Six Weeks Later

Spencer

Zack tightened his grip around me and nuzzles his face into my hair. I had been lying awake for close to an hour probably but didn't want to pull myself away from him. Zack has hardly been very physical with me since he caught me in bed with the bartender. I would say the first couple of days were the hardest but honestly I don't think things have gotten much better between us.
The first few days and into the first week, Zack couldn't even look at me. Eventually, he was able to sit down and have a conversation with me about what happened and what was going to happen next. Neither one of us wanted the relationship to end but we knew it was going to be hard to get passed my infidelity.

Zack was leaving for tour two weeks after we talked about what happened and I was surprised when he told me he still wanted me to come with him. Everything made sense, however when he scoffed and told me he just couldn't trust me to stay in Huntington Beach alone for the next few months until they came back on their break.

So here we were, three weeks into the tour. Zack was sleeping behind me in our bunk. I didn't get many moments like these anymore and so I tried to enjoy them when they did happen. I slowly turned in his arms so I was facing him. I always admired how cute he looked while he slept, even before we began dating. His face was smashed against his pillow which was propped against his arm. His other arm was draped across my waist, his fingers lingering on the bare skin of my waist.

My fingers traced the tattoos that covered his skin. I hoped things between us would go back to normal soon. I knew I didn't deserve him. I knew what I did to him was shitty and he deserved someone more than me, someone better. But for some reason he still wanted to be with me and I was grateful even though it seems there some sort of switch that flipped in him. I think a part of him wanted to hurt because I had hurt him; not physically, but emotionally - I don't think Zack would ever purposefully lay hands on me.

Zack stirred slightly and my thoughts were interrupted. His eyes slowly fluttered open and closed again. "Why are you staring at me?" He mumbled.

"I was just thinking about how much I love you," I replied. He didn't say it back, he never did nowadays, but he pulled me closer to him and planted his lips on my forehead.

"What time is it?" Zack asked, his eyes still remaining closed.

I reached behind me and felt around for my phone. I found it on its charger, sitting on the small ledge. I brought it into view and clicked the home button, the screen lighting up and revealing a picture of me and Zack as the background. "It's a few minutes passed ten." I told him.

He groaned and rolled over onto his back. My heart sank when he removed his arm from my waist knowing the day was probably going to go downhill from here.

Zack laid beside me for a few minutes longer, neither of us speaking to another. I begged time to stop, but eventually Zack sighed and pushed back the curtain and climbed out of the bunk.

I was amazed at how spacious these bunks were. There was plenty of room for us to sit up in seeing as they weren't stacked on top of each other. I was glad - despite being the second shortest member of the band, Zack always fought for a top bunk. I was shorter than Johnny, only standing five feet and four inches from the ground and climbing into the top bunk was always a struggle, especially if I were drunk. Finally, the guys decided to get a different bus with a different design. Instead of the bunk bed type of bunks with storage compartments on the side, the bunks were all at a lower level and storage compartments were above the bunks. Storage being above the bunks made it harder to reach but that wasn't much of a problem when any of the guys were around.

I followed Zack out of the bunk and took notice that three of the other bunks were empty as well. Matt's bunk was directly across from mine and Zack’s, Jimmy's was to the right of Matt's, with Brian's directly in front of his and Johnny's bunk was at the end, closets to the living area with the micro-bathroom across from his bunk. There was a door separating the bunks from the living quarters and at the other end - closest to our and Matt's bunk - there was another door separating the bunks from the back room which included a television, computer, game consoles and other entertainment.

"Wake up, short shit." Zack laughed banging on the side of Johnny's bunk before walking into the bathroom.

"Fuck you," I heard Johnny mumble before I walked out of the bunk hall and into the living area.

Jimmy and Brian sat next to each other on the bench in front of a small table that was meant to be like a dining room table, and Matt sat on the other side. I grabbed two coffee cups and filled them with coffee. Zack walked into the living quarters shortly after I put his creamer in his coffee and I handed it to him.

"Thanks," he gave a small smile and sat next to Matt. Brian and Jimmy scooted over on their bench and made room for me. I sat down before bringing the coffee to my lips.

"So," Matt said. "I was just telling the guys how much I'd like to put Remenissions back on the set list," Matt told Zack.

Zack nodded but didn't say anything. He wasn't much of a morning person, never had been and probably never will be.

"I haven't heard you guys play that song in forever," I said.

"Yeah, that's what we were saying," Brian nodded. "We'd need extra rehearsal time."

Jimmy shrugged. "I'll play it flawlessly whether we get extra rehearsal time or not."

We laughed, but Johnny walked in before we could say anything.

"Where are we?" He asked.

Matt shrugged, "We have a show in Houston tonight, so I'm thinking somewhere around there."

"I'm hungry," Brian announced. "Let's see if we can stop and grab some grub."

I stood up so Brian and Jimmy could slide out of the booth and then I slid back in as they walked through the living quarters and mini kitchen and towards the front of the bus where the driver was. I hoped Zack would join me on my side of the bench, but didn't expect him to and so he didn’t.

"What song do you want to take off the set list to add Remenissions? Or do you just want to add it without making changes?"

Matt shrugged as Zack took a sip of his coffee. "I don't really care," he said. "We can make that decision as a band. I thought about taking Unholy Confessions away but..."

Zack shook his head. "The fans love that song too much to take it away."

"Exactly," Matt agreed.

I listened to their conversation but didn't say anything. I was glad they agreed not to take Unholy Confessions away, it was my favorite song live. I loved it for different reasons but I mostly loved the little smirk Zack got when he got his mini-solo midway through the song, and I loved the little butt-slap Brian gave Zack right before it. I loved the way Johnny head banged and how Matt threw his fist in the air. Jimmy was always hard to see, but I knew the song wouldn't be the same without him.

"We're going to iHop, bitches!" Jimmy yelled as he and Brian emerged from the front of the bus.

I took this as my cue to begin getting ready. You'd think getting ready on a bus full of guys would be easy, but really they were just like most females. It was a constant battle for the bathroom and hair products. Matt was probably the fastest to get ready seeing as he usually kept his hair short.

I grabbed my bag from the inside of the bunk and headed to the micro-bathroom. I pulled my hair up in a messy bun as I brushed my teeth and washed my face and then pulled it out of its rubber band and brushed it. My hair was naturally a light brown, dirty blonde colour but I kept it died blonde. It was a hassle because my hair grew so fast but I preferred it that way. My hair was down to my waist and wavy. I decided to fishtail it, it was easy enough and it looked like I made an effort. After braiding my hair, I dug out my eyeliner. I was in the middle of applying my eyeliner on my first eye when the door opened.

Zack stood in the doorway but didn't say anything to me. I finished applying my winged liner and then brought out my mascara. "I'm almost done," I told him.

He shook his head, "I'm not trying to rush you."

I applied my mascara and then began to fill in my eyebrows. I checked myself in the mirror before turning to Zack who was still leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed.

"Spence," he called as I squeezed past him. He grabbed my hand and I turned back to him. "You're not mad about last night, are you?"

He was referring to the women he flirted with after the show. "It's just a part of the job," he had told me when I mentioned it. Zack and the other guys had always been friendly with their female fans, but the last few weeks had been different. Zack had been taking the friendliness to another level, and a part of me wondered if it was because he was trying to hurt me or make me jealous.

I shook my head and gave him a light smile. I wasn't mad, but I was upset - just not upset enough to spark an argument. He gave me a light squeeze on the hand and pecked my cheek before walking into the bathroom. I heard the sink turn on and walked back to our bunks.

Jimmy walked in a few moments later and laughed at me as I stood on mine and Zack's bunk, reaching up to the compartment doors trying to get a decent grip on the handle. "Short people are so cute," he told me as he easily reached over my head and pulled the compartment open.

"Shut up, asshole." I joked as he handed me my bag. I grabbed a pair of jean shorts, a tank top, panties and bra out of my bag and went into the back room to change.

I had just pulled on my shorts when the door opened. I jumped but smiled when Zack emerged.I had been best friends with all the guys for half of my life, so all of them have accidentally seen me half naked at least on one occasion, so I wasn't worried about them seeing me. It was more out of respect for Zack and the guys' girlfriends, but that didn't mean I expected someone to walk in on me.

"You scared me," I told him.

Zack didn't say anything. He slowly walked up to me and I wasn't sure what was happening until he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. I was taken by surprise at first so it took me a moment to react, but when I did I pulled him closer to me.

My body craved his as my hands traveled across his bare back. I mentioned before that Zack hadn't been very physical with me lately, and I wasn't sure what changed in his mind but I was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

Zack pushed me playfully down on the couch behind us and crawled on top of me. He reached behind me and unclasped my bra with ease. I eagerly began to push my shorts from my hips as Zack brought his lips back down to mine.

I moaned as he bit my bottom lip. Kissing him like this again felt great, and I felt a familiar feeling in my chest as he gripped my hips.
Hope.

However, just as things were getting heated he pulled away from me and stood up. "I can't," he whispered before rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and walking out the door, closing it behind him.

I sat up on the couch, taking in what just happened. The hope that once swelled in my chest was deflated and I sighed in defeat. I covered my face with my hands and held back the tears. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door and it opened.

"Oh, shit. Sorry, Spence," Matt said diverting his eyes from me to the wall. "I thought you would have been dressed by now.

I pulled my bra on and then grabbed my shirt. "It's fine, Matt. What's up?" I asked him. I pulled the shirt over my head and stood from the couch.

"We're here. Everyone else is inside already." He told me. I pulled my shorts on and sighed.

"You go ahead, I'm not really hungry."

Matt finally looked at me. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I told him. He gave me a look, and I knew he didn't believe me. "It's just Zack." Matt nodded and I noticed his eyes studying my face. "It's nothing, Matt. Really, go enjoy your breakfast."

This time, Matt shook his head. "Not without you," he told me. He gave me a dimpled smile and offered me his hand.

I reluctantly took it and followed him into the bunk hall. I grabbed a pair of flip flops from my bag and slipped them on.

After exiting the bus, Matt swung his massive tattooed arm over my shoulder and pulled me into his side.

"Don't worry about Zack," he told me. "If it's meant to be, it'll work out and if it's not...well, you're fucking beautiful. You'll find someone different."

I wrapped my arm around his waist. "Thanks, Matt." I told him. Truth was I didn't want anyone else. I just wanted Zack.

"Don't mention it," he told me, removing his arm from my shoulders and opening the restaurant door. He held it open for me and I walked under his outstretched arm easily.

We noticed the group of guys sitting to the left immediately. They were easy to pick out with their colorful arms and loud laughs. As Matt and I approached I noticed Zack was sitting at one end and the two open chairs were on the opposite end of the table. Matt must have noticed too and put his hand on the small of my back and led me to the table. Matt pulled out a chair for me and Zack avoided my gaze.

Our waitress walked up to us immediately. I noticed she had already gotten everyone's drink order except for mine and Matt's.

"What can I get you?" She smiled. She was blonde like me but her hair was short, barely touching her shoulders.

"I'll have an orange juice," I told her. Matt ordered the same thing while Johnny, Zack, Jimmy and Brian laughed about some joke.

She walked off, shaking her hips as she done so and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I was used to females doing that sort of thing around the guys, but today it was just plain irritating. Women didn't care if the men were in relationships or not, they still wanted a piece of them and tried their hardest to achieve their goal.

Matt chuckled. "Chill, Spencer."

I didn't realize I was clenching my fists until Matt brought it to my attention.

"What are you getting, little bird?" Jimmy asked from beside me.

"Um..." I looked at the menu. "Probably French toast and some hash browns."

The waitress brought us our drinks back and asked if we were ready to order. She started with Zack.

"Well, what would you recommend?" He asked her.

"Do you want something on the healthy side or are we indulging this morning?" She smiled, and I could have sworn I saw her bite her lip teasingly.

"Let's indulge a little, today." He winked.

"Oh," she giggled. "Well..."

I suddenly became interested in my cuticles and I could sense eyes on me. A quick glance in front of me told me it was Matt, but then I heard Jimmy speak up from beside me.

"Just order the pancakes and move on, asshole." He said. Jimmy was rarely one to get pissed off or annoyed, but I thought I heard some irritation in his voice.

My eyes shot up and immediately darted to Zack to find he was already looking at me. His eyes lingered for a moment before he mumbled something to the waitress and she moved on to Brian looking disappointed.

After she took our order, flirting with all five males on her way down the table, she strutted away.

"Little bird," Jimmy gently nudged me. I didn't realize I had zoned out until he pulled me back down to earth.

"Hm?" I looked up at him.

Jimmy opened the inside of his vest and revealed a metal flask in its pocket. I raised a brow as he grabbed my glass of orange juice. He took a swig of it and then placed the glass in front of him as he carefully unscrewed the cap off the flask under the table. Then, after glancing around the dining room, he lowered my glass out of view. When he brought it back up to the table it was a full glass again. He slid it inconspicuously towards me. I glanced at Matt who was watching the whole thing go down as well and he raised his brows at me.

Since it was mixed with orange juice it’s acceptable to drink before noon, right?
I opened my straw and slid it into my drink and took a sip. An inaudible sigh escaped my lips and Matt laughed shaking his head.

"Shut up," I laughed back. "Thanks Jimmy."

He winked at me before continuing his conversation with Johnny as Zack and Brian talked about guitars.

The waitress arrived with our food shortly after my first glass of orange juice was gone. She started with Zack again, gently placing his pancakes down in front of him. I couldn't help notice powdered sugar sprinkled in a heart.

"Who the fuck gets powdered sugar on their pancakes?" I whispered a little too loudly.

Zack and the waitress shot me a synchronized glare as Jimmy snorted into his orange juice. She finished placing the plates in front of Jimmy, Brian, Matt and Johnny and then slammed down mine I front of mine.

"Can I get you guys anything else?" she asked.

"Yeah, if you're not too busy flirting with my boyfriend down there I'd like another glass of OJ," I shot.

Zack glared at me again, and I knew I had just sparked an argument between us that would happen as soon as we got back on the bus.

The waitress rolled her eyes and snatched my glass from me and sauntered off. Jimmy grabbed an empty coffee cup in front of us and poured vodka into it, this time not attempting to conceal his actions.

I was too angry to care whether or not I got kicked out of this shitty restaurant and brought the cup to my lips.

"No wonder she's in such a pissy mood," I heard Brian mumble to Zack. Zack stifled a laugh.

Brian's words caught Matt's attention and he stood from the table. "Come on, Spence," he nodded his head in the direction of the exit sign as he pulled money out of his pocket and threw it onto the table.

I didn't need to be coerced, and basically jumped from the table eager to get away from Zack and Brian and the slutty waitress. Tears stung the back of my eyes and I knew they were going to fall soon. I hated being an angry crier.

Matt must have been able to tell because he said "we're almost there," and placed his hand on the small of my back to ensure I didn’t stop moving my feet.

As soon as the Texas air hit me, I began to sob. Matt put more pressure on the small of my back, urging me to keep walking. Once we were out of sight from the restaurant Matt pulled me into his chest and hugged me tightly.

"It's okay, you're going to be okay," he cooed.

But he was wrong.

Notes

Title credit: Of Mice & Men "Contagious" (I'm currently obsessed with their new album)