when Matt turned from his one side to his other Izzie took her loss. She could replace her phone, replacing her dignity would be impossible, it was damaged enough as it was.

She couldn’t look him into his eyes again. Those kind, loving eyes that had pulled her in so effortlessly. Izzie scolded herself quietly. She had been so stupid. He was a rockstar. This was regular business for him, but not for her. It had meant something and she was mad at herself for thinking it meant something for him too. He would want her to be gone when he woke up. Time for her to do a walk of shame, that was what you got when you slept with a rockstar. A married rockstar for that matter.

The door to her own room made a squeaky sound that was just too loud and she cursed under her breath. Waking Mia was the last thing she needed right now, she wasn’t ready to talk about this. She probably never would be.

Izzie pulled off her clothes as quietly as possible and put her sleeping shirt on.
“What time is it? Where did you come from?” Mia’s sleepy voice broke the trip down memory lane Izzie was about to go on again.
“It’s late, got to talking with the bartender. Go to sleep, you need your energy tomorrow.”
“Okay, but you have to tell me everything about the bartender when I wake up.” Mia fell back asleep almost immediately after that last part of her sentence left her mouth. Izzie would have all the time in the world to come up with a plausible story about the bartender. There was no way she would be sleeping anyway.

Mia’s rummaging through the room woke Izzie up only a few hours later. “Ah good, you’re up!”
Izzie was far from ‘up’, but there was no chance she would argue Mia. She was keeping her head low, hoping she would survive this day without any bruises.
“Goodmorning, babe” Izzie groaned out, getting into sitting position“You showered already?”
“Yup!” Mia shoved her sweatpants and sweater into her arms. “You have no time to shower, it’s already a quarter to ten, we need to get down, or we will miss breakfast”. Izzie got dressed silently. “Have you seen my phone?” she knew it was a long shot, but maybe, just maybe…. “Didn’t you have it on you last night? Where did you lose it?” Izzie shrugged and followed her friend downstairs.

Breakfast was busy and they quickly found out why.
“Iz! It’s Avenged! They are seriously in our hotel! Can you believe it?”
Izzie’s heart stopped when she noticed Matt at a table all the way in the back. “Fuck!” she let out silently.
“What?” Mia looked at her with an amused look “Not having such a big mouth now, do we?”
“No” Izzie replied with a small voice. She didn’t want to see Matt and maybe Mia thinking she chickened out was the perfect excuse. “I’m just going to sit here. I’m will make a complete fool of myself if I would meet them, I’m pretty sure about that.”
Mia laughed at Izzie’s red face “You are the worst, you had so many big plans with the man and now he is right in front of you and you don’t even want to go and say hi?” she teased.
“Guess you were right after all, when you said I would be too chicken. Are you going over there?”
Mia seemed to think about it for a second, glancing over to the tables that were occupied by the whole Avenged entourage, including the men themselves. “Nah. They look like they had a rough night and I don’t want to ruin the image I have of them.”

The women sat down and ordered breakfast. For a long while silence fell upon them. Izzie was able to put in some glances, but was made by her friend. “Seriously, go over there, you are looking at him constantly”
“Nope, quitting already” Izzie replied stubbornly and focused back on eating her food with military precision.
“Ah good, if you are ignoring your husband no 2 being right over there, you can tell me all about the bartender.”
“There is not much to tell, really, he was just very nice and we talked for a while until his shift was over. Then we drank together and then it was late. Way too late.”

Mia looked at her friend closely, there was something she wasn’t telling her. “What is his name?”
“Bart”
“I thought his name was Eric, at least that’s what his nametag said”
“Then why did you even ask?” Izzie snapped
“No. Don’t put it back on me, fact is that you didn’t even remember his name correctly. Tell me what’s going on right now!” Mia’s tone was clear. Izzie wasn’t allowed to make up stories, she needed to tell her the truth.

At moments like this Izzie was very grateful for her communication skills. “Don’t think you found out something special now, because you didn’t. It’s actually a funny story.”
Mia raised her brow at her friend “Well…. Entertain me then”
“It’s too early for this” Izzie sighed, but her friend wouldn’t hear anything about it. She tapped her fingers on the table. Izzie threw up her hands in defense “Okay, okay! When he first came to work here, the manager couldn’t remember his name. So they made a tag for him with the wrong name. It’s a running gag now among him and his colleagues, so he is keeping the wrong tag. Happy?”
Mia didn’t believe a word her friend said, but she would find out sooner or later. This moment was apparently too soon. “What’s the plan for today?”

Izzie was happy the subject changed and even happier that when she looked up she noticed him to be gone. She was home safe now, because Matt told her yesterday they would be at the venue all day. She sighed. She was relieved, but on the other hand she was kinda disappointed. She knew it was bad to even think it. She knew there was no way it would happen again, she also knew it didn’t mean anything to him. So why couldn’t she just let go? Why was she feeling so miserable?

She needed to focus on other things. More importantly, she needed to get through this day. She was sure that when she’d return tomorrow things would go back to normal. Mia and her were together, that didn’t happen too often. She needed to focus on that “I thought about doing a canal tour and maybe a hop on/hop off bus if you like. Play the tourist. Then have an early dinner before we head to the venue.”
“All fine by me, there is no need for us to be there early anyway, but I at least want to be there for the second support act” Mia put in her demands for the plan of the day “I still can’t believe you talked me into seats instead of standing” Mia complained.
“Well” Izzie was going to like this part, she couldn’t wait to surprise her friend. She let the pause last a little while longer for the dramatic effect “I might have exchanged the tickets for standing ones”
“OH! It’s going to be so much fun!” Mia jumped up and down excitedly. “But then ewe have to be there in time, see if we can get up front”

Mia was instantly making plans, but Izzie already zoned out. She had to stall a little and see that they weren’t all the way at the barriers. She didn’t know if Matt would even recognize her in a crowd, but she wasn’t looking forward to either way the outcome would be. Embarrassed when he would, hurt when he wouldn’t.

“What’s up with you today?”

Her impatient friend pulled Izzie out of her daze again “You are zoning out every time I start talking”. She put her hands on her hips “If I’m boring you, you should just say so” her voice was picking up a slight anger now. Izzie quickly put her arms around the German girl “Of course not! Just really tired. I’m getting to old for staying out that long. Come on, let’s have some fun!”

The two women spend their day strolling around Amsterdam. Even though having fun, that night’s concert was constantly at the back of their heads. When the clock came around three, Mia got restless. “Maybe we should head over there, you were late last week in Hamburg too!”
“I didn’t know where to go, there was traffic and I was sick!” Izzie defended herself for the umpteenth time. She knew Mia wasn’t really mad at her for being late at the German concert, or at least she wasn’t anymore, but Izzie was feeling guilty enough as it was.
“We will be there in 15 minutes. No worries.” Izzie smiled “Let’s head back to the hotel and get ready. Let’s dress up a little and we will be there, all pretty, far before everything starts”

The line wasn’t long when the women arrived at the venue. “Maybe we can find a spot at the front” Mia let out superhappy when she noticed the line. “Do you want to stand at the catwalk with the permanent view on Matt or on Brian’s side?”
“Brian’s side” Izzie replied without hesitation “It will be so much fun during Little Piece of Heaven” and I don’t need Matt to spot me Izzie silently added.

The line was fun, people were talking about the band and the music and the most wonderful conversations just happened. Izzie put the whole Matt thing to the back of her head. She didn’t want to ruin the night, especially over someone who probably didn’t remember her anyway. She wanted to have fun with her friend and all these lovely people here around them.

The support act moved by fast, both of them, and before they knew it, they had moved to the second row from the stage. Both as happy as they could be, Mia and Izzie screamed their lungs out when the men finally came on. The time seemed to move too fast, songs were flying by and they both realized that everything they had looked forward to so much would be over way too quickly.

That was the moment Matt decided to talk to the audience a little. He got a few good laughs from the audience when he told a story about this old hooker that told him to shave his beard and not look like a bum anymore.
“She wouldn’t take my money, even if I wanted to spend it on her. And then she added that no one else would want to fuck me either” His dimples were out fully now and the smile as wide as his face.
“You hate the beard, but you would do him anyway, huh?” Mia nudged Izzie. The latter forced a smile, not wanting her friend to know how right she actually was. Then Matt continued to talk and Izzie realized she’d have to tell Mia everything.

“A little hurt by what the lovely old prostitute said to me, I decided to head back to the hotel. Lick my wounds a little. But let me tell you, did I get more than what I bargained for! I met one of you guys, one of our lovely fans, and she entertained me”
The audience cheered and howled. “Not like that you motherfuckers!” Matt chuckled “We talked about all the fun things we still have in store for you guys.” More cheers erupted.

Izzie felt Mia’s wondering eyes on her, her friend was smart and Izzie could almost hear those brains working. She wouldn’t dare look back at her knowing she would completely sell herself out, so decided to just look at Matt. Pretending she was listening to his story. Ignoring Mia’s looks would buy her a little more time, but Izzie knew she had put 1 and 1 together by now. Izzie was far from ready to admit anything yet though.
“-she forgot her phone from the bar and because I knew she would be here tonight I offered the bartender to take it with me. Izzie, I know you are here somewhere, I have your phone” Matt smirked, getting loud cheers by the audience.

Izzie couldn’t believe he would call her out like that. There was no way she would make herself known to him, but the audience seemed to be making it its sole purpose and main search to find the mysterious Izzie. Izzie was ready for a hole in the ground to appear in which she could disappear.

“What have you done?!” Mia’s voice stopped Izzie from the flight plan that was starting to form in her head. She would just take a run for it. But she couldn’t hide from her friend. Maybe from the thousands of people here, but not from Mia.
“I promise to tell you everything about it if we can just act normal now so we won’t stand out. So I don’t stand out.” Izzie told her friend as discretely as possible.
“Do you want to leave?” Mia asked. Izzie shook her head. No, that was a bad plan, that would raise way too much attention.

Matt had continued the concert in the meantime, which Izzie experienced in a daze. Even the encore and the travel back to the hotel seemed like a weird dream. The silence that had been between the friends from the moment they had decided to stay, got broken as soon as the door to their hotel room fell shut.

“How the hell did you fall into Matt’s bed?”

Notes

There you go, another chapter for you guys!

Please leave me some comments? <3