I stood by the door taking once last glance at my used to be home. It was time for me to leave... I didn't belong here no after everything that had happened. I couldn't stay here, in the place I saw my mother lying dead from my father’s hands.

But let me take it from the start. My name is Alicia Quinn James, I'm 23 years old and my life is officially destroyed. I used to have a really nice life, I was a member of a beautiful family with parents that I thought they loved each other. A beautiful young sister with which I was inseparable, a loving boyfriend and my dream job.

I had everything I needed. Now... now I have nothing and no one. I'm all alone trying to start a new life but not here. My heart is full of hate and sadness, I can't stay here. Sometimes I think that maybe I deserved everything that had happened to me...but no one deserves this.

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was Friday and I was coming back home from work. I was a photographer and since I was 10 I’ve wanted to study photography and become successful. I pulled my car into my drive way and got out...I walked to my door and placed the key to the lock... I didn't know why but I had a bad feeling. The moment I opened the door I heard screams coming from the basement.

I placed my staff on the table by the door and walked cautiously to the basement...

"Mom?" I asked but no one answered...I couldn't hear anything from the basement either.

"Dad? Is that you?" I was starting to feel scared...

I finally made it to the basement door...I turned the handle quietly so no one could hear the door open...I walked down the stairs and when my foot hit the floor I stopped dead on my trucks.

There was my mom lying on the floor covered with blood. I ran to her checking to see if there was any pulse. There was but it was weak. I was panicked... I didn't know what to do.

"Mom? Mom please open your eyes..." I said, tears were running down my face.

"Mom you can’t leave me now...I need you please mom don't do this." I was crying and my vision became blurry from the crying. I wiped away the tears and turned to look at my mother again. Her eyes were open but she was struggling to keep them open...

"Mom?" I said again hoping she would answer me...

"Alicia sweetheart..."her voice was weak above a whisper...

"Mom you're going to be ok I promise. I'll call 911" I was going to get up and call for help, and then she spoke again...

"No honey it's too late" her eyes were closing and she could barely breathe...

"No mom you're going to be ok" I couldn't control the tears anymore.

"I'm sorry Alicia...I love you" and with that she was gone... Her eyes closed and she took her last breath. I started sobbing hard; my tears were running through my face falling to my mother’s face.

I stroke her cheek for one last time..." I love you mom" I said between my cries. I couldn't move I felt so numb; I was just standing there above my mother’s dead body crying my eyes out.

After a while I decided that it was time to get up and call for help to take my mother’s body and I have to tell my dad and sister about it... That would be the worst part... But then I heard laughter coming from the corner of the room. Someone was standing there and I hadn't noticed...

"Finally" A familiar voice said. Then I saw his face...

"Dad?" I gasped..."You were here all this time? Why you didn't do anything to help her? Who did this? Did you see him?" Tears were still running down my cheeks but I chose not to pay attention to them. He was here all along and he didn't help her...

"I did it Alicia." he said like it was something normal.

"What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I said I did it. It had to happen Alicia. Don't you get it? I’ve never loved her and she has never loved me. The only reason we got married it was because she was pregnant to you. And now that I look at you, you are just as worthless as she was. Maybe I should let you go with that bitch you called mother" he said his voice was hard and his words were like a knife into my heart.

I stood still I didn't know what to do. My own father that I’ve adored all this years killed my mother and he wanted to kill me too. I felt my life was falling around me. Suddenly he held out his gun and he was ready to shoot me when suddenly something clicked in me... I couldn't let him kill me. He has to pay for what he's done.

So I did the only thing that came to my mind. I ran to him and tried to get his gun out of his hand. We were struggling for a long time and then...BANG. I froze. I looked at my dad. He was the one that got shot. He fell to the ground and I ran upstairs called the police and medical help.

They came immediately and took my mother’s dead body and my father who apparently wasn't dead. I explained to the police officers what had happened and how my father got shot. They told me that he was going to jail and as for me I was free because I was in self-defense.

After a week we did the funeral. My sister and I were devastated. I could barely stand. I was glad David was there with me. I really didn't know what I would do without him. We were together for three years now and I loved him so much.

After the funeral we went home. My sister went straight to her bedroom without talking to anyone. I found myself standing out of the door that leads to the basement. I was fighting with myself to open the door or not to.

I felt two arms wrapped around my waist...

"You can't keep doing this to yourself Alicia" David said to me. I sighed and turned to look at him. I placed my hands around his neck and hugged him tight while he was rubbing circles at my back trying to relax me.

"I can't do this anymore... I'll never forget this. How am I going to move on?" I said to him still in his arms.

"You will Alicia. That's why I am here for, I'm going to help you and everything will be fine again" he said to me. I instantly felt better.

"Thank you David! I don't know what I would do without you. I love you" I said to him. He kissed my forehead.

"I love you too Alicia" he said "Now let’s get you to bed you must be tired."

I nodded and made my way to my bedroom with David behind me. I changed into my pijamas and got into my bed. He got into bed with me and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer. At that time I was feeling safe and for one moment I thought that everything was going to be ok! I was wrong...

One month later things were worse than ever. I was spending my whole day in my bedroom crying, I was barely eating and every night I cried myself to sleep. My sister wasn't in a better condition. She was seeing a psychologist and taking pills in order to relax and not turn hysterical. David was tired of telling me to stop moping around and move on with my life. We were drifting apart but for some reason I didn't care!

After a lot of thinking I made my decision...The reason that I couldn't move on was because of this house. This country, these people that are surrounding me! I had to leave and start a new life and there was only one place that I could go. My favorite place is California and especially Huntington Beach. I’ve always wanted to go and live there so I thought it was the best decision.

The next morning I talked to my sister and she was happy for my decision. She was going to leave as well. She said she’s always wanted to live in Paris and she already has an offer for a job there so she thought it would be better if she left. I was happy for her. I wanted her to be happy and I knew she wanted the same for me. The worst part was to tell David that I wanted to break up with him not only because I wanted to leave but also because of my feelings for him. They were no longer there.

I was outside of David’s apartment. I found the courage and knocked his door. After a minute he answered. When he saw me his eyes didn't have the happiness they had every time he saw me. I hugged him and he hugged me back but I couldn't feel anything.

I got into the apartment and sat on the couch. David stood there looking at me. I turned to look at him and forced a smile on my lips.

"Do you want anything to drink?" he asked me.

"No thank you. I wanted to talk to you, it's important." I said not daring to look at him in the eyes.

"What is it Alicia? Is something wrong honey?" His voice was full of concern. How am I going to tell him that?

"David I...I'm sorry but I want to break up with you." I turned to look at him and he stood frozen looking at me.

"What? Why?" He said his voice cracking...

"I can't stay here. If I stay here I'm going to be miserable for the rest of my life. Please understand that David" I said and a tear ran down my cheek. David was looking at me, his eyes was full of sadness and anger...

"Are you fucking kidding me Alicia? Are you breaking up with me to go and live your life with someone else? Do I make you miserable? I was there for you holding your hand! What part of the fact that I was here for you, you don’t understand?" He yelled and he was right but I couldn't stay here.

"No I don't want to go and live my life with someone else. I want go away from this god damn place and move on! I don't belong here anymore I've got no one. I'm all alone" I yelled tears rolling down my face

"You have me...isn't that enough?" he yelled back and I could feel that is not going to end well.
"I don't feel anything inside me for you anymore... I don't feel anything for anyone. Please David if you’ve loved me only for one minute you have to understand" I said my voice was above a whisper.

"No fucking no! All I’ve ever done was to love you and that isn't enough for you! You are an ungrateful bitch that's what you are! I fucking hate you!" and then he slapped me sending me straight to the floor. I couldn't believe he did this after everything that I’ve been through, we’ve been through.

I tried to get up but he kicked me hard in the stomach and he kept yelling at me. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything to protect myself from him. I felt him picking me up and he laid me in his bed. I knew what he wanted to do...

"No David please» I managed to say I felt so weak and I was afraid of what was coming next.

"Shut the fuck up" he said and sent a punch straight to my jaw. That's when everything went black.

I woke up the next morning in David’s bed. I was still feeling weak and I started to cry hysterically when I saw the bruises on my thighs and hands and that I was naked...He raped me... The man I used to love raped me...

Suddenly the door burst open and David came in .He looked at me with hatred in his eyes...I just started at him afraid of what he would do.

"Take your things and get the fuck out of my house." he said and I got out of bed, got dressed and started walking towards the door. I felt him behind me and I was scared if he was going to do something to me.

"Bye David" I said before I opened the door I turned to look at him. His eyes were full of sadness and regret... He didn't say anything. I turned around and closed the door. I walked down the stairs and got into my car. I decided that I will leave once my things were ready.

And here I am two weeks later closing the door to my house and to my past and opening the door to my new life. I got into my car and drove to the airport .My flight departure was at 6pm and it was just 4pm. Great! I took a seat and waited patiently for my flight to be announced.

After one hour and a half of waiting the speakers said that my flight is ready for departure so I stood up and checked in my ticket.

I got into the plane and took my seat which was thankfully by the window. I made myself comfortable; I plugged my iPod and put the earphones in my ears. I put it on random and Lost from Within Temptation started playing. When the chorus came in a tear rolled down my cheek. I felt exactly the same...
She's lost in the darkness
Fading away
I'm still around here
Screaming her name
She's haunting my dream world
Trying to survive
My heart is frozen
I'm losing my mind
Help me, I'm buried alive...

This was exactly how I felt but I'm determined to change that and I will...