On Tour

"How could you?"
The words she'd screamed at Matt still echoed in Karma's head. It was seven in the morning, and the alarm would go off any minute. Karma felt like she'd slept mere seconds after yesterday's events.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, and she was glad they had a good a show yesterday. At the same time, she dreaded tonight's, knowing Matt's mood could swing anytime.

Matt was nowhere to be seen after the concert except for that brief time on the airplane, not since Karma left the stage last night. She suspected him of smoking one or twelve in his room every hour since there was a suspicious smell in the air and his room was next to her, but she didn't know.

Luckily, she was able to keep herself as busy as possible during the day, so that she didn't think about him too much anyway. She thought about Brian. Him admitting he liked her in some kind of way just felt so wrong.

He was a brother, a best friend. Nothing more. If this is not the end, Karma thought, we'll have to be so careful not to hurt his feelings. Yeah, he said don't worry about him, but I know it would hurt him anyway.

Her feet made a splat sound as they touched the floor. She looked around. The hotel room was kept very modern and simple with dark gray furniture and light green features like the comforter on the bed or the cushions on the couch. After yesterday's concert, she didn't even look. She just fell into bed exhaustedly.

She quickly put on black jeans and a black Guns n' Roses t-shirt, as well as large sunglasses to hide the dark circles underneath her eyes. The first appointment was a TV interview, but Karma wasn't sure if she needed to go. Normally, the band just sent two or three members, and Karma didn't really feel up to playing around and pretending to be giddy when she was not.

She walked downstairs to the breakfast buffet. None of her bandmates were there, so she enjoyed the quietness of a breakfast without them. Even though they stayed at good hotels, Karma thought the coffee tasted like piss. She took one sip and decided not to take any more.

The scrambled eggs were too gooey, and they didn't taste like anything at all. With a ton of salt and two stone hard breakfast rolls with jam, they still qualified as a breakfast.

Without the coffee, Karma felt her eyelids grow heavy. The previous night really took its toll. She glanced at her watch and found she could still take a nap before leaving the hotel.

Can someone else go to that thing today? -k

She texted her group chat, then decided not to wait for an answer. She made her way through the hall and ignored the ugly paintings on the right hand wall as well as the screams as some fans realized who she was on her left side.

With a ding, the elevator signaled its arrival on the ground floor. The doors opened automatically. Oh no, she thought, not now. As fortune wanted to have it, the only person Karma did not want to see was inside. Matt.

Her palms started to sweat when she realized that a confrontation would not be avoidable. It physically hurt to look at him. How could I trust this guy? How could I trust someone who bones twenty groupies a month?

Karma stiffened her upper lip, determined not to let him know that it was tearing her apart inside. He had been good at that yesterday. "Morning," she said, sounding casual.

He looked at her. His face was grim, but from the bags under his eyes, Karma could see she was not the only one who had a sleepless night.

"Hey," he whispered. His gaze lingered on her. She felt hot all of a sudden. He was still ever so good looking. She thought about their date on the yacht for a second, and how gentle he'd been. He fooled her easily, but how could he act like this?

Karma was sure he hadn't changed, and it was foolish to believe he ever would. Not for her, not for Kara Smith, the recklessly naive co-singer who let him bone her whenever he pleased.

That realization didn't change what she felt about him. Deep inside, she wanted to be close to him, to crawl into bed with him and watch LOST or OC California or anything else, just the two of them. She wanted to drink cheap wine from a paper cup, wanted to sit on a golf course and watch the full moon, all with him.

"Karma," he said, sounding far away.
"We need to talk," she whispered. Matt nodded, obviously knowing what the outcome would be.
Karma stepped into the elevator and pressed the little button next to the number 3. She refused to look at him. His heavy breaths were loud behind her.

Less than a minute later, Matt closed the door to her room behind him. Karma sunk down on the bed. As if in trance, she watched him sit down on the sofa. He took one of the cushions into his hands and nervously fondled with the zipper. Karma forced herself to look at him. He sat there, a picture of misery, a mere puddle of human.

His jeans were worn out, and Karma was sure he'd been wearing them for at least a week straight. His shoes were dirty, and she knew he'd never clean them, just wait until he went out during the rain and then they'd be "good as new". His Pantera t-shirt was washed out and had a tiny hole on the shoulder, but he never got around to buy a new one. His fingers had pressure marks from where he wore his rings.

Was he really the cold cheater she thought he was?
"What you said about me having STDs really hurt me," he husked, "but I deserved it I guess. For being me. I, uh... I don't get it. You knew how I used to be, and you still said you wanted to be with me..."

He breathed loudly for some seconds, out through his mouth, in through his nose. Karma, on the other hand, held her breath.

"I fucked up so many times, I know," he said, "but this time I wanted to make it right. I..."
"Matt," she cut him off. She needed to know. His hazel eyes locked with hers. "Yeah?" he asked, confusion visible on his face.

"Did you... did you use condoms with those girls?"
His brows furrowed. "I'm not stupid, of course I did. How can you believe I'm so dumb?"
"Because that groupie ended up pregnant?" She shot at him, sounding louder than she wanted to.

"Rubbers can break, you know? And who says it's even my kid? I mean, shit, if it is... I don't know. But there are three people who could be the father, three," he said.

Three possible dads?
"Uh, I don't know what to say... Why is she suing you then?"

Matt took a deep breath. "She's suing all of them because that's the only way to get tests and find out who the unlucky bastard is. And I got blood drawn yesterday, and they sent it to Howard for the test. By the way, they didn't find any STD. There you have it, am I good enough for you now?"

Silence. Karma's mind raced. He wasn't necessarily the father. And he got tested. God, how could I believe he was so stupid?
"And you promise you changed?" she heard herself ask. "Anything for you," he replied instantly.
"Please," he added, "I love you. I will make an effort, and I'll treat you right."

His hands reached out to her hesitantly, so she could still push him away if she wanted to. Sincerity was in his eyes. She took his hands in hers and nodded. "Alright. We good. For now anyway. I mean, if that kid is yours I don't know what I'll do."

A smile lit up on his face. "I'll make sure you won't regret it. I love you, Karma, I really do. I never felt like this before. And I got something for you. It's in my room, I'll be right back."

Karma's hands felt cold without his holding them. Was it right to grant him that chance? Maybe. She didn't know. She wanted to be with him even if he didn't deserve it. That was her problem. A sigh escaped her lips, but when he returned, she felt a genuine happiness.

"Look, I got this for you a while ago," Matt smiled as he handed her a small package. It was plain white, and about the size of a tennis ball package.
With trembling fingers, she pulled the object out of its wrapping. It was a little white barrel organ with a silver scripture. "To K. From M."

"Play it," he smiled, "it's custom made." and Karma turned the crank. Familiar tunes filled the air.

"The song is over but the melody lingers on," she whispered. It was so thoughtful. "And I sure hope this song is not over?"

She smiled as his lips met hers and his arms finally pulled her against him again. The old-familiar tingles spread inside her chest. The song definitely wasn't over.

Notes