On Tour

Karma was glad for the distraction as she stood in front of the Haner Seniors' house a day later. Ever since she left Matt's house yesterday morning, she hadn't been able to think clearly.

Matt was on her mind constantly, but her heart couldn't win the fight over her mind. Neither could her rational part convince the other one to just let go. It was as if two forces were fighting inside of her, both equal as strong as the other.

She didn't know what to say or do. Something real or nothing, that's what he'd said. If Karma was honest, she wouldn't have minded continuing this non-thing for a while before he asked that question. That way, they would know if it worked out. She would have seen how he treated her, would have seen if he still showed any interest in other women.

That was the main problem. Other women. Karma could not imagine being treated like Sarah, being lied to about groupies. But then again, Sarah was never there when it happened. Karma would notice immediately, not that it made the fact any better.

She sighed as she thought about the band. Was it possible that they were destroying it? She did not know. If it ended between them, what would become of Avenged, after all? On the other hand, she had a feeling like Matt and her would always be friends, no matter if they took that step in between. That had to be clear.

That is, Karma thought with a heavy heart, if we break up as friends. But what if he cheats? What if he really hurt me? Could I go back to friends, could I see him every day as if nothing ever happened? And why do I have to think about all that before we even get together?
Her head was spinning. She needed a break from all those thoughts.

Here she was, a visitor to the Haners' house, determined to have a good time and forget about her problems for a while. She was thankful for the long walk to their house. It seemed to have cleared up her mind at least to a certain degree. Still, she hoped Syn or McKenna could take her home later.

Brian Senior, or Papa Gates as they called him, was one of the most heartfelt and geniune people Karma ever got to know. Ever since she stood there with her small little suitcase so many years ago, Papa Gates seemed to love her. Karma knew he secretly hoped to become her in-law, but it wasn't likely. She just never saw Brian that way, and the feeling was mutual.

Every once in a while, Papa Gates had Brian invite her to a barbecue, and later they jammed oldies, the two Brians on the guitar, Karma either on the keyboard or the drums, both of which Jimmy taught her to play correctly. She'd learned piano for years when she was young, but she only knew how to play classical music. Rock was different to play.

Mostly, Karma was the only one of the band who was invited, simply because she'd lived with the Haners for a while, but occasionally, others joined. And today seems to be one of those occasions, Karma thought. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw Matt's convertible pull up in the driveway.

She smiled weakly as he got out. Why didn't I tell Brian... Oh, that's right, because I can't. FUCK THIS. "Hey, I didn't know you were..."

"Hi there," he said curtly, cutting her off. They hugged briefly, which allowed Karma to take in his unique scent. Ah fuck it, she thought, how am I supposed to make up my mind if he's right in front of me, looking that... droolworthy? The white t-shirt fit his built figure perfectly, and those jeans really accentuated his perfect man-butt.

Okay, I might be worse than all those fangirls on the internet, Karma thought with a grin. They knocked and were immediately greeted by Papa Gates. After a long dinner with the whole family, they broke out the rare instruments Brian's dad was hoarding and made some music.

They passed an amazing evening and shared lots of laughs, as well as lots of glasses of wine. There was no awkwardness between Matt and her, which Karma was grateful for. It was already way after midnight when they escaped the Haners' house. Karma's head felt somewhat cloudy.

"Oh, damn," she murmured, turning around to knock again. "What's wrong?" Matt asked. Everything... I can't make up my mind. "I forgot to ask if they could take me home!" For a second, hurt was very prominent in his eyes. "I'm taking you," he stated, leaving no room for objections. Riiight, she thought. So you can get me alone. Karma was too tired to argue. It was just a ride, right? She got into Matt's car. They drove away in silence.

Suddenly, she heard herself say, "I didn't want to be alone with you, Matt." He sighed before he answered. "I know." They sat in silence for minutes until he spoke again.

"What are you running from, Karma?"
Everything inside her cramped up. She wasn't ready to have this talk. It wasn't his fault, seeing as she'd somehow started this again.
"You, I guess."

"One date, Karma. Let me prove to you that I can change. I was an idiot, I know. But I acted like this because of that whole situation with us. I've liked you for a long time, you know."
Karma's chest was burning, and it violently pounded in its cage. Is this what cardiac arrest is?
"Or tell me you don't want me, and I'll never bother you again."

He pulled up in her driveway and stared at her, waiting for an answer. "Matt, I don't know."
"Then know! I'm an impatient man, please make up your mind. I poured my heart out to you and all you say is you don't fucking know. Please know it already, is that too much to ask?" She could tell he was getting angry from her indecisiveness, and he had every right to be.

"Tell me you don't want this," he hissed, and before she knew what was happening, he pressed his lips to hers. A rush of endorphin emerged in her chest and softly crept into all her body parts. They kissed only briefly, but it told Karma what she already knew about her feelings.

"Are... are you coming inside?" she heard herself say, not sure if she liked or disliked the sensation a mere kiss made her feel.
"I'm doing this right, and I'm not screwing around before you make up your mind. Not anymore."

She nodded. Does he really leave out a perfect chance to screw? The guy must be insane. "Tomorrow. Pick you up at eleven. Make something up for the guys and wear good shoes. And a cap or something so they don't recognize you. No if ands or buts."

In confusion, she nodded again and watched as he leaned back, looking pleased. Yeah, you asshole know exactly how to get me. And I'm going along. Every time.

"Alright, see you then."

Karma leaned her back against the door from the inside. Matt surely knew how to manipulate her. No matter how surely she thought she had decided against everything with him, now he'd convinced her in a heartbeat. She didn't like how she seemed not to be the master of her own decisions anymore. But maybe her decisions would be way too rational anyway.

A sigh escaping her lips, she thew her shoes off. Carelessly, she let them lay around in what was easily one of the tidiest apartments in Huntington. And, so she thought, one of the most beautiful ones. She adored the dark mahagony floor and the ivory walls, decorated with elegant photographs she used to take as a hobby. Well, before all that fame.

She slid into her slippers, a large pair of those white terry cloth things upper budget class hotels usually provided for their guests. They were from the hotel in which Matt and her... She sighed as her mind drifted back to that night.

Karma was sure she wasn't going to forget about it any time soon, but she wanted to make sure she had a physical souvenir, some kind of proof that they had been there not only in her mind.

She locked the door with one last glance outside. She was hopeless.

Notes