Enough

I sat inside my bathtub with scalding hot water running over me. I pulled my knees into my chest and began to cry. I didn't want to live this life anymore. I loved Jake with my entire heart, and I had no desire of leaving him, but I didn't want him to make me do this anymore.

No matter how much soap I used or how much I scrubbed my skin, I couldn't get Chris's sweat off me. I still felt him grabbing me, touching me and pulling my hair. I still felt him inside me, I still tasted him.

Once the water began to run cold I pulled myself up from the bathtub floor and wrapped a towel around my chest and another around my head. I pulled a shirt of Jakes from the closest and pulled it over my body. Every muscle burned, every joint felt stiff. I didn't bother with panties or shorts but instead crawled into bed.

*
Jake woke me sometime later, shaking me. "Baby."

I opened my eyes, I could tell they were puffy from crying and wondered if Jake would believe me tomorrow when I told him it was because of allergies. "How was work?" I asked him, my throat felt raw.

"It was okay," he told me. He began to take off his shirt, and kicked his jeans and shoes off to the side of the room. "I missed you though."

I smiled, "I missed you too, baby."

He crawled into bed next to me and his hand found my thigh. "Did you take a shower after Chris left?" I nodded. "Good girl." His hand wandered up and settled in between my legs. His finger slipped into my vagina and he kissed me as he began to thrust it in and out, every so often adding another finger inside me.

After a couple of minutes he climbed in between my legs. I wanted to tell him to stop. I wanted to tell him I was already too sore from yesterday's beating and from Chris. I wanted to tell him a lot of things, but instead I kept it to moans and begging for more. I was stupid but not stupid enough to tell Jake I didn't want him.

*
The next morning I woke up and noticed a note on the nightstand beside me.

"Babe, had a few errands to run, be back soon." It read, and beside it was a small baggy with white substance in it. I grabbed it and then reached under my bed where a small tray and a rolled up dollar bill sat. I pulled the tray into my lap and poured some of the cocaine onto it. I didn't like doing drugs. I didn't like the taste or smell of cocaine. I was a very casual user. Mostly I used it right before sex with a stranger, but right now my entire body ached. And if this could offer me any sort of numbing for even ten seconds, it was worth it.

I consumed a line and put the little baggy, the rest of its contents on my small tray and put everything back underneath my bed.

After I took another shower I stood in front of the mirror completely naked, studying my body. I was bruised all over. I always told people that I was borderline anemic, and that the bruises came from anything and everything, but in all honesty, if any of these were from anything other than someone hitting me, I'd be surprised.

I missed the days before Jake began to act this way. When we first started dating he was the most amazing, sweet guy I had ever met. He spoiled me with gifts and showed me off to his friends, but more importantly he treated me as his equal. I don't know what changed in him, and though it kills me to admit this, I wish he would change back. I was an awful girlfriend for thinking that. I promised I would love him through thick and thin, and just because we're going through a rough patch right now doesn't mean I should allow myself to think negatively about him. No wonder Jake was always so angry with me; look at how ungrateful I was to him.

I pulled my clothes onto my body and began to put on my make up to cover the bruising. I then walked down stairs and began doing housework until Jake came home a little after noon.

I greeted him with a kiss on the lips, "Did you get everything done?"

"Yeah," He nodded, "I ran into Chris though, he told me that he had to leave early last night. So, since he paid up front, he's going to be back by tomorrow night to get his money’s worth."

My heart dropped. I wanted to cry but didn't dare in front of Jake. "Oh," was all I could muster without my voice breaking.

He walked into the kitchen and like an abandoned puppy I followed. "Do you not have lunch ready?"

"Oh, well, I didn't know when you'd get back and I didn't want to make something and it be cold by time you got home," I told him. "I'll get started on that right away."

Jake nodded but I could tell he wasn't happy. "Just hurry up, Rebekah." He turned around and left the kitchen and I began to cook his lunch.

*
The next morning I rolled over in bed and was instantly blinded by the sun peeking in through the curtains. I groaned and began to get out of bed but felt an arm around my waist. I looked behind me and noticed Jake sleeping soundly. I laid back down and he pulled me closer to him.

This was the Jake I fell in love with. I know we have problems right now but I knew this was just a stage. He was just always so stressed all the time, it wasn't his fault. I loved him more than life itself, I couldn't leave him. He made me happy. I needed him.

I laid in bed for what felt like hours before deciding I better get up and get breakfast started. I slipped on a pair of Jake’s sleep pants and a shirt before heading to the bathroom. I smiled when I noticed the bruises on my face were beginning to fade and used make up to cover up what you could still see. I quietly walked out of the bathroom and through the bedroom, careful not to wake Jake, and then went down stairs.

I walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. I then grabbed the eggs and bacon from the refrigerator and grabbed a pan from the cabinet. I was just about to start the bacon when there was a knock at the door.

I walked into the living room and opened the front door. "Matt!" I gasped and wrapped my arms around his neck. I was too short to get a decent grab so he ended up picking me up and hugging me tightly.

"Bekah!" He hugged me tighter and I winced due to the bruises across my back.

Matt put me down and I couldn't help but smile up at his familiar face. "What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"We're home from tour; we got back late last night." He looked down and kind of kicked the porch, "Bekah, how come we haven't heard from you? You never call and when we do, you never answer."

Matt looked up at me and I could tell he was hurt, but also worried. I opened my mouth to answer but closed it when I heard footstep overhead, and then towards the stairs.

"Rebekah?" It was Jake.

"Oh, Matt, you have to go!" I whispered.

He shook his head, "No, tell me what's going on."

"Please, just go! Jake goes to work at three, come back then and I will explain." I closed the front door just in time for Jake to walk into the living room. I silently thanked Matt for not arguing with me more and leaving peacefully.

"Who was that?" Jake asked.

"Oh, um, wrong address." I lied and then kissed him on the lips. "Sorry breakfast isn't ready yet, I haven't been awake very long. You wore me out last night, mister." I smiled and walked to the kitchen.

Jake followed me into the kitchen smiling. I knew he liked getting compliments like that and I was happy to tell them to him to keep in happy - or in this case to take his mind off who was at the door a few seconds earlier.

"It's okay, baby girl." He told me. I began to cook the bacon and he walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my cheek and then began to kiss my neck. "I'm gonna go upstairs and get a couple of lines ready," he told me. "Do you want one?"

I shook my head, even though it was going to be a couple of hours before Matt came back, I didn't want to get high. "No, I'm okay." I told him. He kissed me on the cheek once more before going back upstairs.

*
Three o'clock came around and Jake gave me a kiss before leaving for work. Not even five minutes later I heard a vehicle pull up and doors close. I walked outside and was surprised to see not only Matt, but the rest of the gang as well.

"Bekah!" Johnny yelled, and then jogged up and embraced me.

Brian was behind Johnny. He shoved Johnny jokingly to the side and pulled me into a hug. "You're in a lot of trouble." He told me when we parted.

I smiled softly and Zack embraced me as soon as he could. "I missed you." He whispered, hugging me tighter.

"I missed you too," I told him. Zack let go of me and I looked at the guys and then looked down at my feet. "You guys, I'm so sorry."

I looked up and caught Matt's gaze and knew an apology wasn't going to fix this. "Let's go inside and talk," he mumbled. We walked into the house and as they settled on the couches I offered them something to drink. They all shook their heads and looked up at me expectantly. No one was going to do anything until I gave them the best explanation I had.

I just didn't know where to start.

"You guys, I’m so sorry," I repeated.

"We haven't heard from you in six months and it wasn't because of the lack of trying," Matt said.

Brian nodded in agreement. "You're going to have to do a lot better than that, Bekah."

"You missed Jimmy’s funeral," Johnny said quietly.

I sat down in the chair from across them and chewed at my bottom lip. "I've just been dealing with a lot. Things have changed."

"Things like what?" Brian asked.

I shook my head, wishing I would have said something else. "It's Jake. He doesn't want me talk to you guys." I started again.

"Jake? You mean that asshole you're dating? You're letting him control who you're friends with now, Beks? He's already made you quit your job!" Zack exclaimed.

"It's not that simple! Things have changed!" Oh, great, I used that line again.

"Things like what?" Johnny asked me. What was I supposed to tell them? The truth? That would kill them.

"Bekah, we left you with someone we all got a bad vibe from," Matt said, the guys nodded in unison. "And then six months later you stopped talking to us? Tell us what the fuck is going on."

Brian spoke. "We were worried sick about you."

Zack nodded, "We tried to cancel the tour and come back but they wouldn't allow it. They wouldn't allow any time off. And now that we're here your best explanation is that you're dating an asshole and he doesn't trust you and you're sorry? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I'm sorry!" I told them. I felt awful but there was nothing I could do about it. "I'm sorry he doesn't like you guys, and it's apparent that you guys don't like him. But I love him, and he loves me. I'm going to respect his wishes as much as it pains me."

"No, fuck that! We're your best friends, Bekah. We've been there for each other since middle school. We looked out for you. You're not seriously choosing this prick over us, are you?" Zack was hurt but also angry.

"I told you, it's not that simple." I said quietly.

Matt stood up and for a minute I thought he was going to leave but instead and just began to pace which was a sign he was infuriated. "Then make it simple, Rebekah!" That was another sign he was infuriated, he never called me Rebekah unless he was angry. "We know there's something going on here that shouldn't be. We don't know what it is, but you can tell us. I'll protect you."

"We all will," Brian and Johnny said together.

I felt like crying. I wanted to tell them the truth so bad because I hated lying to them. A part of me tinged with guilt when I realized another part of me wanted them to know the truth so they would take me away from this life.

"Jake has..." I began but my phone rang. "It's Jake, please don't say anything!" The guys reluctantly agreed and I answered my phone. "Hey, baby."

"Rebekah, I have to work late tonight and I forgot I told Chris he could come by and finish what he started the other night." Jake said. I was glad I was already sitting down because if I was standing, I would have collapsed.

"Oh."

"He'll be there around eight, so be ready by time he gets there." He told me. "And Rebekah?"

"Yeah?"

"Be a good girl." He said, and my stomach knotted up. "I love you."

"I love you too." I told him and we hung up. When I looked back up to the guys they were all staring at me with suspicion painted on their faces.

"What was that about?" Brian asked.

"Nothing," I replied. My voice was small and weak.

"It didn't sound like nothing," Matt told me. "You look like you’ve seen a ghost."

I nibbled on my lip, and then swallowed hoping it would strengthen my voice. "It's nothing, but anyways, I promise to keep in touch with you guys as long as you promise not to come around when Jake is here." I thought about Chris and the other strange men that come in the house, the knots in my stomach tightened. "Or anyone else but me for that matter."

They all looked at each other. I knew they weren't happy with my conditions, but it was the best I could do.

"Okay," Johnny nodded.

"But first you have to tell us what's wrong." Brian demanded.

"Nothing is wrong," I told them. "I’m just tired."

Matt sighed, clearly aggravated. "Fine don't tell us right now, but now that we're home it's going to come out sooner or later. There's no hiding it from us, we're your best friends and eventually you're just going to have to face it." Then, without giving me a chance to reply he walked out the door.

The guys decided it was probably best to go and one by one gave me a hug and left. First was Brian, then Johnny. Instead of leaving immediately, Zack closed the front door and just stared at me silently.

"Zack, I’m fine." I tried to convince him.

"Bullshit, Beks!" Zack shook his head. "Tell me what's wrong."

"It's noth..." I began but he cut me off.

"Stop fucking lying!" He yelled so loud I jumped.

I reached for his arm but he pulled away. "Zack, please."

"Tell me the truth." He said, it was almost a whisper.

I stared into his green eyes and watched them turn from pleading eyes to angry eyes as I shook my head. "I'm sorry," I told him.

He chuckled humorlessly, "What the fuck ever." And like Matt he turned and left, slamming the door behind him.

I collapsed on the floor in front of the door and bawled. I understood why they were so angry. I wanted to tell them the truth so bad, they deserved it. Matt was right, they were always there for me when I needed them, and now I'm lying to them. They deserved better than me. I eventually peeled myself off the floor and walked upstairs. Maybe some blow would make me feel better.

Notes

I was going to post this earlier today but I've been reading the new Harry Potter book. Thank you to everyone who commented and subscribed! I hope you guys liked this chapter! Please leave feedback and vote!