My Fucking Nightmare

We started in San Diego. Then drove to Tempe, Lubbock, and San Antonio. Couple places in Florida. Headed northeast to New York, Maine, Ohio, and Massachusetts. That was within the first three weeks. We were already exhausted. The shows were packed. Total fucking sellouts. I’m not gonna lie, I was taken by surprised. Phil told us we were selling on the top of the charts but I didn’t believe it until we got onstage every night and performed all these new songs. People were singing along as though this album was a year or two old. Unbelievable. Absolutely inspiring.
I could tell Brian was homesick. I was homesick. All I did was worry about Harriet, especially since she had that scare. She played it off as something minor, but she didn’t hide the fact that she lost a quarter of her blood volume. Almost needed surgery. I couldn’t be there if she needed anything. She had Melissa, and Melissa was the best thing for her, so I could rest assured knowing she at least wouldn’t be alone. She had her key to my place, and had promised me that she’d have all her stuff moved in by the time I got back, since her lease expired only a few months into the tour. Plus, I had a few other guy friends in town who would have been happy to help her.
Life on tour wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Looking back, as upset and horrified as I was that Harry lost the baby, I was relieved. I didn’t have to leave her behind knowing that we were expecting a kid. And don’t get me wrong, being a dad is one thing I’ve always idealized, but this wasn’t the time for that. Harriet didn’t have the physical support from me that she needed. So yes, I was relieved. And I could focus on my career across North America, soon heading into Canada, for the time being.
With that said I worried about her constantly. I know she didn’t have much company aside from my dog, Melissa, and her coworkers. I knew she wasn’t sick, that she was able-bodied and could work without causing stress on her body. She was used to long hours in black skirts and high heels. I think I was more worried about fucking creeps hitting on her. Though I do remember Melissa mentioning that she’d be there to pick Harriet up after closing the bar. I took solace in the fact that there were maybe one or two closing shifts a week that she had to work, so it wouldn’t put much pressure on Melissa.
I thought that listening to Jim and Zack droning on and on about their wives was misery. But adding Brian to the mix…fuck, I couldn’t take it. And then myself, my own worrying, it caused a huge disruption of focus that we as a group couldn’t afford. The fans were counting on us. Phil and our supporters needed us to pull this off. This was the only tour that was as long as it would be.
As I laid down across the king sized mattress of the hotel room I shared with Brian and Johnny, I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to visualize everything that had happened within the last couple months. The trip to Vegas, the wedding. The miscarriage. And now the tour. We were only a month in. My deepest concern was that none of us would be able to make it until the end, except Johnny. I’ll admit the bastard was only smart when it came to his emotional well-being.
Ah, emotions. Not an easy topic for someone like me to talk about. I was always rough around the edges, but I do feel. For the most part it’s a drag, but now that I’ve got a wife, it’s easier to allow them to come through. However, there’s always a downside. I just don’t want to miss her too much.

Notes

Nothing special. Just passing time. Don't mind me, just packing in more and more emotion.