Selfish Beneath The Skin

April, 2010
Long Beach, CA.


My phone buzzed and I picked it up and read the notification with a raised eyebrow, wondering what the alert from Twitter could be as I wasn’t a hugely active user. I opened the app to find that a tweet had been sent to the Avenged Sevenfold account from Zacky Vengeance, stating that tracking on their new album – the first without the Rev – was complete.

It was strange that this alert made me reflect on the date and realize that it had been two years almost to the day that I had seen Avenged Sevenfold live in Long Beach with my best friend Eden. Which meant it was two years since I’d gotten drunk with Eden, met my all time favorite guitarist on the way home and then slept with him before he left in the morning and headed back to his girlfriend.

I thought about the night again with Synyster Gates and remembered how I’d recounted the story of how my night had played out several times to Eden and by the end of it I still wasn’t completely convinced that she believed me. That had hurt a little, knowing that she thought I was making it up. I got it though. It was crazy. And so not me. Eden was the type to sleep with a band member or take a random guy home but not me. I was the good girl who dated guys for a while before things got sexual. I was not the groupie.

A lot had changed since then. It was also about two years since I’d seen Eden; shortly after that night she’d met a new guy who was Brazilian and he’d taken her back to see his home country, then they spent a few months travelling Australia before they parted ways and she got involved with some hippy surfer from New Zealand. We’d kept in touch at first but Eden was never good at that anyway and being in different time zones made it even worse. It was over a year since we’d had contact with each other.

As I started my day, the tweet made me think a lot. It had been almost exactly two years since a night involving Avenged Sevenfold had changed my life and now a 140 character tweet was bringing my attention back to a band that I’d drifted away from a little. And back to a night with my friend that I’d grown apart from. It was like some sort of strange coincidence. I believe in coincidences but nothing like fate, or destiny, or karma. Yet when my door went at around 3 that afternoon, the person standing there made me question all my beliefs about the idea of fate.

I swung open the front door of my apartment and found myself face to face with the girl I’d known since that age of five. Eden was in front of me, slim and beautiful as ever. Her skin brown from the sun, her dark hair pulled up showing her huge grin and bright brown eyes.

“Am!” She exclaimed as I stared at her in shock, “I was so worried you had moved apartment!”

“Oh my god, Eden?!” I finally managed to greet my best friend. I pulled her into a hug, noticing the suitcase behind her.

“I’m so sorry to just turn up like this but I didn’t have your number, my old phone got stolen – long story – so I just hoped you’d still be here, otherwise I don’t know where I would have ended up!” She said happily.

“So you’re back now?” I asked.

“For now yes, figured I’d travelled enough for a while!” She nodded, “And I was kind of hoping maybe I’d stay here a while?” She batted her eyelids at me, “I know it’s shit to barge in on you like this after so long, I’m just so low on cash but I swear I will sort myself out as soon as possible!”

“You know you’re always welcome here,” I nodded, “But things have changed since two years ago…I have to tell you-,” I started to explain and as if he could hear me and understand that I was about to make my friend aware of his existence, my son called me from his room.

“Mama! Mama!” James spoke loudly and I knew his nap was over. I glanced between the direction of his room and Eden, who looked alarmed. I beckoned for her to follow me as I walked through to my baby’s room to find him standing in his crib, holding the bars for support and calling for me.

“Hello James,” I grinned, scooping him up and tickling his tummy. He giggled happily and lay his head on my shoulder. I turned to Eden who was at the doorway, still looking confused.

“Mama?” She asked.

“Yeah…sorry I didn’t tell you,” I apologized sheepishly, “This is James. Unfortunately I had to give him your old room.”

“Hi James,” Eden greeted him, I could tell she hadn’t been around many children by the way she spoke to him in a very unanimated, adult way, “I have so many questions.”

“Come on, I’ll explain everything,” I said to her and we both headed through to the kitchen/living area of my apartment. I sat James down on his blanket that was covered in various toys; stacking cups, balls, cars, a talking elephant, and he started to play happily. He was a very content little boy.

“How do you have a baby?” Eden sat on the couch, still looking between James and I in disbelief.

“Do you need me to explain the birds and the bees to you?” I teased.

“I’m serious!” She ignored my joke, “I saw you less than two years ago? How old is he?”

“He’s almost fifteen months,” I told her and I saw her trying to do the math.

“You were pregnant when I left then?” Eden’s eye widened, “Amelia? How did I not know?” She didn’t seem angry that she hadn’t know, more upset that I hadn’t told her.

“I didn’t know when you left. And then when I did find out I wasn’t going to go through with the pregnancy. But I couldn’t do that. And then by the time I’d got through that you were backpacking through the Australian outback and we were having ten minute fuzzy calls at odd hours, there was no time to spring on you that I was about to become a single mother,” I explained regretfully.

“Who’s the father?” Eden asked.

“Uh…” I looked away from my friend.

“Do you not know?” He mouth opened. Again, I could feel the judgement from Eden. This was the kind of thing she would get away with, but not good girl Amelia.

“You remember the time we saw Avenged? And the next day?” I asked.

“The Synyster Gates story?” Eden almost laughed but my expression didn’t change.

“So you didn’t believe me?” I shook my head.

“Wait, are you trying to say you had Synyster Gates’ baby?! Am, you were drunk, you probably saw who you wanted to see,” Eden looked sympathetic.

“Eden, look at him!” I exclaimed. I got to my feet and picked James up gently with the car in his hands and sat back down with him on my knee. I saw Eden looking at him closely for the first time.

Ever since he’d been born I was always being told how we looked nothing alike. I was small and pale skinned, with blue eyes and natural red hair. James’ skin was sun kissed and his hair a dark brown, like his eyes which were a beautiful chocolate color. At this point he looked more like Eden that me.

“Don’t you see it?” I asked her and I watched her face change. I knew she could see it. I’d looked up Synyster Gates’ family. I knew that his dad was fairly famous, I knew he had a brother and a younger sister. They all had the same brown eyes, the same slender cheekbones, the same round nose. And so did my son.

“You weren’t lying,” Eden said softly.

“No,” I shook my head.

“He really does look just like him,” She shook her head in disbelief, looking at James who was oblivious to the examination he was undergoing.

“I know,” I nodded.

“Does he know?” She asked, looking at me suddenly.

“Who know what?” I puzzled.

“Synyster! Does he know he’s a dad?” Eden asked me.

“No,” I shook my head.

“What? Don’t you think he should know?” I asked.

“I mean I guess. I feel like at some point I might try to reach out to him. But I know he probably won’t want anything to do with us. And I don’t want to seem like I’m just looking for money or something,” I shrugged.

“But you have his child!” Eden looked shocked.

“I know, and I want James to know his father but I was a one night stand, I was a groupie, I just don’t want to deal with all the stuff that would come with trying to tell him,” I shook my head.

“Well, I think you should tell him. I think he’d be thrilled to know he was a father. He’d want to give you all the things you need and make sure you’re comfortable and raising his son well. I mean you still like in this place,” Eden glanced around.

“We’re doing fine,” I told her.

The rest of the evening we talked more while I played with James before going through his evening routine of dinner, a bath, a bedtime story and then putting his to sleep. Eden hovered around as I did these things, still catching up with me. I tried to let her help with James but she’d never been the maternal type and didn’t seem too interested.

We ordered in Chinese food and opened a bottle of wine once I was happy that James was asleep. I talked her through what she’d missed in the last few years; more details about my pregnancy and giving birth, how I’d manage to establish my photography career since James was born and now did weddings and newborn photoshoots mostly which was paying enough to keep James and I happy. Eden told me all the wild stories about her travels, all the difficult situations she’d got herself in and all the exciting things she’d witnessed.

It made me a little jealous knowing she was free and had seen so much of the world and I had been stuck here in Long Beach for years now. But then I glanced at the video screen on the baby monitor and remember that my son was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I was right where I needed to be.

Eden and I talked into the early hours of the morning, making our way through a second bottle of wine as she tried to talk me into contacting Synyster Gates. She tried to convince me that my life would be better and so would James’. She tried to convince me that he’d be thrilled and he would give me everything James could ever need and give me money so we could live well and on and on and on.

If only it was that easy. When I thought about telling him about his child I could see the shame on his face as he snuck out the morning after sleeping with me. Or the name ‘Michelle’ calling him for the 28th time, the girlfriend that he’d probably fought with the night before. I wasn’t sure but I thought they were still together. The last thing she would want is his love child turning up. I couldn’t do it.

Eventually Eden and I went to bed, I let her share my bed as there was no spare room anymore, now that I had James. As we both lay beside each other in the double bed, feeling slightly sleepy and drunk, I thought about how one of the last men to share the bed with me was Synyster Gates. It had been a stange day. It started with a tweet from the band that changed my whole life and then my long lost friend showed up at my door. I truly believed that maybe fate was real after all.

- - - - - - - - - -


The next morning I woke with slight headache and instantly regretted staying up late and opening a second bottle of wine. I rubbed my eyes and rolled over carefully before realizing that Eden was not in the bed beside me. She was probably jet lagged and not used to the sleep schedule I was on. I checked my alarm clock and was shocked that it was 10 already. How had I not heard James? On a good day he would sleep until 8 but then he was up and chanting ‘Mama’ non-stop until I got up.

I got out of bed and headed through to his room, feeling guilty that I might have slept through his morning greeting. I reached his door and realized the apartment was strangely quiet. James’ crib was empty. Had Eden got him up? I headed through to the kitchen, passing the empty bathroom and finding that the kitchen was empty too. Then I started to panic.

I noticed that the car James had been playing with the day before was gone. As was his ball and a few other toys. I rushed through to his room and noticed his teddy and blanket were also absent from the crib. I started to shake as I saw that his drawers were open slightly, some clothes obviously gone. Checking the apartment, I also found that Eden’s suitcase was gone as well as James’ passport. Of course Eden knew where it would be, she’d practically lived here a few years ago. I didn’t even have her phone number, she’d taken my son and I knew it wasn’t just for a walk.

Eden was gone.

James was gone.

Why would my best friend take my baby?

Notes

Title: Back With A Vengeance – DevilDriver
Author’s Note:

Hope you enjoyed the chapter and the new direction this took! Please comment and let me know!

-BuiltForSyn