Forever is Right Now

I looked up at Zack through tear filled eyes, “Zack…I…”

“It was mine wasn’t it…” he asked me quietly as he came down and sat next to me on the couch, watching me.

I broke down further and looked at the floor, “I’m sorry.”

Zack ran a hand through his hair, “Fuck….why didn’t you tell me?” He looked hurt, almost heartbroken.

“I didn’t know how you or Matt would have reacted, I didn’t want to break up the band when you guys were finally started to be noticed. I was Johnny’s age, you were Matt’s, Matt would have killed you had he found out we had been sleeping together,” I said quietly wiping my eyes.

I felt Zacky move closer to me and he wrapped his arms around me pulling me onto his lap, “Babe, we would have gotten through it. You shouldn’t have had to face that alone, and I knew I should have killed him when I had the chance.” He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.

“I’m so sorry Zack, he found the pregnancy test and was furious because he and I hadn’t had sex yet, he didn’t want me to have anyone’s baby if it wasn’t his. He got pissed and…and…” I broke down burying my face into his chest.

“And he beat you then raped you,” Zack finished quietly holding me closer. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there that I hadn’t picked up the signs.”

I looked up into Zacky’s eyes, “I had distanced myself from you, you had enough drama between Gena refusing to move out and then meeting Tennessee.”

Zacky cupped my face in his hands, “Ember, none of that would have mattered. You were the one I was in love with. I tried to move on because you were with Scott. I thought you were happy, I shouldn’t have let you push me away. I’m sorry.” He wiped the tears away as they fell and I sniffed a little and closed my eyes leaning into his hand.

“Why are you so amazing?” I whispered to him without opening my eyes.

“What do you mean?” He asked me just as quietly.

“I know you’re heartbroken, but you’re comforting me. You have a right to be angry that I kept this from you but you’re not hitting me or yelling,” I opened my eyes and was staring into Zacky’s kind green ones.

“Ember,” He started then kissed me chastely. “I’d never hit you, we’ve had our fights but yelling doesn’t solve anything between us. Yelling’s what made us distant in the first place, I don’t want you to leave. Yeah, I’m upset that you didn’t tell me, but it wasn’t your fault. The miscarriage wasn’t your fault. It was Scott’s. So, yelling at you won’t do any good, it’ll make you feel worse than what you already do.”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck hugging him tightly to me, “I’m sorry Zack.”

Zacky hugged me just as tight rubbing my back, “I know Em, just breathe.” We stayed like that until he was sure that I’d stopped crying and he felt me relax against him. “We do need to talk about last night and where we go from here.”

I nodded and pulled away looking down, “I don’t know Zack, I love Brian but he cheated on me with Casey. With a manipulative bitch and rather than tell me about it, he hid it from me.”

Zack nodded, “I hid it from you too though.” His eyes showed the guilt he was carrying around in his eyes when I met his gaze.

“You did it for a different reason,” I gave him a half smile. “You were trying to save me from heartache, Brian was trying to save his own ass.”

Zack shook his head slightly, knowing I was right. “Still. Where do you want to go from here?”

I sighed my eyes sore and tired from crying as I rubbed them, “I don’t know yet. Both of you have my heart, in different ways. I don’t want to tear your friendship or the band apart.”

“Babe, you don’t have to worry about that,” Zacky said pulling my head to his shoulder and stroking my hair placing a kiss to my forehead. “We’ll work out our shit amongst each other. You just need to figure out what you want and who you want to be with. No lying. Even if you make a choice then decide you’re not happy, you just need to be honest with everyone. Yourself, me, Brian, Matt….everyone.”

I nodded and looked up at him and kissed hip gently, “I want to take a hot bath then sleep.” He nodded releasing his hug on me.

“That’s fine sweetheart, you can use my bath, there’s a jacuzzi tub in there,” he kissed my forehead again stroking my shoulder.

“Will you come with me? Just hold me in the bath and sleep next to me?” I asked him not wanting to be away from him.

“I’m not tired, but I can lay with you until you fall asleep,” Zack agreed.

I nodded and stood up before offering my hand, which he took, leading me upstairs to his bathroom.

**Zacky’s POV**

I looked at Ember who was lying next to me, she’d just fallen asleep and I decided to wait a few more moments until I was sure she wouldn’t wake up. I heard my phone vibrate and carefully moved so I could read the message. Turns out I had two messages.

Matt: Did she tell you?

I sighed, why couldn’t he just trust that she would. I messaged him back:

Yeah, just got her to lay down and sleep. I’m sorry about the drama.

The next message was from Tennessee:

Hey Zack, can we hang out sometime? I really enjoyed catching up with you and I wanted to see if we could hang out and talk more?

I smiled slightly, I’d missed Tennessee but we were destined to be just friends.

Yeah, that’d be fun. Ember’s here staying with me, but you guys got along fairly well if I remember right.

My phone buzzed:

Matt: don’t worry about the drama, I was more concerned whether she’d tell you or not.

Me: Well I kinda overheard the end of the conversation and we talked it over. We also talked about Brian and she doesn’t know what she wants right now. She’s still hurt because of the whole Casey thing.

I had just set my phone down when it buzzed again, Jesus Christ I thought to myself, they’re gonna wake her up.

Tennessee: oh alright, uhhh yeah that’d be fun. If she doesn’t mind, I don’t want to cause any problems.

Me: Alright cool, let me talk to her and see what works for her. Her and Brian just had kind of a rough patch due to him sleeping with Casey. Since Jimmy died, she just kind of latched onto me and Matt.

I slowly got up from the bed and went downstairs, I grabbed a beer from the couch and decided I was going to order Chinese take-out for us.
*BUZZ*

Tennessee: I heard about Jimmy’s passing, I’m sorry, I loved him as much as I loved all of you. When’s the funeral?

We’re trying to get Brian to settle on a date, but it’s been almost a week, so it’ll have to be soon. As much as I think Jimmy would appreciate freaking people out with his decomposing body, I think it’d be better for everyone to remember him as he was.

I knew the joke was in bad taste, but Jimmy always loved going out with a bang. Whether it was a show, a group outing, anything. God I miss that crazy motherfucker I sighed and took a drink.

*BUZZ*
Tennessee: Lol, he was always so crazy. Kinda hard to imagine this world without him. He was a golden hearted boy with the purest soul. No one can ever replace him.

Me: No they can’t. I’ll text you when I have a better idea of the date. It’ll probably be in a few days, we just need to all come together and decide for sure on a date and a time.

Tennessee: Alright, and let me know about the hanging out. I know I’ll see you all at the funeral, but I would like to catch up with everyone

Me: Alright, will do. Catch ya later

I set my phone on the coffee table and turned on the TV finding a college basketball game and zoning out, drinking the rest of my beer and grabbing another.

After two hours, the ball game was just about over, I didn’t really care who was playing. I think it was like a Kansas Team and Oakland. I shrugged and realized that I should probably wake up Ember here soon, but I went ahead and went to the kitchen grabbing my phone and pulling open the drawer in the island counter. I found the Chinese restaurant’s menu that I usually ordered from and dialed the number.

Once I’d ordered a shit ton of egg rolls, crab Rangoon, and literally ALL of the dishes that had chicken in it I ended the phone call. They told me it’d be there in about 45 minutes so I grabbed another beer and took my seat back on the couch. I flipped through the channels and realized that it was New Years Eve. I sighed and looked at the time, it was 9pm and I text the guys.

Guys, it’s New Year’s Eve, are we doing anything?

Almost immediately the guys responded:
Brian: I’m drunk
Matt: I’m just chilling with Simone, she’s having some preg pains so probably nothing major.
Johnny: I’m literally just sitting at Johnny’s having a beer and some pizza.

Me: Yeah, Ember’s asleep and I just ordered Chinese, do you guys want to come over?
Brian: I’m good thanks
I rolled my eyes, he needed to get over himself.
Johnny: Yeah, let me get my pizza to go and I’ll be over, need me to pick up more beer?
Me: Yeah that’d be awesome Johnny.
Matt: Yeah, we’ll be over after a bit. You ordered lots of egg rolls right? Simone’s craving them dipped in BBQ sauce
Me and Johnny: Dude that’s so gross
Matt: Well, she’s pregnant guys. We’ll see you in a bit.

I chuckled and shook my head before going upstairs. I immediately heard screaming coming from the bedroom and ran in to see Ember thrashing around asleep but obviously having a night terror. “Shit.” I mumbled to myself and hurried over to her. I shook her shoulders gently, “Ember, wake up babe. Wake up Em.”

She thrashed harder, kicking her legs and trying to swing at me. I caught her arms and said a little more forcefully, “Baby, wake up. It’s a bad dream.” I saw her eyes slam open as she sat up, she was sweating and shaking. I instantly held her in my arms as she cried. “Shh, you’re safe baby. You’re safe.”

She held onto my arm with a death grip, leaning her head on my shoulder as I rubbed her back and held kissed her hair. “Zack?” She asked softly after a few minutes.

“Yeah Em,” I whispered and pulled her away from my arm slightly looking in her eyes.

She rubbed her eyes wiping her tears away, “It was of that night.”

“Which night sweetheart?” I asked brushing her hair out of her face.

“The night of the miscarriage,” she whispered.

I nodded, “I’m sorry Ember, I wasn’t trying to trigger anything like this.”

“I know you weren’t, it’s not your fault,” she sat up more awake.

The doorbell rang and I smiled slightly, “Hungry? I ordered Chinese food and because it’s New Years Eve, the others are coming over.”

I saw her demeanor change a bit, “New Years,” she said softly as the doorbell rang again. I heard her tummy growl.

“You get dressed, I’m going to go pay for the food and I’ll meet you in the kitchen. There’s going to be lots of alcohol tonight so no worries about other things. This is about friends tonight, okay?” I said and kissed her forehead. She nodded in agreeance and I walked out of the bedroom down to the door. I opened it to find the delivery guy, fuck he looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on why.

“It’ll be 72 dollars even Mr. Vengeance,” he stated.

I raised an eyebrow and handed him a hundred dollar bill, “Keep the change. Thanks for getting it here so fast.”

He nodded, “Thanks,” then walked out the door. I had an eerie feeling that I should have recognized him but couldn’t figure it out. I shut the door and locked it before taking the large paper bag to the kitchen and unloaded the food. All in all there was like 20 small Chinese boxes, 3 each filled with crab Rangoon and egg rolls. The others should be here any moment so I grabbed the plates out of the cabinets as Ember walked into the kitchen.

She was wearing a pair of my basketball shorts and a jack daniels t-shirt, fuck she looked good in my clothes. “God that smells good,” she said giving me a small smile.

I nodded, “Yeah it does.” There was a crash coming from the living room, sounding like a window breaking. I walked past Ember and motioned for her to stay there, I walked out seeing the wood floor covered in glass with a rock wrapped in a note with a rubber band on it. ‘I know she’s here. I’ll be back’ it read.

Notes

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