When We Were Young

The next day, when Brian took JJ home and ended up staying over for a little more than planned because she wouldn’t go to sleep without him tucking her in and reading a bedtime story, Nancy decided to let him know about her decision. She was curious to know what Jimmy wrote in his letter, mostly curious to know what he said about JJ, but she wasn’t going to ask him anything about it.

They were walking downstairs when Nancy decided to speak. Her parents were out for dinner and her grandmother was already asleep, so nobody was going to bother them.

“Brian, there’s something I need to tell you.” She said and Brian turned around, looking at her. She could tell he was almost afraid of what she was going to say, so she made it quick. “Now that Jimmy gave me his apartment, I decided I’m gonna stay here in Huntington Beach. For good.”

Brian looked straight into his eyes and slowly nodded. “Okay, thanks for letting me know.” He was glad she decided to stay, this way he could see JJ whenever he wanted without having to worry about flying to another state on the other site of the country. “I’m glad.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah. You staying here means JJ is staying here as well, so I’m glad.”

Nancy slowly nodded and took a deep breath. “Not sure when I’m moving into Jimmy’s apartment. Guess I’d have to organize his stuff, which by the way, you guys can take if there’s something you want, then I’ll have to…” She stopped and shook her head, “I’m pretty sure you’re not interested in what I have to do, sorry.”

Nancy sighed and headed towards the door.

“Actually, I am.” Brian said, “I mean, if you need help or something, the guys and I can help you, if you want.”

The girl looked at him and for a brief moment she thought he was joking, but his words seemed… Honest.

“That would be great. Thank you, Brian.”

“So…” He started saying, “What do you have to do?” He added as he sat on the couch.

Nancy watched the scene and smiled softly, surprised. She wasn’t expecting that, at all. She licked her lips and looked around for a moment.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“Sure.”

Nancy nodded and headed to the kitchen, wondering what to get him as a drink. Sadly, there was no alcohol in the house and she knew how much he loved alcohol, so she simply brought two cans of coke.

“I’m sorry, no alcohol in the house.”

“Yeah, I remember the rules.” He said and chuckled before taking a sip of his coke.

Brian still couldn’t believe the Kennedys didn’t have any alcohol in the house. He asked Nancy the reason behind this, but she simply said her parents didn’t drink and she was underage, so no reason to keep alcohol. He shrugged it off and that weekend her parents went to Portland to visit the grandmother, he and Jimmy threw a small party and clearly, alcohol was involved. None of them was 21 yet, but that didn’t stop them to get some alcohol, mostly thanks to Papa Gates who always kept some beer and whiskey in a cabinet and thanks to Val, whose fake ID had been useful more than once.

That night, after pretty much everybody was passed out in the living room, Nancy managed to reach her bedroom, followed by Brian. He immediately got on top of her as soon as she laid in bed, and laughed. He softly kissed her lips then looked at her, glad the light from the moon hit her face, so he could see her even well.

“You didn’t close the door.” She said, moving her hands on his sides.

“Who cares?” He asked, “They’re all drunk.”

“As if you’re not.”

“Again, who cares?”

“Not me.”

“Good answer.”

Brian smirked and kissed her again, but this time he deepened it as soon as he felt her legs wrap around his waist.

The girl sat down next to him and placed her coke on the table, then leaned against the couch with her side. She watched him drink the coke for a moment then looked away, not wanting to look like a creep.

“You were saying what you gotta do before moving to your new apartment.”

“Yeah, right…” She said and took a deep breath, looking down at her hands trying to remember what she was saying. “Like I said, I have to organize his stuff, quit my job, although that’s not a problem since they’re probably gonna fire me anyway.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“I’ve been gone for over a month, Brian. I came up with tons of excuses and they’re not buying them anymore.”

Brian frowned at her words; could they fire her like that? Probably.

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s not your fault. I’m the one who decided to come here and well, stay.” She shrugged and sighed softly, “Anyway, I’d also have to go to Portland to grab all my stuff and also JJ’s. God, I already feel tired just thinking of it.” She added and laughed, quickly explaining what she meant when she noticed Brian’s confused face. “She’s got tons of toys and clothes and I’m not sure I’ll be able to fit everything in my car.”

Brian chuckled and took another sip of his coke. “I’m not exactly surprised she’s got so many things; everybody loves her so they obviously get her something all the time.”

“Exactly.” She agreed and then sighed, “Then I’ll have to drive back here, burn Jimmy’s couch for God knows what reason…”

“Burn his couch?”

“Yeah. He told me to do it in the letter the lawyer gave me today; I don’t know why he hates that couch so much but yeah, I guess I’ll just throw it away or burn it like he wanted.”
Brian couldn’t help but laugh at her words, he couldn’t believe Jimmy really told her to burn his couch. Well, he could but it was still hilarious.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Sorry, it’s just… Michelle picked that couch when Jimmy bought that apartment, she thought it would give the place a cool vibe but he hated it so fucking much. I think it has with the face that he hated Michelle, but maybe it’s just that the couch is really ugly.”

Nancy smiled a little at his explanation, it made sense and it was definitely something Jimmy would do. She tried to remember what the couch looked like, but she couldn’t. The only thing she could remember from that couch was how she and Brian were sitting on it when she told him about JJ.

“That’s it, I guess. I also need to find another job; I guess I’ll have to write my new resume.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something soon.”

“I hope so.” She said, finally reaching out to grab her coke and take a sip of the drink. “I don’t want to stay home and ask my parents for money or worse, use Jimmy’s money.”

“I can give you money if you need it.”

“That’s not what I meant, Brian.”

“I know, but I guess that’s what I’m supposed to do, right? Giving you money for JJ and stuff.”

Nancy shook her head at his words. Sure, getting money was always good but she didn’t want him to feel forced to pay for stuff. “It’s okay, Brian. Really. If I need anything, I will tell you.”

“Good, you better.” He said before looking around for a brief moment, “Guess I can’t smoke in here, right?”

Nancy chuckled softly and shook her head, “Nope, but we can go outside.” She suggested and although at first she thought he would just leave, she found herself following him outside in the backyard.

They both sat down on the ground despite the many chairs around and without saying a word, Brian brought a cigarette to his lips before offering one to Nancy. He wasn’t sure she was still a smoker, but when she took one of his cigarettes with her long fingers, a smirk appeared on his lips. He lit up her cigarette before doing the same to his own, then looked ahead of them. The view from that house was spectacular. Even if the Sullivans lived next door, their house was nothing like the Kennedys. He could see the Pacific Ocean shine under the moon and it was absolutely perfect.

Nancy wrapped her arms around her legs and started smoking, trying not to think too much about the fact that she was in her backyard with Brian. It almost felt like they were still teenagers and part of her expected Jimmy to appear out of nowhere… Too bad that wouldn’t happen anymore. They were adults and Jimmy was gone. Hell, so much had changed since the last time she was here in California.

“Never thought I’d sit here with you again.”

Brian’s words made Nancy turn her head and she noticed how he was looking straight at the ocean. She admired his profile for a brief moment then looked away.

“Yeah, I never thought I’d come back.”

“You should’ve never left.” He took a long drag of his cigarette and squeezed his eyes shut before speaking again. “You fucking broke my heart, Nancy.”

“When I decided to leave we weren’t a thing anymore.”

“A thing…”

“You know what I mean, Brian.” She said, “We weren’t together anymore…”

“Yes, I know that but you were pregnant and…” He groaned and rubbed a hand on his face,
“I liked the idea of you being here. I thought we could be together again when I came back from tour or I don’t know, that we’d realize we fucked up bad and you wanted me again.”
Nancy turned her head and looked at him; again, he was staring at the ocean. She thought about the possibility of having a conversation like this with him many times in the past but suddenly, that conversation was making her so damn uncomfortable.

“I always wanted you, Brian.” She whispered, “It’s not like I stopped loving you right after breaking up with you.”

Brian finally turned his head towards Nancy and looked straight into her eyes; he wished she was saying the truth, but he couldn’t trust her anymore.

“I didn’t leave to hurt you; I didn’t mean it.”

“Then why the fuck did you leave? Shit, we could be family right now. Have you ever thought about what would’ve happened if you stayed?” He wasn’t exactly waiting for an answer, instead, he kept speaking. “Because I keep doing it all the fucking time since when you told me about JJ. Actually, since when you came back. I don’t know if I would’ve stopped playing with the band or not, but I know for sure that I would’ve stayed with you two. I would’ve been there when you gave birth, I would’ve been there to see our daughter’s first steps or to hear her first words, I would’ve been there when she was sick and I would’ve been there for you. Jesus Christ, I would’ve even married you.” He said, with a sour chuckle.

Nancy stared at her knees as Brian spoke, his words hitting her in the chest like thousands knives. She didn’t know what to say, her I’m sorrys weren’t enough anymore. She bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears.

“I’m glad Jimmy was there for you and JJ, I really am, but I’m Joan’s father and I’m–I was your boyfriend, I’m the one who should’ve been there. Not him.”

“I know and again, I’ll never stop saying how sorry I am for this. You didn’t deserve this, I know, but back then I thought it was the best thing to do.” She looked at him, but his dark eyes made her look away, almost ashamed of herself. “You had just started a new tour and I didn’t want you to worry about me, about us while you were gone… And we had just broken up. It was a mutual thing, remember?”

“Who cares about our break up and the tour? I loved you, I would’ve come back to you if you only told me about her and as for the tour, shit, I’m not the first father who’s in a band doing a world tour!” Brian shook his head and took one last drag from his cigarette. “I would’ve said yes to you even after she was born. I would’ve been pissed about you hiding this from me but I loved you, I would’ve come back.”

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, “I don’t know what else to say. I’m really sorry. If I could change the past, I would. But I can’t and I’m sorry you missed so much from JJ’s life.”

“Yeah, me too.” He said and got up, “I think I’ll go now.”

Nancy nodded and followed him inside, then watched him head to the front door.

“Brian?” She called and waited for him to turn around, “I think about what would’ve happened if I stayed and told you about JJ all the time. Since forever.”

He looked straight into her eyes for a couple of seconds, but it felt like an eternity. “Guess we can’t change the past, can we?” He sighed heavily and opened the door, “Goodnight, Nancy.”

“Goodnight, Brian.”

Notes

Hi! First of all, happy Easter! Second, as you can see things between Nancy and Brian are starting to slowly chaaange. I'm writing chapter seventeen at the moment and I really can't wait for you guys to read it :D Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!

Thank you so much to Hollie, Avengedlover and forREVer-A7X <3 I'm glad you enjoyed the letters, I'll be honest and say that I kind of cried while writing them. And yes, let's burn the couch! Haha!