My Bloody Idiot

Here I was. A lunatic producer trying to reincarnate my dead singing career with a bottle of Jack. A single desk lamplight was iluminating the mixing room. My little world seemed to be spinning as I brought a freshly lit cigarette to my lips.

My eyes laid on the single recorded vocal track. The smart thing to do would be to forget about it and leave my dead career six feet under where it had been laying for so many years. It’s a shame I wasn’t exactly smart.

I had sent Justin to raid my mum’s office for another bottle of whatever the hell would keep me thinking that this is a fucking good idea. I gracefully ignored all the red flags, trying to lock the thought inside my head and throw away the key. The sober me knew exactly how this would end, so I figured to cage her away and execute the wonderful insanity.

There was a reason why I had taken the shovel and buried the past. Marking Lethal Injection a taboo had never demanded for second thoughts, up until this moment. I didn’t know what the hell were we hoping to see when we put out a record that bad. A stripper jumping out of a birthday cake...? Or maybe our producer getting a tattoo of ‘congrats, you’ve complete idiots’. We were delusional. The label dropped us and if it wasn’t for my dad, I would’ve never gotten a job in the industry. The guys however - didn’t-, blaming me for everything that happened.

I sighed right before I took the final drag of the cigarette. I was pushing it, I knew that. I was exhausted and probably too drunk to realize how late exactly was 2 AM, but I knew if I stopped now and I went home to get some sleep, I’d never finish the song let alone - an album.

Somehow I pushed myself up from the chair and walked over to the studio C, which stood there... tangled in the dark. I opened the door and pressed the light switch, my eyes fixing on the grand Steinway and Sons piano in a blurry haze.

I took a breath as I entered the recording room, walking across the space to sit in front of the large piano, my fingers caressing the keys in a search of my lost voice.

„It’s 2:30 AM...” I sang as my eyes met the clock on the wall. „I slowly come awake... I know something’s not right...” My fingers traveled across the white and black keys like they head a brain of their own. I was too drunk to actually comprehend what I was playing or saying for that matter, „All I can see are these flames around me... And all I can think is... I’m here alone...”

My hands dropped from the keys as I lifted my head up, feeling the hot sensation in my eyes. I’ll be damned if I cry another tear over this bullshit. I did all my best as I tried to fight the tears away.
I had to get some fresh air.

Somehow I managed to get up without falling flat on my ass and walked through the door to the mixing room. The corner of my eye surprisingly caught a glimpse of the red light on the mixing board. „Why is the mic on?”

I frowned, but soon enough waved the thought away and simply switched it off, before exiting the studio and walking towards studio B. As soon as I walked inside, the quiet snoring hit my ears. A smile pulled at my lips as I watched over Justin’s drunk persona passed out on the couch with an untouched wine bottle besides him.

I bent over to pick up the dark bottle. And this is the best stuff he could find? It even has a screw on cork! I sighed, quickly taking my leather jacket from the back of the chair and pulling it on, walking out of the studio with the wine bottle in my hand.

On my way out of Liberty Records, I saluted towards the night guard – Martin – and jogged down the steps. The wise thing to do would simply go home and sleep it off. Yea, like that’s going to happen.

I walked and walked and walked until I had no idea where I am, nor how I was going to get back. It was dark, I was drunk and lost. The perfect combination to a fucking disaster if you ask me. I would be lying if I said I had the full picture of the last couple of hours. I was zoning in and out, there were a lot of black spots in my memory. I couldn’t arrange the events of the night in a chronological order even if someone held a gun to my head.

I realized I was sitting on a bench in a park, having no fucking memory of how I’d gotten here or why the wine bottle was half empty. I raised it to be in one line with my eyes. „Maybe you are the reason why I can’t remember shit, huh...” Or maybe mixing whiskey, vodka and wine was the ultimate deadly combination. Who the fuck knew anymore...

A sigh escaped my lips as I tilted my head back. Alcohol is not the answer, Vex... „I know...” I answered loudly and took a big mouthful of the disgusting drink. Never had been the fan of wine. I mean it’s just some old grapes in a fucking bottle. And they charge a fortune for it. Bloody ripoff artists.

The phone was starting to dance some annoying mambo in my pocket. As I tried fishing out the darn thing, I nearly dropped it three times. Honestly? I was fucking surprised I hadn’t been mugged, raped or kidnapped by now. Seemed to have luck on my side. My eyes squinted on the bright screen and the caller ID.

„Or not...” I took a deep breath, trying to get myself together and at least sound somewhat sober. Oh who the fuck was I kidding... „Speak.”

„Where are you? I’m coming to pick you up.” Brian rushed his words and I had to think twice to understand what he had just said. Was that an engine starting up?

„Uhmm... last time I checked I’m not speaking to you, asshole...” I slurred out, bringing the bottle to my lips.

„I couldn’t give two shits about what you are or are not doing,” He spoke angrily.

I moved the phone from my ear to my mouth so I could yell really fucking loud. „Then why the fuck are you calling me?!” I hope he’s deaf by now.

„Because your mom is worried sick about you!” He shouted back. „You have to be really blind or fucking stupid to miss all the missed calls from your mother...”

My mum? Why the fuck would she be calling me? It’s not the first time I’m not staying home.

It was obvious he took a deep breath, before continuing in a calmer manner, „Look, just tell me where you are and we’re gonna figure everything out when I bring you home.”

„What is this about?” This must be big... But I don’t remember doing anything outrageously stupid.

„We’ll talk when I pick you up,” He replied. Is this because Jennifer dropped me? Fuck. It must be.I decided it would be best to cooperate, before Jude Clarke had sent a fucking SWAT team to bring me home.

„I don’t even know what to tell you, man... I have no idea where I am...” I spoke honestly. I really didn’t. All I knew was the fact that some trees were threatening to attack me and maybe, possibly, probably a psycho was stalking me from a bush or something.

I strongly believe it took all the willpower of Brian (which wasn’t a lot to be completely honest) to avoid calling me a stupid fucking bitch. „Well what the fuck is around you?”

„Trees? A pond. Maybe a serial killer... I don’t fucking know, it’s dark!”

„Be. More. Specific.” He hissed in the phone. How more specific can I fucking get?! „Wait, did you say a pond?”

„Yeah, a really big fucking puddle in the middle of the ground and a big tree which probably once had been on fire...”

„I can’t believe it, but I actually know where you are...” He sighed in relief, „I’ll be there in ten.”

Before I could say anything else, he hung up on me, leaving me there sitting and blinking at my phone, before I pushed it deep in my pocket.

I guess my little get drunk and disappear in the woods stunt had brought some meaning to his life. If anyone asked me to pick up my ex at four o’clock in the morning, I’d wish them a great trip to hell and even pay for the parking ticket when they got there.

I felt like a sixteen year old badass of some chick flick, rebelling against the authorities, when in reality I was twenty seven and pushing towards a place in a rehab.

A shadow appeared in front of me. Those ten minutes of my final solitary confinement had passed in a blink of an eye. The mutual agreement to leave my hatred towards sobriety out of the conversation would’ve earned him some bonus points... that is if he hadn’t dropped down beside me.

„I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t have picked up a bottle and come here if I was in your place...” Brian spoke quietly as he gazed somewhere in the distance. „Me and Rev used to hide from everyone right over there,” He pointed towards the other side of the pond as a smile grew on his lips, „We used to bring whatever booze we could find and get totally shitfaced... I could still hear my mom yelling in the far distance.” He chuckled, his eyes dropping to his hands.

I decided it was best to remain silent and let him babble on about some fucking nonsense. It was better than him yelling at me, but I really didn’t understand where was this heart-to-heart monologue coming from.

„I don’t particularly agree with what she did, but it just shows that you’re a human... not a stone cold bitch everyone thinks you are.”

Either I was drunk and on drugs, or he was, because I had completely no idea what the fuck he was talking about. My head jerked to the side to face him, before a question fell over my lips, „What are you talking about? Who’s she?”

„The video...” He said like it was so obvious. Excuse me? Suddenly the realization hit him harder than a wall of bricks. „You don’t know...”

„No shit...” I snapped back. „What kind of video?”

„It’s... it’s nothing, Clarke,” in a fucking second he was on his feet, „Come on, you’re mom is waiting for us home.”

I squinted my eyes on him, before my hand disappeared in the pocket of my leather jacket and returned with a phone. I placed the nearly empty wine bottle on the bench beside me, before my finger swiped over the screen unlocking it.

„Riley... don’t...” He begged.

He should’ve known his begging did absolutely nothing for me. I opened the youtube app and quickly typed in ‘Riley Vex’, of course not without some drunk mistakes, but it did the trick. When I found nothing of my interest, I filtered the videos from ‘new to old’.

Oh, hello... Riley Vex drunk in studio. I did my best to focus my vision on the screen as I opened the video. It had been uploaded just hours ago.

Before anything else, Jennifer’s grinning face came into my notice.

„She’s trying to outdo me with that...” She snickered, before she turned the camera at something. At first I saw a mixing board and later the grand Steinway with me sitting behind it. The piano and my singing was blaring through the speakers in the mixing room. Nobody was as blind or stupid to miss how outrageously drunk I was.

„It’s 2:30 AM... I slowly come awake... I know something’s just not right...” I saw my shoulders trembling and it seemed like I was crying. So I in fact did cry... What did I say about losing picture frames? The video actually seemed to be longer than I expected and I didn’t remember coming up with such lines. „You’re not here... Please come home! Please come home!” I screamed, my voice breaking at one point.

„Nobody’s gonna save you, Vex, ‘cause frankly, nobody gives a shit,” Jennifer’s disgustingly grinning face was again on the screen of my phone. „What do you think guys? I’m pretty sure she’s no competition for me and I—„

I exited the app, slowly raising my eyes from the phone to Brian. „And after this... you’re still on her side?”

He frowned, „I’m on nobody’s side, Clarke.”

„You’re so full of shit...” I exhaled as I got up to my feet, shotgunning the remaining wine and leaving the empty bottle on the bench. „You choose her over me... You stand beside the bloody cunt and not me!” I screamed in his face. Yup. There goes my cool.

„Just... stop.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. „You don’t know her like I do... Just imagine for one second that others too have ambitions... and feelings for fuck sake!”

„Oh stop with the bullshit, Haner!” I exclaimed, „Did you need the whole night to come up with that shitty comeback?”

„You’re unbelievable...” He shook his head as he sighed. „Can you stop being a bitch for one second and listen to yourself?”

„I’m listening and I think I’m making a fucking point here. You. Chose. Her.” I spat through my teeth.

„AND YOU CHOSE BROOKS!” Finally he roared back in my face, shutting my mouth up for a moment and forcing me to raise my eyebrows high on my forehead. „You know... I’m done here. You can get home however the fuck you want.”

Brian started to walk away. I ran my hand through my hair confusedly. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? I chose Brooks? In what sense? Fucking America. Drama queens around every corner.

I took a deep breath, before I followed him out of the park. Like hell he was about to risk with a good ass whooping if he returned home without me.

Right as I got to the parking lot, the bright headlights blinded me. Look at that. He was in fact waiting for me. Or maybe it was another psycho, going for his shot of kidnapping me. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone actually kidnapped me only to sell me off piece by piece on the black market. I was really that drunk and I wouldn’t know the difference between Brian’s BMW and some oldschool van.

I opened the door of the passenger side and slid in. I bet I’d be more pissed off in the morning when the reality truly sinks in. „I knew you’d wait for me...” I said with a drunk grin.

A very long moment of silence past and as far as I could tell, the car wasn’t moving from it’s place. Anytime now, dude... I leaned back in the seat, thinking he’d have to start driving sometime, right? Until then, I’d take a small powernap.

„Fuck it...” A silent whisper sounded through the car as I closed my eyes, ready to fall asleep any moment, before I realized someone particular was kissing me. Or rather having a make out session. He pulled away abruptly, his hands still cupping the sides of my face. „Now tell me, you didn’t feel anything...”

„Honestly? I... I feel like I’m going to throw up...”

Notes

Yup, I'm famous for ruining some wonderful moments. *evil snickering* But don't blame me, blame the booze.

The song used in the chapter - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0AycTTAfrA
I'm not sure I will stick to In This Moment, maybe will actually throw a couple of Halestorm songs in, I don't know. Haven't figured out yet, all I know is that this song kinda fit the part. :)