Penny's POV
All was good, I had been in a couple of pictures of Brian, but I was usually in the background. I would go out with Val and the other wives, but no one ever paid any attention to me. I even went out as a group with the band. Brian and I always sat apart and were very careful. He would sometimes be in a bad mood when we got home and grumble about looking like he was alone with his girlfriend right there.
I even went to Brian's 35th Birthday party. I was always introduced as Val's friend and that seemed to work. There was a DJ and dancing,
Brian came up to me and asked me to dance.
"You know we can't." I said.
"One dance is not going to be a big deal. It's my birthday for fucks sake." He argued.
"One dance, one picture. That's all it takes. It's your birthday and all eyes are on you."
"Penny, this is getting old." He said before walking away. I barely saw Brian the rest of the party, he stayed pretty much with the guys.
He wasn't home when I got there. About a half hour later, I texted him.
"Are you okay, I'm starting to worry."
I knew he was really pissed when he texted back.
"I decided to go for drinks with the guys. You know, people who aren't afraid to be seen with me."
I texted him back
"Please come home, so we can talk. I love you."
No answer. I tried calling him, got voicemail. He's never not spoken to me. I texted Matt.
"Hi Matt, is Brian still with you?"
"Yes. He's pretty drunk and pretty upset. We are trying to get him home."
At 2:00 AM, Matt brought him home, he was plastered.
"Look Matt!! It's my Girlfriend, the one who won't even dance with me on my birthday!"
"Bri, you're hammered. Why don't you sleep it off and you two can talk this out in the morning?” Matt said.
"Thanks for getting him home, Matt." I walked over to Brian and was going to help him upstairs. As soon as I touched him he knocked my hand away.
"You can't touch me in public don't touch me now."
"Come up to bed, please." I pleaded.
"Not gonna happen." He slurred.
Matt jumped in, "You can barely stand up. Why don't you and I go in the other room and sit down."
He and Matt left the room, I just stood there trying to figure out what just happened.
Matt came out about 5 minutes later. "He's passed out on the couch. I would just leave him there tonight."
Matt gave me a hug, "It will be okay. Why don't you try to get some sleep?"
"Thanks Matt"

Brian's POV
I woke up on the couch. I shouldn't have gone out drinking, but when she wouldn't even dance with me I just lost it. I think this secrecy bothers me more than I wanted to admit. I had to leave for press appearances tomorrow. We won't see each other again until we meet up in Michigan on the anniversary of when we met. I was only able to fly in on Saturday Morning and back out on Sunday. We took off on tour on Monday. That will be the only time I will have off for a month. I was hoping Penny would come to meet me at some of the cities. But I doubt she will, "too risky" she'll say. The more I think about it, the more frustrated I got.
I was deep in thought and didn't hear Penny come into the room.
"Brian? Are you going to speak to me?"
"Sorry, I was thinking, I didn't hear you. Penz, we have to talk."
"I guess we do need to." She said.
I patted the couch, motioning for her to sit next to me. I wrapped my arms around her.
"Penny, I love you and I wish you would trust that. The secrecy is really starting to get to me." I raised her chin and kissed her.
"I need a normal relationship. I want the world to see and know the woman I love, that's you." I looked into those beautiful blue eyes and I could tell she was conflicted.
"I'm not ready yet, Brian. A relationship with you, will never be normal. It doesn't matter if it's a secret or not. I love you like I have never known. But I need time."
I let go of her. "I think this tour is a good thing, I think we need time apart, to figure this all out."
She looked like she was going to cry. "See, we can never be normal, "
"What's normal Penny? The man who comes home with his briefcase instead of a guitar case? The husband who at the most goes on a business trip for a few days and then comes home. Everyone has their own normal."
"Trust me, I know about normal relationships, dysfunctional relationships and dangerous relationships. I'm just trying to protect us both."
"Something must have made you like this. I know it isn't just what happened with Jay. You've told me about Chloe's father, you both were too young and got married because of Chloe. He was killed in a car accident after you divorced and Chloe was only 4. But you never talk about your second husband, no one else in your family does either. Tess told me that after your second divorce is when you started sabotaging every relationship, until Jay. So what was the deal with the second guy? I don't even know his name."
"His name is Merlin Cooper and he is the most despicable, vile man on earth. I don't want to talk about him. You need to respect that." I could see anger flaring up in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you or make you mad. I am just trying to understand. Whatever happened before, doesn't matter. I am here, I am different, I love you and I'm tired of hiding."
"So what do you suggest we do?" She said.
"I think the next week while we're apart we both need to think about what we want for our future together."
"Are you thinking about breaking up?"
"I am not thinking about breaking up, but we need to work this out or it's going to tear us apart."
"Okay, we're still going to keep in touch while you're gone, right?" She asked.
"Of course we are, I'm just saying that we both need to think when we don't have the pressure of being seen together."
"Okay" She seemed upset.
"It's less than two weeks until our anniversary, we are going to be together then." I kissed her, then looked at her. "I love you Penny, I don't want all this to tear us apart."
"I don't either. I love you too."

First Anniversary
Penny's POV
The next 8 days were the longest ever, but at the same time the shortest. I wanted to be with Brian, but my fear has held me back for the last year. Just a year ago, I thought I would never find love. I had decided that love was too dangerous, too hurtful. I put up walls to protect me. Then he in one night he broke down those walls and I let him in. It wasn't about his fame, his talent or his money. It was because he was genuine, caring and he's right, we had an instant connection. Then I put up walls around us, I told myself I was protecting him. But really, I was protecting myself. I realized that no matter how many walls I put up, I had given him my heart and nothing could stop the pain of losing him.

Brian's POV
The next week was crazy, we did so many interviews that I couldn't even think straight. I ran through so many scenarios in my mind of how this weekend could go, how I wanted it to go. I understand Penny's fears, but I also would do anything to get her past them. What I wanted was an open and solid relationship, I wanted commitment. In most relationships it's the woman wanting the commitment, we were the opposite. On the flight to Michigan, I decided what I wanted to do. I only had that night to do it before we were apart for God only knew how long.

Penny's POV
I had already checked into "our" suite before Brian got there. I was very glad that they were able to accommodate my request for the same room as Brian had a year ago. Brian arrived and I as soon as the door closed I jumped into his arms wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso. We kissed like we had been apart for months rather than just over a week. He carried me to the bed, we never broke the kiss. Once he laid me down on the bed we both took of our clothes in a frenzy. He laid on top of me kissing me.
Then he said. "Penny, I love you and I need to be inside you. I need us to be one, not just here but everywhere. Penny, will you marry me?"
You know how in movies there is the perfect music playing and all is great and then something happens and the music ends like a record player needle scraping across a vinyl album? That would've been the perfect sound at that moment.
"Did you just propose?"
"Yes, you know we belong together. I know you love me and you know I love you."
"By this time, I was getting dressed."
"What are you doing Penny?" He said.
"I need to take a walk, Brian. I need to think."
"Okay, when will you be back?"
"I'm not sure. I won't be gone too long though." I kissed him on the cheek. He looked stunned.
I went to the lounge that we first had a drink in. I sat there having a drink alone. Within me was a struggle an all-out brawl between my true wants and feelings and my demons. The demons won.
I returned to the room. Brian was waiting, a beer in hand and visibly nervous. I was pretty nervous too.

Brian's POV
Penny returned from her walk. I didn't know what to say. She sat down next to me and took my hands in hers.
"Brian, you know I love you." I felt a big BUT coming. "But I'm still trying to have the courage to go public and I am definitely not ready to get married again."
My heart sank and I felt like an idiot. "You can't marry me now, right?"
"I don't know if I can ever marry anyone again."
"Why? You don't trust me? You're afraid I'll be like the others?" I didn't even give her a moment to answer. "Penny, I thought we were already committed to each other. I realized on the plane here that you can't have commitment while hiding from the world. I'm tired of being in a relationship that makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like I'm cheating and sneaking around. You said you didn't know if you could ever marry anyone. I thought I was more than just anyone. I don't need this."
I hadn't even opened my bag yet, I picked it up and walked over to Penny. "Penny, I love you with all my heart. I am willing, no I want the whole world to know it. But, I can't hide behind the veil of secrecy anymore." I kissed her and tasted the salty tear that had run down her cheek.
She just said "Brian, please don't go." I turned around and walked to the door. "Let me know Penny when you've sorted it all out." I didn't even turn around and look at her, I didn't want her to see that I was holding back tears.

Penny's POV
A year ago I was the one that ran out the door, this time he ran. I kept hoping he would just come back. I called him about 15 minutes after he left.
"Hello" He sounded so cold, distant.
"Brian, I love you. Please come back. I miss you already."
"Penny, I love you too. I just don't think you understand how hard all of this is on me."
"I understand, I didn't before. Can you please just come back? It's our first anniversary. I need time to think, that's all." There was only silence on the line. "Brian?"
"I'll be up in a minute, let me finish my drink. Bye."
I paced until he knocked on the door. We hugged and I said "Thank you for coming back."
"I realized we needed to be together tonight, even if it was just to hold each other. I was running away like you did a year ago."
"Brian, I have made progress. We have been in public settings. We're part of each other's family and friends."
"Being in the same place in public, is not the same as being together in public. But I know you have gotten more comfortable."
"Can't you please just give me a little more time?" I almost begged.
"Of course. But the never getting married thing is a problem for me."
"I didn't say I never would, I just don't know. But I am committed to you, to us and our life together."
"Let's enjoy this night. It's been a crazy year. It has been a year full of love, I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world." Brian said.
We had a great dinner brought up. Brian took my hand across the table "Think about it, the two of us sitting in a restaurant just like this."
"I would like that and I am thinking about it."

Brian's POV
I held Penny's hand and guided her up from table. I looked into her eyes, "Everything I am and everything I will be is yours, if you want it."
"Brian..." I put my finger to her lips and stopped her.
"I don't want to talk about it anymore tonight. I just want us to make love."
That night we made love, tenderly with deep emotion. We barely spoke and we didn't have to. I just couldn't understand how we could have such a deep connection, but she still couldn't get past the public thing.
The next morning, I woke up and she was there sleeping in my arms. This was my favorite way to wake up, my ultimate happy place. But I needed Penny to wake up as far as our relationship was concerned. The only way to do that was to give her a jolt and hope she would see. It was going to be risky, I could lose her forever.
She woke up and looked at me. "What are you looking at, Junior?"
"I'm looking at you, Penelope. I don't want to forget how beautiful you are and how it feels to wake up with you in my arms."
"We are going to be apart for a while, but we can talk and video chat."
I had to change the subject, I didn't want to ruin our whole morning. "Let's get some breakfast."
We laughed and joked over breakfast like we always have. Then we made love and took one of our long showers. I was scared as hell; I was hoping she had started to see things my way. If she didn't, I would have to hurt us both.
We were snuggling on the couch after our shower. I had to talk to her, I couldn't wait any longer.
"So, have you thought any more about my proposal?"
"I thought we had already talked about that." She obviously hadn't budged.
"What about being open with our relationship?"
"Brian, why are you pressuring me so much all the sudden?" She was agitated
"Because it's been a year, Penny. I have proven every way I could that you are the one. I know that it will probably be rough."
"I know what Michelle went through, they hated her because she had you." She said.
"But you will have me. I can't protect you from all that, but the Penny I know doesn't give a damn what those people would say."
"Brian, what do you want me to do?"
"I want to stop sneaking around. I want to walk through an airport together, holding hands. Go to parties and restaurants, sitting by each other, dancing. I need that and if you can't at least try, as much as it kills me, maybe we shouldn't be together."
Her jaw drop, I saw the tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't speak, she even opened her mouth to speak but the words wouldn't seem to come out. I could see the conflict within her and I just wanted to hold her and tell her it was going to be all right and to forget everything I said. But I had to stick to my plan.
"Penny, can you talk to me?"
"Are you breaking up with me?" Tears began to flow down her cheeks.
"No Baby, I just think we need to take a break. We both want different things; we both need time to think." I wiped the tears from her face. "I leave tomorrow on tour, this is our opportunity to figure this out."
"But we are still going to talk, right?"
This was killing me, but there was no other way. "I think we should at least take a week before we talk. I love you Penny, but right now we are divided for the first time. We have to agree on how we want to move forward, either in secret or in the open."
She still wasn't speaking, the tears had increased. I took her in my arms. "Penny, I want to marry you. It may have seemed spur of the moment, but it's what I want. We can never move toward that the way we are now." She held me tight now.
"I love you, Brian." She still seemed at a loss for any other words.
"I love you, Penelope. I have to get ready and get to the airport now."
When I was ready and came out of the bathroom, she was still sitting there in the same spot. I walked over and kissed her. "I gotta go."
I walked to the door and turned to look at her, she ran up and hugged me so tight, I thought she wasn't going to let go. We kissed and I lifted her chin and looked at her. "This doesn't have to be the end, hopefully it's a new beginning."
"I love you."
"I love you, text me that you got home okay?"
"I will."
I left and walked down the hall, I had to stop. I was scared as hell, what if this backfires?

Notes