Forever is Right Now

**Matt’s POV**

There was a knock on the door, Simone was asleep, taking a nap. I opened up the door and saw a broken hearted Synyster Gates on my doorstep, “Brian?” I asked concerned. God he looked like a wreck, Brian literally never cries, this week is the most I’ve seen him break down in literally 27 years.

His eyes were red and puffy, he looked like he’d literally tugged on his hair out of frustration or despair as it stood up on top. His right eye had a black ring around it and he was still wearing the same clothes from the previous day. “Shads, can I come in?” he said quietly.

I nodded and stepped out of the doorway, yeah he’d cheated on my sister with a tramp, but he’s still my brother. Nothing would ever change that and I’d never throw his friendship away, especially now that Jimmy was gone. Brian and Jimmy had been pretty fucking close, literally they never ventured anywhere without the other. As Brian sat on one couch I took a seat across from him. He was gingerly wiping his eyes. “Brian, what’s going on?”

Brian sighed out and rubbed his hands over his face folding them in front of him as he leaned forward on his knees, “She slept with Zack.”

I felt my eyes go wide, the fuck, “What do you mean she slept with Zack?”

He looked at me and I could read his mind on what was going to happen next, “Do I have to spell it out for you Shads?”

I shook my head, “She wouldn’t sleep with Zacky, Brian. Are you sure it’s what you think it is?” I asked him, feeling my jaw tense and release with frustration.

“Matt, who do you think took her virginity?” He asked not looking in my eyes.

“She told me it was Scott…” I said raising an eyebrow at him.

He shook his head, “It was Zacky. She was 17.”

I let this information sink in for a moment, “That would have made Zack 23 though.” I pieced it together in my head trying to figure out when this would have happened.

“Her junior prom was the first time, she’d just turned 17 a couple months before,” Brian said obviously reading the look on my face. “They slept together on and off mostly when he was off again with Gena, until she met Scott and he met Tennessee.”

“No fucking way,” I said, my mind literally exploding trying to process this. I felt my temper rising and felt my hands squeeze each other as hard as I could.

“He knocked her up Matt,” Brian whispered letting me process.

I let out a laugh, “Now I know you’re fucking with me, she’s never been pregnant, I would have known.”

“Matt…” Brian started.

“No!” I said sternly.

Brian looked at me, his eyes sincere and apologetic, “Matt…she had a miscarriage when she was in her 3rd month. She had a miscarriage because Scott raped and beat her,” He paused letting me process before continuing. “It was the first time that he raped and beat her, she told the doctor that her and her boyfriend had rough sex and then she fell down the stairs because someone was at the door.”

I felt tears sting my eyes, out of everything that bastard had done to my little Ember…he’d taken something precious from her. From Zacky and I bet Zacky didn’t even know it. I cleared my throat staring at the navy blue carpet, “How did you find out?”

“There was one night that she and I were with Jimmy, and it was when we were in Europe. She got drunk and we started talking about everything. We all talked about kids and she let it slip that she almost had one. When we asked who the father was, she said Zack. She was drunk and doesn’t remember that she told us. She doesn’t remember falling apart in mine and Jimmy’s arms,” he explained and ran his hand over his face again.

I swiped at my eyes, “So she slept with Zacky last night?”

He nodded, “Yeah. They were shitfaced I’m assuming.”

I nodded remembering how far gone they had been when we left, “They were hitting the bottles pretty heavy last night. She drank an entire bottle of Malibu and she was damn close to finishing off the bottle of fireball. I don’t know what else she had to drink and he was halfway through a bottle of JD when we left Zack’s last night.”

Brian nodded and took a deep breath before blowing it out, “Do you think it meant anything?”

I met Brian’s eyes and was about to answer when my phone buzzed and lit up indicating a message. I read the message from Ember:

Hey, I know Brian’s probably there by now. Just needed to tell you my side and what happened because he wouldn’t let me explain.

I shook my head, “Honestly Brian, I don’t know if it meant anything. I know she loves you. I know she’s angry at you, but I don’t think she’d sleep with Zee to hurt you. She isn’t one to seek revenge sexually, especially after Scott.”

He nodded, “I know you’re right. I’m just so god damned insecure right now. I want to work things out with her. I fucking love your sister man. I’m sorry about the whole Casey deal, I’d never hurt her on purpose. I haven’t even fucking messaged Casey since that night. I’ve just felt so god awful about it that I didn’t want to…more I didn’t feel like I deserved Ember.”

I nodded and stood up, he matched my actions and I hugged him tightly, “Everyone makes mistakes Brian, but you and Ember are an amazing match. You guys make a beautiful couple and I really hope that you guys can make things work. I’m sorry I hit you, Bri.” I apologized to him after we pulled away.

“Thank-you Matt,” he nodded a piece of his spirit somewhat perked back up.

“I gotta call Ember, come by tonight for dinner? Just you, me, and Simone? We gotta get your opinion on a few more things for Jimmy’s funeral.”

He nodded, “I’ll be here at 7?”

“Yeah, seven’s good. Preggy should be awake by 6 so that’ll give her a little time to get ready and around, we’ll go to Pete’s.”

He laughed, “Didn’t we get kicked out of that place?”

I shrugged, “Eh, surely they aren’t holding onto grudges from 3 years ago.”

“I’d hope not,” Brian smiled and nodded. “I’ll see you at seven man.” With that he showed himself out and I decided to call Ember.

**Ember’s POV**

I sat on Zacky’s couch, curled up with my knees pulled into my chest. He was still napping up in his room, but after seeing Brian’s eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to sleep. His chocolate eyes haunted me every time I closed my eyes, that’s all I would see. I had brought my phone into the living room with me and had texted Matt asking him to listen to my side. I knew he would but for some reason, I just felt like I needed to ask him to.

Just then the screen lit up and my phone buzzed, “Hello?” I answered.

“Ember, you told me you’d never lie to me again. That you’d tell me everything that bastard did to you,” Matt said calmly but with a stern tone.

“I did tell you everything Matt,” I said nervously wondering what Brian had told him.

“No you didn’t, now it’s time to come clean. About everything,” he instructed me.

I sighed, “What’d he tell you?”

“Ember…just come clean. Now. About everything,” Matt insisted and I could tell her was pinching the bridge of his nose like he does when he gets extremely irritated.

I sighed, “Where do you want me to start?”

“Your Junior Prom would be a good place to start,” Matt replied.

I groaned, “He told you that I lost my virginity to Zack.” I could tell that Matt was nodding but all I heard was a gruff “mhm”. I sighed, “Okay, yeah Zacky took my virginity, I was 17 and then we were on and off until he met Tennessee and I met Scott.”

“And,” Matt prompted me. I bit my lip, there’s no way Brian knew about the miscarriage, I had never told anyone about it, not Scott, not Jimmy, not Brian, certainly not Johnny, Matt, or Zacky. I didn’t tell Johnny because even though we were closest in age, he was a gossip and reported back to Matt about anything he found out about me back then. “Ember, what happened the first time you were beaten and raped by Scott?”

I inhaled sharply, “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“God damn it Ember,” He raised his voice. “You had a miscarriage didn’t you.”

I felt tears burn my eyes, my words lost inside me as the anxiety and panic filled me completely. “H…How’d you know that?” I finally choked out after a few moments.

He sighed, “Em, why didn’t you tell me he took that from you?”

I felt the tears falling and mumbled, “Fuck.” I wiped my face with my hands. “Please don’t tell Zacky. He doesn’t know, he never did. It’s not worth mentioning now.”

Matt sighed, “Ember, you need to cut the shit, you need to stop lying to us. I love you, we all do but we need to be united as we face this shit. Everything. Brian loves you Em, the reason he didn’t touch you after his bachelor party is because he didn’t think he deserved to be able to be that intimate with you. He was punishing himself, and he needed to be punished. But he loves you. He was broken hearted when he showed up today, I didn’t want to believe him when he told me that you slept with Zacky.” I heard the disappointment in his voice, “Em what were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered disappointed in myself for disappointing Matt. “We were drunk, really, really drunk. I…I wasn’t trying to get back at Brian, Zack was just familiar and I knew I was safe.”

“Em, you need to tell Zack about the miscarriage,” Matt told me and I could tell that he nodded when I was explaining.

“Matt, if he finds out that I hid a miscarriage from him and that Scott’s the reason why he’s not a father right now, he’ll lose his mind,” I explained to him trying to make it logical for my own selfish reasons.

“Do what you want, I gotta go for now. I love you Em, just wish you’d told me when I asked you to tell me everything,” Matt sighed.

“I love you too, I’m sorry Matty,” I whispered into the phone. He disconnected the call and I set my phone down next to me. Then laid my head on my knees crying feeling dirtier than I had in a long time.

“What miscarriage and who was the father?” Zacky asked from the stairs. Oh, fuck.

Notes