Maya’s POV

One moment I was dancing with Jimmy, then I felt like I needed a small break and get some fresh air and afterwards I found myself being cornered by an unknown guy.
I didn’t hear him approach and it wasn’t like I couldn’t take care of myself, I just felt so exhausted and confused all evening that I didn’t need a guy showing up from nowhere getting all pushy on me, but thankfully Matt showed up and saved the day… again.

“Shit, M. are you okay?” Matt carefully looked me up and down then he cupped my face in his hands. His big calloused hands were resting on my cheek and I was nearly tempted to move my head to the side, just to be pressed even firmer into his warmth.

My eyes moved up to take in his handsome face, he was only inches away from mine, he slowly leaned in and was about to close the gap between us, his lips looking so kissable, they were so familiar to me. I knew exactly how they felt against mine, how much I loved his kisses, how intoxicating they were, then his hazel eyes bore down on mine and I wasn’t able to form a coherent thought-

Then everything seemed to happen at once, instead of kissing me, he dropped his hands and took a step back, running his hands over my head as if he caught himself doing something forbidden.

“Sorry…” He muttered, slowly backing up. “I-I…just couldn’t let him do that…” He shook his head, his eyes not meeting mine, I wasn’t sure what he would see in them, because my thoughts were torn between disappointment, that he didn’t bridge the last distance, that he didn’t make the final move and relief that he had been strong enough to stay away, when I apparently couldn’t have said no.
“It-it won’t happen again…” And with that left me standing there alone and confused.

“Matt…” I finally found my voice, I didn’t even know what I would do or say if he would turn around now, but he didn’t turn, he left without looking back so I wouldn’t have to find.

The rest of the party was rather normal, I spent more time with Jimmy and Jess, dancing around and saw Matt keeping his distance from me. He never left and he was always close by, but he didn’t ask me for another dance or was hovering over me like before.

What did he mean with ‘it won’t happen again’? That he would help me? Did he think that I was mad cause he said he was my boyfriend?
I mean he just helped me in that situation, I couldn’t be mad about that, right?!

I looked around and saw that Brian and Ave had already left and I sighed, maybe I should go back to the hotel, too, the evening was long enough.
Some of the guys decided to move to another club and MB was trying to convince me to come along, but I shook my head.

“It was a long day, but don’t worry Ave and I will be staying for a little longer, we will get another chance to party and go dancing, alright?” I patted MB’s cheek and he chuckled “Swear?” He asked and I nodded.
“I swear” He hugged me a final time and then headed off with his brother, Johnny and a couple of other guys towards the waiting cabs.

When I turned around I saw Matt standing a little off to the side, waiting for me maybe?
“You going with the others?” I asked when I nearly reached him but he just shook his head, his arms were behind his back and I frowned, he was acting a little strange.

“I will bring you back to your room” Matt said and I nodded and gave him a small smile.
“Thank you… and Matt… about earlier-” I started but he shook his head “No, please… I know, I’m sorry… I just couldn’t control myself, like I said it won’t happen again and-” I couldn’t take that, I interrupted him, and put my finger in front of his lips silencing him, but quickly pulled away, realizing how intimate that felt.

“Sshh.. let me finish. I was going to say, thank you… for helping me out. And I wasn’t mad at you for going between it, I was glad that you were there… I am glad for you being my… friend” It still sounded strange to say that word in combination with Matt but we had been friends before, friends and lovers, maybe now we could find a middle ground.

We walked the distance to the hotel mostly in silence, when we reached the entrance Matt stopped me with a hand on my wrist, but quickly pulling away again “Do you… still have a second?” He asked and sounded serious.
“Sure, what is it?” He motioned us over to a bench and we sat down, he turned to me opened his mouth and then closed it again, as if he was not sure how to say it.

“Matt? What is it?” I asked, “You scare me a little.” I put on a small smile and Matt closed his eyes.
“The real reason you came, M. You said you missed us… but I know the real reason now.” Matt looked at me intensely and since I knew Matt quite well, I was certain he wasn’t bluffing.

“From whom?” I asked looking down on my hands, twisting and turning.
“That makes a difference? We all should have guessed that much, the way Brian was behaving… Since when… since when do you know?” Matt asked and I turned back to him “You remember when I called you and asked to come visit?” I met his eyes and Matt slowly nodded “About an hour before”

“Oh” Matt stared at me “And… I mean… wow” He stuttered a little.
“Yes, it’s his. Ave haven’t been with anyone else, if that’s also the question you wanna ask” I said right away and Matt shook his head “No, I was going to ask is it sure… I mean you made a test or have been to a doctor?” Matt asked and I closed my eyes for a moment.

“She made a test, or rather three, two positive and one negative. We called you right away afterwards and here we are…” I summed it up and Matt let a hand run over his eyes.
“Whoa… this is huge, I mean… how does Ave comes to terms with it?” Matt asked and I shrugged, “Pretty bad when she first called me… I mean I didn’t even know she had been with Brian… I or we haven’t spent that much time together as we used to, and then she dropped that on me… But I think she is now dealing better with it since she and Brian seem to be back together, right?” I more asked then felt it.

Matt hummed in response but didn’t look up to me “I never thought of Gates being a Daddy, I mean… this is…” He trailed off and I nodded “Can you imagine, Brian and Ave running around with a baby on their arm, while in the evening he is playing the guitar god?” I chuckled a little and Matt’s head turned to me “It is a nice image if you ask me… Knowing someone that important is waiting for you when you come off stage…” I had to swallow thickly when he said that and for some reason I was afraid he wasn’t talking anymore about Ave and Brian, but that could be also my imagination.

After a long moment of silence we decided to head to our rooms, when I had to get out of the elevator and Matt ride more up, it was another awkward moment.

“Goodnight” He took a small step towards me, and I didn’t know why this whole day had been so good and then… since the moment outside when he chased away that guy, something was even more off between us then before.
My thoughts returned to the moment he had been standing so close to me, his lips only inches away, and the question in my head was, did I want him to kiss me? And I was afraid of the answer…

“Goodnight Matt” I took a step forward as well and just really slow he gave me a brief hug, before he let go and stepped back, like he didn’t want to touch me any longer than necessary and I tried to tell myself that this was for the best.

Another restless night for me, so I got up in the morning when I was sure my thought overloaded brain wouldn’t let me sleep anymore anyway.

I searched for my phone and saw a missed call from Ben, oh great, I remembered that I tried to call him once, when I was back in the hotel room, but he hadn’t picked up and afterwards I went to sleep and hadn’t apparently heard it.

A knock on the door sounded and I frowned, who would be here so early?
I trotted over to the door seeing a grinning Jimmy there “Rise and shine honey, we will have breakfast together, right now!”
“Jimmy, I am not even dressed…” I frowned around my room, what time was it even?
“Okay, then dress and let’s go.” Jimmy pushed me inside my room and looked as if to say ‘What are you waiting for?’

I dressed in record time and before I even knew it Jimmy and I were sitting in a quiet corner of the hotel, apart from every other guest and Jimmy looked at me as if waiting for me to start.

“So?” I asked not really knowing how to begin “So?” He replied with a grin.
“Jimmy, what is it?” I asked with a small chuckle and he frowned, “You better tell me, cause I know something is up, and I won’t tolerate you ignoring me or trying to fool me, cause that’s fucking bullshit. I know you better than anyone else here and I see right through you, so you better spill it now.” I swallowed thickly, what does he mean? Was he talking about Ave and Brian? Did he guess what was going on? Was he talking about Matt?

“Maya, I am not kidding, spill it!” He took my hand in his and softly let his thumb caress my skin, making me close my eyes, I missed spending time with him, and even if it was just these small moments.

“What do you want to know, Jimmy?” I asked finally and he sighed “Everything, why are you here? What is going on with Ave and Brian? What is going on with you and Matt? And is there still something up with Bruce? I missed so much in the time you were not with us, can you please clue me in? I don’t like not knowing what’s going on in my best friends heads, and since days I feel like everyone is trying to freaking block me out… except for my Queen of course, but… Are you working for Dan?” His eyes narrowed on me and I chuckled.

“No, you would know that, you are too clever…” I told him with a grin and Jimmy nodded “Right, but what if you want me to think that?” He narrowed his eyes again.
“You are also too clever for that” I shot back and he relaxed again, “That is right again, okay so now tell me what is happening!”

“Well, we missed you and we had to come visit” I said and felt bad about lying to Jimmy, and he had noticed that right away. “Nice try, but you better try again.”
“We had something to discuss with Brian.. and Zack. He offered us a job at VU” I tried to sound more enthusiastic about it, but again Jimmy shook his head.
“You really think I’m buying any of this?” Jimmy lifted his eyebrow and I sighed, shit what could I tell him, which would make him believe me?

“Let me try something different, are you and Ben still a couple? Or are you still trying to figure out what’s going on?” Jimmy asked out of the blue and I sucked in air, how could he hit the nail right on the head, damn him.
“Okay, so… if you rather talk about this, let’s go. Do you still love Matt?” Jimmy asked making me gap, what the hell?!
“It’s okay, M. I’m not gonna tell him… or Bruce, you should just think about exactly this question, shouldn’t you? Do you love Bruce?” He continued making me even more speechless.

“I-I don’t know… I mean…” I sighed not even knowing how to say this, “I loved Matt, and I still feel… drawn to him… but I also feel a connection between Ben and I, or I would have never started the relationship with him. We do have some fights but then… just before leaving, he told me those three words, he told me to hold on to him, that what we had is something to build up from… but then since I am here with Matt again, everything seems so different, like… Like the old times want me back… shit, does that make any sense?” I looked up into Jimmy’s blue eyes, trying to search for help or guidance.

“That’s a start, sweetie. Maybe you need some more time to come to the right answer, but you are on track… and now tell me why is Gates behaving like an ass?” I looked taken aback, what was that for a topic change.
“I.. Well wasn’t he always kind of an ass?” I asked with a smile and saw just in the corner of my eye how Matt had passed our table, now it made sense, why Jimmy quickly changed the topic and I was glad for that.

“Maya, look at me… Don’t lie, I cannot stand that foul taste in my mouth when I know you are lying to me. I just wanna know what’s going on, I mean… he is my best friend, and that’s my little gnome, and he doesn’t even let me near her, what’s wrong with that guy? Is she… ill or something? I want to help… I have some special technics to heal… believe me?!” Jimmy took my hand and held it in both of his and I knew I couldn’t lie to him anymore.

“Before I tell you the reason, you have to promise me, that… you won’t tell anyone else, it’s a secret and we cannot let it out in the open. It something only we know, alright? And it is important, really!”
I made him swear and look in my eyes, when I was certain that he understood me I told him about Ave and the pregnancy tests and Jimmy’s eyes grew wide and wider.

“You mean… Oh my god, you mean inside that tiny woman, is a little Gatesy-poo or a little tiny gnome growing?” Jimmy asked silently and I nodded “We don’t know for certain, but that’s what it looks like…”

“That means… I will get a nephew or a niece… Oh I need to teach him or her so much, maybe twins?! What if it’s a boy and a girl.. OH! The Knife Twins, that sounds classy, doesn’t it?” Jimmy got all excited and I tried to calm him down again.

“Jimmy, you promised me that you won’t tell anything, the others are not allowed to know, okay?” I reassured myself but Jimmy’s eyes were already glazed over with this faraway look, and when then Ave walked past us, I could only hope that he kept his promise to me.


Brian’s POV

I woke up with Ave in my arms, my hand on her belly softly stroking her skin. Was it possible that there was a little me inside of her?
The thought still freaked me out, but I had to be strong, I know I had overreacted yesterday, but I just… felt the need to protect her even more then I already did anyway.

She couldn’t blame me for wanting to take care of her and the… baby?!
I looked into Ave’s face and she was still sleeping deeply, so I decided to go downstairs grab a coffee and bring her some breakfast up.
So she would wake up with a nice breakfast in bed that was good plan as I thought.

I quietly dressed and then shut the door behind me, when I walked down the stairs I saw Matt standing in the lobby as well, he looked around as if searching for someone and when he saw me held his hand up in greeting.
“Hey, you up early” I told him and Matt nodded a little absent, before his eyes moved up to me again.

“You too, where is Ave?” He looked behind me and towards the stairs but I shook my head “Still asleep, thought it would be better for her.” Shit, why did I say that?!
“Yeah, she needs rest” Matt looked at me from the side and I frowned, how did he mean that?

We took a table in the dining hall and I grabbed a coffee for both of us, and saw Matt staring at me all the time.
“What’s up, why are you looking like that?” I asked when I sat down opposite of him again.

Matt sighed and let his hand run over his face “I know it… You don’t have to hide in front of me, and I am there for you… if you need anything, or I can do something for you, let me know, okay?”

Wait… what?!
“What are you talking about?” I tried to play dumb, but apparently Matt wouldn’t want to have any of that.

“I know Ave’s pregnant” Matt said quietly and my eyes opened wide.
“How do you know?” I hissed back, not wanting anyone to overhear our talk.
“Well, first your behavior yesterday gave pretty much away, then she didn’t drink, and finally Zack gave me a hint… You could have told us, man!”

“Baker, that asshole!” I growled “It’s not even sure yet, I mean… she did some tests and is overdue, but… it’s not a definite result yet, so I couldn’t tell you guys, before we even know, okay?” I felt a little pushed into the corner, of course I would tell my friends, but not right now… I mean, they shouldn’t get all involved when we didn’t even know what’s up?!

“Are you happy?” Matt asked and I was taken aback by that, how did he mean that? Happy?
“Huh?” Great reply, Brian.

“I mean, have you ever pictured yourself being a Daddy? And Ave is the woman, right? The one?! So are you happy?” Matt asked again and I had to think about that.
“Shit.. If you need to think for so long, that’s not a good sign.” He replied and I shrugged.

“Honestly, I am more about to freak out… then anything. I haven’t planned on being a father, I don’t even know if I would be a good dad, but Ave is already freaking out about it, so I need to be strong, okay? What if… What if she really is… pregnant, and then what? Will I have to quit the band? Will Ave and I manage it together? God, Larry will have my balls for getting his little girl pregnant, I don’t even know if we are back together, and now we are supposed to have a kid?! That’s too fast and too soon…” I looked helpless at Matt and he gave me a small smile, and then placed his arm around my shoulder.

“Calm down, take a breath.” Matt commanded and I did, “Listen to me, we will manage. You aren’t alone in this. Not you and not Ave, we are all family right? Do you think we would kick you out of the band, for being a Dad? Hell no… It’s earlier then we all planned, but what the hell?! And it’s not like about to pop out any second, we can make arrangement, we can make the bus safe for kids… or fucking, let a Van prepared for a baby travel behind us, making Jason drive it…” Matt joked a little and I had to chuckle at that.

“And as you said it’s not even certain yet, Brian. You are right, you should be strong for Ave, but we are also there for you my man, you are not alone in this, this way or the other, family always holds together, no matter what?!”

I nodded, feeling a little better, now… I still didn’t want all the others to know, what if someone said something at the wrong time, or really Larry would get wind of it, then we would be fucked.
But this talk let me breathe a little easier…

“And have you thought about the good things? Coming off a show, seeing your woman and kid, there waiting for you, you having them with you all the time? A real fucking family, dude?” Matt said and did he say that with longing in his voice?

“Fuck, you are right… I just need to come to terms with this, and when we are back in HB, Ave and I will go see a doctor and settle everything, we will be cool… I mean, teaching my son guitar, Jimmy drums? He could be a one man band…” I chuckled and Matt laughed loudly.
“Or a little girl, then you gotta have your fucking gun in check, but hey, you got enough uncles to take care of that as well...” Matt grinned when I saw in the corner of my eye how Ave came walking towards us.

A smile came over my face seeing her, I got up and took a few steps towards her, “Babe, I planned to bring you breakfast, but you are already up, damn…” I said when she was in hearing distance.

Behind her I saw some of our crew members, walking towards the tables and then Jimmy pushed his way past them calling something, and after him Maya, calling for Jimmy…
What was up with those guys? We didn’t need all the attention on us again, not right in the morning…

“Little GNOME!” Jimmy yelled and then he had finally bridged the last distance, pushing me farther away from Ave, and getting down on his knees in front of her.

I couldn’t even say anything, just watched the scene until I registered what he was doing there, Jimmy put his hands on Ave’s flat stomach, then he held her hips and guided his ear to her belly.

“Hey in there, how are you? I’m your uncle Jimmy! I can’t even wait for you to pop out, cause you know what? I can show you the world!” Jimmy kept on talking to Ave’s belly and Maya and everyone around was now looking at the scene before us, how Jimmy was kneeling in front of my… of Ave, and talking to her belly, like there was alreadya kid inside, which maybe was, but he wasn’t supposed to know, no one was supposed to know!

Ave’s eyes grew wide and filled with tears, she took a hesitant step away from Jimmy but he held on to her hips “I wasn’t done… we were still in the middle of-” Jimmy looked up seeing everyone staring at them, then his eyes met Maya “You promised!” She said disappointed and Jimmy opened his mouth then closed “I didn’t mean to… I just… She was-”

Suddenly all kind of questions were bombarding down on me “What the hell?” “She is pregnant and you didn’t tell us?” “I thought we are friends” “What will happen now?” “A boy or a girl?” “How far is she?” … More and more of those questions were being asked and I couldn’t answer any of them right now.

Then I saw that Ave turned away, a sob loud and clear to be heard and I tried to push away, from MB, Jason, Dan, even Johnny and Zack stood around us, as well as a gapping Jess…
Fuck this was a disaster!

“AVE! Shit, AVE WAIT!”I tried to catch up with her at the same moment Maya did.
“Ave! Sweetie, look at me!” Maya, pulled her into her arms but Ave pushed away, tears were running down her cheeks, and my heart broke, god this was too much, not only for her but for me as well, how should we handle all this?

“How do they know? What is happening here?” Ave sobbed and Maya and I looked both guilty to the ground.

“They were all suspicious since yesterday… Fuck, babe… I don’t know, but hey… Now we don’t have to act anymore, they know, I mean.. they are our friends, it’s better that way, right?” I tried to soothe her and was finally able to pull her into my arms.

“Ave, they just want to help you and be there for you.” Maya stroked Ave’s hair and I nodded.
“But-But we don’t even know… how can… I mean…” Ave sobbed and it was hard to understand, she was near a break down and I knew I had to set her down quickly.

“Wait here for a second, I’ll be right back.” Maya announced and then was gone, after about five minutes she waved at me to come over so, I kept whispering reassuring words into Ave’s ear all the time, she had at least stopped to hyperventilate, my shirt was soaked from her tears and she hadn’t said another word, which worried me a little.
I was afraid she would withdraw from me completely, so I tried to make her feel as safe as possible.

I carefully moved with Ave in my embrace back towards the table and set her down in one of the chairs.Now only Matt, Zack, Johnny, Jimmy and Maya, Ave and I were at the table.
I didn’t know how, but at least Maya had send the rest of our friends away, we didn’t know for how long, but that was a start.

“Ave?” Maya said softly and then lifted her eyes to Jimmy who crouched down next to her.
“I’m sorry, little Gnome. I didn’t mean to spill the secret or anything, I just… I was so happy at the thought, I couldn’t control my movements. I shouldn’t have done that” Jimmy took Ave’s hand in his, but she didn’t even lift her head to look at him.

“We are all family, Ave. If or if you are not pregnant, that won’t make a difference. I mean, we will always be there for you… You are not alone in this, neither Brian nor you, and I am glad that we know, we can take better care of you, if the need really arises.” Matt announced and I nodded.

“You called them a family yourself, love.” I put my hands on her shoulder, trying to put some strength from me in her, but Ave just seemed to stare ahead of herself, I wasn’t even sure, if she was listening.

“This is too much for me… I need to go-” Ave stumbled to her feet and I quickly caught her, before she could bump into another table.

“But Ave-” Maya tried again but Ave held her hand up, like she wouldn’t listen anyway.
“I’ll bring you to our room” I told Ave and she shook her head again “I need some time to think, I just…” She sighed and I closed my eyes.

“Please don’t shut me out, Ave. We are in this together, you know that, right?! I just want to be there for you” Ave’s head finally moved up, we stood in front of the elevator, her blue eyes were boring into mine. “I know, Brian”

She got up on her tiptoes and placed a small kiss on my lips, just when I was about to close my eyes, to really enjoy it, she pulled away, and when I opened my eyes again, she stood in the elevator and the doors closed before I could get in…

Notes

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