When We Were Young

It took Nancy over two weeks to clean and tidy up Jimmy’s apartment but thankfully the girls and her parents helped her out, otherwise it would’ve taken much longer. She gave most of Jimmy’s stuff to his parents or the band, keeping only a few things for herself. She thought it was selfish of her to keep stuff without telling anyone, but then she remembered that Jimmy clearly left the apartment and everything in it to her, so technically, even his clothes were hers.

Now, the only stuff that was missing in that apartment was everything she left in Portland, so this is why she decided to go back to Maine to pack all her stuff and then drive back to California. Doing this would take her at least a week, so she asked her parents to watch over JJ and let Brian know that she would be out of town for a few days. She was surprised when he asked her if she wasn’t leaving for good again, but she figured it was because he didn’t want to be the only one to take care of JJ, but truth was Brian didn’t want to get through the shit he’d gone through years before, not now that he was slowly accepting her into his life again.

It was weird how getting used to have Nancy back into his life was both difficult and easy at the same time. There were times when he could barely look at her and others when he felt like she’d never left and they were still in love, and these mixed feelings weren’t exactly helping him. At all. Not when according to his friends, but mostly Matt, he was kind of ignoring Michelle. A couple of days before Valary convinced Matt to speak to Brian about Michelle and how she felt like he didn’t want her anymore. The Sanders tried to stay away from whatever was going on between Michelle and Brian, mostly because they were also Nancy's friends, good friends but again, Michelle was family, so the singer ended up speaking with Brian. Clearly, the guitarist denied everything, saying that he was simply tired because of JJ and the recording sessions but truth was, he wasn't sure that was the truth.

“A penny for your thought.”

Suzy Haner spoke and Brian looked away from the pink bedroom in front of him. “Sorry, I was… Deep in thought, I guess.”

“I noticed.” She commented and gave him a small smile, “Look, we can come back another time if you want. You told me Nancy will be out of town for a while, so there’s no hurry to pick furniture today.”

Brian looked at the bedroom for a brief moment and then at his step mother. She was right, Nancy would be out of town for at least a couple of more days so there was no need for him to get furniture for his daughter’s bedroom now.

“Let’s go grab coffee.” She said and the two headed out of the store, their arms linked.

Brian wasn’t sure when he decided he wanted to surprise JJ with a brand new bedroom, maybe it was when he went to Jimmy’s apartment with the guys and noticed how there wasn’t a proper room for a kid, and so he asked for Suzy’s help since he had no idea what little girls liked.

Sitting at the table of a cafeteria just across the furniture store, the two ordered a cup of coffee and stayed silent for a couple of minutes. Brian looked at the woman and rolled his eyes playfully, already knowing she was waiting for him to say something. That was something he absolutely hated about her; how she could easily make him speak about anything even if he didn’t want to.

“What?”

She shrugged and smiled at him, “Oh, nothing.”

“Yeah, well, you never make that face if you mean ‘nothing’, Suzy.”

She chuckled and took a sip of her coffee. It always amused her how he perfectly knew her, sometimes even Papa Gates and McKenna found it difficult to understand her, but it was so easy for Brian.

“I’m just curious to see what got you so deep in thought earlier at the store.” She answered, “Was it JJ? Nancy?”

Brian tilted his head and wished he could smoke in that cafeteria, needing the power of nicotine into his body. He didn’t want to answer but for some strange and unknown reasons to him, he knew he would end up opening up to her. Dammit, he thought.

“Both, maybe?” He answered, then looked away for a few seconds. “And maybe also Michelle and Jimmy.”

“I see…” She commented, “What about them, though?”

Brian looked at Suzy and sighed heavily, feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t like talking about his feelings or this shit with anyone, this time it felt awkward talking about this even with Suzy. She’d always been there for him, his brother and obviously for McKenna; she’d seen him at his worst, completely in love when he and Nancy were still together and completely wasted when they broke up and she left without saying a word.

It took him at least three minutes to open his mouth and speak, but Suzy didn’t pressure him.

“I don’t know, everything? Matt said Michelle thinks I’m ignoring her while I’m actually showering her with gifts and shit and yeah, maybe we haven’t had much sex in the past weeks but it’s not my fault if the new album and my daughter takes all my time, right?”
Suzy didn’t reply and instead leaned back against the chair, sipping her coffee and carefully listen to his words.

“I mean, I love her and everything but I guess JJ comes first, right? I mean, were you such a bitch when you got together with dad? It’s not like we stopped seeing him after he got with you.”

“This is different, Brian. When I met your father, he told me he had two kids so I knew what to expect, with Michelle, things are different. You two were together for a couple of years before she–well, you both found out you had a kid. She needs to get adjust to this situation, just like you did.” The woman placed her cup of coffee on the table and took a deep breath, “I know about your relationship with Michelle by the stuff you and your father tell me, so I probably don’t know everything and that’s alright, but let’s be honest, Brian. What you have with her isn’t like what you had with Nancy. Am I right?”

Brian sighed and looked down at his hands for a brief moment. He shrugged and looked back at Suzy. “I guess. I mean, Nancy and I were together for what? Five years? And Michelle isn’t Nancy, obviously, but she needs to understand that even if Nancy is back and I have a kid with her, it doesn’t mean I’m gonna leave her for my ex, not even if...” He shook his head at his last few words and took a deep breath. “Nevermind.”

“Even if?”

“Even if sometimes it feels like Nancy never left, you know. I get we both changed and everything but… Sometimes I wonder what if and I know I shouldn’t, ‘cause it’s not fair to Michelle.” He explained before rubbing his face with his hands. “Jesus, I sound like a pussy right now.”

Suzy chuckled and shook her head, “You don’t. It’s kind of understandable, actually. You loved Nancy and now she’s back with your daughter so of course you ask yourself all these what ifs. Just think about what you want to do; you have time, nobody’s pressuring you, but remember not to play with Michelle’s feelings. She may not be the best girl around, but she’s really into you.”

“I know…”

“Are you still mad at Nancy?”

“I don’t know.” He answered and without even thinking, he moved his hand on the pocket his jacket; inside there was Jimmy’s letter. “I’ll be upset for a long a time but I can’t treat her like shit all the time, especially since we’re usually together when JJ is around and damn, that kid is so smart.”

Suzy chuckled and nodded, “Yeah, I noticed that the last time you brought her to our place. No wonder why your father loves her so much already.”

“Who doesn’t? She’s all like her mother.” He smiled sadly and Suzy reached out to hold his hand. It wasn’t much but his face showed that her gesture was exactly what he needed.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t ask you this so I’m sorry, but I really want to know…” She said while Brian looked at her quite confused. “Do you still love Nancy?”

Brian pursed his lips together, unsure of what to say. It was easy to say no, that he didn’t love her anymore, but he wasn’t sure that was the truth. Sure, he hated her for hiding her pregnancy and JJ but Nancy had been such an important part of his life, he’d loved her so much that there was no way he could forget about everything, about how he felt so easily. Even Michelle knew this. They never really spoke about this, but he knew that his girlfriend thought he’d always be in love with Nancy.

“I don’t know.” He replied after a minute or even more, “I really don’t know.”

Suzy nodded, this time deciding to change the subject. His silence first and his words then, made her realize that maybe there was more than he said, but he’s never been that good with words and showing up his emotions, so she understood.

“Want to go back inside and finally pick some furniture for your daughter?” She asked, smiling softly at him.

Brian smiled and nodded, following his step mother into the store again. This time, nothing really distracted him so Suzy could help him pick everything for JJ’s new bedroom. He thought he’d have to wait for a couple of days to get everything to Nancy’s place, but the store was willing to send everything later that day, so Brian ended up spending the rest of the day at Jimmy’s apartment, making sure everything was perfect for JJ.

When he was finally alone in the apartment, he smiled at himself. He was happy his daughter had a new bedroom, he only hoped she would like it as much as he did. But there was no doubt about it, JJ liked everything Brian liked.

Walking out of the building, Brian realized how late it was, so he immediately picked up his phone and noticed seven missed calls from Michelle and one from Matt, two from Johnny and another one from Zacky. He ignored the Matt, Johnny and Zacky ones and instead tried to call his girlfriend back, but she wasn’t picking up. He rolled his eyes and drove to Sandra’s to get some cake before driving back home, unaware of what was going to happen.

The moment he opened the door, he knew he was in trouble. Michelle was sitting on the couch in the living room, the TV was turned off and the whole house was dark. He turned the lights on and smiled at Michelle.

“Hey…” He whispered, “I’m sorry I’m late. I was so busy that I lost track of time.” He sat down next to his girlfriend and gently kissed her cheek, “I brought cake, though.”

“Where were you?”

“I met up with Suzy, then I spent some time with JJ then I went to Jimmy’s apartment ‘cause I bought JJ a new bedroom. You should see it. It’s amazing and–”

“You mean Nancy’s. You were at her place.”

“Yeah, but that’s not the point. Look, I took some pictures.” He said, taking his phone out of his pocket to show the bedroom he had bought earlier that day.

“Really, Brian. I don’t care.”

Brian looked at her for a brief moment then looked down, putting his phone away. Of course she wouldn’t care. They were talking about his daughter, not theirs.

“You could’ve called me.” She said, “I was worried. Nobody heard from you today, I thought something happened to you or worse, that maybe you went to wherever to see Nancy.”

Brian frowned at her words, “So me seeing Nancy is worst than something happening to me? Wow.” He chuckled nervously and shook his head.

“If something happens to you, you’re here in California. I can see you and everything. But if you go visit her, how the hell can I even find you?”

“First of all, I wouldn’t go ‘visit’ her because she’s in Portland to pack her stuff, so if I would go there it’d be to help her. Second of all, she’s moving back to Huntington Beach so we’re gonna see her pretty much always. Does this mean you’re gonna act like a bitch every single day? ‘Cause I’d like to fucking know.”

Michelle got up and crossed her arms over her chest; he glanced up at her and could tell she was furious. He wondered why, but he wasn't surprised. Ever since Nancy came back, things were always like this. She'd get upset about anything and nothing, he'd have to listen to her and then to Matt who complained about Michelle showing up at his place to find her sister's support.

“You really think I’m a bitch, Gates?” She asked, raising her eyebrows. “I have every fucking right to be upset! I’ve been quite understanding in the past month; don’t you think? First Nancy is back and I say nothing. Then she surprises you with a kid and again, I say nothing. Now you barely have time for me and do you really expect me to say nothing again? Not this time, Brian. I’m not a fucking puppet.”

“A puppet?” He asked, getting up as well. “Who the fuck treated you like a puppet, huh? I gave you my credit card so you can get all the pretty clothes you like, I bought flowers for you the other day, I brought cake tonight to tell you how sorry I am for being late.”

“The point is that I want you, Brian. I want to go out for dinner with you, I want to sleep with you, I want to have sex with you, I want you back!”

“And I’m here. I always come back at night, I always sleep next to you… What else do you want me to do? To stop seeing my daughter because you’re jealous? That’s not gonna happen and you know it. I’m sorry you see her, or even Nancy, as a threat but this has nothing to do with us. I’m sorry you’re not okay with my daughter is taking all my time but–”

“All your time? Brian, if you have time you spend it at the studio recording the new album. You have no time for me! Shit, even my sister sees you more than me!”

“And it’s my fault?” She was making him angry and that wasn’t what he hoped he would get once getting home. “I’ve tried asking you to come with me and JJ to the park or the playground but you always say no, so of course I ask Valary, Linda, Lacey or even Suzy if they want to come with me.”

Michelle shook her head and took a step back. “I still think you should find time for me.”

“I found out I had a daughter only a month ago, I wasn’t there for most of her life and you’re really asking me to find more time for you when at night you barely speak to me?” He asked, “I never thought you’d be so selfish. Jimmy was so fucking right.”

Brian groaned in frustration and headed upstairs, but he could hear Michelle’s footsteps following him.

“Where are you going?” She yelled, walking up the stairs. As she walked into their bedroom, she watched him put some clothes into a black bag, the usual he used when he was going to be out of town for a few days.

“Anywhere but here!” He yelled back then turned around. “I’ll come back in a few days. In the meantime, you better stop acting like a selfish, spoiled brat.”

Brian walked out of the door and headed downstairs. Part of him knew he shouldn’t have acted like that but he couldn’t help it. Michelle was getting on his nerves. He could hear her yelling from inside the house as he walked outside, but he ignored her voice. Instead, he walked away. After a while he stopped a taxi and got in.

“Good evening, Sir.” The forty-something driver said with a smile, “Where to?”

“LAX. Thank you.”

Brian sighed and looked out of the window before taking his phone out of his pocket and quickly dialing Matt’s phone number.

“Gates, about time!” His friend exclaimed. “The hell are you? Michelle was worried.”

“You alone?”

“Uh… Nope. Give me a second.” Matt said before kissing Valary’s temple and walking outside in the backyard. “Alone. What’s up, dude?”

“Michelle and I fought.”

“That isn’t exactly brand new information.”

“Yeah, well, I thought I’d let you know before she calls you or Valary and she’s all pissed.” He explained, “I’m going to LAX right now. I didn’t tell her where I’m going so you better keep your mouth shut.”

“Dude, we’re in the middle of recording the new album.”

“I know, but I already recorded most of my stuff and shit, I really need to get away for a couple of days. You know, to clear my mind.”

“Where are you going?”

“I thought about Las Vegas, but I guess I’ll just go see the East Coast.”

“I see… Well, if you happen to see Nancy, tell her I said ‘hi’ and that Valary got new stuff for her and the kid.”

“Matt–”

“But if you don’t, that’s okay. Just don’t do anything stupid, alright? I love Michelle, she’s my sister-in-law, I just don’t want her around 24/7, so yeah. Nothing stupid.”

“Nothing stupid.”

“Keep me updated.”

“I will. Thanks bro.”

“Wait, Brian! Should I tell the others?”

“I’d rather for this to stay between you and me, if that’s okay.”

“Sure. No problem. See you when you come back. And call me if you need anything.” Matt groaned and took a deep breath, “Alright, I think your blonde just called my wife. Gotta go now.”

“Thank you, Matt. I owe you.”

“Oh, you sure do!” Matt chuckled and hung up.

Notes

Hello! I'm back with a new chapter because why the hell not? Besides, I always like reading your opinions about my story :P What do you think will happen next? What I can tell you is that we'll see Nancy again in the next chapter! :)

As usual, a big thank you to Kimmie, forREVer-A7X, J.J., Hollie, unholy confessions;; and Avengedlover <3 I'm glad you all liked the couch backstory but sadly you'll have to wait a bit to see it burn :P