Gunslingers

What were feelings when one of your best friends was dead? What were words when you would never hear his voice again? What was joy when his smile would never be seen again? What was music if he wasn't playing it? What was life without him in it?

I stared at my hands, somehow balled into fists against my dress blues. Not a single word of the funeral had entered my mind. The pastor might as well have been talking at a brick wall for all his words were doing for me. I couldn't look at the coffin; I couldn't bear to make this real. If I looked, it meant he was gone. As long as I didn't make it real, it wasn't, right?

Tears rolled down my face silently. Jimmy had been one of my good friends. We'd grown close over the years. He was my brother; he wasn't just my fucking drummer. I swallowed, hoping it would make my throat less dry. It didn't. I wanted to sob, knowing I would never see him again. I wanted to lash out and break everything in sight.

Glancing over at Carol, I saw how calm she was. Her arms were wrapped around Owen, holding him to her chest as she stared at the coffin. Owen was so little, so lanky already. He held onto his mother's finger, probably wondering what exactly was going on. Pain and rage entered my body again. Because of the war, this little boy would never know his father. Because of war, this little boy would never know a wonderful man. Because of war, we had had a great man ripped from us.

"Now, his wife, would like to say a few words," the pastor said and stood to the side.

Carol placed Owen in Brian's lap. Brian... it hurt to look at him. Jimmy had been his best friend before they joined the military. They were brothers, more than any one else could ever say. They chose to fight for their friendship and watching my friend shatter to pieces made my heart ache.

"Jimmy was in a word... unique. He was, without a doubt, the funniest, kindest, craziest son of a bitch I have ever met, and no one will ever replace him." Carol paused and placed her hand where Jimmy's head would be. "I know that Jimmy died doing one of the things he loved most. He loved to fly. God, that man loved to fly. He was gifted, and I was lucky to be with him. James... he gave me the best thing. He gave me our son."

Carol sat back down, unable to say more as tears and sobs took over her body. Brian placed Owen back in her lap and went up to the coffin. I watched as Brian placed his Navy wings on the coffin.

"For one last flight, James. I hope there's drums up there for you."

Johnny placed his wings next. "Keep doing those crazy barrel rolls up there, Jimmy. I miss you."

Several more people went up, saying private things for him and placing flowers on his coffin. Maeve also placed her wings on his coffin. "You got me to fly. I will always love you for that. Stay zany, Jim-Jam."

Zacky slowly moved to the coffin, almost as scared to look at it as I was. Carefully, he placed his SEAL trident into the coffin. "You were the best of us. Thank you for teaching me what joy is all about. I love you, Sullivan."

My body tried to move, but my mind wasn't having it. It was like I couldn't move. I refused to believe he was really dead. As I finally willed myself to move, I saw a woman I hadn't seen in two years approach his coffin.

All my old feelings rushed forward and I hated it. I was with someone else, Rae shouldn't still have this god damn hold on me. She pinned something into his coffin and placed her forehead against his. "I'm sorry, James. God, I am so sorry. You were the most amazing person I have ever known. May you play lots of music up there for everyone."

A few more people said their pieces to Sullivan, and finally, I decided to move. I couldn't sit here anymore. I pegged my trident into the coffin, right over his heart and noticed a Marine's Special Forces tag. Rae had done it.

"Rev, you are without a doubt, the best man to grace this earth. You will always be my brother. Keep everyone safe, as we'll do here."

Notes

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Funeral needed to be in here, so the story can move forward.