I've Lost the Power to Feel

*Brian's POV*

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I yell to the empty practice room in the Avenged Sevenfold recording studio. Fuck fucking fuckity fuck fuck. Grr.

I slam my fist on the table in front of me in frustration. I glare furiously at the overly-bright computer screen at my mistake. I have been working on this section for hours now; why can't I get it? I am [i]so[/i] ready to give up. I feel my muscles throb from the extensive work and I rub my forehead with my palm tiredly.

"Hey Brian," I hear Zacky-- my best friend and fellow guitarist-- call from the doorway, about fifteen feet away. "Dude, you need a break. Seriously. You've been working your ass off for too long today.” He promptly chucks a cigarette at me. It hits my computer, since I make no attempt to catch it.

"Bri, come on. Come outside." Zacky gives me a look of disapproval.

I groan. "Fine."

Zacky nods, his mission complete, and walks away, most likely to the front of the building. Reluctantly, I slide the guitar strap off my shoulder and set the gorgeous instrument back in its stand. My back and ass and everything else are killing me from sitting in one place for too long. I snatch the cigarette from the keyboard and trudge outside.

The rest of the band's eyes zone in on me as I stumble from the bright light of the sun. I feel the intense heat of the California sun on my shoulders and head. It really is a beautiful day, but the weight of my failure doesn't allow me to take advantage of it.

"Hey Bri, grab a beer!" Jimmy yells as he throws a silver can of Miller Lite at my chest, an innocent smile on his face. I catch it with an [i]oof[/i], much to the taller man's delight.

"Jimbo, you know I hate Miller Lite..." I snort. It isn’t [i]that[/i] bad, but personally I think it tastes watery and kind of bitter.

"I know!" Jimmy shoots me a giant grin. The man is always so happy. How he does it, I would love to know...

Johnny gets up from his blue lounge chair and stretches, offering me a lighter. "I think there's something that needs to be shared," he says in his quiet voice.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's our day off. Tell me why you've been in there all day.” He sits back down and promptly props his feet up on the cooler. “We know you, dude. You normally do your best to take advantage of your days off. What's wrong? " The others nod in agreement, blatantly curious.

I stick the cigarette in my mouth and light it without saying anything. Johnny’s right; there is something wrong. My performance has been dwindling lately, as a guitarist and a friend and a fiancée. I can tell the guys have been worried for some time about the matter, and I’ve lost many nights of sleep over it.

Jimmy beckons to me and patted the chair beside him. "Come here, my dear Brian. Step into Doctor Jimmy's office.Tell all. It's okay because we love you." The way he says it made me laugh a little. I really do have the best group of friends in the entire world.

"Yeah dude, seriously. Tell us," the guys chip in.

"Okay, okay." I defend. I feel kind of like a teenage girl at a sleepover. "I've just been feeling really down lately. Nothing seems to be going right, I mean, I keep messing up at everything, I don't want to talk to people, and Michelle and I are getting into more fights than usual. I don't know what to do."

There was silence from the rest of the group as I spill, and I begin to feel awkward. I’m usually very confident, but now I just feel vulnerable.

"Bri," Jimmy speaks up. " I think this is the result of too much stress." He pats my shoulder. "I think you should take some time off. I know you love playing but I also know you love Michelle and us. You have to get yourself back to regular before you try to carry more.”

"I can't take time off!” I shout, louder than I anticipate. “I should be able to get this part right and-"

"Ah ah ah," Jimmy shoves an upright finger to my lips to shut me up. "You have to. It's an order from Doctor Jimmy. Take healthy doses of chocolate and cake and make sure to have lots of romantic movie nights with Michelle. Sit outside. I don't want to see you in this building for one solid week." I know by the growing seriousness in Jimmy's voice that there’s no way in hell I’m going to get around this. I sigh in defeat.

"Fine.”

"Great!" Jimmy exclaims. “Grab your keys, you’re going home.”

Matt, who has been silent the entire time, finally pipes up. "Why don't you call Michelle to see what she's up to? I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."

I nod. Michelle’s always going on about this ‘romancing’ shit, I’m not really sure what that means, but Matt’s pretty smart, he probably knows what he’s doing. I dial her number on my phone and it rings four times before she picks up. Johnny mouths the word 'smile"' at me. I do my best, but it probably ends up looking like I’m constipated.

"Hey Brian! Is something wrong?" Michelle sounds a little bit concerned.

"No, no, I was just calling to, um, see what you’re up to,"

I hear her laugh. Damn it, she knows it wasn’t my idea. "Oh really?" She inquires.

"Yeah," I say, hoping to convince her.

"Okay... Well, I'm on my way to the barn to take care of Gatsby. I was planning on riding for a little bit."

"Can I come watch?"

I can almost hear Michelle’s eyebrows rise. “Sure, if you want.”

"And, maybe we could go out later?"

She laughs again. "Sure, Brian."

"Bye, Michelle. Love you."

"See you soon."

I hung up, a small yet genuine smile on my face. The guys cheer as I share my little victory. Maybe time off was just what I need...

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I pull up the paved driveway of Five Hawks Stables. The well-kept pastures are lined with white fencing and the outdoor arena is filled with clean, colorful jumps. I like horses okay; I used to ride in the summer as a kid when my parents took us to our grandparents' farm in Kentucky. I don’t ride often; it’s Michelle who does all the shows and stuff. I bought Gatsby for Michelle when we got engaged. They've been doing really well in shows, and I’m happy to see that they’re quite the pair.

I park my BMW in the grass and saunter over to the arena with a fresh-picked daisy in hand. I find my fiancée on her big white horse, soaring over jumps. I wipe off and sit in a rather dusty chair towards the back alone, watching intensly. Horses have a certain grace to them, as do their riders; riding is so serene. I really like watching. The hard work Michelle has put into getting as good as she is is astounding.

As the pair cools down after a particularly complicated course, Gatsby whinnies and pricks his ears forward. He’s really a cute thing, for such a big tub of a horse, sweet too. I make my way over to the right side of Gatsby as Michelle dismounts and I catch her in my arms, making her giggle.

Michelle and I make small talk as she gives her sweaty horse a wash. As we walk to put the horse back into his pasture, I notice a girl with long red hair staring at me, a look of astonishment and confusion on her face. She catches my eye but before I can even think of saying anything, she disappears into the dark recesses of the barn. She is beautiful, with olive skin but not quite tan, and she looked almost familiar. I don’t stare for very long for Michelle’s sake, but her fleeting image burns in my mind. Who is she......

Notes

Hey people, welcome to the 8th installment of this story! The introduction of the guys... sorry it took eternity for them to show up.

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Madi