Her grace can't save you now.
Eleven.
Those fucking dancing shoes were in my dreams again last night, I don’t understand them, they just appear and I just watch them for hours on end. Well in my dreams obviously, although I heard once that you can have up to something like ten dreams in one night, but you only remember the most recent one, but I still don’t understand why those fucking black dance shoes keep on appearing.
“Zacky there’s someone on the phone for you” My mom said, her head appearing around the other side of the door. “It’s a girl” She said “Although she sounds upset, so I don’t know what you did” She said
“I’ll find out what I did and get back to you on that Mom“ I mumbled sleepily, reaching out for the phone. She handed it to me and left, shutting the door behind her “Hello?”
“ Hi Zack… it’s Darcy”
“How did you get my phone number?” I asked her, sitting up a little bit.
“ It’s not hard to get anything from the front office when your Dad is one of the main benefactors of the school” She sounded sad.
“Darcy are you alright? You sound…” I trailed off.
“ Why do you suddenly care?”
“Don’t get hostile with me, you called me remember? What was the purpose of this call?”
“ Oh well I just… I wanted to apologise for the other day, I know our relationship is kind of… well I don’t know but I wanted to say sorry for being a bitch to you the other day, and also to ask you that maybe you’d disregard what I said about the soundtrack? I…I really liked what I heard and I don’t want… I don’t want anyone else to do it for me okay?”. I smiled a little bit, I don’t get why I hadn’t realised it before but she was wrapped around my little finger, how had I managed to get her there I have absolutely no idea. But I had a feeling she was pretty susceptible to anything I wanted now.
But that would just make me an asshole for trying to play her like the, and the issue here was, was that I was so fucking confused by her and the way she acted towards me and how she behaved with other guys when I was around, I didn’t know what to think of her anymore.
“ Zacky are you still there?” Her voice sounded through the receiver.
“Yeah I’m still here… just thinking” I sighed “Darce, look, I never stopped creating that soundtrack, even though you told me to, I made a commitment to you and I know that we don’t have the best relationship but I’m trying here, you just make it… difficult… for me and I just… you calling me up out of the blue on a Sunday morning doesn’t help the situation I think that we should just… try to.. I don’t know… I guess mutual friends would be the best way to put it, and I know I sound like an asshole for saying this but you… you just have to get over me” I bit my lip.
“ You still think that I like you?” Okay here we go “ Jesus Christ Zacky Baker you are one self centered asshole you know that? If you took your head out of your ass you would have realised that I stopped liking you weeks ago! I have a boyfriend now! Connor? Remember him?”
“Yes I remember Connor, last time I checked you were still fucking him” I said, did the bitch just call me self centered? “And kindly don’t call me shit like that, I’m only going on what you’re giving me! If you’re so over me then what was that the other day under the stairwell huh? Why kiss me? And then tell me that you don’t like me anymore? Well this is actually really good news, now it means I don’t have to worry about you putting your hands all over me anymore” I snarled into the phone. I heard her little hiccuppy sob and then the line went dead. Shit.
*
“Matt have you seen Darcy I really need to talk to her” I said
“Not since Friday no, why Zack what did you do now?”
“She called me yesterday and I was the biggest asshole to her on the phone and I really just need to speak to her and tell her I’m sorry”
“It’s a recurring pattern here isn’t it? You and her?”
“What?”
“Well she says one thing, you kick off, she gets hurt and then you apologise, and then it happens all over again”
Come to think of it, now that he mentions it, it’s true. I sighed and rubbed my face, Matt was looking at me as if he knew exactly what was going through my brain at that moment. I sighed and looked at him with pleading eyes.
“She’s in the library” He said shaking his head. I nodded and practically ran through the school. When I got there I saw her, but she was with Connor. He looked annoyed again, and she looked stressed out, actually no, he looked angry with her, pissed off even, his eyebrows were knitting together as he spoke to her through gritted teeth. He grabbed her arm and she flinched away from him, and at that moment her eyes moved across the room and she spotted me. Connor looked over and he saw me too, he rolled his eyes said one more thing to her and then left, glaring at me as he walked past me. I approached her and she sat back down, concentrating on her book again.
“Darcy what was that?” I asked her sitting down next to her.
“Fuck off Zack, you hate me remember?”
“What? Darcy I don’t hate you” I blinked at her.
“Then why do you pretend that you do?”
“I don’t?”
“It feels like you do”
“Well I don’t hate you Darce, you just frustrate me”
“I’m sorry”
“No I’m sorry, for what I said yesterday, I was way out of line and you had every right to be pissed at me”
“I don’t like it when you get mad at me though” She said
“I know” I paused “Why was Connor mad at you?”
“Because he doesn’t like the fact I called you yesterday”
“How would he know?”
“He went through my phone” She shrugged like it was nothing.
“Why was he doing that?”
“I dunno, he gets worried that I’m going to leave him for someone else, he said that he has every right to be worried because I’m a beautiful girl and any other guy would be lucky to have me” She sighed
“He’s right”
“Zack why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“You tell me that you don’t like me back which I can accept but then you go and tell me that I’m beautiful or that any guy would be lucky to have me and you just confuse me and it hurts me and I can’t do it much longer” She looked up at me, with her big blue eyes and it made my heart squeeze just a little, I found myself at a loss for words for a moment before I looked away. I sighed and looked down at the table.
She sighed and went back to her book, leaving the two of us in an uncomfortable silence for a while longer. Until I reached out and took her hand, her head shot up and she looked at me again with those big blue eyes.
“Zacky please, don’t” She said.
“I want to promise you something Darcy” I said, chewing on my lip “The next time I’m an asshole to you, you have to hit me as hard as you possibly can okay?”
“I don’t feel comfortable making you that promise Zacky” She bit her lip
“I need you to, it’s the only way I can stop it from happening, I don’t mean to get mad at you, you just… I don’t know Darcy you get under my skin and you piss me off so much, but I still like you underneath all of that”
“I like you too Zack, and i… I lied on the phone yesterday… when I said I didn’t still like you”
“I know”
Just then the library door opened and Connor appeared again, he looked calmer but then he noticed our hands and his eyes darkened again. I let go of her hand and stood up. But she grabbed my arm, looking up at me, I couldn’t understand what she wanted from me so I just shook my head and grabbed my backpack.
“I’ll see you later” I said, she sighed and nodded looking down. I looked to Connor before I left again, he glared at me, I could still feel his eyes burning into my back as I left the library.
“Zacky there’s someone on the phone for you” My mom said, her head appearing around the other side of the door. “It’s a girl” She said “Although she sounds upset, so I don’t know what you did” She said
“I’ll find out what I did and get back to you on that Mom“ I mumbled sleepily, reaching out for the phone. She handed it to me and left, shutting the door behind her “Hello?”
“ Hi Zack… it’s Darcy”
“How did you get my phone number?” I asked her, sitting up a little bit.
“ It’s not hard to get anything from the front office when your Dad is one of the main benefactors of the school” She sounded sad.
“Darcy are you alright? You sound…” I trailed off.
“ Why do you suddenly care?”
“Don’t get hostile with me, you called me remember? What was the purpose of this call?”
“ Oh well I just… I wanted to apologise for the other day, I know our relationship is kind of… well I don’t know but I wanted to say sorry for being a bitch to you the other day, and also to ask you that maybe you’d disregard what I said about the soundtrack? I…I really liked what I heard and I don’t want… I don’t want anyone else to do it for me okay?”. I smiled a little bit, I don’t get why I hadn’t realised it before but she was wrapped around my little finger, how had I managed to get her there I have absolutely no idea. But I had a feeling she was pretty susceptible to anything I wanted now.
But that would just make me an asshole for trying to play her like the, and the issue here was, was that I was so fucking confused by her and the way she acted towards me and how she behaved with other guys when I was around, I didn’t know what to think of her anymore.
“ Zacky are you still there?” Her voice sounded through the receiver.
“Yeah I’m still here… just thinking” I sighed “Darce, look, I never stopped creating that soundtrack, even though you told me to, I made a commitment to you and I know that we don’t have the best relationship but I’m trying here, you just make it… difficult… for me and I just… you calling me up out of the blue on a Sunday morning doesn’t help the situation I think that we should just… try to.. I don’t know… I guess mutual friends would be the best way to put it, and I know I sound like an asshole for saying this but you… you just have to get over me” I bit my lip.
“ You still think that I like you?” Okay here we go “ Jesus Christ Zacky Baker you are one self centered asshole you know that? If you took your head out of your ass you would have realised that I stopped liking you weeks ago! I have a boyfriend now! Connor? Remember him?”
“Yes I remember Connor, last time I checked you were still fucking him” I said, did the bitch just call me self centered? “And kindly don’t call me shit like that, I’m only going on what you’re giving me! If you’re so over me then what was that the other day under the stairwell huh? Why kiss me? And then tell me that you don’t like me anymore? Well this is actually really good news, now it means I don’t have to worry about you putting your hands all over me anymore” I snarled into the phone. I heard her little hiccuppy sob and then the line went dead. Shit.
*
“Matt have you seen Darcy I really need to talk to her” I said
“Not since Friday no, why Zack what did you do now?”
“She called me yesterday and I was the biggest asshole to her on the phone and I really just need to speak to her and tell her I’m sorry”
“It’s a recurring pattern here isn’t it? You and her?”
“What?”
“Well she says one thing, you kick off, she gets hurt and then you apologise, and then it happens all over again”
Come to think of it, now that he mentions it, it’s true. I sighed and rubbed my face, Matt was looking at me as if he knew exactly what was going through my brain at that moment. I sighed and looked at him with pleading eyes.
“She’s in the library” He said shaking his head. I nodded and practically ran through the school. When I got there I saw her, but she was with Connor. He looked annoyed again, and she looked stressed out, actually no, he looked angry with her, pissed off even, his eyebrows were knitting together as he spoke to her through gritted teeth. He grabbed her arm and she flinched away from him, and at that moment her eyes moved across the room and she spotted me. Connor looked over and he saw me too, he rolled his eyes said one more thing to her and then left, glaring at me as he walked past me. I approached her and she sat back down, concentrating on her book again.
“Darcy what was that?” I asked her sitting down next to her.
“Fuck off Zack, you hate me remember?”
“What? Darcy I don’t hate you” I blinked at her.
“Then why do you pretend that you do?”
“I don’t?”
“It feels like you do”
“Well I don’t hate you Darce, you just frustrate me”
“I’m sorry”
“No I’m sorry, for what I said yesterday, I was way out of line and you had every right to be pissed at me”
“I don’t like it when you get mad at me though” She said
“I know” I paused “Why was Connor mad at you?”
“Because he doesn’t like the fact I called you yesterday”
“How would he know?”
“He went through my phone” She shrugged like it was nothing.
“Why was he doing that?”
“I dunno, he gets worried that I’m going to leave him for someone else, he said that he has every right to be worried because I’m a beautiful girl and any other guy would be lucky to have me” She sighed
“He’s right”
“Zack why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“You tell me that you don’t like me back which I can accept but then you go and tell me that I’m beautiful or that any guy would be lucky to have me and you just confuse me and it hurts me and I can’t do it much longer” She looked up at me, with her big blue eyes and it made my heart squeeze just a little, I found myself at a loss for words for a moment before I looked away. I sighed and looked down at the table.
She sighed and went back to her book, leaving the two of us in an uncomfortable silence for a while longer. Until I reached out and took her hand, her head shot up and she looked at me again with those big blue eyes.
“Zacky please, don’t” She said.
“I want to promise you something Darcy” I said, chewing on my lip “The next time I’m an asshole to you, you have to hit me as hard as you possibly can okay?”
“I don’t feel comfortable making you that promise Zacky” She bit her lip
“I need you to, it’s the only way I can stop it from happening, I don’t mean to get mad at you, you just… I don’t know Darcy you get under my skin and you piss me off so much, but I still like you underneath all of that”
“I like you too Zack, and i… I lied on the phone yesterday… when I said I didn’t still like you”
“I know”
Just then the library door opened and Connor appeared again, he looked calmer but then he noticed our hands and his eyes darkened again. I let go of her hand and stood up. But she grabbed my arm, looking up at me, I couldn’t understand what she wanted from me so I just shook my head and grabbed my backpack.
“I’ll see you later” I said, she sighed and nodded looking down. I looked to Connor before I left again, he glared at me, I could still feel his eyes burning into my back as I left the library.
4/20/13