Seventeen and Pregnant

I am lying in bed and I keep tossing and turning. Jimmy was supposed to come home tonight and he never did. I texted the others and they haven’t answered me. Are they avoiding me? What is wrong?

I am scared about what is going on…the last time this happened…

Oh god.

My stomach starts hurting. I can’t shake the pain. God it hurts so badly. I run to the bathroom and throw up. Nothing else is coming out I am just dry heaving. The toilet bowel is cold and cool I lay my head on it until I calm down. I stand up and brush my teeth.

The phone rings and I quickly run to it. Unknown number…

“Hello?” My voice cracks.

“Hello My name is Serena and I am calling from Huntington BeachHospital. I have a Mr. Sullivan here. Am I speaking with his wife?”

Tears start sliding down my cheeks. “Y..yes. this is h.her.”

“Mrs. Sullivan, your husband was in a terrible accident…I am going to need you to come to the hospital so the dr-“

I hung up on her and quickly fumbled around in the bedroom for clothes to put on.

I grabbed Phe and put her in the backseat of the car. Poor thing is still sleeping. I drove as fast as I could to get to the hospital. Luck is on my side when it came to red lights they were all green. Once at the hospital I fly into the emergency parking lot and park and quickly get out and run into the ER with Phe still asleep in my arms. Running in I see all the guys with their girls crying.

What the hell.

“OOOHh Lexi!!!” Weds runs to me and wraps her arms around me.

“I am so so so sorry.” I look at her when she pulls away.

“Wh..what happened?” I say trying to hold back my tears. Phe starts moving in my arms.

“The guys were out drinking…Jimmy he, he was running around and ran in front of a car..he he got hit and I am so so so sorry…”

Zacky comes over and takes Phe from me and goes and sits down Weds following him. I stand there and stare at the wall waiting on the doctor.

We are suppose to get married tomorrow…this is not suppose to happen. He should not be here…why does all the bad things happen to me.

The doctor calls me back to office to talk to me. I hope that he is okay. I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t deal with it at all. I feel like I am going to break down any moment right now.

“Have a seat Mrs. Sullivan.”

“What is going on? Is he okay? Please tell me this is a sick joke..”

“I know how hard this must be on you right now. I wish that I could tell you that it was a sick joke as you put it but I can’t. Your husband was in a terrible car accident. When he was hit by the car..he was thrown and the impact broke the ribs on the right side of his body, his skull was cracked luckly his brain wasn’t injured but he is not awake he is in a coma…and I am afraid that he might not wake up from it. And if he were to wake up…he might not know who you or anyone else is.”

I try to process everything that he is saying to me. The tears that I was trying to hold in betray me and just fall down my cheeks. My world is falling apart and some how…I feel that it is all my fault everything leads back to the day that I left with our daughter.

**

Seeing him like this day after day hurts. More and More. I refuse to leave his side. The doctors and nurse that come in here every day tell me the same thing. ‘he’s still living.’ I can see that I am not dumb. I want answers when is he coming back. We should be happily married and trying to have another baby. Wednesday and Logan come to visit me every day but they end up leaving because I barely talk to anyone.

Jimmy’s parents have Phe, and they come to see him just as well. Phe always asks what happened and I tell her that he is sleeping and that I have to stay here with him until he wakes up so that he doesn’t get scared of the dark. I don’t know how much longer she is going to believe that lie.

I can’t loose Jimmy you just don’t understand. How do you cope after loosing someone that you love? How do you move on from things like that. I know that I screwed up a lot but he is my best friend, and the love of my life. No one would ever replace the love that I have for jimmy. No one would ever compare in this world to him.

I pull my knees up too my chest and I pick at the begal that is in front of me. I am hungry, but I am not hungry. Matt just stares at me.

“Come on sweetheart you have got to eat. Jimmy wouldn’t want you starving yourself. I miss him too but I am just trying to be strong.”

I shake my head as a tear escapes. I know he is right Jimmy was full of life and always happy. He’d want me taking care of myself.

“I know…It just hurts matt…I don’t want to face the fact that I might never see jimmy’s eyes ever again. I might not ever hear him say he loves me, or hold me at night, or play with phe.”

He holds my hand.

“Think about phe..she misses you so much. And I am sure that she misses her daddy. It’s like she has no parents with you here.”

I get what he is saying. I sigh and close my eyes, when I open them I look at Matt.

“I don’t want to leave him Matt.”

“I know but you should go home. You should go home shower eat something decent and spend some time with phe and then you can come back here.”

“I can’t Matt.”

“Yes, you can.”

**

After fighting with Matt for a few more minutes he one and I decided to head home. It was hard going into the house because Jimmy wasn’t there but it smelt so good. His mom was making meatloaf and mashed potatoes. She was shocked to see me but glad that I came home so that I could spend some time with Phe.

She sent me upstairs to shower and change into fresh clothes and then called me down for dinner once it is finished. I smile when I come down stairs and see Phe.

“Mommy!! You came home!”

I catch her when she runs into my arms.

“Hey sweetie. Yes I did. I am sorry that I was gone so long, mommy just wanted to stay with daddy.”

“When is daddy coming home?”

I look at her with a pained expression.

“I don’t know sweetie. I wish I did.” I take her hand as we walk into the kitchen and sit at the table.

**

“How is my son doing?” I swallow my food before speaking.

“He hasn’t had any difference… Nothing is changing. I wish that he would wake up soon. I miss him.”

“We do too sweetie.”

“I talk to him all the time an I just wish that he could hear me…We should be married right now with possibly another baby on the way, and the guys on tour…” I wipe the tear that is sliding down my cheek.

All I seam to do lately is cry.

“I know. I am just glad that he is still alive.”

I nod and finish eating my dinner.

Once finished I thank them for everything that they have ever done for me and then I head back to the hospital. The car ride there was nice and long because I just needed time to think. I need to get things taken care of for me and Phoenix if anything were to happen to Jimmy… I need to know that we will be okay for the rest of our life.

When I got there I had gotten the shock of my life. Matt was in the waiting room with his head in his hands. He stands up and walks over to me.

“He’s awake…He woke up and hour after you left…I didn’t want to call you because I wanted you to stay with Phoenix for awhile…he is down for testing when he comes back you can see him…But…he doesn’t know us…”

He doesn’t know me…

Oh God..

Notes