My Fucking Nightmare

The next time I saw everyone together, Matt’s teeth were metal. His teeth were fucking covered in metal and I don’t think I was ready to be able to stifle the awkward giggling. Not to mention trying to refrain from pointing out the elephant in the room. I wanted to believe that it was just a phase. In fact, I hoped to god that it was just a phase. As for everyone else, their styles changed up a bit. Zack cropped his hair short and pulled his bangs over his eyes and dyed the tips bright blue. He pierced both sides of his lip and got a septum in his nose. Johnny got a Mohawk. Okay, it sort of suited him. But like Zack he bleached the tips. Tonight he didn’t spike it so it sort of hung over the side of his face, covering one of his eyes at a time.
And I didn’t even want to mention what Brian started doing. It was edgy. I didn’t want to ask them why they’d all went down this horrid emo path, because even though I might not have been the most diehard fan of their music, I at least had some sense to know that they were a fucking metal band, and not a group of rock boys in some cute little boy band. We had enough of those in Los Angeles. In fact, I was sure that for the whole summer of that year, the majority of my papers were about those petty little black leather clad punks that practiced in garages and scored gigs in high school auditoriums. That wasn’t my boyfriend’s band. That wasn’t their image. So when Brian began caking his eyes in makeup and dyeing his hair jet black, I grew really infuriated at first.
The only one whose style didn’t change, and for that I was truly grateful, was Jimmy. His hair always suited him. It was his signature. Using any other style would have been blasphemy in the name of the Reverend. And in light of that, he was literally the only one I could look in the eyes.
On that occasion we were all gathered at Brian’s for drinks. Hopefully not as many drinks as we had at Matt’s several weeks ago, but enough to gather in a peaceful social atmosphere with a group of friends. Matt showed up with Harriet; they were taking it easy, but like I already said, at some point in the last few weeks he’d gone to get some dental work done. If I was drinking beer all night, I’d have needed a miracle not to bring it up.
After a few hours of kicking back and joking around, Harriet and Matt split. Where they went I wasn’t sure, but we all grew a little suspicious that they’d be fooling around, no matter how often Harriet protested that she wasn’t ready for that yet. For the most part I believed her; she was usually pretty good with staying true to her word, and I suppose that after going through breaking up with her ex, she wouldn’t want another man in her bed for a good, long while. I just hoped Matt was ready for that outcome. I wasn’t sure if Harriet really knew how long he was single and sexless for.
Although two of our party left, the night was far from ending. No one was falling down, no one was roughing it up. It was very enjoyable, very well-paced. I was impressed. Jamie showed up after another hour or so as she’d finished her shift as a manager of the band’s exclusive liquor depot. They scored wicked discounts, lots of great deals. Probably endorsed over half the store’s revenue.
I was on my fourth or fifth Sierra. I started drinking the rest of Matt’s when he left. He crashed the party, we’d drink his liquor. It was fair. Fortunately for me though, I was the only other member of our group that had an acquired taste for Sierra, so more for me. “Okay. Okay, I need to know. I need to know why the hell you guys are going through this weird phase. I mean with the grills. And the hair. And the black clothes, face makeup. Looks like fucking war paint.” Brian cackled, but I continued. “He doesn’t tell me much about the album. Does it have to do with the album?”
“You said you didn’t want to know about the album, Liss.” Brian argued. I rolled my eyes.
Zack chimed in. “And besides, not everyone’s doing the grills thing.” Boy, he was one to talk.
“Right, Vengeance. The guy who not only got metal on his teeth pierced the shit out of his face and shaved his hair.”
“It’s a good look!” he squealed, finishing the rest of his beer. “Fans raved over our pictures from the shoot the other day.” right, I forgot they did a shoot. It wasn’t bad. Lots of tough-guy schemes, lots of hard-core edginess. Made me sort of falter from finishing my paper. It’s just a phase, I kept telling myself. But when it would end, no one was certain. Hopefully when this album is gone and they’re done beating a dead horse.
Okay, I didn’t want to sound pessimistic or negative about all this stuff. I mean, dating Brian automatically signed me up for all the bullshit. The screaming fans seeing us walking or driving or hanging out in restaurants and bars. All that undesired attention. And the constant dwelling agony of knowing he’d be away on tour after a few months. Soon as the album kicked off they’d be gone. And I’d be left here listening to Harriet go on and on about how perfect Matt was. Not that he wasn’t perfect, but she always forgot I had my own perfect boyfriend to think about.
Brian bent over and kissed the top of my head. “You went all quiet there for a sec, Liss. You okay?”
I nodded and came to, then set my bottle on the floor beside me. “Just thinking about your stuff is all. Hmm. I could use another beer. Anyone need anything while I’m up?”
They waved me off. I proceeded to the kitchen to grab another Sierra, bringing it back to my seat before retreating to the bathroom. I’ll admit, thinking about all this stuff kind of put a damper on my night. I didn’t like imagining Brian going away. Not being able to stay at his place for a couple nights at a time. Harriet wouldn’t have to stay at our place by herself, though, which wasn’t a bad thing. And we could talk about our men for hours at a time. Who was good at what, bad at whatever else, and argue over who was hotter.
I was starting to really worry about her, in any sense. She’d gotten dangerously close to Matt the last week or two. They always wanted to be alone. And I knew she was too chicken shit to put out and he was probably too out of touch to try. And Brian had often said he had a temper, so of course I worried. But they were just as adult as the rest of us and she wasn’t my responsibility, so if push came to shove she could always call on me. I just wasn’t going to waste away trying to be her keeper.
When I finished peeing and taking care of my business, since I’d gone out of sexual commission for that lovely week that everyone enjoys, I rejoined the group and walked in on what seemed like a group moment, minus Matt. Only it was Brian and Jimmy hanging off each other, kicking their legs up on a passed out Johnny (that didn’t take long) and a grumpy Zack. They were singing some chorus I didn’t recognize immediately and rocking back and forth in each other’s arms. Jamie lay stretched out on the couch closest to Jimmy, her hand locked with his. I sat back down in my chair before Brian stuck his hand out and asked me to join him. “How are you doing, my love? Are you enjoying yourself?”
“I am, dear. Sure you don’t need anything? Jamie?”
“Gotta drive home soon, Melissa darling.” She said, trying to stifle a yawn. “Getting late and I gotta work early again in the morning.” She and Jimmy switched glances and he ducked his head down disappointedly. Every man knew the look she just gave him. The finish your drink so we can go home look. I could tell Zack and Johnny weren’t too far behind. Zack would likely take Johnny home, but he was always more than welcome at Brian’s. Needless to say, Zack left him here because the poor bastard fell asleep sitting up.
Twenty minutes or so went by and everyone began leaving. It was just after midnight. I appreciated these earlier nights, as we probably weren’t going to have another badass bender like we did at Matt’s. Lord knows my liver couldn’t have handled it. Brian propped Johnny up on his couch and stuck a pillow under his head as a precaution so he’d face the floor in case he got sick. I’ve seen Johnny drink. If he got sick over a few beers, something wasn’t right.
Brian and I headed off to bed, leaving the kitchen light on in case he woke up and needed water. Pinkly followed us and slept at our feet. Usually she slept on my side by the other pillow, and I felt bad that she was forced down there, but she seemed more at peace that way. As if his bed was complete. We didn’t fall asleep right away, but cuddled face-on. I could hear his heartbeat so loudly, so clearly, and surely he could hear mine. I always fell asleep to that comforting pattern. Another reason why I’d hated sleeping at my place.
He brushed some hair from my face and rested his arm on my side. “I still wish you lived here.” He whispered. I didn’t respond, but nodded. He saw it in my eyes that I wanted it just as much as he did. “Why don’t we drive to Huntington this weekend? Bring the bike, have a beach picnic.”
“Would you want just us or should we invite Matt and Harry, too?”
“Could be like a double date thing. If she isn’t afraid of bikes. I think it’d be cute.” I wasn’t sure if he was being sincere or trying to hide being annoyed with me wanting to invite my roommate and his best friend. I only wanted to open up to them in hopes that they’d do more stuff as a couple, rather than two people trying to battle it out in privacy all the time. And since we hadn’t yet gone on a double date…
I breathed against his chest and ran my fingers down his collarbone and sternum as I usually did when we cuddled like this. “Why do you think they left together tonight?”
“Probably boning.”
“No, cuz I’d have heard about it by now. She’s a bit of a gabber about that stuff. Matt’s got no privacy around her.”
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Why did I have the feeling she was like that?”
“I’m pretty sure Matt’s the only guy she’s ever seen that didn’t treat her like a fucking cum dumpster so whatever they’re up to, hopefully it’s good for their relationship.”
“They’re definitely not like us.” He said with a smile, bending down to kiss me.
To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure if Matt and Harriet could handle being a couple like us.

Notes