Dirty Little Secret

I leaned back, the cold leather rapidly moulding around my body as I sunk lower and lower into the couch. Around me the world swam as different Technicolors danced and swirled while strange men with colouring book arms and puppet-like faces laughed and cheered. Slowly, my head lolled back, hitting the head of the couch with a dull thud.

“Ow?”

The laughing stops. Blues and greens cloud my hazed vision. Beautiful colours. I could almost taste them. Wait... what?

“Ash? Baby girl?” warm breath tickles my cheek. “sweetheart, are you okay?”

Disconnected voices and swarms of colours swirl in kaleidoscopic patterns. So pretty. I reach out, hands clumsily fumbling about, failing to touch, to catch those beautiful patterns. I try again. Hands greedily snatching at the whirls and twirls, only I miss once more. Or did I? Soft bristles caress my palm. So soft. I tug, wanting more.

“Ow! Fuck!” disgruntled anger swarms my vision. “Goddamnit Ash! Let go!” I giggle and with a final tug, I let the softness go.

Suddenly the world around me begins to sink. I feel my body slowly dip to one side and sinister, rubber-like noises flood my senses. Panic begins to set in. I could feel my heart fluttering rapidly, ramming against my chest, fighting to get free.

Help me! I cry, but no words come out. HELP ME! I try again, but no sound comes out. Tears begin to form, blurring my already hazed vision. Oh god, what was happening? I couldn’t speak! I couldn't move! I was slowly falling!

"Aislinn! Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

DADDY! I scream. DADDY! My body shook as I lost all control, giving in to the violent tears that were now streaming down my cheeks. The blackness was getting closer and closer. PLEASE HELP ME! I was almost there. Closer, inching closer and closer. My world was closing in on me.

“HEL-”

Coldness burned my skin while ice pelted my head. Water was streaming down my face, drenching my hair, drenching my clothing. It clung to my lips. Like some sort of rabid dog, I tried spitting the water out, but still, it clung to my lips.

Wait... water?

I looked around me, the darkness was slowly beginning to evaporate. My vision, slowly learning to focus. My senses were returning to me. I was in a shower, a cold one. Water was beating down on me and by now, I'm pretty sure I looked like a drowned rat. But how? How did I end up here? Drenched and cold?

“Ash?” A pair of familiar brown eyes – my eyes – gazed down on me, worry written within them.

“D-d-daddy?”

The cold was slowly sinking into my bones and it became harder and harder for me to sit still. Shivers raced down my spine and my teeth clattered, clacking violently. My lips were quivering and z-z-z sounds were escaping them.

“Come on, let's get you out of those wet clothes.”

The next thing I knew I was standing in my underwear, an oversized t-shirt in one hand and a pair of leggings in the other. I sigh, I was suddenly feeling very tired. With slow, zombie-like movements, I slung on the t-shirt vaguely noticing the VU design and pulled on the leggings. Once dressed, I pick up the damp towel that I had strewn on the floor and awkwardly wrapped my hair up. I sigh once more. Maybe I should just climb into bed and sleep. I sigh again. I knew my father was waiting for me.

“Fuck.” I mutter and run a hand down my face. “Ugh!”

Reluctantly, I trudge my way to the door. My body, weighing me down as a new wave of exhaustion hits me. Oh shit. I opened the door and stepped out onto the walkway. Goddamnit! I mentally cursed, the full flight of stairs in my view. How was I going to climb all the way up again? I could barely stand up, my legs aching, screaming for rest with every step I took. Maybe Daddy can carry me up again? I wrinkled my nose. Did my father really carry me up the stairs earlier? I mean, I don't remember climbing them. I don't remember how I got into the shower or how I made it to my room. Daddy? Must be Daddy.

With a final sigh, I regretfully made my way down the stairs, holding the bannister in fear of falling, fearing leg failure. Twenty-three, twenty-four and twenty-five! I mentally counted. Finally I had reached the ground floor. But where to now? I looked about the foyer, wandering where my father could be. We were in the lounge earlier, so maybe he was still there?

Without further contemplation, I made my way to lounge only to find it empty. Well, save for the empty beer cans and pizza boxes that were strewn about. Fuck, if mom was here she’d have a field day! I cringed, the mere thought of my mother was enough to anger me. Calm down! I breathed in and released. Much better. I began walking back towards the foyer, maybe Daddy was in his study. He was often there, just sitting amidst he's collection Schecter Guitars, thinking but just as I reached the entrance, I heard muffled voices coming from the kitchen. The kitchen! Of course!

I cautiously picked out my to the kitchen, trying not step on any beer can or pizza box that had been thrown on my path. The closer I got to the kitchen, the more distinct the voiced became and the louder they got. What the hell was going in there?

“What the fuck were you thinking?!” my father boomed, his voice laced with anger.

“Fuck dude, calm down!”

“Calm down?! Calm down?! How the fuck am I supposed to calm down? You fucking fed her drugs! She's not even eighteen yet!” Daddy’s voice became louder, angrier. I flinched. Drugs? “Jesus Christ!”

Before anyone could answer him I stepped into the kitchen. My bare feet gently sticking to the cool tiles as I waddled my way to my father’s side. I could feel them watching me, observing my every move. I suddenly felt self-conscious. Damnit the towel! I suddenly realised my hair was still wrapped up in a towel. Crap.

“Ash? Are you okay?” my father's concerned voice broke my heart. No Daddy, please don't be upset!

“I'm okay Daddy.” I smiled weakly as I looked up to face him. I had reached his side and with one swift motion, he draped his heavily tattooed and muscular arm on my shoulder, and pulled me into him.

“Baby girl, are you sure?” he looked me up and down, concern never leaving his eyes.

“I'm sure.”

The room went quiet. Five pairs of eyes were watching me. No one uttered a word. Either because they were too afraid to say anything in case they further angered my father or they had nothing to say, which was very unlikely given who they were. I swallowed. Shit, this was becoming awkward real fast. I had to say something. Do something? I opened my mouth but before I could say anything, he spoke.

“See dude, fucking told you she would be fine.”

I shivered as goose bumps formed. God the sound of his voice, it was like music... fuck it was better than music. It awoke a longing – a longing I shouldn't have, wasn’t allowed to have.

“Goddamnit Rev!” Daddy snarled, his grip on my shoulder tightening. If he didn't stop, he would leave a bruise. Not that I minded, I liked bruises.

“Gates, she's okay. She said it herself.” My uncle stepped in, sensing my non-existent distress. I turned to face him, a small smile creeping onto my features. “Aren’t you Ash?”

“Yes I am.”

My father exhaled, trying to calm down, and loosened his grip on my shoulder. He ran his hand over his face, his wedding ring catching the last bits of sunlight. Wait, what time was it?

“Fine.” He grumbled. “But Rev, I swear to god if you give her anymore drugs, I will fucking end you.”

He stared at my father, perplexed and vexed. His electric blue eyes wide with shock. “No one ends me!” he shrieked. “I am Immortal!” Without further warning, he dropped to the floor, writhing about like a worm on a hook before he leopard crawled and rolled out of the kitchen.

“What the fuck.” I glanced up, thinking my father had spoken, only to notice a certain green-eyed guitarist keel over in laughter. I grinned. God Zacky’s laugh was amazing. Soon, I found myself giggling along with him. It felt good to laugh but it was cut short when a loud bang erupted from the room next door.

“Fuck, what did he do now.” My dad sighed, looking at my uncle, who only shrugged in response.

“Uh guys, you might want to see this.” Both my father and uncle unglued themselves from the counters they were leaning on, and hurriedly beelined towards Johnny. I had forgotten about Johnny. Damn.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Daddy bellowed once more. Today was not his day and neither was it mine. I glanced towards the entrance, watching my father throw up his hands in agitation before disappearing into the next room, my uncle and Johnny right behind him. That left Zacky, Zacky who stood in the doorway snickering as he watched whatever mess that was unfolding.

I sighed, suddenly feeling very tired once more. With a final glance at Zacky, I left the kitchen and slowly manoeuvred my way back to my room. My mind racing. I knew I was going to dream about him. My forbidden fruit.

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Dear Diary.

My name is Aislinn Haner, a wannabe teenage nobody, but you can call me Ash. I mean who wouldn't with a name like Aislinn? It's pronounced ASH-linn by the way, just in case you were struggling to wrap your tiny brain around it. But then again, who am I to tell you what size your brain is? Hmmm? I'm pretty sure your SAT scores speak for themselves, after all, you're reading this piece of garbage.

So who is Aislinn Haner? Well, besides a walking disaster with a runaway dream, I happen to be the wayward daughter of guitar-god Brian Haner Jnr. or, as you dazed imbeciles know him, Synyster fucking Gates. Pretty cool right? No. Sure, being the daughter of a rock star has its perks, but mostly it involves being chased by psychotic fan-girls and relentless die-hard nutjobs. Sounds like fun, right? Pass. Don't get me wrong, I love my father and I wouldn't trade him for the world, but dealing with nutjobs and fan-girls, that's not how I imagined life to be. No. This was not my life. Fuck, who am I kidding? It is. My shitty piece of heaven.

So tell me again who I am? A shitty teen with an attitude problem. A daddy’s girl with a secret. My name is Aislinn Haner, and I'm in love with Daddy’s best friend.

Notes

Hello lovely people.

So here it is, my little piece of garbage... Well the beginning of it anyway. Please don't be shy and drop a comment here or there.

C.H. Sullivan