On Tour

Matt's sockets revealed just how little he'd slept. His eyeballs were puffy and red. Has he been crying? It couldn't be, could it? No, he didn't, Karma decided, he's a tough guy, right... But...

"Karma, hey," he said, his voice sounding even thinner, "didn't expect to see you here..." Karma remained quiet, simply because she didn't know what to say. She half expected him to slam the door immediately, or to at least ask her why she was standing there like a retard.
"We should talk. This is bullshit. We gotta do good tonight," she finally brought out. Yeah, go Karma. You sound like a moron. As if he cares...
"I know."

He took a step back, and motioned for her to come inside his room. Without saying a word, they sat down on the couch. Karma's shoulders felt like they weighed tons. Going into his room evoked some memories, and at that point she wasn't even sure if they were pleasant or not. I AM NEVER GOING TO SLEEP WITH HIM AGAIN. Slowly, without breaking the eye contact, she sunk onto his bed, ready for him to scream at her any minute. She didn't trust this peace they seemingly had, not after what happened the day before.

"We broke up. I mean... I broke up," he finally said, and for a second, Karma couldn't believe what he said. He broke up with Sarah? Only then did she look at him again. His expression was plain, but sorrow was visible in his eyes. She swallowed. To this date, she hadn't realized Sarah meant that much to him if he constantly cheated. Or is there something else he's sad about? Maybe... you, her inner voice whispered, and although it was tempting to think so, Karma didn't. False hopes and all.

"Want a fag?" he offered as he pulled a pack out of the pocket of his sweatpants. "Matt, you didn't smoke in like... years?" she blurted out, only to be met with a resentful look. It only occurred to her then that she should have just said yes if she wanted to get to the bottom of this. Just for the band's sake, she told herself. Not because I really want to know. "I mean yeah, I'll take one."

They sat on his balcony and lit their cigarettes, and then they both took another one. No-one talked, but Karma felt that her presence was wanted, something she'd never felt with Matt. He stared blankly into some kind of other world. But then, as he lit his third cigarette, he swallowed, an unmistakable signal he was going to say something. It always had been. It amazed Karma that he was so easily readable sometimes, but then again he was not at all.

"Karma, listen," he pressed, speaking very rapidly so he'd get it off his chest, "I'm sorry I used you to cheat. Whatever we had, it was amazing. You were certainly something else than those groupies. Forgive me." She inhaled sharply, causing the smoke to burn her lungs more than she wanted it to. The result was a cough attack.

He apologizes? He of all people? Wow. Karma didn't think too much about forgiving him or not. She knew that, at least for the sake of tonight's concert, she had to. So she nodded. You naive little girl, she told herself, purposefully ignoring the fact that she always forgave him, just because... Ew, don't even think about it. You don't like him! You can't, so you fucking don't!

The rest of the day passed quickly, and before she knew it was time to go back home, by plane this time. That way, they would have enough time for a soundcheck before they let in the audience.

On the way to the airport, Matt called their vocal coach, Ron Anderson. Ron was more than just a vocal coach to them most of the time. He was more like a life coach or spiritual guru. He could immediately read people. Matt arranged for him to join their soundcheck, so their voices would finally harmonize again. Everything needed to be perfect that night.

At the airport, they grabbed a bite to eat. Jimmy decided that they should go to a Portuguese restaurant, and so they did. It served all parts of chicken with a sauce. You had the choice between "mild", "hot", "super hot", and "ultra hot". Brian, being Brian, ordered "ultra hot" while most of the guys chose either "mild" or "hot".

But when the food arrived and Jimmy took a bite of his "mild" chicken, he screamed out. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? DID SATAN FUCKING BREW THIS IN HIS HELLHOLE?" They all chuckled, thinking that he was joking, but he was not. Zack was the next one who tried his "mild" chicken, and he screamed in pain, too.

Karma swallowed, not knowing what to expect from her hot chicken. Brian refused to even try his, but eventually ended up doing so anyway. He shuddered as he took the first bite, and he quickly gulped down his water. "Sweet mother of Jesus," he gasped, "this is immediate death!"

Jimmy put a piece of it on his fork and started terrorizing Johnny with it while Brian and Zack made a contest of who could eat theirs the fastest. Karma looked around and smiled, knowing that now everything seemed to be pretty alright.

--

"Nooo, that fucking sucked!" Karma felt a pang of guilt as she heard Ron say it again. They'd rehearsed Dear God for the umpteenth time, but still all the love and passion the song held wasn't prominent. That's no wonder, Karma thought, given all that back story...
That was the thing. They certainly shared passion, although probably not a romantic one. But a sexual one would be enough, right? They were scared to let it loose, not after all that happened.

"This is not working," Ron ranted. "We have to do this differently. Gates?" He turned to face Brian, who seemed annoyed with the unnecessarily long soundcheck. "Well play something different now." "Fucking finally..." Zack inserted, but a death glare from Matt shut him up quickly. "November Rain, the romantic part," Ron announced. Karma loved Guns n Roses, and she loved November Rain. But... wait!

"And you're gonna dance, ballroom-like," he added with a mean grin. Wait, hello? Earth to Ron! What the fuck? "That'll help you with that passion," he reassured her as he noticed her scepticism.

"We'll try," Matt said. It surprised Karma. He placed his arms firmly around her. The guys started playing. "You know," Matt whispered as he slowly swayed her to the rhythm of the music, "as cheesy as it is, it kind of describes it pretty good. What I wanted to tell you yesterday." What? Karma couldn't process what he said. He then took the mic to his lips and started. And she understood.

"When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained."

The first lines felt like someone had punched her in the guts. Was there a restrained love? Maybe. She didn't want to know since it couldn't be.

"But darling when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same?"

The look on his face, the smile... It was all too much for Karma. The small hairs in the back of her neck were slowly forming goose bumps. He... feels the same? How... does he even know how I feel? Shit, how do I even know myself?
Karma somehow managed to sing through the song, but then the line that touched her the most came. Matt tugged at her sleeve and got her to look at his face instead of his chest as he swayed her to the rhythm. And he sang it with a passion she knew could only come from within.

"If we could take the time
To lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine"

He smiled at her during the small pause, and she took all her strength to sing along again.

"So if you wanna love me
Then darlin' don't refrain..."

His hand slowly grazed the skin on her back through a cut out. A beautiful pair of hazel eyes locked with hers as they danced. What is happening? Are we... What are we doing? Ron broke their trance, ending the song abruptly with one hand movement.

"THAT'S IT! You got it. Take that into Dear God and it will be amazing!" Their bandmates nodded in agreement, as well as some fans that came early for autographs. Syn, Zack, Johnny and Jimmy started chatting and taking pictures with them. Matt, on the other hand, grabbed Karma's arm and dragged her backstage with him. She sighed and then promised herself to stop thinking.

The fans were going crazy as Brian, Jimmy, Zack, and Johnny talked to them about the show casually. Everyone was wondering if the lead singers were going to come out to the unofficial preshow meet and greet eventually.

In the meanwhile, Karma was pressed against the wall in the shower rooms, suppressing screams of pleasure with Matt balls deep inside her.

Notes