All Falls Down

Zacky ran out of Jimmy's house and began walking home. It wasn't his home per say. He had been staying with Johnny the past few weeks since Gena threw him out. He knew she loved him. He never doubted that for a split second when she asked him to leave their home. She was just tired. Tired of him destroying his life. Tired of watching him wither away. Tired of trying to get inside his head. For the latter, he was grateful. No one needed to know that. No one needed to be burdened with carrying that type of knowledge on their shoulders.

For years he held onto the image of that bloody horrifying scene. The sounds of painful sobbing echoing in his brain every night as he slept. It was a steep price to pay for his heinous crime. What he did was pure evil and he was never going to be able to wash that from his soul.

Honestly, he should have never been there in the first place. His job was to deliver the package and walk away. Simple as that, but he couldn't. He couldn't leave her behind to do that by herself. So he stayed. He stayed and held her hand the entire time. He wiped away each tear that stained her cheek. He tried to quiet her sobs to the best of his ability, but it wasn't enough. Nothing was enough.

Zacky promised to take that night to his grave. At the time he thought it was going to be okay, but as time went by he couldn't shake it. He thought about telling someone. He tried telling his mom once, but he find the words to tell her. He didn't want to disappoint her. She had raised him to be someone better than a callous murderer. Night after night he went through the agonizing images and wanted nothing more than to tell the world of his crime. Until one night he found solace in his father's painkillers from his numerous back surgeries.

For the first time in months since he had done that horrid deed he felt like himself. He wasn't thinking about that night and life for the most part was good. That was until the euphoria faded away. It wasn't the first time that he had ever taken prescription pills. He had experimented with them before at parties and knew where he could get a steady supply of Vicodin from his friend and one of Regina's older brothers, Wyatt Murray, could get his hands on.

Things then were simple. A few pills here and there just to keep things under control, but nothing in life is ever simple. As time went on his body grew a tolerance to the drugs. Everything began coming back to him and he had a choice to make. He could either talk about his issues with everyone admit something that wasn't his to tell or take the easy way out and forget. He chose to forget, but Vicodin alone wasn't doing it. So he asked Wyatt for something stronger. His answer was a healthy dose of Oxycontin. He was told it was a little bit stronger than his previous drug of choice.

It did the trick for awhile. It kept him stable, as he called it. Although everyone around him though saw him slipping. His teachers, parents, even the guys saw him losing grip on reality. He didn't care though. That was exactly what he wanted – needed. He needed to forget to get lost in something that wasn't real.

As he continued his walk to Johnny's he passed by his old home. He stopped staring probably drawing unwanted attention from his neighbors, but he didn't care. He just wasn't expecting to see Gena. Especially not in the arms of another man. For years the two of them spent every waking moment and dime they had getting that place exactly how they wanted it. It was their dream and now she was sharing it with someone else.

The guy she was hugging turned waving good-bye to her as he walked to his car. It was then her blue eyes met his green for the first time in months. Everything inside him said to just walk away, but instead he awkwardly waved.

Gena returned with her own light wave like she almost wasn't sure he was real. Sometimes her memory of him felt as though she had been living with a ghost for years. Last time she saw him he was walking out their front door. Her gaze shifted from his to Sebastian as he pulled out of the driveway and drove away. She turned her attention back to Zacky and he was already gone.

Part of her said to get in her car and chase him down like a woman possessed. Hop the curb and plow over him for leaving her. True, she was the one that asked him to leave. But that wasn't the way it was supposed to go she just wanted to open his eyes a bit, but she couldn't do it anymore. The night before he left she slept with his arms wrapped around her and her head on his chest. Not because she loved having his arms around her, but because she was afraid she was going to lose him.

That night had been particularly hard for him and had been for years. She knew, according to his parents and the guys, that something had changed him in high school. Year after year she would ask him about it, but he would just shrug it off. This night was different he just kept taking more and more pills. She stopped counting after the fifth time he popped a colorful mixture of medication into his mouth. For hours she agonized with whether or not she should just pack up her bags and leave him, but it was the best thing to do. She went to their bedroom and when she saw the empty bottles of medication she knew she couldn't leave him.

He was perfectly still in their bed. Fear struck her heart and she pressed her head against his chest listening to his heart beat. His breathing was a bit slow and she started to dial 911. Then she hung up the phone. She remembered a conversation the two of them had long ago. He didn't want anyone saving him. If it was his time to go who was he to stop the will of God. So she did the only thing she could do. She placed his arms around her and waited. Much to her satisfaction Zacky made it through the night he was still a bit sluggish when he rose, but he was still alive. That was all that mattered.

After that night what she did next seemed cold hearted, but he wasn't supposed to leave. He was supposed to stay and fight. Fight for their relationship, their future. Without so much as a second thought he threw it all away and just walked out of the house with whatever he could carry. She hated him for giving up on them so easily, like nothing they had mattered, but now after seeing him again. She couldn't say it anymore.

As much as she hated him for his constant drug abuse she loved him madly and deeply. Another part of her just wanted to get him some help though. She tried to put him in rehab a few times, but every single time he checked himself out. According to the director of the facility they couldn't keep him longer than twenty-four hours since he wasn't a danger to himself or others. She tried having him legally forced to, but according the Larry, the band's manager, that wouldn't be a good idea. He didn't want to bring the band negative publicity, but that shouldn't have been the case. His life should have been more important, but to him it wasn't the case. Gena stepped back into the house and closed the door hoping to close the door to her love for Zacky for a second time.

Zacky reached Johnny's house and rushed inside. He hadn't planned on seeing Gena anytime soon and the rush of emotions that flooded him hurt. He made his way to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his own special concoction of drugs. After a few bouts of trial and error he finally found the damn near perfect mixture of drugs that kept his high from coming down. To others it was a sad downward display that no one should see, but for him it was merely a way to survive on an hourly basis. He looked at the rainbow of pills in his hand and contemplated taking them. He knew he should stop. The pills were slowly killing him and he knew that he had knocked on death's door a few times in his young life.

He dropped the pills onto the counter. He was tired of doing this. He wanted to give in and get clean. He wished that he could call Regina. She was the only person who could help him now. If Regina were around she'd have taken his pills by now and flushed them. She hated seeing what this had done to him and she viewed it as her personal responsibility to take care of him even if it seemed everyone else was ready to give up on him.

Zacky knocked on Matt's front door and waited for him to answer. He told him that he needed to see him to work on something for the next album which seemed a bit strange since they were in the middle of touring. He waited and soon he was greeted with a warm smile from Val. He stepped inside and he immediately regretted it. Everyone was there, but inside he knew this was intervention. He tried to leave, but Brian blocked his exit.

“Just sit down and listen,” he said as he patted his shoulder, “That's all you have to do.”

He nodded and sat down on the couch between Val and Regina. He shouldn't have come. He should have just stayed at the motel he had been living in for the past few nights. It wasn't home and the thought of being alone frightened him.

“Zacky, we know that you left Gena a few days ago,” said Val as she reached for his hand, but he only pulled it away slowly, “We just want to say that we're concerned about you.”

“Yeah, we really miss the guy you used to be,” said Johnny softly, “We know you're going through something, but we just want to help.”

“I don't want any help,” he said, “I'm going to be fine.”

“Do you see the same person we see when you look in the mirror Zacky?” asked Matt, “Because I don't even know who you are anymore. I hate seeing you this way. It's like you're a fucking -”

Val interrupted, “What Matt's trying to say is that we all just want to make sure that you're going to be okay. Rehab is best. If you don't want to go then there's a plan in motion for you...to be replaced.”

“Replace me,” he snapped as he stood knocking over the coffee table making Regina and Val yelp, “After everything we've been through.”

“It's either rehab or your out,” boomed Matt, “We're trying to help you! If you don't want the help then that's your only option.”

“We can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. If he doesn't want to go to rehab, no matter how much he may need it, we can't force him. It has to be his decision,” said Regina as she stood from her place on the couch, “Threatening him isn't going to work. It didn't work for Gena. All you're going to do is end up pushing him away and then one day we're going to get the call we all are trying to prevent. We're going to wonder what we could have done differently to change things.”

“Then what do you suggest we do Reg? Make him a three course meal,” snapped Matt, “That's done him a lot of good, huh?”

“What else am I supposed to do? I'm at least trying to help him. I give a place to stay and a warm meal while you sit back on your ass pretending your not home because you don't want to be bothered. The only reason you're even trying to help now is because you're afraid that this is going to hurt the band,” she said as she stood toe to toe with Matt. He towered over at six foot two, but there was no backing down Reggie. With four older brothers she learned how to stand her ground against any man.

“Unlike you I have a family to worry about. I can't have Trent exposed to this.”

“Don't use Trent as a fucking excuse,” snapped Brian in Regina's defense, “You didn't do anything to help him before you and Val thought about having kids.”

A growl escaped Matt's throat as he shoved Brian backwards. Brian's jaw tightened as he clenched his fist. Things were going to get out of hand fast if no one acted. Jimmy and Johnny tried to pull the two men apart, but they both had pent up anger. Regina stepped in between them knowing that they would hesitate as long she was in their line of sight. No one else was crazy enough to put themselves between the two burly men when they fought besides her. Placing her hands on their chests pushing them apart, “We're going to do the only thing we can do.”

She looked at Zacky and their eyes locked,“We're going to be there for him like he's always been there for us.”

Zacky looked at the pills that sat on the counter. He knew that getting rid of the pills would be best, but he just wanted to forget. He wanted to forget about the pain of his past and his present. He wanted stop fearing the silence and he knew just the way to do it. He picked up the pills in one swift moment and threw them into his mouth.