Strawberry Fields Forever

Matthew Sanders tapped his foot to the rhythm of the fast Metallica song he was playing at a decent volume as he pulled up in his driveway. He’d been running errands for most of the morning, glad his brother-in-law took the kids in the meanwhile. He could really use the alone time.

Almost bumping his head on the door of the midsize SUV he owned, he got out of the car as he finally arrived. Matt was tall and built. He stood easily at 6’1 and his muscular arms were covered with colorful tattoos, he just covered them with long sleeves most of the time. The dismissive looks of the other parents in River and Cash’s preschool group had been just too much for him. After all, he didn’t want to look like the rock star anymore, but like a reasonable widower who took good care of his children. He'd taken out his lip ring and his gauges, knowing that kind of life was over for him.


The accident took place just about two years ago on a warm sunny Friday in May, changing his life forever. He remembered it as if it had been just yesterday. His highly pregnant wife had been in a hit-and-run accident. She died on the spot, ripped out of her life. When he got the call, Matt couldn’t believe it.

He drank an entire bottle of whisky that night and was found by his sister-in-law, Michelle, as a curled up crying ball covered in vomit on his front porch the next morning, his son River playing with his toes and smearing around the vomit. They both got a bad cold from being outside all night. It was the lowest point Matt had ever reached, and definitely not something he was proud of.

That day, he swore he’d be a responsible adult for once. He quit the partying, the drinking and the groupies. He sighed in remorse at the thought of how many times he’d betrayed his wife despite her being perfect for him. She knew. She always knew. She just never said anything, fully aware that she wasn't going to change him.

The other driver, however, got away with minor injuries and close to no jail time although he’d been drunk out of his wits. Matt snorted as he thought about it. It was unfair. He ruined his entire family and got away with it.
Time was able to heal most of what broke inside him on that very day. After all, it was the day his second son, Cash, was born or rather removed through a caesarean from his dead wife's body. Cash was in the hospital for so long since he was so young. The doctors didn’t think he would make it without brain damage, but he did.
There were times when Matt missed Val more than ever, but he knew he had healed to that extent of being able to manage.

He ran his right hand with the deathbat tattoo through his short brown hair and took off his aviators before climbing the few steps to his front door. “Give back truck!” he heard his older son, River, scream from inside the door.

Oh man, Matt thought, there we go again. His kids were constantly fighting. It astonished Matt, seeing as they got along so well for such a long time. He quickly turned the key and entered the house. He'd left it just like Val decorated it before she left. The beautiful Warhol painting greeted him from the doorway. She'd loved it so much.
Passing the hallstand with jackets and shoes for outside, he entered the big living room with the cream colored couches and the pink cushions. Matt hated them when his wife bought them, but now he didn't dare remove them. One of the two pianos he possessed stood there, too.
On the left side there was a large TV set with various consoles Matt liked to play, and on the right side there was a big open kitchen, the only asset that Matt really wanted when building the house. You could prepare meals and still overwatch the children in the living room and even the TV if you wanted to.

“Hey there, man, thanks for finally coming home,” he was greeted sarcastically by his brother-in-law, Brian Haner. It definitely was a sight. Brian and the kids were sitting on the floor behind the kitchen counter, covered in flour and some sticky substance while River held up his fire truck so that Cash couldn’t reach it. Matt chuckled as he approached the scene.

“Okay, would anyone mind telling me what the hell is going on?” Matt grinned. Cash let out an angry howl and pointed at the fire truck. “Give!” he shouted at the top of his lungs while River squealed, “nooo, is mine! I want!”
“Okay guys,” he said and took the fire truck, “if you can’t share the truck, then no-one gets it. Understood?” They looked at their Dad as if he was an alien, then ran to him and hit his legs.

“Mean!” they exclaimed, but at least they were fighting him together now instead of each other.
“I tried to bake a cake with them, sorry for the mess.” Brian threw him an apologetic look. “Keek! Want keek!” Cash tugged at his daddy’s pants to get his attention. He picked him up and kissed his floury cheek. “Haner, is that melted butter in your hair?” Matt asked. “Uh, man I don’t think I even want to know,” Brian laughed, “but we ended up playing hairdresser I guess.”

Interiorly, Matt let out a howl at Brian’s incompetence. He was almost sure River cut Cash’s hair again, although he didn’t notice anything at first sight. Them playing hairdresser was never a good sign.
“Want keeeeek!” Cash shrieked right next to his ear. Matt thought his eardrum was going to burst. His younger son was developing quite an organ, at least compared to River. In that point, Cash came right after his father, whose voice filled an entire stadium when he sang and screamed in his band. “Alright buddy, what kind of cake do you want?” “Stwabewy!” His eyes lighted up when he said that.

“Alright, strawberry it is.” River nodded approvingly. “You know what, guys, if you are good boys and take your nappies right now, we’ll go to the strawberry fields later this day and bake a big strawberry pie. That a deal?” He smiled at his boys, revealing his dimples.
Never before had he seen them take off so quickly and get into bed without putting up a fight and complaining that they weren’t tired at all while their eyes were falling shut, proving that they were lying.

“So, spill,” Brian said as he threw Matt a can of coke when I finally returned from the boys’ room, “how was your date with Diane last night?”
For a second, Matt recalled his date with Diane, a teacher at a school for disabled children. She was nice, really. Unexciting. She was intelligent, charming. A sweetheart. Definitely good with kids. Matt knew she liked him right from the start. He thought about their prude goodnight kiss, a mere old-people-peck on the lips but it didn’t really touch him.

“Meh,” he said finally. He could see Haner’s eyes narrowing. Wrong answer.
“Dude, what now? I set you up on, like, 12 dates now? They were all women I knew who’d have a lot in common with you. Diane is a nice lady. Christine was perfect! And you keep saying ‘meh’,” Brian ranted.

I know, Matt thought, but he could tell Brian was about to say a lot more.
“Matt, you said you were ready for something new. And you need to be, for now. What are you gonna do with River and Cash once we hit the road again? They need a Mommy. And we need our lead singer. No way we can do without you, man. I know you’re taking good care of those two, but we agreed to keep on doing what we love. I miss it. I miss recording, I miss the tours and everything. I miss the groupies, but don’t tell Michelle.” He sighed.

“Brian, I know. I want to move on. But just…Not with Diane. I want what Val and I used to have. What Michelle and you have. It’s…”
“Hard, I know. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, man.” Brian ran through his buttery hair only to throw a disgusted look at his hand. “But just… Think about it. Holly would love to see you again. She called me three times this week. I’m sure it didn’t go that horrible with Diane. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, you know. And you’re 34, it’s not getting easier to find someone who’s not lifted or is fine with you having kids.”

Matt felt his jaw clench. It was the same old story every time. “We’re talking about a commitment here. It’s not just ‘one for the team’ like that ugly ass bitch you guys made me bone back in Brazil.” Brian grinned at the memory of that groupie. She definitely was… uhm, remarkable. He pulled himself together. It was not the right time to think of the wild past.

“I know, Matt. I’m sorry I keep bothering you. But someone has to.”
“Thanks. I know it myself. I’m ready, really. That’s what Val would have wanted,” Matt sighed.
The guys sat there in silence for a long while. They didn’t need to say anything. Finally, Brian broke the trance. “Man, I’m gonna take a shower.”

Notes

Hey guys, thank you everyone who found their way to my new story. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter.

With love, seventhtrumpet