Your Bloody Fool

Four days since that godforsaken night... Four fucking days and I was still feeling like the piece of shit I truly was. God... since when did hangovers last so bloody long? Oh right, since I’m pushing forty.

I opened the bottle of water which I had been nursing for the past hour now and with shaky hands brought it to my crimson red lips. Fuck... after four bottles of water, an advil and some shady anti-hangover pills I still felt like shit.

This will be a bloody long day...

See, the reason behind me being all fancy pants with my red lips and the winged eyeliner, was the fact that Brian’s little sister, who wasn’t that little anymore by the way, was getting married. Fuck me. My ex told me that I have to participate at the wedding three days ago. Three days ago I was still in excruciating pain and vomiting up everything that went down my throat. Even my own saliva. Obviously I sent him straight to hell, but looks like he cared? I guess you can figure the answer knowing I’m sitting in his car. Hell, he even helped me with my make-up, especially correcting my attempt at the wing.

My eyes slid to the side, seeing him rocking some expensive as fuck looking grey suit pants and a black button up shirt with his sleeves rolled up.

„Black? Who the hell wears black to a wedding?” I frowned, returning to those small sips I was taking every two minutes.

He turned his head to look at me and shot me an are-you-fucking-serious look. „Because you’re obviously wearing white,” He said pointing out to my outfit. I looked down to my black dress.

„This is what you bought me!” I exclaimed, suddenly feeling like throwing up. I had to take a couple deep breaths to ease down my stomach. Somehow he thought that dressing the mother of his children in a skin tight leather dress to an event where her children will actually be, seemed the best bloody choice to make. When I said him that I’m going to the wedding only if he goes and buys me a dress, I didn’t mean for him to dress me like a streetwalker.

„Because I knew you wouldn’t wear anything else,” He replied. Oh really. I shot him a dirty look, which he just ignored, making a turn right, away from the highway and on to the same narrow Cyprus alley which I knew lead to one of the best vineyards in California. You want to know how long did we actually drive to get here? Five hours. Five fucking hours in a leather dress. This all was just peachy, I’m sweating in all the right and wrong places, while the douche himself is sitting here and enjoying his day.

„Hey, pull aside,” I lightly patted his arm, while looking out the window on the big vineyard stretching along the right side of the road, „Come on Brian, pull aside...”

„What? Why?” He frowned, but nevertheless, he took his heavy foot off the gas pedal and pressed the breaks. The car stopped and I unbuckled my seat belt, jumping out of the car. „Clarke? Where are you going?”

Without a word I made a small jog towards those vines, nearly breaking my neck while I reached the destination. I completely forgot I was wearing six inch pump heels to add to the misery, but, man, I wanted those grapes too badly to worry about such small problems.

A couple minutes later I was walking back towards the slick BMW, my hands full of grape clusters. I got in the car and instantly Brian’s arched eyebrow greeted me. „Seriously?” He shook his head, before he started driving again. „I stopped the car so you could steel some grapes?”

„I was hungry...” I shrugged as I threw a couple of grapes in my mouth. At that moment I didn’t care that I probably should’ve washed them – for once I could’ve allowed myself to be a redneck. A redneck in a leather dress.

„You know... McKenna’s fiance – Josh – his folks actually own the vineyard,” He said reaching his arm out, demanding for those same stolen grapes he was scolding me over, „I bet if you asked politely, they would’ve given you some clean ones.” He kept on talking and seeing how his hand was still empty, he turned his head to give me a quick look, before turning back to the road, „Come on, Clarke, I did in fact pull over.”

„Yeah, because it asked for so much effort,” I replied sarcastically, as I threw a grape in my mouth. He shot me a glare. „Jesus, fine, here.” I put a single grape in his hand, „Happy?”

He threw the grape in his mouth, demanding for more as his hand extended between us. With a heavy sigh, I plucked off a couple of the grapes from the clusters and placed them in his hand. As I kept eating those berries, I couldn’t bare but wonder how were Rosie and Ralph doing. Their grandparents had come up here a couple days ago to help with setting up the place for the wedding, taking the kids along. I hadn’t seen Rosie since that dreadful day I got completely shitfaced and Ralph... well also since the same damned day, because I was too hungover to actually leave my room. I’m such a shitty mum...

I was pulled out of my thoughts when we quickly closed in on a mansion seemingly bustling with life. It was an early morning... well, at least it had been when I got in Brian’s car to go on this mad-man’s adventure. It seemed we were actually the very last ones to arrive.

„And now to find a spot where to park this baby...” Brian mused, slowing down the car in search for a free spot. It was ridiculous how all this space was already taken up. As we drove forward all I could see was the endless row of cars and only then I realized how big of a wedding this truly was.

„Just don’t park it like an asshole if you want me to drive tomorrow.”

„You want to drive?” He looked at me shocked, before he pulled in the tightest parking spot I’ve ever seen. I told you not to park like an ass! How the hell am I gonna get out of this space without completely demolishing his car? Oh right, his car. Actually... I think we’re good. „I thought you hated driving anywhere that isn’t Huntington Beach...”

I frowned, raising an eyebrow at him as he killed the engine, before taking out the key from the ignition. „Brian, I do occasionally go places.”

„Like where?” He unbuckled his seat-belt and turned to look at me.

„Like... LA for starters...”

„Oh right, LA. The one place that’s exactly next to HB. I’d be surprised that during these ten years you’re living in California, you hadn’t driven to Los Angeles at least once by yourself. That would really be a fucking shocker.” He smirked, before getting out of the car.

I sighed. He was right tho, I hated driving around not quite knowing where I’m going or how do I get back. But... There was a big ‘but’... I knew Brian will get carried away, realizing he has a massive hangover the next day (the same kind I was having for these past days), so for the argument sake, let’s not pretend he will be the one to deliver us all home in one piece.

I opened the door and stepped out of the car, my six inch Louboutins landing in the grit. Right then and there I regretted enormously that I wanted to actually look good. That first step and my feet were already killing me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, breathing in the cloud of smoke which I assumed came from Brian.

„I have to say,” He started, making me open my eyes and turn my head to see what he had to say and about what. He was eyeing me with a wide grin, „Those shoes were a fucking great investment. You no longer can pass for a gnome.”

„Brian... seriously?” At his old age he still acted like a fucking sixteen year old with his lame jokes. Right now I had only one question – will he ever grow the fuck up?

He stared at me with those soft browns for a good moment, „It was a joke, Clarke... and a compliment all in one. You look good.”

„I look like an expensive hooker,” I hissed in a hushed voice. The bloody fool knew my size, but he purposely bought me a dress that was smaller. Why? Probably to embarrass me even more when sometime, during the evening both my boobs will break out of this leather prison and so will my ass.

„The key word is ‘expensive’,” He chuckled, raising the cigarette to his lips.

I was about to say something, but a very shrill female voice cut off my very will to speak completely, „Bri, finally you’re here!” I turned around to meet the speaker. Was this Brian’s Nicole a.k.a. Nikki? She was wearing a strapless purple dress, which you couldn’t mess with nothing else but one of the bridesmaid dresses. She was tall. Even taller than me with the torture devices I was wearing. A bleached blond bimbo without a single wrinkle on her face. A bleached blond bimbo who was the bridesmaid for McKenna – the sister who was fifteen years younger than Brian himself. You see what I’m pointing out?

My arms crossed over my chest as I held up my hand to shield away the twitching smile. Nikki shot herself at Brian, completely ignoring me. „Oh, hey, Nic...”

„Come on, you have to see this place! It’s like a fairy-tale!” She exclaimed in excitement as she pulled my ex by his arm towards the fairy-tale land. Somehow through all this, he managed to hand me his car keys.

„I’ll find you later.” He winked, before they disappeared from the view.

What the... Actually? This was really amusing. I snickered all the way towards the door to the passenger seats where my clutch was thrown at. I couldn’t believe he actually was fucking McKenna’s friend. He was a fucking dick. A laugh fell over my lips as I reached for my clutch in the pile of empty water bottles and that last cluster of grapes I hadn’t managed to devour before. What to do? They’ll probably rot over the night in this heat, but then again, it’s Brian’s car...

„Excuse me? Are you Riley?” I heard a strong British accent in the voice and only then I realized my ass is the only thing the newcomer is seeing. I mean... not that my ass wasn’t one hell of a first impression, but...

I leaned out of the car and saw Lucifer standing in front of me. Well, not the actual Lucifer, but the actor... What was his name – Tom something. Man, was he tall, and already nursing a glass of whiskey in his hands as he looked at me with a smirk. „Guilty,” I replied, stunned by how good looking he actually was in person. He wasn’t the sexiest man in the world, but man did he have some serious charisma. „How can I help you?”

„Oh, you’re British,” He seemed pleasantly surprised, „That’s just splendid. Right, to the case. Josh’s fiance needs your help.”

„McKenna?” I questioned. What on earth could I help her with? I wasn’t necessarily her best friend so we can stripe out moral support; if she’s having some problems with her dress – I can’t sew for shit, so... what on earth did the bride want from me?

„That’s the one,” he nodded, bringing his glass to his lips. I decided to raise my head to look around and try to figure which direction did I need to head. „Oh don’t worry, love, I’ll lead the way,” He offered me his elbow.

Pleasantly surprised I hooked my hand behind his. „So how do you know Josh or McKenna? Or... who do you know here?”

He smiled down at me as he guided us towards some massive stone steps, „Josh is my baby brother. Well, not quite the baby anymore... so, unfortunately, I have to be here.” Unfortunately? Noticing the question lingering in my eyes, he chuckled and explained shortly after, „I’m joking. Don’t worry, there’s absolutely nothing interesting about me. I’m an open book... but you’re not. You don’t have the slightest resemblance to the Haner clan, so why are you here miss Riley?”

„McKenna is my ex’s sister.” I explained remembering her as the purple haired introvert with her twisted sense of humor. But I guess the humor thing ran into the family.

„And you’re here with your ex?” Tom asked me genuinely curious.

„Partly.” I chuckled, „McKenna’s also the aunt of my kids.”

„So you’re a mum,” We both came to an abrupt stop. He had decided to take a better look at me. Man, this guy was one cheeky bastard. „A mum dressed in a tight as a glove leather dress. Hell, if my wife would’ve dressed like you, maybe I wouldn’t be divorced right now.”

„You’re divorced because you’re a jerk, Tom.” I said starting to get pissed of. Why did I get pissed off? Because this is the dress Brian chose me and turned out Tom here was a sexist pig. I had forgotten that mostly all Brits were pigs, but the actor here just approved it. I jerked my hand out of his reach and decided I will find the way on my own. „If maybe Lucifer had some depth to his character, then you’re as shallow as they come. Enjoy the wedding.”

Without another word I headed straight towards the front door of the big mansion.

„Second floor, first door on the left,” I heard Tom say as I walked in the spacious hallway. An impressive size stairs stood in front of me and without thinking I walked upstairs and turned on the corridor to my left to stop at the only door which had been left open.

Arctic Monkey’s were silently playing in the background while the bridesmaids were hectically pacing around. Seemingly every bridesmaid was present except Nikki. I was surprised to see Saint also here and rocking the ugly purple dress.

„I’m here... What’s the emergency?” I asked and just as I walked in the room all the bridesmaids stepped aside revealing the now blond McKenna to me. She seemed anxious, worried, but worst of all – bloody furious. Uh-oh, what happened? What did I do? Once those familiar browns landed on me, she seemed to calm down.

„Oh great, you’re here.” McKenna said walking up to me. „Steph walked out on me.”

„Uhmm, okay? Steph being who exactly?”

„One of the bridesmaids.” Saint replied annoyed. She was lounging on the bed and seemed fed up with everything. „So did Lori, hence this,” Saint pointed out to the strapless purple dress she was wearing.

„Will you—„ McKenna started making her best puppy eyes, „will you be my bridesmaid? Everything has to be perfect, Riley...”

I looked around and eyed each of those young girls. All simple plain Janes. Then I looked at Saint and her tattoos. Then I remembered of my own ink. We’ll be like a thorn in ones eye. Rock and roll grandma’s.

„Riley, please. I’ll throw in a room to all by yourself so you won’t have to share with Brian and the kids,” McKenna begged. „Each of the groomsmen needs to have a girl by his side.” Whoa, hold up. Was that how it all was done? I hadn’t been to many weddings, but I didn’t believe bridesmaids paired up with groomsmen. But if that’s the case, I at least hope my significant other for the night will be one heck of an eyecandy.

„You drive a hard bargain, Haner,” I chuckled, „But okay. I’d do anything to get out of this dress.”

„Yay! Okay, Saint help her with the dress, I’m gonna get in my own,” McKenna said and skidaddled. My eyes trailed towards my favorite blonde who had gotten up from the bed with a heavy sigh. The dress she was wearing looked rather short, but knowing I’m shorter than her, I believe we’ll be fine.

Boy, was I wrong. When I changed into the awful clothing piece, I realized if I bend down – everyone will say hi to my ass. „Wh-why is this bloody thing so short? Saint, why is my dress shorter than yours?”

Saint raised her eyes from her phone as she looked at me. Her eyes went wide, „No kidding... I mean... It’s just as short as your mom’s wedding dress after she had brought it to the tailor.”

„My mum wanted to ride a guy like a pony wearing that dress, so it makes perfect sense... but why the fuck is this dress so short?!” I shouted and like on que one of the bridesmaids opened the door.

„Is everything alright? We heard some—oh.” She cut herself short as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. „Can’t you like... maybe pull it down a little?”

I glared at the girl. „It’s a strapless dress. If I pull it any lower, chances of flashing everyone at the wedding are rather high. But hey, if I bend down, everyone will see my ass, so pick your poison.”

„Okay, we have to figure something out... the ceremony starts in fifteen minutes,” The brunette said and simply disappeared murmuring something under her nose.

„Well...” Saint started, „If I was a guy I’d surely fall in love with you,” She chuckled, wiggling her eyebrows.

„You’d fall in love with the fact that I’m obtainable.”

„Such big words, babe.” She shook her head as a heavy sigh rolled over my lips.

„I at least thought if I’d agree to this I’d get to wear something that’s not as big of a hooker material as that leather dress,” I pointed out to the black dress hanging over the armrest of the chair as I sat down on the bed next to Saint.

„Let me guess... Brian?”

„Yep,” I popped the ‘p’, before the door reopened again and the same brunette walked in with...

„So we meet again,” Tom chuckled.

„Bloody hell...” I mused making him raise an eyebrow at me. He looked... surprised? Amazed? Hell, I don’t know. Men were so hard to read.

„So, Tom here’s the thing, we’re in a quite the predicament here,” The girl pointed to me, motioning for me to stand up. Unwillingly I obeyed. „The dress is way too short, so your mission of the night is to keep everything in place and from showing.”

„Right.” He frowned, his eyes fixing on my ‘dress’. A tad shorter and the dress would be considered a shirt. „But darling, may I ask, why are you wearing a dress a size too small? That leather dress was way better.”

„This was Steph’s dress, Tom. Riley is the new bridesmaid.” And just like that, the girl disappeared again.

Tom’s eyes raised from the dress to meet mine, „Love, I truly offer my deepest condolences.”

Saint started laughing behind me, „I should offer the condolences to you, pal. After all you’re the one who’s going to stare at her ass all night.”

I turned to her with a clear what-the-fuck written all over my face. „Gee, thanks.”

„That’s not what I meant,” She waved me off, „But he understood.”

„Mom! Mom, where are you!” Oh no. Not my kids... Jesus motherfucking Christ. Could I fall any lower?

Notes

Introducing mister Tom Ellis. I realized Brian's been whoring around non-stop, so maybe it's Riley's turn to finally do something for herself.

And thank you everyone who's still reading, voting and commenting. You're the sunshine in my day! An enormous thanks to you! :)