My head is pounding so hard I feel like it will bust open at any minute. I groan, opening my eyes. My vision is mostly blocked by my own hair and pillow, so I roll over onto my back. A sudden lurch in my gut causes me to jump out of bed and run to the bathroom and barely make it before emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I grip the sides of the toilet bowl and my knees sink to the floor as all of my strength goes into getting rid of the bile in my stomach. When I’m finished, I twist and sit on the floor in front of the toilet, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I sit there for several minutes waiting to feel less nauseous before getting up and staring at myself in the mirror.

I look like absolute shit. My hair a mess and the bags under my eyes are darker than ever. I decide to brush my teeth and then begin to strip for a shower. I turn my head to make sure there’s a clean towel and something in the mirror catches my eye.

“What the fuck…” I whisper, leaning closer to the mirror. A very visible, slightly oval, purple mark had made itself a home on my neck. Gena is going to kill me. “What the fuck,” I repeat.

I strip the rest of my clothes off before getting in the shower. The hot water makes me feel better and even helps relieve my hangover headache a little. I stay in there allowing the water to ease my muscles and also, in a desperate, illogical attempt, try to scrub the hickey from my neck until the water begins to run cold but when I exit the shower and look at my reflection, it’s still there plain as day.

I rub my face and lean on the counter. I remember leaving the bar with Sheridan, I remember kissing her and I remember her telling me we couldn’t do that. After that, she invited me in, but I told her Brian was almost there to pick me up…which was a lie. I never called Brian. Instead, I called Gena and told her I had a flat and was waiting on AAA. So, then I went back to the bar because I was pissed off that Sheridan rejected me again and…fuck, what happened after that?

I look up and groan – the hickey is still there, and I have no idea how it got there. Maybe I came home after the bar and Gena gave it to me. Fuck, I can’t remember. I groan and wrap the towel around my waist before leaving the bathroom. I know I need to face Gena so at least I know what’s going on, but I wasn’t ready for a confrontation if she wasn’t the one that left this mark on me. This hangover was awful, and I really just want to climb back into bed and sleep it off. I stare at my bed for several moments before taking a breath and heading to the dresser instead.

After getting dressed, I decide it’s better to get this over with and head downstairs. It’s eerily quiet and as I make my way through the house, searching for Gena I begin to wonder if she’s even home. I am about to call out to her when I enter the room Gena and I talked with Sheridan and spot her at the bar, bottle of tequila in her hand.

“Fuck,” I mumble to myself, knowing what this meant. I stand in the doorway for a moment, gathering my courage along with some excuses before clearing my throat. “Gena.”

She doesn’t move to turn to me, but instead, she takes a long swallow of the tequila. I open my mouth again, prepared to give her the best excuse I can think of with a throbbing head, but in a swift moment, she turns around and throws the bottle full-force towards my head. Luckily, she misses, and it smashes against the wall. The smell of tequila wafts around the room and causes my stomach to lurch again, but I hold it down.

“Yo, what the fuck?” I yell, turning to look at the wall and floor that’s now drenched in glass and alcohol.

Gena doesn’t reply, instead, she reaches behind the bar and grabs a glass, throwing it at me. She misses again, but just barely. “What the fuck is that on your neck, Zack?” She yells. She reaches for another glass but I’m able to approach her and rip it from her hands before she throws it.

“Gena, calm the fuck down,” I tell her.

Gena shoots me daggers as she yanks her arm from my hand. “Don’t you fucking touch me. Do you understand? You have lost all the right to touch me!”

“Please, can we talk about this quieter? My head is fucking pounding,” I mumble rubbing my temples.

“Talk about it quieter? Quieter?!” She screeches.

I let out an involuntary groan. “Gena, I’m sorry. Okay? I don’t even remember what happened last night. Can we please just…I don’t want to fight with you right now and…fuck, how long have you been awake drinking? What time is it?”

Gena scoffs and stares at me. She keeps staring at me to the point it makes me feel uncomfortable and now I’m really wishing that I stayed in bed. After what feels like minutes upon minutes, she looks away. “You promised,” she says quietly. Her voice cracks and she quickly tries to wipe her face as a tear falls down. “You fucking promised.”

“What did I promise?” I ask her. Fuck, I’m so confused. I’ve got to remind myself to not drink so much.

Gena scoffs again, quieter this time as she shakes her head. “You promised me that nothing was going on with you and Sheridan.”

“Nothing is going on with me and Sheridan,” I tell her. As far as I know, this hickey has nothing to do with her.

“You told me you were going to go hang out with her yesterday,” Gena shoots.

I nod. “Yeah, and I did because we’re friends. We had this conversation.”

“Mhmm,” Gena takes a deep breath, “Then you call and say you’re on your way home, but you have a flat and you’re waiting on AAA to get there.”

I nod again. “Okay, what’s your point?”

“My point is,” Gena says through gritted teeth. “I fucking called AAA and they said that you didn’t call them. So, I checked your fucking car and the fucking spare tire is still in there. You lied to me, Zack! You lied to me and then you showed up in the middle of the god damn night drunk out of your god damn mind. I finally get you to bed only to wake up to your fucking hickey staring me in my fucking face! You’re lucky I didn’t see it last night”

Fuck. I resist the urge to sigh, rub the back of my neck or run my hand through my hair. “So, what, you don’t trust me? You called AAA last night after we got off the phone?” It’s a feeble attempt to turn the blame on her.

“No,” Gena replies, rolling her eyes. “I called this morning after I saw the hickey. It’s not like you deserve my trust anyway and also, me not trusting you isn’t the point! The point is you lied to me, so you could fuck Sheridan.”

“I didn’t!” I yell. Not that I remember, anyway. “Gena, I stayed with Sheridan for a couple hours but then I went back down to the bar. She stayed at her apartment. Also, I think you should have been more concerned with the fact I drove back from Los Angeles drunk.”

“You’re an asshole,” she tells me. “Just own up to the fact that you broke the promise you made me.”

“I don’t remember breaking the promise, okay? Do you want me to call her and ask her if we slept together? Is that what you want? Gena, I don’t remember, okay? I’m sorry but I honestly don’t. So, I don’t really know what to tell you.”

Gena shakes her head. “I deal with it, Zack. You know, I deal with you cheating on me because…I’m an idiot and I have loved you since we were kids. I deal with it because I hope one day you will realize how good I am to you and because I know the groupies don’t mean shit to you. But I will not deal with you cheating on me with Sheridan. I will not allow it so…so unless you agree to stay away from her and to cut off all communication...” Gena trails off. “I’m done if you refuse to be done with her, Zack.”

I stare at her for a moment. “Look, you’re upset, and you have every right to be. You should just…cool down maybe sober up a little bit. I’m going to go lay back down because I feel like shit and…we can…we can continue this conversation later, okay?”

Gena purses her lips and looks away from me. “Whatever,” she mumbles.

---

When I wake up my mouth is dry, and my body is sore from laying in bed for so long, but no longer feel hungover. I roll over on my back and stare up at the ceiling, knowing I should get up and continue the conversation with Gena. After a moment of thinking about it, I finally make myself sit up and grab my phone off the bedside table. According to it, it’s just after six in the evening. I search my unread text messages for anything from Sheridan, but she hasn’t sent me anything since our lunch yesterday. Surely if something more happened between us she would have sent me something, right? Unless she didn’t want to send me anything in case Gena saw it.

I find the call button next to her name and I’m about to call her when I decide I better have this conversation silently. If Sheridan and I did sleep together, I don’t want Gena to find out and I especially didn’t want to hear her say “I told you so”.

“Hey,” I text her instead, “can we talk about last night?” If we did sleep together, it’s probably not a good idea to let her know that I can’t remember. I sit there for a few minutes, waiting for her reply but it doesn’t come.

The thought of Gena’s ultimatum creeps into the back of my mind. If she actually makes me choose, I don’t know what I'm going to do. I know the right thing is to choose Gena, she’s been there for me through everything since Sheridan walked out on me. Gena loves me more than Sheridan ever did…but deep down I know I love Sheridan more than I ever loved Gena. I don’t want to let Sheridan go either.

I groan and decide to go talk Gena out of the ultimatum. The house is eerily quiet again, but Gena is nowhere to be found. I peek out to our garage and notice her car is gone and sigh. I think about calling her, but decide to give her space and instead check my phone for a text from Sheridan. Still nothing from her, this leads me to make the decision to head to Los Angeles to have this conversation with her in person.

The drive to Los Angeles is fairly quick despite traffic. On the way there I can’t stop thinking about the position I put myself in with Gena and Sheridan. I know it’s not fair to Gena and I need to get my shit together before I lose her or Sheridan forever. Then, I realize that’s not fair to Gena either. I shouldn’t be afraid of losing another woman when I am living and dating a woman that loves me. Gena deserves better than me and I want more than her. I sigh, realizing that I have to choose Sheridan and break things off with Gena. I drive past the bar I was at last night and consider stopping for a drink but think if I do, I’ll lose the courage to do what I'm about to do.

I park in front of Sheridan’s apartment, suddenly feeling nauseous again but this time it has nothing to do with drinking too much. I rub the sweat from my palms and nearly throw myself out of the car before I can change my mind.

“Sheridan, I…” I practice as I walk into the building but shut my mouth. I feel like an idiot. I hesitate in front of the elevator. I should turn around. I should leave and go back to Gena and just forget about Sheridan.

I want Sheridan though; my heart wants Sheridan and I don’t think I could bear losing her again. I hit the elevator button and when it opens, I step on hitting the button for Sheridan’s floor. “Sheridan, I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you,” I practice quietly. “See, Baker, it’s not that hard. Just get it out and go from there.”

The elevator opens, and I step out onto her floor. The hallway seems longer than usual, but I eventually make my way to the corner of it and turn. Every ounce of courage I feel, every ounce of determination and confidence melts onto the floor in front of me immediately.

Now I know why Sheridan isn’t texting me back, she is too busy being lip-locked with the guy from the bar last night. From the looks of it, they are just getting back from a date. Her arms are wrapped around his neck and she deepens the kiss like she had with me last night. I want to step forward and punch the guy in his face for kissing my girl, but my feet move backward and I disappear from the hallway before either of them see me.

“Fucking stupid,” I mumble to myself as I make my way back to the elevator. “I’m so fucking stupid.” I can’t believe I let her back in, knowing damn well how bad she hurt me in the past. Now that I am completely ready to break up with Gena and be with Sheridan again, she’s messing around with some random guy she picked up at the bar?

I throw my fist at the “close door” button and curse loudly as the elevator begins to move back down. This is the end of whatever Sheridan and I have or were going to have. I pull my phone out of my pocket and delete her as a contact, and then delete all the messages I have from her. I should have done this in the first place. I just need to get back to Huntington Beach and tell Gena I was wrong for letting Sheridan back in my life and that she is the one I really want to be with.

When I get back home, Gena’s car is parked in the garage. I take a deep breath, still pissed off at what I saw at Sheridan’s apartment and get out of the car.

“Gena?” I call as soon as I enter the house. I round the corner to head upstairs to our bedroom, but Gena meets me halfway, heading downstairs. “Baby –” I start but stop when I notice her suitcase in her hand. “What’s going on?”

“I’m leaving, Zack. I’m done, I can’t do this anymore,” she tells me without looking me in the eye.

“What?” I ask even though I heard her clearly. “No, no, Gena. Look, I’m done with Sheridan, okay? I’ve deleted her out of my phone and everything.”

Gena sighs. “It’s too late Zack. I decided I was done the moment I gave you the ultimatum and you didn’t immediately tell me that you wanted me. That’s all I wanted, Zack. I just wanted you to want me and only me.”

“Gena…”

“No!” She says, pulling away as I try to reach for her. “I’ve already got an apartment. That’s where I’ve been all day. Did you even notice I was gone? Or did you just wake up and leave? Did you go see her again?”

“Of course, I noticed you were gone,” I tell her. “I looked for you as soon as I woke up.” Gena scoffs but doesn’t say anything. “Look, I want you, okay? I love you and we can get through this. If you’ll just give me a second chance…”

“I have given you plenty of chances, Zack. I know…I know it’s not completely your fault. I know that when Sheridan left it completely broke you and I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt and I tried to fix you but…I can’t. I tried, and I can’t, so…I just…I don’t know. Maybe Sheridan can put you back together, but I can’t stick around and watch you love her. It hurts me too much.”

“I…” I start but Gena cuts me off.

“Please, don’t deny it. Everyone knows it except for maybe her,” she clears her throat and squeezes between me and the wall to get downstairs.

I want to reach out to her, grab her arm and convince her to stay, but I know she’s right. Instead, I listen to as she makes her way away from me. I listen to the door open and then close quietly behind her. I stand there, waiting for her to come back to me but she never does. Still, I don’t move from my stop on the stairs until I hear her start her car and drive away. The house is eerily quiet once again.

Notes

So, Gena and Zack have finally broken up but now Sheridan has moved on to Tobias from the bar? Will Sheridan and Zack ever get back together? Subscribe to find out! Also, don't forget to comment and rate!

Thank you, Kimmie and overneaththepathofmisery for commenting on the previous chapter. <3

Title credit: Just Surrender “I Said it Before”