Welcome to the Family

When I woke up, I couldn’t believe that my alarm clock displayed 11.43am. Had I really slept so long? Sure, Matt and I had returned to the house very late, but I never slept longer than until about 9am. Instead of jumping out of bed like I usually did, I took some moments to reminisce about the previous night.

I had really enjoyed getting to know so much about Matt and sharing my own stories with him, too. After the machinery hall, we’d snuck to his house, where Valary was still living, and Matt had shown me his motorcycle and his beloved car, a red 1972 Chevelle Convertible. He’d promised me a ride whenever he was able to get his keys from inside his house without having to face his ex and then he’d taken me home.

Much to my surprise, he’d only given me a long hug and a kiss on the forehead when he wished me good night. I wasn’t sure if he didn’t want to go too fast (again!) or if he didn’t want to make me believe he actually liked me. Who knew, maybe he really wasn’t interested after all, I thought, but his actions made it hard to believe anyway. I came to the conclusion that only time would tell. Then I quickly got up so I could prepare lunch for three guys I really cared about and the one I fell for. Yes, fell for. I was absolutely sure that by now, I was helplessly falling for him, and in my clumsy optimism I reckoned he would catch me.

I shoved my vegetable casserole into the oven about half an hour later. By then, the guys were already sitting at the table. They seemed ravenous. I started wondering if I had neglected them and my job by going out with Matt and not being able to get up in time to make breakfast today. But then again, they had sticked to their plans and simply eaten whatever I normally prepared for them.

"Alright, here you go," I said, "careful, it's still hot!" "Can't be as hot as your date with Mattyboy yesterday, huh?" Brian shot back. Date? How did he know? "Uhm... So how's the food taste?" I replied evasively. "Come oooon, don't be boring," Zacky screamed, "tell us all about it!" Matt, seated right next to me, stared at his plate in silence. I saw his jaw clench and he cut the casserole with an awful lot of force.

"Uhm, privacy?" I suggested, playing hurt. "There's no such thing on the A-Team. Believe me," Johnny chuckled. "What did you dooooo?" Zacky wanted to know. Before I could say anything, a familiar, sleepy voice huffed right next to me, "Guys, calm your dicks. I showed her 'round town. You know, house where I grew up, our school, party shed, the bar where we had our first gig,..." He let out an annoyed sigh when Zack and Syn awwwwwww'd loudly and mockingly looked into each other's eyes like lovebirds, then returned to his food.

"That doesn't take so long. I bet you were in her room, you know, in HER, after that." Hell, I could kill Brian for being so annoying. On purpose! Who did he think he was, I mean, seriously. But then again, he was Synyster Gates, and that was exactly who he thought he was. Zacky then asked a more serious question. "So, are you guys becoming an item?" Yep, good question Zack, I was wondering, too... Matt just let out an angry huff before leaving the table. I wasn't quite sure what that was supposed to mean, but I felt a little bit disappointed, too.

"Hey, don't look so sad, he was probably just annoyed," Zacky tried to cheer me up, but all he earned was a frown. "Tell uncle Brian what happened yesterday and I'll definitely be able to tell you what it means," Syn offered while placing his arms around my shoulders. Johnny excused himself to take a shower, saying that he didn't know Matt as well as the other two anyway.

I didn't know what I expected, but somehow I just started telling Brian and Zack about the previous nights. "You know, the day before yesterday when we went partying," I began, only to be interrupted by Zacky, "Yeah, and that was when everyone noticed there was definitely something, I mean, you cuddle-danced for like, an hour, even when the music was gone..."

I ignored his comment and continued, "after we brought your drunk asses to bed, he brought me to my door and kissed me goodnight. But after that, he said he wouldn't make that mistake anymore. So that's that. I don't even know what the mistake is."

Syn nodded and then asked, "so, yesterday?" "Like he said, we drove around HB and talked for hours. We climbed the tree where his treehouse was and kissed again. Just RIGHT THEN, his branch broke and he fell down!" The memory of that made me grin broadly, and the two guitarists joined me.

"So you kissed again!" Brian whispered excitedly, and I nodded, "After that we talked some more, you know, right on the hood of the van, and well, he gave me his jacket and had his arm around me, just like you now, Brian." "And then?" Zacky asked while Brian threw me a playfully sly grin. "Nothing. I didn't even get a goodnight kiss," I stated, and the two of them looked at me in disbelief.

"Okay, but maybe he thinks it's going too fast. I mean, considering what happened on, like, your second day here, that's not a stupid assumption anyway," Zacky tried to explain. Of course, Syn, who apparently couldn't say serious for more than ten minutes, offered a better explanation. "Or he's afraid you wouldn't like him anymore when you see his mini dick. Maybe he cut it off anyway," he whispered conspiratorially.

"Yeah, thanks..." I grinned. "Of course that explains everything, you're a genius, Brian!" Brian and Zack cleared the table and I just sat there, not knowing what to do. Sure, maybe Zack was right, and he did think he was moving too fast. In that case, I had to show him that it was alright. I didn't even know how fast I wanted it to go, I just knew that right now, it was just awkward.

By thinking it went too slowly I didn't even mean to sleep with him right there and then, I just wanted the situation we were in right now to change. Sometimes we were close and kissed, but sometimes he didn't seem to want to, and that was what made me nervous. All I wanted was to be able to kiss him whenever I wanted. To know that he, too, wanted it.

"What are you waiting for, Vicca?" Zacky's voice interrupted my thoughts. "You should go to him right now. Kiss him or something," Brian suggested. I knew he was right. Without bothering to reply to the guys, I left the kitchen, crossed the living room, and before I knew, I was standing in the sleeping room hall, right in front of the first door to the right. I took a minute to gather all my strength and then knocked. When I heard him answer, I let myself in.

My heart pounded loudly and I thought it might burst my ribcage. He was just sitting there at the table, scribbling notes and words. And he looked so handsome, even in his black pajama pants and white wife beater shirt.

"Hey Matt," I smiled at him shyly. "Vicky," he greeted me back. Awkward silence. "I was just wondering if you're alright," I said silently and got closer to him. "Yeah, I am. I was just annoyed by Syn and Zacky, that's all," he reassured me. "Oh, so it's got nothing to do with what their questions and comments were about?" I asked him bravely. My palms began to sweat and my guts twisted nervously. He turned around to face me. By then, I was standing right in front of his chair. "No, why?" he sad.

"Because I was wondering about what they asked you, too," I whispered.

Matt pulled me into his lap and cupped my face with his hands. "Listen, Vicky," he began, but somehow I didn't let him finish. Out of a sudden access of bravery, I leaned toward him and closed the gap between our lips. I felt his body stiffen, and for a split second I was afraid he would push me away. But then, he gently responded and slipped his tongue inside my mouth immediately.

After a while, he slowly pulled away and let his hands travel down my arms, taking both of my hands in his hands. "You didn't let me finish," he declared and then cleared his throat. Well, thank you, Captain Obvious! "Okay?" I looked at him. His expression was unreadable. Somehow, I started feeling very uncomfortable, as he didn't look particularly happy. Why didn't he? I mean, we just kissed. Actually, for the first time ever, I kissed him. Why didn't he seem to be thrilled by the idea that I, too, wanted this. The kissing stuff I mean. Or even some more.

"You, uhm, you want to talk about this, right? Us, I mean...," Matt began, looking more uncomfortable with every word. By then, I knew I had fucked up. I had fallen too fast for someone I didn't know, for someone who'd just gone through a very rough break-up, someone who probably just wanted to screw around and stay unbound for a while, someone who didn't, and never would, return my feelings.

In that moment, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces, and there was nothing I could do to make it stop aching, nothing.

Notes

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