Don't You Dare

Aubrey was not the same person that she was before she left for tour.

She realized that four days ago, as soon as she stepped off of the bus in Phoenix. But little things had continuously reminded her of it ever since she had gotten home. Little things like her inability to fall asleep before midnight or the way the silence of her vacant apartment nearly drove her insane.

She went from sharing a small confined space, full of constant noise, with six other people who liked to be in each other's personal space, to living alone in a quiet apartment. Her apartment had seemed small before she left but now it felt big and open. And empty.

She missed the guys and Val. She missed the late nights and loud music and hours of laughter. She even missed the shitty fast food and incessant amounts of alcohol.

She was different. But she didn’t necessarily consider that a bad thing.

Despite the carefree nature and lack of responsibilities while being on tour, Aubrey felt it had made her more mature, less materialistic, more easygoing, and less worrisome. She realized life was short and did not have to be so cookie-cutter; she wanted to have fun and be around happy, uplifting people, not gossiping over mimosas and manicures. But she had to try to get back to her old life. She had to, at least, try.

Jessica, Tiffany, and Lauren contacted her almost immediately after she had gotten home, wanting to see her and hang out and catch up. She had been dodging their calls and invites, not really ready to see them, but she couldn't take the silence and solitude of her apartment any longer, so she finally agreed to meet up with them.

She strived to keep her head held high and her chin in the air as she sauntered into the high-end restaurant to meet her old friends for brunch, but it already felt foreign and unlike her. Unlike the “new” her.

Aubrey spotted her friends already seated at a table in the far corner, probably snootily requested for privacy. Tiffany, with her long blonde hair and blue eyes, was leaning forward, talking with her eyebrows raised. Lauren, with her short blonde hair and deep brown eyes, was listening intently. And Jessica, with her brown hair and brown eyes, was listening with wide eyes. Just by the looks on their faces, Aubrey could tell they were gossiping. She cringed but kept walking toward them.

When they noticed her, they stood up to greet her with squeals and smiles and hugs. They were her three “closest” friends (or at least they were before the tour), yet their hugs felt unwelcome and forced. Especially on Aubrey’s end.

“We ordered you a mimosa!” Tiffany said happily as they all sat back down.

“Thanks,” Aubrey said kindly, staring at the orange beverage, wishing it was actually an Irish Car Bomb.

“Well?!” Lauren began. “How was the tour?!”

“It was really fun,” Aubrey hesitated with an uncertain smile, wanting to be honest but also reserved. For some reason, she didn’t want to share her adventures, her new friends, or the new side of her with them. “I saw some cool cities and made some really good friends.”

"Aw,” Jessica cooed. “Well, you've got good friends here!"

Aubrey smiled, though she felt her stomach turn. They wouldn’t understand. They would never understand the way her life had changed and bettered.

“Did you meet any hot guys?” Tiffany wondered.

Aubrey couldn’t help but smile as Brian immediately popped into her thoughts.

“You did!” Lauren gasped. “Spill!”

All three girls had raised eyebrows, wide eyes, and huge smiles, like they couldn't wait to hear the juicy stories.

“It was no big deal.” Aubrey tried to play it cool. “He’s the guitarist.”

“Wait...” Jessica’s brow furrowed at the realization. “He’s in the band? The band you went on tour with?”

Aubrey nodded, noticing Tiffany’s face falling as well.

“You slept with one of the guys in the band you were working for?” Tiffany reiterated in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Aubrey answered with a shrug as regret trickled down her spine.

“Gross, you were a groupie?” Tiffany retorted. “One of many, probably.”

“He was sleeping with other groupies too?” Jessica asked with shocked wide eyes. “Did you guys have like threesomes or something?”

“What? No,” Aubrey answered with a sigh, wondering why the hell she opened up her big mouth about Brian in the first place. She didn’t want to share this information with them - why hadn’t she kept her mouth shut? “He and I were only sleeping with each other.”

“Sure...” Jessica rolled her eyes. “You girls remember my friend from college, that girl in Delta Zeta who was a total slut? Madison Whatsherface?”

The other two girls nodded their heads. Aubrey simply stared in disbelief. Had she really been friends with these people before the tour? Had she really been okay with these types of shallow, petty conversations before?

Jessica continued her story, “She dated this guy in a band who went on tour, and he slept with so many other gi-”

"Well, we weren’t - aren't - dating,” Aubrey interrupted. “We were just sleeping together.”

“So, just like a friends-with-benefits type of thing?” Lauren wondered casually, trying to settle the intense questioning from the other two.

Aubrey felt guilty diminishing it to that level. It was so much more than that. But she didn't want to explain herself further and she wanted to stop talking about it, so she simply replied, “Yeah, basically.”

“Ugh, I hope you used condoms,” Tiffany said with disgust.

Aubrey swallowed hard, trying to keep a smile on her face. She finally understood the underlying reason why she wanted to keep her relationship with Brian so secret while on tour, why she feared the reaction of the guys and Val. Because it was the exact reaction she got from her “friends” and she anticipated the guys and Val would have the same reaction, but they didn’t.

Lauren gave her a sympathetic smile, knowing their other two friends were taking things a little too far with their condescending remarks and tones.

“Anyway, how have y’all been?” Aubrey asked, changing the subject. “Anything interesting happened while I was gone?”

“We have SO MUCH to tell you,” Jessica chimed, more than ready to begin talking about herself. “So right after you left...”

Aubrey’s eyes glazed over as she tuned out her friend’s story. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest as she scanned the girls in front of her, enthralled by the story about Jessica telling off a crazy (but probably innocent) girl who came into Jessica’s bridal shop. Her old life felt like an alternate universe, like a bad dream in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by strangers.

As fate would have it, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She pretended to continue listening to Jessica ramble about the drama as she pulled out her phone and checked the message. It was from Valary. Aubrey never opened a text so quickly in her life.

Seconds later, a picture appeared on screen. It was all the guys gathered around a pool table chugging Irish Car Bombs with the caption: We miss you, AC!

Aubrey felt tears welling up in her eyes as she stared at her phone. That picture couldn’t have come at a better time or at a worse time. She missed them so much and desperately needed that message from them, but she also missed them so much and desperately wished she was with them, where she felt understood and welcomed and accepted.

A weight fell onto her shoulders. Why the hell did she come back to Phoenix? Why the hell couldn’t she go on tour with them? She didn’t have a job, didn’t have a dog, didn't even really have friends. What was keeping her there?

Nothing but stubbornness.

Ø

In the 24 hours after she met her “friends” for bunch, Aubrey didn’t do much other than lay on her couch and watch Lifetime movies. Despite her apprehension in going to brunch, she hoped it would do her some good, getting her out of the house and forcing her to be social, but all it had done was drive her further into her funk and remind her that she was in Phoenix when she really wanted to be in Huntington Beach.

An unexpected knock at her front door interrupted her pity party. Bemused, Aubrey stood and walked over to her front door. She wasn’t expecting any company, so who the hell was knocking? Silently, she prayed that it was a surprise visit from Brian, but when she opened the door, it revealed Lauren on the other side.

“Hey,” her friend greeted with another sympathetic smile.

“Hey,” Aubrey replied. “What’re you doing here?”

“Just wanted to stop by and say hi,” Lauren answered, holding up a tall, skinny bag. “I brought wine. Can I come in?”

“Of course, yeah, sorry,” Aubrey laughed off her bad manners and let Lauren in. “So what’s up? I know you didn't just stop by to bring me wine.”

“I just...I feel bad about the way brunch went,” Lauren stated with a sigh. “Jessica and Tiffany were so harsh about you sleeping with the guitarist - so hypocritical when they sleep with any guy who flashes his wallet at them. I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

Aubrey smiled. “Yeah, I’m okay. I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth. Deep down, I knew that they would react that way. But I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? I could tell you felt off from the start, and Jess and Tiff were trying to act as if everything just picked right back up from when you left, and it was obvious that things are different now.”

Aubrey felt a little defensive. “Well, yeah, you don’t just live a different life for four months then come back the same person. A lot changed.”

“I know,” Lauren said, smiling. “And I don’t expect you to be the same person. But you’re still my friend.”

Aubrey smiled appreciatively.

“So, I brought a bottle of wine and I want to hear all about this guy,” Lauren said. “You immediately lit up when Tiff asked if you met any guys, and despite how casual you tried to seem, I could tell it was way more than just sex. So spill.”

Aubrey sighed and laughed. “Alright, uncork it. I’ll get the glasses.”

Lauren squealed happily then began to open the bottle of wine. She poured two glasses then they both went to sit on the couch.

“Okay first thing’s first - what’s his name?” Lauren asked, curling her feet under her and getting comfortable on the couch.

“Brian,” Aubrey answered, smiling.

“Ooh, show me a picture!” Lauren insisted.

Aubrey reached over to grab her phone then pulled up a cute picture they took together in New York and showed it to Lauren.

“Oh my god,” Lauren cooed with dreamy eyes. “I mean, he is so not my type but he looks like the incredibly hot bad boy who is secretly such a gentleman.”

“Nailed it.”

“And you insist that you were just sleeping together?” Lauren questioned with suspicion.

“I don’t know,” Aubrey sighed. “The first time we had sex, he was helping me sort out merch and come up with a system for inventory after the main merch guy had to go home, and we spent all night together. Honestly, we just got caught up in the moment and suddenly realized that it was too late to turn back without things being weird, so we had sex but simply vowed to never do it again.”

“But you did do it again,” Lauren pushed.

“And again. And again.” Aubrey continued. “We slept together practically the whole tour and kept it a secret because I was afraid of the way that the rest of the band and Val, their tour manager, would react. So, we kept it to ourselves but never really talked about it until they all found out. So in reality, we were just sleeping together. But it felt like so much more.”

“You think he felt the same way?” Lauren wondered. “Like it was more than just sleeping together?”

“He seemed to feel that way more than I did,” Aubrey answered honestly. “He wanted - or wants - me to go back on tour with them when they leave again in a month. Hell, he even wanted me to stay in Huntington Beach until then.”

“Holy shit. Wait, why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere?” Lauren asked.

Aubrey shrugged. “From the start, I was dead-set on coming back to Phoenix once the tour ended. It was supposed to be a four-month get away to clear my head and try something new. I did it, and I felt better, and I don’t know why but I just had to come home. He’s incredible, but he lives six hours away and is on tour a lot.”

“Do you not want to deal with the distance and traveling or what?” Lauren wondered.

Aubrey shrugged again. “They all invited me to go back on tour, and even though it seemed like they genuinely wanted me to go, I just didn’t want to crowd his life like that. Not yet. We aren't in a real relationship; it just didn’t feel right.”

“But he wanted you to go with them?” Lauren sought clarification.

“I think so.”

"And he wanted you to stay with him until the tour started?” Lauren continued.

Aubrey nodded.

“Sounds like you two were never just sleeping together. Not on his end. What the hell are you still doing here?”

“I don’t know, Lauren... I don’t want to be on tour with him and it all explodes in our faces,” Aubrey explained. “I can’t pay rent on my apartment but not live here. But I also can’t give up my apartment and just move in with someone I’m not even dating. I don’t want to invade his life - I don’t want to overstep.”

“Sounds like he wants you to invade his life, and it’s not overstepping if he wants it! It’s not like he can come here and invade your life, thanks to his career. But if he could, I have a feeling he would,” Lauren insisted.

Would he? Aubrey couldn’t help but wonder. Would she feel like he was crowding her life? Definitely not. She didn’t have much of a life to crowd.

"Did the rest of the band and crew want you to go back on tour? And do the merch or whatever?” Lauren asked.

Aubrey nodded. “Yeah, they were so great to me. They all protested my leaving and begged me to continue on as the merch girl.”

“Sounds like they all want you there, but I can’t really tell if you want to be there or not,” Lauren admitted.

“I can’t either,” Aubrey answered honestly. “I mean, I want to, but let’s face it - this is the real world, and I don’t have my shit together, and I’m never going to get my shit together if I’m throwing caution to the wind and going on tour with a metal band and sleeping with the guitarist like it doesn’t mean anything.”

“You know, you’re young, you have plenty of time to get your shit together in the future, Aubrey...” Lauren began with a sigh. “I think you should go with them.”

“You do?”

Her friend nodded. “I mean, it’s not like you’re invading his life if you’re going on tour for a purpose, to handle the merch. It may turn out wonderfully. But if it blows up in your face instead, then at least you tried. You’ll never know unless you actually try. So, go pack!”

“They aren’t even leaving for another few weeks,” Aubrey replied with residual hesitation.

“Perfect. That gives you a few weeks to grow a pair and tell Brian how you feel - because newsflash - if he knows that you don’t want to go on tour or stay with him in California because you’re not dating, he might just date you! All this running away might have him thinking that you don’t want to date him,” Lauren told her.

She had to admit that her friend had a point.

“Plus that gives you plenty enough time to square things away here and figure out what to do with your apartment,” Lauren added.

Aubrey frowned. Val had said the same thing. Despite how minuscule the words were, it stunned her to hear someone who didn’t know all of the details about the tour or their relationship utter the same words that Val, someone who did know all of the details, uttered.

“Nothing is permanent,” Lauren said. “You can come home if it doesn’t work out, but you have to try.”

Aubrey could physically feel herself relenting and giving in to Lauren’s encouragement.

“You’re right,” Aubrey sighed. “I have to at least try.”

Ø

The next day, Aubrey sat on her kitchen counter with her legs crossed, clutching her phone in her hand, staring at Brian’s contact information. She was surrounded by silence, which usually slayed her ever since she had gotten home, but she craved it at that moment. She needed to keep her thoughts straight during the impending phone call. No noise, no distractions.

She needed to tell Brian that she had changed her mind and wanted to go on tour again. She wanted to run it by him before everyone else to make sure he was still okay with it. And if he was, she was going to tell him how she felt about him.

After taking a deep breath, she tapped the number and began the call.

The phone trilled twice then he answered.

“Hey you,” he greeted happily but seemingly out of breath.

“Hey,” she replied sweetly. “What are you doing?”

“Just got back from a run on the beach,” he said.

“Please tell me you’re shirtless and sweaty,” she pleaded playfully.

He chuckled. “I am actually.”

She sighed, picturing the heavenly sight of Brian’s bare torso and tattoos glistening with sweat as he ran shirtless on the beautiful beach near his cozy home.

“I was just about to call you actually,” he told her.

“You were?” Aubrey asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” he sighed with slight disdain, completely changing the tone of their phone call in a matter of a second. “Matt Berry officially found a new merch assistant. I haven’t met her yet but, just so you know, I hate her already.”

Every inch of Aubrey froze, except her heart, which sank deep into the pit of her stomach. She had already been replaced. Just like that.

She blinked a few times, trying to wake up from the nightmare that she suddenly teleported into. But when she realized that she was not dreaming, she swallowed hard and tried to keep her tone neutral. “He did?”

“Yeah,” Brian exhaled. “I mean, he wasn’t on the last tour so he doesn’t realize how much it sucks, but I guess he had to do it.”

She wanted to cry, but really, it was her own fault for initially refusing to go on tour. Until now. But now she had already been replaced. She had already been replaced.

Her heart pounded when she realized what that meant - she no longer had a job on tour.

If she went out on the next leg, she would just be going for Brian.

And she definitely wasn’t going to do that. Not yet.

“So what’s up with you?” He wondered.

“Oh. Just wanted to see what you were up to,” she answered with a sigh, relenting her true intention behind the phone call.

“Trying to keep up my stamina for when tour starts back up, but I hate working out,” he said. “But I hate wheezing and panting on stage after every song even more, so...”

She didn’t say anything, trying to ward off her tears.

“AC?”

She swallowed hard. “Sorry, still picturing you shirtless and sweaty on the beach.”

He laughed. “What are you doing?”

“Just hanging out at home,” she replied.

“Please tell me you’re shirtless and sweaty,” he mimicked.

She let out a gentle laugh. “You wish.”

“Baby, I always wish that,” he admitted.

She chuckled. Despite her heartbreak at the news of being replaced, he still managed to make her laugh. And for that she was thankful.

She took a deep breath. Okay, maybe she wouldn’t go back on tour with them for this next round. And probably not even the next. But she realized that she didn’t want to completely give up on him.

However it made her uneasy that he had the power to utter words to break her heart and make her laugh all within ten minutes.

Where was her backbone? Where were her balls?

When they got off the phone, she began updating her resume and filling out job applications. She cannot rely on Brian or a tour for her happiness and self-worth. She had to get her shit together before she could go back on tour or even progress in their relationship.

She had to.

Notes

Thanks to everyone who reads and comments and rates, etc! I appreciate the support and encouragement! <3 &*