**warning!! long chapter here!! hang in there!!*

I awoke to soft sheets, and the morning light trickled in through the blinds. Shedding myself of the remaining glimpses of a dream, my eyes were still shut as I soaked in the warmth of my covers before letting my blue eyes see the sun's rays. I heard the sound of silver tapping against a mug followed by the aroma of black coffee wafting heavily through the hotel room. I had slept in Matt's room last night. Nothing happened, we stayed up most of the night talking and fell asleep at around 5am mid conversation probably.

"Good morning," he walked over to the bed shirtless and in some red and black checked lounge pants. He gave me a smile, which suddenly turned into a yawn. "What times your flight today?"

"2," I sighed sadly, not wanting to leave any of the guys behind. My time had been too focused on the confusion with Brian and Matt, I'd hardly had any time with Johnny and Zacky, not enough time all together. I sat half of my body up, still mummified in sheets, I took the mug of coffee from him and smiled at the smell. Never keen on the taste, though. I'd never been made coffee in a morning, never been woken up with such a sweet smile as his.

"We'll have to talk about the job before you go," he mentioned. "That's if you still want it?"

"Yeah," I frowned. "I mean, I still have to think about it"

"Of course, there's no pressure" he tucked himself under the sheets with me and took a large gulp of his coffee. "Shall we all go for a meal before you catch your plane?"

"That will be good" I smiled. "Listen, I'm gonna go get myself sorted," I sighed. "Thank you for the coffee" I stepped out of bed, still in the dress from last night. I placed the non-touched coffee on the side, and chuckled to myself. "Don't make me coffee again, I really can't stand it"

"Oh," he laughed. "What can I bring you instead?"

"I like orange juice" I slipped my feet into my heels, grabbed my bag and lent over him. "Thank you, Mattie" I kissed his cheek softly. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay," he stood up, held my waist, and gave me a deep kiss. His hand squeezes mine, he kisses me again. "See you soon"

I walked away from him, smiling from ear to ear. I hated leaving so urgently, but I had a case to pack. I walked down the stairs taking care in my high heels, taking each step slowly avoiding any fall. One floor away from mine, I heard whistling coming from below me. I peaked around the stairwell, and saw Brian in the distance jogging up the stairs. My heart dropped, I was in the same clothes as yesterday and he'd know exactly where I was. I was mortified, frozen to the spot, he'd approach me any minute and I was stuck where I was.

He did, he turned the corner and I startled him. "Hey," he smiled.

"..hi"

Brian looked at me up and down. His smile kind of dropped, and morphed into smug. "I see".

"Brian-"

"Save it, Sophia" He barged past me, knocking me out of my frigid stance. I squinted in embarrassment.

"Brian, wait" I chased him up the few steps and stood in front of him, stopping his tracks. "I'm sorry- nothing happened-"

"You think I give a fuck if something happened?" he scowled. His obnoxious behavior hurt me, even though I ignored that I actually hurt him so much more. "I don't give a fuck what you get up to"

"I know," I sighed. "It's just hard for me Brian, me and Matt have so much history and-"

"And we don't, I get it" he barged past me again and I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"That's not it - me and Matt have been through so much-"

"Sophia!" he yelled loudly, echoing in the halls. "I don't.. give.. a fuck!" his arms flew around like a crazy person. "I've fuckin' warned you about him" he walked past me and turned back around to me. "I'm not gonna be there for you when it crashes, I'm not gonna be here for you to crawl back to when it crashes, you'll be on your own"

"Nothing is gonna crash I'm just trying to explain mys-" he interrupted me again.

"You could have made your mind up before going out with me last night, you've led me on so much and it's actually unbelievable"

"I don't wanna leave today like this with you Brian," my eyes welled with tears in the heated argument. "I don't know when we're next gonna see eachoth-"

"Hopefully," he began. "Fucking never - you're a mind fuck Sophia" he started to walk away again. "Oh, and another thing-" he stated, turning back around on higher steps staring down at me, with his finger with a sharp point aimed at me. "I hope you soon realise what a mistake you're making and I fucking hope you suffer for it"

He walked away. Tears fell down my sorry face - sorry just wasn't enough.

That was the last time I saw him for 3 months.

..........

Later on


Me, Zacky, Johnny and Matt all sat around a table in a Chinese lunch restaurant which was 5 minutes away from the airport. Brian took his car after our argument and drove home. We all knew why, because of me, but we didn't speak about it.

Everyone had piles of food, I had a small bowl of noodles without a touch made in them. I wasn't in the mood to tuck into anything.

"When can we come visit you?" Zacky asked attempting to use chopsticks for his noodles.

"Unless it's one at a time, you can't" I giggled, embarrassed about my tiny house size compared to them who probably owned mansions.

"Why?"

"I have 2 bedrooms, there won't be enough room for you, Matt, John and Brian" I included Brian into the picture just for my sake. Not wanting to think of not seeing him again.

"Sure there will be," his tongue reached out in concentration as he grasped one single noodle, raising it to his mouth and slurping it up. "You and Matt in your room, me and Brian in your spare room and John can sleep with your dog" Bullying Johnny didn't change from when we we're teenagers. As much as we felt bad for it, we all did it.

"I guess so," I shrugged. "It will be so cramped though"

"Okay.." he sighed, ditching his chopsticks and grabbing a fork. "You come to us"

"Well, I wanna do that anyway - if I'm taking this job you're offering I want to come and look at some apartments - and if it's okay with you or Johnny, just stay with you"

"What 'bout me?" Matt frowned sadly.

"I'll stay over a night or two," I warmed. "Just - don't want to rush into anything, like me staying over for a couple of weeks"

"Yeah," Matt nodded. "I get that"

I was nervous to go home, I never liked flying and to be honest I was nervous to leave everybody again. It didn't help being in a restaurant with sickly Chinese food. The lighting was dim and the air was thick with the scents of so many different dishes. I tried not to gag as a waitress carrying a plate of seafood walked by.

"It's nearly 1 guys" I sighed sadly. "I really need to be going" Staring at the time on my phone, dread owns me, pushing against me like an invisible gale, attempting to reverse my steps back to my bed where I was with Matt last night and careless. Dread has my stomach locked up tight, nothing getting in or out.

"Ah, shit" Matt remembered, grabbing his wallet, keys and phone from the table and sliding them into his back jean pocket. "Come on guys!" he rushed. Zacky and Johnny with a mouthful of food shot up, and we headed for the car.

I sat in the back with Zacky, Johnny and Matt in the front - and we drove down the road to the airport.

"I know you're worried," Zacky spoke quietly, under the voices of Matt and Johnny in the front seats. "About Syn"

"I'm not" I lied.

"He's gonna be okay, over it in no time" he nodded. He placed his hand on my knee comfortingly and gave it a gentle squeeze."Just focus on you and Matt, it was the right choice Soph"

"Thank you," I smiled. I placed my shaking hand over his and squeezed it back.

Lets hope it was the right choice.

We had been driving for less than 5 minutes and we had pulled into the car park. I could feel myself already fighting back tears. It was the goodbye again. The dreaded goodbyes.

"I'll go in with her," Matt spoke. "Can you guys wait here?" he asked wanting time alone with me.

"Yeah," Johnny nodded. "Come here you" he pulled me and gave me a long, tight hug. "Fucking great to have you back. Thank you for being here to say goodbye to Jimmy - honestly I don't think we could have done it without you"

"Don't be silly," a tear or two fell from my eyes, but my sadness proved in my voice which shook with every word. "I love you and I'll see you so soon, promise me?"

"Of course I promise Sophia" he kissed my cheek and wiped my eye. "Safe journey sweet" he stepped back in the car, I think I saw him wipe his eye too. Zacky approached me next, giving me an even more loving hug.

"I'm sorry how long it was since we saw each other," he began burying his head in my neck. "It won't be that long next time," he chuckled. "Like Johnny said, thank you for being here for us and Jimmy - he never stopped mentioning you"

"Shut up!" I shouted. "I'm trying not to cry here and it's not working"

Zacky pulled away and wiped my eyes. "And," he whispered. "Brian - he'll come round eventually - don't worry" he kissed my head gently. "Safe journey, you text us when you get back in Oregon"

"I will Zacky," I smiled. "Thank you"

"Love you" he winked. He got in the car. Matt stared at me, completely flooded with sadness, hands deep in his pockets, slouched over.

"Will you grab a bag for me?" I asked wiping my wet cheeks.

"Yeah," he spoke in a melancholy tone. He grabbed my case, I took my handbag and we walked off into the airport.

There were plasma screens of arrival and departure times on the wall of the airport. People were lined up at the check in desk with suitcases and baggage. There was a sculpture of a whale with water cascading from it's mouth and flowing down it's tail flukes. In the background soft classical music played. In the arrivals lounge there was a curious mixture of bored and excited people. Some looked like they were waiting for a bus, others like they were children waiting for Santa himself. Some lounged on the low comfy chairs and others bounced on their toes.

"I think that one is me," I sighed regretfully, seeing people in a queue with my ticket number plastered on a bright screen. "I can take this," I took the case from him and placed it next to me. We stared at each other for what felt like ages, not wanting to say goodbye.

There is such sadness in leaving a place of strong love, a place where fond memories grew as fast as the clover in the grass. Here, this was my home. I know I'd savor each memory so strongly that it will almost live once more. Thoughts of Jimmy, made this place more homely. My mother, me and Matt - but walking away from my town was like it was all happening again, the leaving, the death and heartbreak.

I heard a calling for my flight. 20 minutes till take off. I had to check in, make my way through 1000 escalators to find my flight - I had to go.

"Matt," I spoke, instantly pouring tears from my eyes. "I do, love you" He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close, gently rubbing my arm. Despite the heaviness in my stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of his body pressed against mine. I sunk into the warmth of his side, with sobs. His touch made the room warmer somehow, my future within its walls seeming a little less bleak.

"I love you," he sighed, pulling away and holding my face so comfortingly. "Let me come down"

"Down when?" I frowned blubbering between my lips.

"--Next week? Or the week after- I don't care, I'll book a flight as soon as I'm home"

"You don't have to Matt," he wiped my eyes for me, kissing me softly.

"I want to be with you, I want to get to know you all over again - I want to stay in that little perfect house of yours, take you out, meet your friends, see your town-"

There was another call for my flight.

"Matt, I need to go" I sobbed. I crashed into him and held onto him tight. "Come and see me"

"I will," his long arms could wrap around me 5 times with how much he squeezed onto me. He looked into my eyes, his were glistening with tears, his lips covered mine and the world seemed to disappear around us.

"Please don't ever leave me," I whispered against his soft, loving lips.

"Sophia," he sighed, breathing onto me. "I'm not going to do that to you again" he lowered his face to mine and our lips met once more, he drew me closer deepening the kiss. As we parted I saw his eyes sparkle and lips curve up into a smile and I couldn't help but smile back.

"I love you Mattie"

"I love you too" he kissed me, again - quickly. Rushing me off to the dissapearing queue. He waited for me to check in my ticket, and he waved me off with blowing kisses and giant smiles. "I love you!" he yelled at the top of his voice, and I walked away.

Brian's POV

I drove for an hour only before deciding I needed to say goodbye. Hence why I'm here, running through the car park in an attempt to catch her. Like a fucking idiotic dick head. This wasn't some sort of soppy movie attempt where the guy runs to stop her at the airport. I just wanted to say goodbye. I didn't want her to change her mind. Maybe I'd tell her I loved her, maybe I'd have a go at her again. She has chosen what she wants, I need to let it go. But just not without saying goodbye.

I reached the doors, and saw Matt coming out wiping his eyes, realizing that yes - she'd be gone by now.

"The fuck?" Matt frowned spotting me, lent over catching my breath from the sprinting. I left my car on a street over the road as I had no change to pay for airport parking, so it was safe to say I was fucking sweating. "What the fuck are you doing here? Why couldn't you have come to dinner with us and fucking say goodbye to her?"

"I came to say bye now,-" I panted with sweat dripping from my head to my cheeks, even down my back.

"Well you're too fucking late man," Matt barged past me, and left into the car park.

Give up Brian. She's fucking gone. You're too late. Go home.

Notes

Tell me what you think!! (ignore the massssssive coinsidence at the aiport of Brian and Matt seeing eachother ;) )