Michelle’s POV

My head was spinning as I stepped away from Matt, gently touching my tingling lips. What the hell just happened? Only a few minutes ago I was ready to give my v-card to Brian and now here I was in the kitchen being pulled into an intense kiss from Matt. What was going on? Did I start this? Had I blacked out for a minute? I honestly didn’t know anything anymore, including what I wanted. I was just so confused.

I gapped at Matt and I took another step back, trying to wrap my head around what just happened. What did he mean he had to get my attention? Attention for what? Oh, right…I forgot that I was avoiding him because I was afraid to tell him about Brian. I guess the amount of drugs and alcohol coursing through my veins was affecting me after all.

“Come on, Michelle just fucking talk to me. I’m so sick and tired of the cold shoulder!” Matt hissed at me with pleading eyes as Brian appeared down the hallway. He looked like he had seen the whole damn thing and my stomach dropped. Shit it wasn’t supposed to happen like this!

“What is the matter?” Matt finally asked, following my gaze to Brian who was now standing behind him. Brian looked pissed and that only made a small smirk come over Matt’s face. “Like what you see here, Haner?” Matt gloated, pulling toward him.

Matt pulled me so hard that I literally stumbled into him in my drunken state, not really having a choice in the matter. He caught me before I fell and held me close, his hand resting firmly on my hip. Slowly his calloused fingers ran over the exposed skin between my mini-skirt and top.

“Don’t kid yourself, Sanders, she was just with me not five minutes ago. Right, Michelle?” Brian said with the cocky smirk that made my stomach explode with butterflies, or at least that’s what I thought they were. His brown eyes locked with mine and I couldn’t help but bite my lip and lower my head. All I could think about was his lips on my skin leaving little electric charges.

Matt scoffed, watching me closely out of the corner of his eyes. “Well it must not have been enough for her because she came right her to me when she was done. I guess she knows who the real man is here, huh, Haner?”

Wait, what the hell were they talking about? I didn’t go to Matt! I just kind of ran into him. And why did his kiss leave me confused? I mean, I liked Brain didn’t I? Did I still like Matt too? Shit, I didn’t know what to think or who I liked anymore.

“Well, if she had thought you were the better man in the first place, she wouldn’t have been seeing me too,” Brian took a step towards Matt with narrow eyes and let out a small gasp. “Guess I’m the one she really wants!”

“You’re so full of shit, Gates that it’s not even funny,” Matt laughed humorously, letting me go and step up toward Brian. The two looked like they were about to fight and the panic started to rise inside of me. No, why were they fighting over me? This had to be some kind of dream because I really wasn’t anything to fight over!

“Must be she saw what you had to offer and came running back to me. Maybe she’d rather go to homecoming with me now,” Matt growled now dangerously close to Brian.

“Guys please don’t do this…” I begged, trying to get between them. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest that I felt like it was going to explode. God I really shouldn’t have taken those drugs… “Please just drop it! We’ve all had too much to drink tonight…”

“Who do you want, Michelle? Me or Haner here?” Matt said, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Suddenly both sets of eyes were on me and I opened and closed my mouth a few times, totally lost for words.

“Yeah, fucking pick so we can settle this once and for all. Are you my girl or Shadows?” Brian agreed and suddenly I couldn’t breath. The panic in combination with the drugs and alcohol was setting in. I had no idea what I wanted and I wasn’t ready or in the right state of mind to make a choice. I like both of them and it was literally painful for me to choose at this given moment—it was impossible.

“I-I…” I gapped. Oh god I felt like I was going to be sick. “I’m sorry…” I cried and before they could say or do anything, I bolted for the door.

I knocked into multiple people on the way to the front door but I didn’t care. I just need to separate myself from the problem and stop my damn heart from wanting to explode. How could they expect me to choose? They were both so different and offered such a different path. Hell I liked both of them.

“Hey, Chelle what’s the matter?” Leana called after me, grabbing my arm and spinning me around. My head was spinning and I felt so sick with the confusion that was coursing through my veins. I felt like everything was falling apart around me and I just need to get out of there.

I gapped at her, shaking my head. It was only then that she looked very confused and had she been crying? “I-I just need to-to go home…” I stammered, trying to control myself and trying not to vomit. “I’m fine…I just need to go.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Leana asked, stopping me as I tried to pull away from her.
“I don’t want to ruin your time at the party, Lee,” I sighed, feeling panicked as I saw Matt head in our direction. “I have to go…”

Leana held onto my arm and just pulled me into a hug as I cautiously watched over her shoulder. I couldn’t give him an answer right now. Hell, I couldn’t talk to him right now.

“You’re not,” she said, her voice shaking slightly. That was odd, I’d never heard it do that before. “I’m about done here anyway. Let’s get you home, Miche, and then you can tell me all about it,” she said before stumbling with me out the door.

“Really, Lee I’ll be fine,” I softly protested, not even convincing myself as I pulled away from her. “I just need to get out of here and think about some things…” I urged just as a figure approached. I cringed seeing the shadow closing in on me and my chest started to rise and fall rapidly. Please don’t let this be Matt or Brian, they were the last people I needed to see right now.

“ZACKY!!” Leana screamed and I let out a sigh of relief. I turned around just in time to see her jump into his arms and Matt stop next to him, his eyes glued on me. He had cornered me and I was suddenly in fight or flight mode.

“Please, Chelle…just talk to me…” he breathed but I just shook my head backing up. I couldn’t do this now. And before he could say another word, I padded out of the house and onto the street. I could hear Matt calling after me, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t because I had no idea what I was going to say. I was so torn with my feelings and emotions that I didn’t know what to do.

A couple minutes later, I found myself in the bathroom emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Jack Daniels and Patron certainly didn’t feel or taste as good as they did going down. God I felt awful and everything was crashing down on me at once.

"Chelle, are you ok?" Val’s voice sounded next to me as I went for another round. She held my hair and rubbed my back as I moaned into the toilet bowl. Why was she home already? Shouldn’t she still be at the party? God, had I ruined everyone’s night? Now I felt even worse about everything.

I slowly reached my hand up and flushed, before moving down to the floor with my head in Val’s lap. “What are you doing home?” I moaned, my stomach still reeling. I wanted nothing more than to talk to her about this but I was afraid that she would be mad at me. Not to mention that I felt extremely guilty about not telling her the truth.

“I saw you fly out the door and I wasn’t about to leave you,” Val chuckled, dabbing my forehead with a wet cloth. “It’s not like you to run away like that. What happened?” She asked and I had never been more thankful to have to throw up again.

By the time I came out of the bathroom, Val was waiting for me in my room. I bit my lip and tired to walk around her but she could sense that something was wrong. This damn twin thing! "Chelle, what is wrong with you? Talk to me," Val pleaded, leading me over to the bed.

I let out an exasperated breath and put my head in my hands. "What am I going to do, Val? I like both of them, and they both want me. I mean, I'm going to homecoming with Brian, but Matt keeps kissing me, and I like it too. How do I decide?" I rushed out before I could stop myself. My hands flew in front of my mouth as I looked up at Val. Fuck she looked pissed though I didn’t really understand why.

“I-I’m sorry…I don’t think I heard you correctly,” Val laughed cynically, though her facial expression was enough to tell me she was livid. “You’re going to homecoming with who?”

I slowly picked up my head and bit my bottom lip. Why did I have to open my big mouth anyway? Stupid drugs and alcohol! I gave her a small sheepish smile as “Brian…” softly came off my lips.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Michelle? You’re going with Haner? HANER?!” she raged, standing up and pacing the room. “You know what kind of sleazebag he is!”

I gapped at her for a moment before finding my voice. I was shocked by her reaction. Wasn’t she the one who was playing tonsil hockey with him at school only a couple of weeks ago? I was so confused! Unless she was jealous…nah, Val had never been jealous of me in her life so why start now?

“I-I don’t know…” I stammered, watching her clench her fists with anger. “He asked me and-and…I said yes. I like him Val…you know that I’ve always liked him.” I sighed and I heard her mutter something under her breath but I couldn’t make out what it was. “But like I said, Matt keeps—“

“So you were fucking Sanders too? God Michelle, I don’t fucking know you anymore!” she raged, throwing her hands up in the air and that’s where I got frustrated.

“I didn’t fuck anyone!” I yelled back at her. “I’m still a fucking virgin and the whole school knows it, no thanks to you!” I was getting pissed now too. “So I think I can go to the dance with whoever I want, thank you! Brian makes me feel special and whenever he kisses me I feel—“

“He’s kissing you?!” Val totally flipped out. “That fucking asshole!” she screamed pulling at the roots of her hair. “When is he kissing you?” she sneered. I had never seen her like this before and I didn’t really understand what the big deal was.

“It’s none of your business,” I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at her with narrow eyes. “All you need to know is that he is going to homecoming with me….” Val looked like she was about to explode and I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to get away from her. She was supposed to be helping me with my problem, not making it worse. What the hell was wrong with her?

“And if you have a problem with it,” I continued, grabbing my purse and phone and heading toward the door. “You can kiss my ass. I like Brian and I’m not going to stop just because you tell me to! It’s my fucking life!” And with that I slammed my bedroom door, leaving Val staring at me agape. Well it served her right. She started this. I just wish I knew why she was so upset about it!

I quickly made my way out to our back patio and pulled out my pack of cigarettes. Mom would kill me if she ever found out that I smoked, so I was glad that she wasn’t home this weekend. Hell, I didn’t even pay attention to when she said they would be back. It was just so much easier and peaceful without her around. I didn’t have to walk on eggshells and my stress level always drastically decreased. What was the sense in having a mother if all she did was torment you and make you fear her?

“Just breathe, Michelle…and think,” I muttered to myself as I took out a Marlboro from my pack. I need to just sit back and think about what happened tonight and what I actually wanted. Everything happened so quickly that I didn’t get to processes anything.

I mean, one minutes I was about ready to hook up with Brian and the next Matt was kissing me. How did I even get from point A to point B? I knew I would have let Brian take my v-card if we weren’t interrupted, which was really saying something. He just made me feel so good and so special, not to mention that intense spark that flared between us every time we touched. I didn’t know what it was but I was addicted to it.

And what about Matt? Oh, god, Matt…I felt like I owed that boy my sanity. He was the one who helped to pull me out of my dark depression after my dad died a few years ago. Matt was always there when I needed him and just this year he started to make advances toward me and I welcomed them with open arms. I just felt safe when I was with him. But when we kissed, it was nothing like when I kissed Brian. That spark wasn’t there but damn did I enjoy the way his snakebites felt against my lips. So who should I choose? Comfort and safety or spark and a little risk?

“Shit, where is my lighter?” I grumbled only to see one light up in the darkness. My eyes slowly followed the flame up to see Brian’s gorgeous brown eyes staring back at me. What was he doing here? Shouldn’t he still be at the party?

“Thanks,” I whispered hesitantly, leaning forward and lighting up, my eyes meeting his. “Look, Michelle I’m sorry about earlier…things got out of hand with Shadows…”
I raised my brow at him as I pulled away from his lighter and leaned back on the deck. My eyes looked up toward the sky, noticing for the first time in ages that you could actually see the stars. That was a rarity for us here in Huntington Beach. “Brian I—“

“No, I’m sorry…I was a dick and I never should have let it go that far,” Brain interrupted, moving to sit next to me but I didn’t look at him.

I scoffed and blew out a cloud of smoke as I shook my head. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have—neither of you. I’m not some prize to be won,” I said, crossing my legs and shaking my foot nervously. I was still wearing my short skirt, top, and heels from the party but I didn’t care right now. “And for you guys to talk about me like that made me feel like a cheap piece of trash, which I’m not either…” I sighed, closing my eyes. I couldn’t believe I was about to say it again… “As you’ve probably heard, I’m still a virgin,” I blushed, looking everywhere but at him.


“I know, Chelle,” Brian said softly, his calloused fingers moving to rub up and down my arm. It felt like he was stirring the ashes and lighting a fire within me. “Like I said, I’m sorry. You’re right, we were total douches and I would really like to make it up to you. Do you think I could have a second chance?” Brian practically begged and my heart melted a little bit. “I really like you, Chelle…please…”

I looked up and met his eyes and couldn’t help but blush. At that moment I knew that I really liked him too. I couldn’t explain what it was that attracted me to him but it seemed like we were magnets, always being drawn to each other. Even since we were kids, Brian was always around and that had to mean something right? Maybe we were meant to be together?

Brian’s fingers reached up and gently pushed a lock of my dark hair behind my ear, sending a tail of goosebumps down my exposed arm. “I really like you too, Brian…” I whispered, letting him cup my face and pull me into a soft kiss. His lips were so gentle and delicate that I seemed to melt into his arms, letting him lean us back on the deck.

When the kiss ended, I cuddled into his arms, looking peacefully up at the stars. It seemed perfect here like this and I really couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. It just felt right.

“No way, there is no way that your dad actually let you do that!” I gapped, laughing at one of the many stories Brian was telling me. Currently he was showing me his first tattoo that his dad actually paid for and dropped him off at the appointment.

“Oh he didn’t. He actually didn’t find out about until a year or two ago and once it was out in the open I’ve just been collecting them,” Brian shrugged as I held his hand, looking at the number one on his thumb.
“Was he pissed?” I asked, looking up to meet his dark eyes that were reflecting the early morning light and something else that I couldn’t read. “Nah…he just gave me money for the next one, which is here…”
He said, pulling up his shirt and showing me the word ‘bluebloods’ across his heart. “Oh and then this is my newest one,” he said, moving and lifting up the back of his shirt to show his last name on his back.

I gently reached out and traced over the letters, feeling the goosebumps rise on his skin at my touch. “Sorry,” I muttered, pulling away with a blush. I hoped I hadn’t made him feel uncomfortable.

“For what?” Brian almost laughed, pulling me back into his side. He leaned in and quickly kissed my lips, the burst of electricity making me feel dizzy.

“I-I don’t know,” I breathed, not really sure anymore. The kiss had totally messed up my mental processing abilities. “I should have asked before I touched your tattoo…”

Brian threw his head back with a laugh, and pulled me onto his lap. “You don’t ever have to ask to touch me, Chelle. You can touch me however you want…” he whispered in my ear, his hot breath instantly turning me on. “Wherever you want…whenever you want.” His lips were suddenly trailing down my neck and I closed my eyes and put my arms around his neck. “And speaking of tattoos…” he breathed, tickling my ear. “I want to know what you got and where.”

I bit my lip and pulled back a little bit from Brian, meeting his eyes. “It’s nothing as cool as yours, I can promise you that,” I said shyly, the blush returning to my face.

“I bet it’s a hell of a lot sexier than mine…and I want to see it. Will you show it to me, babe?” Brian pleaded, his hands running up and down my sides. “Please? I showed you mine.”

“It’s really nothing specially,” I said, moving to my feet and looking down at Brian.

“I still want to see it,” he insisted, leaning back to get a better look at me.

“Okay…fine,” I blushed. I carefully moved my hands to the button and zipper on the side of my skirt and unzipped it a little bit. I bit my lip nervously as I slowly pulled the fabric down to reveal the little butterfly on my lower hip.

“Damn…Miche,” Brian said, biting down on his knuckle as he looked at me. His eyes traveled up my leg and up all the way to my face, lingering on my tattoo and my exposed black lace underwear that I was wearing. “That is one of the most sexiest things I have ever seen,” he rasped, reaching forward to pull me into him as I tried to put my skirt back together. “No…come here. I want to see it up close,” he insisted.

When I stopped directly in front of him, Brian wrapped his arms around my legs and gently kissed my tattoo. My body exploded with an array of fireworks when his lips touched my skin, making my knees feel weak. Brian carefully pulled me back down to sit on his lap, claiming my lips with his.

“I-I should really head back inside,” I breathed sometime later, having finally broke out little make out session. My head was spinning from the spark and everything that I was feeling. God, Brian just made me feel so alive.

“Mmm…I think you should stay with me,” Brian murmured in my ear, his lips leaving another trail of kisses. “It’s morning anyway….” He said and I opened my eyes to see the sun starting to rise in the distance. Shit how long had I been out here? Had Val seen me making out with Brian? No, you can't see the deck from our room, besides she was probably fast asleep. “Damn you taste good, babe.”

I let out a light moan, and closed my eyes again, willing myself to move. But the truth was that we were good together and I didn’t want to leave. It felt so good to be in his arms and have his lips on my, almost like a really really good drug with no side affects. “Mmm…as much as I want to, Val will freak out if I’m not in my bed when she gets up…” I breathed, slowly pulling away. Though Brian was more than convincing for me to stay.

“Well then promise me you’ll see me today?” Brian said, watching me with hooded eyes as I moved to get my purse.

“I don’t think I could stay away if I wanted to,” I said honestly with a blush. Why did he always know how to get that out of me?

Brian smirked and stood up, pulling me back into his arms. “Today is beach day with the guys. I promise to make it worth your while if you show up in a cute little bikini,” he said and I couldn’t help but smile. He was just so damn charming and cute that I couldn’t say no.

“I’ll be there,” I promised, leaning in and pecking his lips. “But I may have to bring Leana and Val,” I said, watching the expression on Brian’s face change for a brief moment before his smirk returned.

“Sure the more the merrier, besides Leana usually tags along with Zee anyway. So I will see your sexy ass there,” Brian leaned in and gave me a kiss before sending me away with a spank. “Don’t make me wait too long, babe.” He teased as I shut the front door to my house.

“Bye Brian,” I waved. He blew me a kiss before he hopped the fence back over to his dad’s house.

When I was alone, I pressed my back to the wall with a huge smile on my face. That bad night quickly turned around to be one of the greatest nights of my life and I had Brian to thank for that. Not only did I have fun with him, he also took away any confusion I had in mind. I liked Matt, sure, but I wanted to be with Brian and I was sure there wasn’t any way either of us could deny what was going on between us. It was like we were meant to be.

I quickly and quietly made my way up the stairs and slipped into my bed after changing into an old t-shirt. As I pulled it over my head, I peaked through the bathroom and into Val’s room to see her sleeping soundly. Okay, good, so she didn’t notice that I was out all night. Perfect.

Notes