My Bloody Idiot

Taking a shot is a binary choice. Either you do or you don’t.

I was seven tequila shots deep and getting rid of the leather jacket I had been wearing for the whole evening. Calling the cab was nowhere on my evenings to-do list since tequila had been the kick to my party animal switch.

I was standing there, between Matt and Brian, pouring salt on my palm, holding a slice of lemon between my thumb and index fingers, bobbing my head in the rhythm of Rock You Like A Hurricane by Scorpions.

„Here I am... rock you like a hurricane...” I sang along, which, on normal occasions, I’d never do, but you can’t blame me – blame tequila.

„I see you’re not sleepy anymore,” Saint shouted over the crowd with an all knowing smirk. My response to her was swaying my hips in the rhythm of the song.

„Cheers, guys!” I raised my glass up in the air. As soon as that devil’s drink had very unpleasantly burnt my throat, a cigarette appeared just inches from my face. I was still biting on that darn slice of lemon as I tried to understand what in the greatest depths of hell did Haner want from me, but hey, a free fag is indeed a free fag, so without a question I took it and followed his boney behind outside.

„Man, I haven’t drank like this in ages...” I said as soon as we stepped outside the bar, before I walked to the nearest trash bin to throw out the remainders of my lemon. „I think the last time when I got outrageously drunk was the last time I was here.”

„You mean to tell me UK has banned liquor?” Haner chuckled raising the cigarette to his lips.
„UK has banned all the fun people to drink with.” I explained, mimicking his action and leaning closer for him to light me up. „Although, not gonna lie, beer here tastes like arse...”

I was surprised I was still standing up straight, after all those Glen Rossie doubles and all those shots of Patron I should be making some sweet love to the pavement. I had never been the one to outdrink... anyone.

„So you consider us... fun...” Brian exhaled the smoke, a mischievous grin pulling at his lips.
„Well it’s clear as day you all are dickheads, but I guess... Yea...” I shrugged as I took a good portion of that nicotine.

„You haven’t seen us in years, things change Riley. People change...”

My eyebrow raised as I measured him with a very and I mean very patient stare. „Yea-no... Tell me whatever the hell you like, but there’s no chance you’ll change my mind about you...”

„Come on,” He scoffed before he rolled his eyes, „That was nearly ten years ago... We were kids back then...”

„You were twenty! In middle ages you’d be having a midlife crisis by then!” I exclaimed. As hard to believe as it was, I was still pissed over the fact that this specimen ruined my eighteenth birthday party by fucking a girl in my bedroom!

„Fine, I know, I made an ass of myself back in the day, I do know that, Riles, I’m sorry for that.”
„You fucking ruined my birthday!” I shouted right before I slid my fingers through my pink hair, trying to calm my raging self down. „You have no idea for how long I was stuck in those anger management classes...”

A deep crease formed between his eyebrows as he puffed his cigarette. Confusion mirrored in his features. „So now you’re blaming me for your anger issues... That’s just fucking great!”
„But it was your fault!”

„I did apologize! What else do you want from me?” Oh I don’t know, maybe a genuine apology? Quite frankly world was getting too small for Brian’s ‘I’m sorry, it won’t happen again’ or ‘I’m a changed man,’ or ‘baby, I’ll change, I promise’ bullshit. You’d think ten years would blow all the steam over and I could look at the man without any feelings, with no emotions... Fat chance!

„For you to mean it!” I yelled, realizing maybe we should be having this conversation a bit further from all the curious ears. Quite frankly, the parking lot was filled with people and I didn’t know if it was because Synyster Gates was getting his ass handed to him or was it simply because everyone wanted to destroy their lunges.

„Here we go again...” He mused. I noticed Brian’s jaw tensing as he took a deep breath right before he took those last drags of his cigarette. „Why am I even having this conversation with you?”

„You tell me,” I kicked the remainders of my fag away and crossed my arms over my chest.
„Look,” He pinched the bridge of his nose, „Can you at least act like you don’t want to murder me? I realize it’s very hard to keep your hormones in check, but be a dear and try.”

I glared at him before I sighed heavily. „Fine.”

My eyes narrowed on the cigarette he was bringing to his mouth. I guess I really pissed him off if he had to have another smoke so soon, but you know what? He deserved it. „I swear to God, one day you’ll be the death of me, Clarke.”

„Then why do you put up with me?” I actually felt a bit butthurt. He had never admitted that he had cheated on me, we both knew it, but he had never admitted of doing so nor had he explained why he did it. I guess I was frustrated because I had always wanted to find out what was the reason for pulling that filthy skank in my bed.

„’Cause you mean a lot to me.”

„You know Haner, that sounds like an awful lot of—„

„Bullshit?” He cut me off as he blew out a transparent cloud. „Well it’s not. Deal with it.”

„Riley Clarke!” A very angrily feminine voice shouted somewhere from the parking lot.

„Uh-oh...” Brian smirked victoriously, hearing the oh-so familiar timbre, knowing I was in way more trouble than he had been when I caught him in my bed. And why in the greatest depths of hell did I think I wouldn’t run into my mother on a Friday night? She in fact did love to party.

„Bollocks...” I cursed at the same moment when I felt my mother plunge herself at me from behind my back. Her arms wrapped around my neck as she pressed a sloppy kiss to my cheek. „I thought you’re gonna yell at me...” I frowned as she stepped aside giving me a proper hug.

„Oh I am,” Her blues widened for a second as to emphasize the meaning to her words, „How dare you come straight to the bar before you’ve even been home?” Her eyes landed on Brian and she went to kiss him on both of his cheeks, „And you’re here too?”

„It appears so...”

„And you can’t talk some sense into my daughter?” Did I forget to mention that my mum really liked Brian? Like to a point where they still kept seeing each other even after we broke up? And please tell me she’s not crazy.

„No, Jude...” Brian replied, „I don’t think anyone could talk any sense into her...”

„Maybe I should leave you two to it? I see you have a lot of catching up to do,” I said a bit bitterness to my voice.

„Don’t sweat it, kiddo,” Mom laughed as her hand went to ruffle my hair, „Me and the guys were just passing by and then I noticed you, figured to come and say hi.”

My eyes traveled to the group of guys at the very end of the parking lot. As far as I could tell at least two of them were from the band mum formerly was a drummer in.

„Jude, come on, let’s roll!” I heard one of them shout.

„Okay my little British cupcake, you heard Ricky, I’ll see you in the morning,” She pressed a kiss on my cheek before she turned to face Haner, „And I’ll see you in the studio. Bye.”

I couldn’t bare but roll my eyes as my mother walked away. I swear to God, she’s forty-seven, but she acts like she’s sixteen.

Jude Clarke was one of the reasons I had returned. See, my mum was the founder of Liberty Records and although her drumming days were over, she appeared as a guest star at some talent seeking shows, and knowing I was a record producer... well you can clearly see where this was headed. Yes, I’m here to teach some kids how to make some real music.

I sighed on the thought alone.

„So, why are you really back?” Brian’s husky timbre was what brought me back on earth.

„Why... to vex you of course.”

Notes