A Little Pain Is Worth The Pleasure

Today I decided to close down Johnny's for today I just wanted an entire day to myself okay that sounds a little selfish making myself seem like a self centered asshole which wasn't me at all I had spent most of the night thinking about how my mother her funeral was Saturday and I had written down a speech but I don't know if I want to read it in front of everyone I dreaded everything that has gone on between my mother and I but that doesn't change the fact that she was my biggest supporter when I told her I was going to join the band my father wasn't really on board with the idea but he slowly eased into the idea of it now only if my sister would talk to me.. Is this the best idea right now? I questioned.


Matt called me right after I'd had gotten out of the shower he wants all of to meet at his house if he does this then it must be really important so I didn't fight him on it I didn't want to wake up Macy so I kissed her cheek and she drifted off to sleep she knew that I'd come right back so she didn't ask me question I stepped outside and it was 40 degrees and surprisingly still cold okay California must have undergone a huge climate change but I would really love some sunshine right now okay I hate to say this but I hate winter weather. Driving down the street to Matt's house took me forever because of the ridiculous traffic jam but more than likely I was going to be there and try not to stall. Because Matt hates that.


I finally made it to Matt's house with 3 minutes to spare his driveway was overcrowded with cars so this must be really important for so many people to show up I walked up to his door very nervous and afraid about what I'm about to see I carefully knocked on the door. Zacky answered the door he looked like shit but I didn't want to tell him that so I just kept the thought to myself and went inside Brian sat on the couch in deep thought and then Matt had asked all of us to meet him in the living room the look on his face was somber so something must have happened I looked outside I saw everyone's car except Jimmy. The entire atmosphere changed in a matter of minutes I saw Matt just tear up and I knew this wasn't good news.



"So why are we here?" Brian asked breaking the silence among us.


"I brought you all here because I got a phone call this morning that Jimmy has passed away." Matt couldn't even finished his sentence before he started to breakdown I've never seen him this emotional or this broken before Zacky just stepped outside for a smoke with Brian following right behind this was all too much for us to handle right now.



"So does anyone know what exactly happened?" I asked.


"No we don't Faye called Matt this morning and told him." Brian said taking another drag of his cigarette.



I could see the pain in Brian's eyes he and Jimmy were basically inseparable all through out high school now a part of him was gone I could just see it and that hurt me more than anything Zacky had no expression whatsoever so I didn't bother asking him anything else because I would just piss him off and nobody needs that right now so right now everything was just starting to sink in and feeling this way felt so horrible Jimmy was such a huge part of all of us and it tore all of us apart he held us all together when we were just about to fall apart but now he's not here and I can't imagine how Faye is feeling right now she must be so alone right now... This was the worst day of my life.



TWO NIGHTS LATER

I sat on my couch with peanut asleep on my lap still thinking about Jimmy his death still hasn't hit me yet and this was so frustrating and I couldn't handle it anymore so I got into my car and drove I didn't have a particular destination in mind I just drove until I got tired I pulled over to a rest stop and picked up something to eat and I got back in my car and continued to drive. I could feel Jimmy right beside me I know that sounds totally insane but I felt him right there in the passengers seat he would want me to turn back around and go home but that's not an option right now I was starting to get restless so I checked into the nearest hotel and decided to get some sleep before I wear myself out.


The sun peaked through my dirty windows the next day I had to continue driving because I'm not going to stop because I know Jimmy would want me to but I'm going to keep going until I can't drive on I think I'm going to go pick up some coffee so I don't look like a zombie all day and maybe some food would be nice to but I need to just keep driving because I need some time away from Huntington Beach and this was the way to do it. Then I can recollect all of my thoughts and finally do something for myself instead of taking orders from other people for a change.


My phone broke my concentration I looked over at the caller ID it was from Matt but I wasn't going to answer the call and threw my phone on the passengers side and focused on the road I should've left my phone at home before I got on the road this was a good thing for me and I actually feel great about do something for myself I was now entering no mans land okay that sounded way better in my head.



Hour One- Saturday December 1, 2009

I've been driving for a while now and I was starting to now enter Santa Fe, New Mexico and there was no way I was going across the border at this hour so I took a detour I followed all of the cars heading out back east following people like a herd of cows seemed so superficial but I went along with it maybe I'll meet some new people.


I saw that the sun was beginning to set so I found the nearest rest stop and decided to sleep in my car for the night because there's no way I'm paying for another dirt cheap motel room so I grabbed a blanket from the backseat and pulled my seat and drifted off to sleep without thinking about anyone at this point.


Waking up the next morning felt strange it's like I knew that someone was looking for me but I knew that they would be better off without me and I drifted off back to sleep but a loud noise soon interrupted my peaceful slumber.


"SHORT SHIT WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU GOING?!?!" I recognized Zacky's voice right away.


"Zacky what are you doing here?!?!" I yelled.


"What do you think?" Zack had been following me this entire time and I was too blind to even notice.


"Look Zee I don't need a babysitter I'm a grown man." I replied.


"Well judging by your height your not." Zack smirked.


"Haha really funny." I scoffed.


"Really where were you going?" Zack asked.


"Nowhere I just needed to get away." I got back into my car and backed out of the gravel road but Zack stopped me.


"At least let Brian ride with you." Zack sighed.


"Brian's with you?" I asked. They're going to ruin this for me the both of them.


"Yeah he is." Zack smirked.


Okay since they are already here why not let them follow me to wherever I was going this shouldn't be a bad thing right? FUCK! I'm screwed



Hour Two- December 28, 2009

Since Brian and Zack wanted to be nosy and follow me on the road they can also sleep in their cars as well while I rent the nicest hotel room and they can sleep outside which they'll come inside anyway and try to wake me up and continue to ruin this trip for me everything was going great until they came along. Jimmy had been gone for two weeks now and it still didn't feel real because I haven't grieved properly according to every shrink I've seen since Jimmy passed.


"Are we there yet?" Zack asked.


"Not yet just be patient and let me drive I'm the captain of this ship." Brian smirked.


"Well Johnny's just stopped so I guess were already here." Zack smiled.


I had gotten out of the car with the hopes of finding some peace and quiet but that was impossible with Zack and Brian around but it will do me some good and a word the wise DO NOT LET YOUR FRIENDS ACCOMPANY YOU ON A ROAD TRIP. ever.

Notes

Took me forever to get this chapter up!
BUT HERE'S AN UPDATE.
UNTIL NEXT TIME GUYS!