Brian´s POV
This conversation I was having with Amy right now was the weirdest I ever had with a summer fling.

But really, Haner, she was more than a summer fling right? I wasn’t ready to admit to anything yet, so I shut my brain out.

She was pulling away from me and she really thought I wouldn’t notice? My head might be a big stupid mess at the moment, but I could read her like a book. She was the most open woman I had to deal with in a long time. Or had I seen everything incorrectly? We wanted to have fun, we had fun until my asshole friends came over, what changed?

You did, asshole. My brain again, but it was true, I did change as soon as I saw Zack, I put some distance between me and Amy and I had seen Matt doing exactly the same. Then it was okay, right? I mean, if Matt was doing the same thing it was the logical thing to do? Right?

If Matt jumps of a bridge, will you do it too? YES! I would, he is my fucking best friend. Not the point, Haner. I let out a sigh, this was fucked up. I didn’t know what to think.

“Well… I think the avoiding part went both ways, didn’t it? You just made it clearer that your friends shouldn’t and wouldn’t see us, right? But you were right about it, weren’t you? This will be over soon and we should begin to realize that, right?” I heard Amy’s voice break when she finally said something again. She felt so good under my hands, I had missed touching her today, I had missed being near her today.

You missed her, period. Nope, I just missed how we had been this holiday, she was just the woman of this holiday, the one that had been to my full disposal until then.

Liar

“What? Fuck No! I.. I just don’t want my friends to get the wrong idea, you just don’t know how they can get… And.. Amy, we still have a few days… I want to spend those days withyou! You have to admit we had so much fun together, and of course it will all different when we get back, but then you will be back to your known surroundings and I will get back to mine. I mean it will automatically fall back into place, don’t you think?” I asked her, not really sure of what I was saying. I was hoping it would all fall into place, because right now it all felt too surreal to even talk about it, going back to my life? How? How could I just put this holiday aside? Put Amy aside? It might have started out as just fun, but we were past that and I was willing to admit that part. It wouldn’t be fair to Amy if I didn’t. I was hoping she would say something that would make sense in all of this, because I certainly didn’t know anymore.

But she didn’t say anything, she just stared, blank. I calmly pulled her out of the bathroom into the bedroom. Maybe it helped if I got her more comfortable. Maybe she would clear things up. That was what wives did right? Be the common sense in the marriage?

“Amy?”

I pushed her on the bed to sit her down and lifted her legs, taking of one shoe and then the other. I put them aside and found the zipper of her dress, revealing her soft, porcelain skin. A sigh escaped her lips and then she started talking again, but she never formed a complete sentence, just words, sentencing starting, but nothing really came out.

Ask her why she was so evasive. You need to know what is going on in her brain, you can’t just go where your lower brain is going again. Stop it Haner!

Fucking brain. I knew I needed to ask her all the questions, ask her what she meant, ask her what she was thinking, but I didn’t want to talk anymore, I needed to feel. I hadn’t been able to do what I wanted all day and for now I just needed to make sure we were still okay, I would let her feel everything that I wasn’t ready to tell her yet, everything that I wasn’t even ready to admit to yet.

I slowly kissed her shoulders and her back, letting my hand trail every bit of skin my lips were going to touch. I pushed the dress off her back, caressing her arms. When the dress was pooling around her waist I pulled her up, the dress falling to her feet, revealing a tight purple baby doll dress I hadn’t seen yet.

She looks amazing…. And she is mine, how could I have gotten so lucky to marry a girl like her?

My eyes found Amy’s and even though I wanted her as close as possible, I was looking for permission in her eyes. I couldn’t take advantage of her if she was drunk, or if she didn’t want to do this now. I needed her to be in, just as much as I was. Her eyes were crystal clear, the alcohol fog that had clouded them before completely gone.
“Amy, do you want this? We could just go to sleep? I’m fine with just holding you tonight”

Holding her? She was a summer fling, you should fuck her senseless. Being drunk is all part of that. Why don’t you show her every corner of the room, Haner? Why are you being so sensitive with her now?
Shut. The. Fuck. Up!

Still nothing from Amy. She seemed to be debating herself, but it looked like she had made a decision and she moved her small hands to my shirt, unbuttoning it. One torturing button after the other while she send me shy looks. A shiver went over my back every time her fingers slightly brushed my skin. My torso quickly covered in goose bumps the minute her hands touched me more and pushed the shirt of my shoulders. A soft kiss to my chest made me sigh in bliss. A little gesture, almost making me burst with so many feelings.

Feelings, huh?

Amy’s hands got to unbuttoning my pants now, they were fully opened and almost immediately fell to my feet. Amy sat on the bed and backed up to the headboard, sending me a look that got me hard instantly. There was no doubt what she wanted from me and I would happily give it to her….

…And more… Are you sure this is just sex? The look in your eyes might be confused for something else, you know? That rush of your heartbeat? You might wanna listen to that.

I carefully laid down on top of her, kissing her slowly, small kisses, long kisses. Sensual and slow, just lips and tongues. Her hands were going through my hair and forced me even closer to her. I couldn’t help my hips from moving up and down on her, pushing her baby doll up just a little bit.

My hands were going over her sides, finding the skin of her hips, only skin, no panties. Oh fuck.
“Were you really not….” I groaned and kissed her even deeper.
Amy blushed “I thought I try it for a change, see what all the fuss is about” she smiled sweetly
“You make me do all these things I normally don’t do” her voice was quiet and if I wouldn’t be so close to her, I might not even had heard it.

We were staring at each other, not finding new words to say. What was that thing in her eyes?

You don’t want to heaaarrr ittttt. The voice in my head was taunting and it was right, I didn’t want to hear it, because as long as I didn’t hear it, it wouldn’t be true. And I wouldn’t have to deal with it as long as it wasn’t true.

“Amy… I…” I started a sentence I wasn’t even sure of where it would be going, but I didn’t have any chance to think about how to continue, because Amy put her finger to my lips.
“Don’t Brian, don’t… Just…I need you… Please” Her little beg was followed by her lips, a kiss that was hungry. It was followed by hungry hands on my back, quickly moving to my boxers, pushing them down. I leaned back, removing my boxers. I wanted to get up to get a condom, but Amy stopped me.

“Like this, Brian…. I promise you I won’t trick you into a pregnancy to hold on to you. I still promise you a silent divorce” she tried to joke, but I could hear the hurt in her voice, did she really think I would think that of her? She hadn’t been anything but nice about everything. She had acknowledged there was far more on the line for me than for her, why wouldn’t I believe her?

Asshole, you are only thinking about yourself. If the fans really find out who she is, the impact will be huge. It will be even bigger for her because she isn’t used to it. Are you that stupid?

Before I could let those words in my head really get to me, I moved over to Amy again, kissing her with everything I had in me, confusing feelings and all. I found her hot entrance, all wet and ready and so receptive to me. We both let out a sigh when we were joined and I looked into Amy’s eyes, not able to stay away from them. Her eyes seemed glazed over, she blinked a few times and then closed them, putting her hands on my shoulders, encouraging me to move.

I slowly thrust in her, back, forth, push in, pull out. She still didn’t open her eyes, but her mouth was open slightly and little moans escaped her. I caressed her face, put little kisses on her eyelids before I moved to her mouth again. My hips were living a life of their own now, moving faster, deeper, desperately looking for the release that was building up inside of me so steadily.

Amy was getting close, I could feel it, when her muscles finally contracted around me I lost it and came too, hard. Her eyes shot open and one single tear ran down her cheek. She looked at me shocked and then quickly closed her eyes again. I kissed the salty tear away and moved next to her, holding her tightly against my chest. I didn’t know what that meant. I couldn’t have hurt her, I couldn’t.

There are more ways of hurting someone, Haner.

Sara’s POV
This feeling was amazing! I loved this feeling! Floating in the sky, looking down on the world, floating in between the clouds, the place I loved to look up to so bad….

Oh no….

I didn’t….

I carefully opened my eyes, feeling the light peeping through the curtains sting my eyes, the clouds I was just floating in, still occupying my brain, leaving no room to remember what had happened last night….. Oh man… I did…

FUCK! What kind of stupid things did I do now?

The pressure on my body was a relieve this time, the familiar tattooed arms encircling me even more. I knew him, I ended up in the right bed, thank god. Why did I drink this much? I swore that I wouldn’t do that again anytime soon, we all saw what happened the last time I got that drunk.

I sighed and closed my eyes again, thinking back to yesterday, all the hurt coming back to me. For a bit I enjoyed Matt holding me. I hadn’t forgiven him yet, but now he was sleeping, he wouldn’t know I was lingering in him holding me. I wouldn’t lose my face. Then something happened that never had happened before, flashes of last night came back to me.

Matt and me dancing… Matt pushing me to a wall…. Matt in the elevator… Me sticking out my tongue... Shit, very mature, Sara. After that… nothing, must have continued the drinking after that and god knows what I did during that time. Fuck, I really needed to stop doing that. It would end bad sooner or later.

Matt sighed in his sleep and loosened his grip on me, his arm now loosely lying over me. I thought about him and me, and realized this would probably be the last time we would be so close. If he only wanted me when his friends weren’t around and when they were I would get the cold shoulder, he wouldn’t have me at all…

I just wish he didn’t have such an influence on me. I wasn’t able to control myself when he was around. The anger that had been fuelling me last night would subside and I would never keep up with my resolutions. My brain was doing overtime and I suddenly needed air. I couldn’t stay here. I needed to clear my head. I slipped out from Matt’s hold and put on some shorts and a sweater over my shirt and grabbed the sunglasses laying on the table next to the door. Only realizing when I was already out of the door that they were Matt’s. I shrugged to myself…. They would have to do.

The hotel was still quiet, mostly, only a few families with small children having breakfast. I made my way outside, and put the aviators on. They were too big for me, but I needed them to protect me from the sun that was quickly making its way up. I started walking towards the beach, not really knowing where I would go eventually until I saw it.

Between the palms bordering the beach large hammocks were hung. That would be perfect, no people passing by directly, nice view of the ocean and last but not least, a nice place for me to lie down. Maybe I would even be able to sleep a little more.

I settled myself in one of the hammocks and stared at the sea, calm waves crashing on the beach, a lonely seagull flying over. I really should live at the beach, it helped me clear my head, I liked it. I always had, even before I created so many nice beach memories this holiday. I thought about the man that made me feel like this. So happy, so angry, so damn confused.

It was really hard for me to understand why we couldn’t just continue like before his friends came over. We had an agreement, we said we would just have fun, why couldn’t he just tell his friends that little fact and not give me the cold shoulder? I had gotten so used to have him near, his touches all day, him kissing me every time he got the chance. He had made me feel so good since the first time we met and now I had this nagging feeling in my stomach whenever I thought about him. And not to forget… a heavy heart.

Really Sara? Your heart? We agreed on not involving that one, didn’t we?

I guess it was time to have an honest conversation with myself. I was alone now, I didn’t have to admit to anyone but myself. It would make things easier for everyone, or at least for me….

“You look better in those than I do, but I think these are just not my color”

I opened my eyes and saw Matt towering over me, wearing my baby blue Ray bans. I chuckled at the sight, they were too small for him and he was right, the color didn’t suit him.
“You want to swap?” I asked, taking off his aviators and holding them out to him.
“Only if you let me join you in that hammock, it looks real comfortable”

I shrugged and felt him lying down in the hammock like a professional. Yes, they were even more comfortable with two… If you would snuggle up.

“Sara, come on…” Matt had laid his arm behind my head, waiting for me to take my place in his nook. I was conflicted, I needed to be at that spot, it was where I felt most comfortable, but did I want to give into him already? “I promised you a talk, so I will talk, and we will both be so much more comfortable if you move in” his voice was calm and I glared at him.
I didn’t remember him promising me a talk, but he could have promised me a stairway to heaven last night and I wouldn’t remember it anyway. I sighed and moved in “Only because this thing is highly uncomfortable if I don’t!” I muttered, immediately taking in his scent when I snuggled up to his body. I felt a kiss on the top of my head.
“That’s my girl”

His girl?! My stomach tumbled a few times, and I was scolding it to calm the fuck down.

“You were drunk last night”
No shit Sherlock.
“But that’s not really important, you were in good hands with Johnny. You didn’t do anything stupid in case you are wondering.”
“I wasn’t” I lied. I was happy the little guy had taken care of me and didn’t marry me because he could.

Silence fell over us again.

“I think we need to talk.”
Oh fuck, I don’t know if I was ready for that
“I had a lot of time to think last night, and it struck me, around 4 am I think… I know that you were mad at me yesterday and I think I finally realized why”
I turned my head a little to look up at him, but he didn’t look at me, he was just staring at the sky, his fingers of one hand going over my arm. The other hand getting a hold of mine, entwining our fingers.
“You said some things last night that got me to the conclusion.”
Shit… I said drunken things to him… as I already said…someday it would go wrong… and apparently it was sooner..
“I didn’t realize I had pushed you away, until you told me. That was pretty stupid of me, and I am sorry” the sound of his voice changed and I realized he was looking at me, while I kept staring at our entwined hands.

“Sara, look at me” I slowly averted my look to his and found his kind eyes, full of regret “Please accept my apology? I was an ass” I nodded and looked down again. I didn’t feel comfortable under his gaze.

“You have never asked for anything more than fun from me and I’m not used to that. Most people want more of me, most women want more of me and I’m not able or willing to give them. We had so much nice times together and I definitely want to continue that for this holiday, but when my friends came over I started to fall back into my old habits. Keeping a distance to people, making sure they were not able to get more from me than I was willing to give. But I shouldn’t have, there was no need with you. You and I… we were clear”
I wanted to stay mad at him, because he had a lousy way of expressing himself, but somehow I understood where he was coming from. With everything he told me about his ex wife, with everything I could imagine when being a rockstar… I understood his attitude. But it was a little weird his friends triggered that.

“Wouldn’t your friends have told you if I was bad news? Wouldn’t they been able to see how our ‘relationship’ worked?” I asked him, emphasizing the word relationship. Matt tensed next to me and his answer took a long time. When it finally came out, it was soft and barely audible.
“Yes, they would’ve”

For a moment we just laid there and I allowed myself to enjoy the surroundings and the man that was holding me. I knew that it would be over in a few days, but he had been the perfect remedy against my broken heart. Matt had showed me I should keep my standards and not lower them because of everything that Marc had done to me. I smiled, I should be thankful for that.

“Matt” I lifted my head and found his mouth, softly kissing him “Thank you”
His lips found mine again and he sighed, as if it was the best thing ever happening to him.
“What are you thanking me for?” he smiled when we finally broke apart.
“For apologizing, for being there for me, for being you” Another kiss before I found my little place in heaven again, his arm tightly around me.

“I don’t want to ruin these last few days, it will be over way too soon”
“Me neither… Let’s show those friends of yours what fun looks like, shall we?” I giggled, getting joined by one of Matt’s low chuckles.

His arm tightened about me even more, and for a second a feeling shot through my body. A feeling I had been pushing away for days. What if….

Just as I was about to say something about it to Matt, be completely honest with him I heard the voice of my best friend next to us.

“Sara? I’m sorry to interrupt, but I really need to talk to you….”

Notes

Ohhhh our lovelies! This is quite an important chapter... Brian is giving his upper brain a chance to overthink everything and Matt and Sara seemed to have a good talk, but what was she about to say before she got interrupted?

Dun Dun Dun

More on "Stuck with you" in next week's episode ;-)