The Way Your Heart Sounds

The weeks seemed to drag on endlessly for Lauren without Jimmy. She had gotten herself back into a routine again, visiting Zack’s dad every morning, followed by seeing one or more of the guys. One afternoon after coming home from Zacky’s dad’s house, Lauren was starting to feel very anxious. Since Jimmy left, she started to have panic attacks when she had certain experiences that reminded her of the night he almost died. Sometimes it was something as simple as sitting in the armchair that she found him in.

She could start to feel her throat closing up on her just from standing in the living room. Anxiously pacing around, she tried to will away the anxiousness from her body. As if he was reading her mind telepathically, Lauren noticed a text from Zacky asking how she was doing. Her hands were shaking too much to type, so she called him.

“Hey, you okay?” he opened up with.

“I can’t be in this house right now,” Lauren said, her voice was wavering.

“You’re okay. Take some deep breaths for me. I’ll be there in a few, I’ll take you to my house,” Zacky reassured her. She nodded, even though he couldn’t see her.

He showed up at her front door a few minutes after the phone call ended. She was still shaking and hyperventilating when he got there. Frowning, he pulled her into a hug and held her there for a moment. Once she was calmed a little, he escorted her out to the car and they were off towards his house. The car ride was silent, only the sound of her heavy breathing was heard.

Zacky linked arms with her as they walked up to the house. He must have been afraid that she would pass out. She was starting to feel a bit light-headed as he unlocked the front door and lead her inside to the couch.

“How are you feeling now?” he asked.

“Better. Just tired,” she mumbled.

“You can take a nap if you want,” he offered. She shook her head. She wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if she napped now. Then she noticed, out of the corner of her eye, something familiar sitting on Zacky’s coat rack by the front door. He followed her gaze, and realized what she was looking at- Jimmy’s favorite jacket.

“I haven’t touched it since he left it here that night,” he said softly.

Lauren frowned and looked down at the floor. She remembered that night vividly, how Jimmy didn’t bother to go back to Zacky’s house to grab the coat, how he said that Zacky always loved that coat. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder, breaking her out of her memories. Zacky was giving her a sad smile. He stood up and grabbed the jacket off the rack, then walked over and handed it to her. She draped the coat over her shoulders.

“I actually think I’m going to lay down for a bit, if you don’t mind,” Lauren spoke suddenly.

“Of course not, come on,” he waved his hand and got up. He led her down one of the hallways to his bedroom, which she had never seen before. It almost looked like something out of the Addams Family, with dark walls, spooky decor, and blood red sheets.

“This is interesting,” Lauren commented.

“What can I say? This is my happy place. Make yourself comfortable,” he smiled. Lauren thanked him and took a seat on the bed as he left.

As she got herself comfortable in bed, she noticed that his sheets smelled like cologne. She loved whatever cologne he wore. Most of them were obnoxious, but his was nice. It didn’t take long for her to get comfortable and fall asleep.

When she woke up later on, she could hear guitar playing softly in the other room. She had no idea what time it was, or how long she slept. She checked her phone and noticed it was almost 5pm, meaning she had slept for two hours. After a yawn and a stretch, she left the bedroom and followed the sound of the guitar playing. He was in his little studio with headphones on, and he was turned away from her. He didn’t seem to notice when she opened the door and peeked inside.

Lauren decided not to disturb him, and just stood in the doorway to watch him play for a few minutes. He must have finally felt her presence, because he turned around and jolted when he noticed her there.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” she apologized.

“No worries,” he took his headphones off. “How was your nap?”

“Pretty good. You got a comfy bed. I guess I’ll go home and get out of your hair now,” she said.

“Lauren, you can stay as long as you want. You don’t bother me at all,” he set his guitar down onto a stand. Lauren nodded and took a seat next to him.

“I have a question for you,” he said. She looked towards him and nodded, indicating for him to continue.

“Do you think his death is going to be painful?”

The question hit her like a rock. Despite the fact that she had been taking care of Zacky’s father for more than a few weeks now, she would sometimes forget that he didn’t have so long left. Every week or so it seemed like it was getting harder for him to breathe. He was given oxygen, and a mask to help him breathe while he slept. His doctor had also prescribed an anti-anxiety medication to help ease the panic associated with shortness of breath.

She had to snap herself out of her thoughts and answer him.

“To be honest with you, most patients with ALS seem to die from respiratory failure. They usually go to sleep and don’t wake up one morning,” she said softly. Zacky nodded, his pouty lips frowning.

“I know it’s coming. I just want it to be peaceful.”

Lauren nodded and put an arm around his shoulder. Even though he was preparing for his father to die, she knew that he would still be absolutely crushed when it did happen. She started to wonder about Zacky’s mother. Was she still alive? She hadn’t heard him mention her ever.

“You’ve never told me about your mom,” she said. She noticed his facial expression change from sad to bitter. Maybe even angry.

“I haven’t seen her since I was in high school. My parents got divorced, she took off to Colorado or something, and my dad raised my brother and I,” he shrugged.

“I’m sorry for asking. I was just curious.”

“It’s fine. I don’t blame you. I thought about finding her, so she could have the chance to say goodbye to him. But then I realized that she doesn’t give a shit. If she did, I wouldn’t have to find her,” Zacky replied.

“You’re a great son. Your dad tells me everyday how much he loves you,” Lauren smiled and rubbed his back. Her smile quickly turned to a frown when she saw his eyes water. He sniffed and looked down, the tears falling into his lap.

Notes

There are only four more chapters left after this one! I'd love to hear everyone's predictions for the last few chapters. :)