Maya’s POV

I stared at the screen of my laptop, while I was sitting in the small coffee shop, waiting for Avery’s class to be over.
I absently let my fingers wander of the picture that showed the face I’ve been trying to forget and yet, here I was looking at it, searching for it, longing for it?

I wished to feel the soft skin, the light stubble and the hard muscles that were shown, but I didn’t.
I could only feel the hard screen of my laptop and that wasn’t satisfying at all.
I let my eyes wander off to the other people in the picture, how his arm was hanging over the blonde woman beside him, her smiling up to him and his dimples visible.

That smile was mine, that man I had called mine, and now it belonged to someone else as it seemed, someone new, he had moved on… and I… I didn’t.
I still thought back to the good times we had, when Ave and I were with them on tour, when we had fun, when we enjoyed life to its fullest.

All the happy times, but also the drama we had been going through and then… when Ave and I had to go back to prepare for college and move back into our apartment, Matt and Brian had to leave for the beginning of the next tour cycle and that’s when it all started… the start of the end, if you may say so.

We were sure we would make it, we were certain nothing could get between us, but we were wrong, I was wrong, so damn wrong, I couldn’t even believe it… even though I had to admit that the first week I was full of energy and optimistic that we could work this out, but that soon changed after the second week, it already began to crumble. I tried to be strong, I have never been in a real relationship before and I never been in a long distance relationship so again I had to face my fears and trust someone else, and I wanted to, damn I wanted to so much… I loved Matt and he loved me but in the end… we didn’t make it and it wasn’t enough.

In the first week Matt called me before each show, and then we talked afterwards again, but when my college started, we didn’t find that much time anymore, then we began to miss each other’s calls, when I had time to call, he was on stage, when I was in college he tried to call me.
We got frustrated with this and I got mood swings, blaming everyone, getting rid of my bad mood on others and I didn’t like that side of me, which meant I knew this wouldn’t get us very far, but I kept on trying, trying for Matt and me.

After the calls got less and less, and they didn’t have a day off in their schedule I couldn’t stand it anymore. I tried to fight against the miserable feelings, I talked to Ave about it and she was holding up much better than I did, even though she wasn’t feeling good either, but apparently she was better made for a distance relationship while the thought in my head got more and more clear on what I had to do.

It wasn’t just me who felt miserable, Matt was feeling the same way, when I talked to him I could hear him suffer and I couldn’t stand that, the more we got to fight against it the more exhausted we were getting and I regretted to make him suffer… for me… for us, why would we have to suffer when we loved each other?

One night I talked to Jimmy and he said Matt was at a Meet and Greet and wouldn’t be able to call me even though he said that with the mood Matt had lately no one should be meeting him. I knew I had to do something, I also knew that Jimmy just wanted to let me know that Matt was missing me as bad as I was missing him, but damn this didn’t help me, it just made me more sure of the outcome.

I remembered the last call I had before I finally had the decision in my head, and hearing Matt’s voice had broken my heart.

“Hey babe, I’m sorry, I tried to call you earlier.. how are the first weeks of college?” Matt asked and I had to smile, he tried to sound happy but I knew he wasn’t.
“It’s busy… been learning with a group and how was your-”

“Give me a fucking minute, damn it!” Matt yelled at someone and then he returned to the phone.
“Sorry, babe. What did you say?” He asked again and I sighed, this was how most of our conversations were going lately.

“I said busy… but how was your show?” I tried again and Matt sighed “Tiring… how about we talk via Skype, so I can see your pretty face? Do you have school tomorrow? We have a band meeting in a few… so maybe..” Matt trailed off…

“Yeah, I gotta be at the uni at 9, sorry. Maybe after your meeting?” I asked a little hopeful, we tried to at least see us via Skype a couple of times a week, but that was also a rather rare occasion.

“Got a technician meeting, we have someone new to the crew so… fuck… how about after school? Like 3? No wait, I have sound check then… maybe… after the show tomorrow?” Matt asked and he was willing to try and always willing to find a solution. He was burning himself out with all this and at some point he would regret it, he would know that I was the reason, that I was the one who tied him down...

“I will just try and then we make it spontaneous? How does that sound?” I asked and Matt sighed.
“I wished you were here, babe. This is fucked up…” Matt said and I heard someone call his name.
“I know babe, don’t worry. You have to go, we talk again have a good day.” I told him and that’s when I knew what I had to do.

I shook my head getting rid of that memory, one of a lot… I looked back at the screen and I don’t know why I was torturing myself this way, still looking at old pictures… sometimes even checking some online blogs to see if they were okay, even though it hurt even more to see that after a while he really moved on… they did… and we weren’t part of it anymore.

Again my eyes met Matt’s in the picture and his handsome smile, at some point that smile was reserved for me but that was now more than three months ago, more than three months since I have seen him smile, seen him at all to be exact.

Do people think of anniversaries when they break up? Because right now, it’s been exactly 3 months…

When I thought back to the day when I skipped college early to call him, I knew it wouldn’t end well, knew he wouldn’t understand my intentions right away, so I had to lie to get it into his stubborn head, because he was right, he had been the world’s most stubborn ass, which was one of the reason that I had loved him… he was willing to fight, even though there was nothing to fight anymore.

I had called him on a day where I knew he didn’t have a show, when they were having a bus ride day and he had enough time to recover from it, if he really had to recover, that was.

“Babe, what a nice surprise” Matt picked up after the second ring.
“You don’t have any classes today?” He asked and he really sounded happy and I was rethinking again, but I wouldn’t back out now, we were miserable, I had been miserable… I couldn’t keep this up, make us both suffer and make us both regret this later.

“I have school, but I need to talk to you, Matt… That’s more important, now. Can you go to the back room or something… where we can talk alone?” I asked and I heard Matt move around, then he asked Jimmy and Jess to leave, then the door fell shut and he sighed.
“Okay, what is it, babe? You having a bad day?” He asked and I tried to not imagine his face, I tried to shield myself from the emotions, like I used to do.
“Yes, actually I am having bad weeks. And I need to tell you this, and I need you to listen, Matt. And I mean it listen to me until the end, alright? Can you promise me?” I asked and Matt was silent on the line I just heard his breathing.

“What is this about, babe?” It was more a whisper but I heard him loud and clear.
“Promise me, Matthew” I nearly begged and tried to calm my breathing, shut the feelings down.
“I promise, what is it?” Matt asked finally and I breathed a final time in and out.
“Do you remember the time at the party, when your ex-girlfriend Valary showed up, that we would always tell each other when something wasn’t right?” I asked carefully and Matt seemed to get the direction of the talk right away.
“Don’t do that, Maya. Don’t fucking do that!” He was growling into the phone and I had to quickly move on.

“Matt, I can’t do this anymore. I have been trying but, it’s not good for me, and it’s especially not good for you-” I tried to say more but Matt interrupted me right away.
“I said don’t fucking do this, Maya! Of course this is good for you and me, we belong together. You and freaking me, we are a couple, you can’t just say you can’t do this anymore… what the hell, Maya. Where is this coming from?! We can fix whatever it is!” Matt demanded and I swallowed thickly, I had been fighting it for days, weeks… and I knew he would react this way, knew he would question this, wouldn’t accept this easily, that’s why I had to make it real, give him a real reason… even though it wasn’t true.

“You can’t fix what I am feeling, Matt. I told you back at the party that, I want both of us to be honest and tell the others when it’s over, remember a painful break is better than to draw out the agony, you agreed.” I said and I hadn’t known these words would be actually coming true, it felt like a lifetime between that night and now.

“Tell me something Matt and don’t lie to me! Have you been feeling good these past weeks? Have you been happy with the situation?” I asked him and waited, silence greeted me.
“I have been happy when I had time with you, babe. It’s not that long till we make a break, we can figure this out, just wait for me to come home… I know we can figure it out. I won’t let you-”
“I don’t love you anymore.” I said those words while tears were running down my cheeks my heart breaking, I had to lie to him, or he wouldn’t let it go.

A sharp intake of breath and then, “You what?” Matt’s angry voice a whisper again but then he quickly regained himself, not wanting to believe me.
“I don’t believe you! Maya, talk to me… what’s wrong? We can fix this, I know we can!” Matt nearly yelled and I cringed.

“Damn it, Matt. It’s over! There is nothing to fix, I have been miserable, and you have been, too. Don’t tell me anything else, because I know that you lie.” I said and I tried to not sound like I was crying, or he knew this wasn’t the truth.

“This is not over, Maya. I don’t believe you… You can’t mean this!” Matt yelled again and I heard someone asking Matt something and he just yelled and a door slammed shut.
“Don’t do this, babe. I love you, Maya. Please” Matt didn’t answer my question cause he knew I was right, we had been both miserable, maybe I just wasn’t made for a long distance relationship, it was my fault and I had to let Matt go so he could be happy again, happy without me.
“I’m sorry, Matt… It’s over.”With that I hung up and laid down in my bed and cried, and now I was crying even worse than all the times before.

My phone wouldn’t shut up, Matt trying to call me again and again, just a couple of days later he finally gave up, but then Jimmy started to call, even Brian…
Ave had known about my feelings, she tried to talk me out of it, but had seen that I as stubborn as I was wouldn’t listen to her after I made my decision anyway, so she supported me as good as she could, blocking the calls and giving me time for myself.

That was how all this went down, I whisked the tear that escaped my eye away with my thumb because still thinking about it made my heart ache again.
The only good thing that happened since then was the call that I got about the last free place in a semester aboard.

A student had cancelled and one place had been free, and that’s how I got to the UK, where I was right now since over a months already.
I felt bad for leaving Ave behind, but she understood my intensions to go, understood I needed distance and be away from everything.

Never had I thought to see Ave only 2 weeks after I had been gone standing at my student apartment, crying and being a complete mess…
It had took her a while to tell me what happened between her and Brian, until she had shown me the pictures of Brian and the other woman, since then Ave had completely shut down, not answering any calls and trying to avoid the Brian topic more than anything.

I have not seen Ave like this before, it’s probably the worst she had ever been, now here in England while we were doing our last semester together, she took a couple of extra classes to distract herself, which in both my and Ave’s case wasn’t really working out, we had nothing else to do then bury ourselves in our room and not try to think about the past, or cry at stupid romance movies, I hated those… We learned so much that we were way ahead on our schedule and classes were getting boring.

The one thing we did together outside, since Ave had come to follow me, was getting our attire changed.
Ave wasn’t the cute little brunette anymore, she was now a cute and even hotter blonde, making me kind of jealous in how good she pulled that off and since Ave said we needed both a change, I got rid of my long hair and cut it into a shoulder length style and I had to admit, I looked like a new person, even though I still didn’t feel like one.

But that had to change, too and it had to change soon. I couldn’t stand this anymore, the not going out, the bad shape Ave was in, I had to see her smile again, and we could use some fun, we had to move on, cause our past had moved on as well, I gave the picture of Matt, Brian and the others a final look before being sure, they wouldn’t be mourning the past anymore, they were having fun again, and so should we.

“Hey Maya, you remember the party I told you about?” Tyler stood before my table his British accent very thick.
“Yes, I remember” I smiled up to him and he nodded “You coming? I mean it’s a private party, but I would give you the invitation if you do want to.” He said and moved closer.
When he first asked me I told him we wouldn’t be coming, it was always we, me and Ave, but right now, I thought, why not?

“We are coming, I will talk to Ave, but… yes, we will be there.” He grinned “Perfect, here.” He handed me an invitation card with the address and motioned to it, “Here is the address, it will begin at 9, we see us there”With that he went past me and I smiled, a party… we haven’t been to a real party in months, so why not this one.

“Maya, finally… it’s weekend” Ave stood before me, she said this like she was glad, but her face was telling me she was still feeling miserable, a piece of my little gnome was missing.

“Yes, thank god, and believe it or not I got something for us to do tonight, and I don’t wanna hear any excuses, Ave. We haven’t done anything, and I mean it, anything at all lately, so… this is it. A party, you and me, we will dress up and we will go there, have fun, drink and move on… because Ave I know exactly what you are feeling and I also know what you are thinking, but they moved on, and we need to do that, too. We need to take our life’s in our own hands again and we need to have fun, we need to live again. And even more important I need to see that gorgeous smile on your face again, so don’t say no Ave” I didn’t leave her a choice anyway, did I?

“Maya, really… I don’t want to-” Ave began to shake her head but I wouldn’t let her. I dragged her back to her feet and put my laptop in my bag.
“We will go shopping now, we will buy us something nice to wear and then we will get ready, and at 9 we will head to this party and have fun, please Avery… PLEASE!” I begged her and Ave rolled her eyes, “Fine, it can’t be that bad, can it?”

Notes

Soooo... here is the first Chapter of the Sequel :)

You can guess from this beginning already that it will be a bumpy ride, so ladies...
Strap you seatbelts on... here we go!!

And leave comments of course!! :D

PS. Special Thanks to Aggie for the amazing Header :-*