All Falls Down

Jimmy walked out of Matt's house quickly and got into his car. He dialed Regina's number again, but it went straight to voice mail. If she was just ignoring Brian she wouldn't check her phone until later, but he just needed to know that she was okay. He was prone to dive into a creative bubble and not come out for days, but this wasn't Regina. It wasn't like her to drop off the face of the Earth for any amount of time. Everyone knew where she was and who she was with at a moment's notice.

“Hey, Reg. It's Jimmy. I don't know what's going on, but call me back when you get this. Just need to hear from you,” Jimmy said before hanging up his phone. He had been doing that a lot lately, checking in on her. He checked in on everyone a lot these days making sure to talk to them at least once a day.

He backed out of the driveway and drove around Huntington a few minutes. Not because he was looking for Regina, but because he was avoiding the situation at home. He wasn't sure how to handle it, but it wasn't like he could avoid it all together. He had avoided it enough in the past few days. He drove home slowly and parked in the garage. He walked inside and maneuvered around the various boxes that were stacked in the hallways trying not to trip over anything.

Jimmy made his way to the living room and on instinct started to call out for Leana. It had been like that for a few months now. He would see something hilarious on television or get a great idea for a song and for a split second he would forget that she was no longer with him. In the beginning it was easy because he immediately went on tour and he didn't have to think about it. Now that he was home he had no choice, but to face facts that she wasn't coming back.

For years it had just been the two of them and things were perfect. They were soul mates. Built perfectly for one another. He still remembered when they first met. He had been introduced to her by a mutual friend and when he first laid eyes on her petite frame it seemed almost like scene out of a cheesy romance novel. One those where the male character turns around and hears harps or an angelic choir singing in his ear while a light shines down from the heavens. Although in his case he heard nothing, but the sound of his own heartbeat. Everything around them faded away and it was like his world had completely changed. From that moment forward he was hers and she was his.

They were meant to be and nothing could tear them apart. That was until six months ago when Leana got sick. It was seemed like a harmless cold that she just couldn't shake. The doctor had given her antibiotics for an ear infection and told her to rest. Jimmy stayed home to care for her making sure that she had everything she could ever need until she was well. It appeared to have done the trick and she seemed to be back to her old bubbly self again except for a bit of dizziness that the doctors said was from the bit of fluid that still remained in her ear.

At first everything was okay, but with time her bubbly nature started to fade. She went through several mood swings and had difficulty remembering simple things. Jimmy was concerned, but Leana told him not to worry. He trusted her judgment, but he kept a close eye on her anyways. He made sure that when he was on tour that she would either come with him or she was with his parents. She didn't particularly like it, but it made him feel better.

Then one evening Jimmy had gone out with the guys to do a radio interview while they were on tour in Phoenix and he left Leana in the hotel room while she slept. When he returned she was pacing back and forth in the room talking. He assumed she was on the phone and he approached her. When he neared her he noticed she was talking to herself trying to talk her way through going to bed. He tried talking to her, but it she wasn't snapping out of it. He gently touched her hand and she peered into his ocean blue eyes and once again she was his. That morning he asked the guys to cancel the last few dates of their tour because of personal reasons. He couldn't tell them the truth.

Of course they would have completely understood having spouses and girlfriends of their own. They knew what it meant to be there for someone they loved. The guys would have given their last breath for the women in their lives. But he just couldn't bare to cause any of them any stress. Matt and Val already had their own issues plus the new baby. Zacky and Gena were on the outs again. Johnny, was well, Johnny. Regina and Brian seemed to be the only stable ones amongst them all at the time. They were all his family and as much as it hurt him he had to keep this to himself – at least until he was sure of what was happening.

By that evening he had her under the care of one the best doctors in California so that she could be tested. After a few days of observation they learned that she had developed Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease better known as CJD. The doctors tried explaining to him that even though her condition was going to diminish rapidly she could live up to two years. Either way he looked at it though. There was going to come a time where he wasn't going to have her in his live.

Jimmy grabbed a box and began putting more of Leana's things inside carefully. It had taken him a long time to get to the point of clearing away her things. He couldn't talk to the guys about this though. They would understand, but they all had their own lives. Their own problems and he didn't want to burden them with his own pity party. He stopped when he heard his doorbell ring and he knew it was Zacky. He had asked him to come by and help him get everything put away in his attic. He didn't want to do it alone. He couldn't.

“Hey,” said Zacky lightly as he walked inside his hands shoved deep into pockets.

Jimmy sighed as he took in his friend's appearance. His hair was a greasy mess and his clothes were a bit disheveled. His eyes were red and a bit glossed over. He knew that Zacky had experimented with drugs when they were in high school and over time it got worse. There wasn't anything anyone could do for him though. He and the guys kept him as clean and sober as they could on the road, but when he was home he was a lost cause. Sometimes they wouldn't see him for weeks before he'd pop up; usually at Brian and Regina's.

“How have you been?” asked Jimmy as he took Zacky into the hall where the boxes were located.

“Good. I'm good,” he mumbled, “Listen, I'm sorry about things with Leana. Maybe things will turn around.”

“No, it's fine,” he said reassuringly, “Let's just get these boxes up to the attic and then you can help me put the other stuff away.”

The boxes weren't that hard to move. Just some of Leana's old clothes and some of her various items she had collected over the years. He was going to give them away, but not just yet. He needed time to get to a place where he wasn't constantly looking at reminders of his wife. If he could get used to that then maybe he'd be able to let her go. Jimmy and Zacky then started packing up her pictures and crystal figurines. They took extra precaution to wrap them in bubble wrap and place them inside the boxes. Everything was going good until a crystal angel slipped off of the shelf and onto the hardwood floor. Jimmy stooped to pick up the broken pieces and accidentally sliced his hand open. It wasn't too deep, but blood still poured from his hand onto the floor.

“Shit, can you get me a bandage or some gauze. I think there's some in a drawer in the kitchen,” said Jimmy as he held his hand up trying to keep more blood from hitting the floor.

Zacky was glued to the floor. His eyes were fixated on the small drops of blood that were dripping from Jimmy's arm. His eyes slowly followed up his once colorful arm that was now streaked with blood. His stomach churned violently as he looked at the crimson mess stain Jimmy's skin. He felt his meager lunch start to rise into throat and he bolted for the bathroom. He heaved the contents of his stomach into the toilet. He sat on the floor with his back pressed against the wall and he closed his eyes trying to focus. When his eyes closed he saw nothing but blood as it pooled on soft white sheets as cries filled the night air. Tears streamed down his face as he fought to forget that night. He shook the image from his head and he went to the sink to splash his face with cool water.

Jimmy had managed to bandage his hand up on his own and he cleaned up as much of the blood as possible. He went to the bathroom to check on Zacky and he couldn't believe he let his friend get in this bad of shape. He wanted to help him, but he wasn't sure if there was anything he really could do. The only thing he could do was let him know that he was there for him.

“I cleaned everything up. Even got my hand fixed up nicely,” he said showing him the bandage, “Why don't you spend the night here? I'll order some food and we'll jam out like we used to.”

“N-no. That's okay,” said Zacky as he turned around to face him, “I need to talk to Regina. I'll go talk to Reggie and everything will be okay.”

“Reggie isn't home right now. She and Brian had some fight and she left last night. Just spend the night.”

“No!” said Zacky firmly, “I'm just going to go home.”

Jimmy watched helpless as his friend left his home. The wasn't anything he could do to stop him. Everything in him told him to force him into rehab, but that wasn't going to help. His hand began to sting and the blood was starting to leak through the gauze, “Leana!”

It was happening again. It was just a split second, but his world still came crashing down. His eyes glistened with tears as glared at the box of crystal figurines and kicked them over. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He wasn't supposed to be packing up all of her belongings and putting them away. That wasn't their plan. Right now they should be watching a movie together on the couch while planning ideas for a nursery or something anything other than what he was doing now.

He grabbed their wedding photo from the shelf. He wanted to smash it against the hardwood floor along with everything else, but he couldn't. The smile on her angelic face was enough to realize the truth. She wasn't going to walk through their front door and run into his arms. She wasn't going to kiss him goodnight. Leana was gone and she was never coming back to him. He clutched the picture close to his chest as he fell to his knees. This was what he was reduced to now. A shell of a man trying to hold on to the one person that meant more to him than his own life.