My Heart in Atrophy

I watched Aubrey sleep peacefully. The sun was coming up and creating a beautiful glow off of her brown hair. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was still very beautiful, but more mature. Tattoos graced her arms and most of her body, something I never imagined her doing. My eyes followed the lines up and down, exploring each and every piece of art that adorned her skin. She was still very fit, finally having grown into herself, no longer in her teenage gymnast body.

I felt her stir in her sleep, moaning as she stretched and her eyes slowly opened.

“Hey.” I brushed her bangs out of her face.

“Morning Zack.” She reached out for me, grabbing my hand and running her thumb over the back of my hand, “When am I going in for my MRI?”

She worked her soft thumb over the lion that adorned my hand then entwined her fingers with mine.

“You have already been there. I’ll go let them know you are awake and they will tell us the results. Brian will be here soon.”

Aubrey nodded then closed her eyes and turned her head as she let go of my hand. From the motion of her chest rising and falling, I figured she was falling asleep again. Just as I got out of my chair, the doctor knocked on the door and stuck his head in.

“Good morning,” He spoke almost too cheery, the doctor pulled up a chair next to me, “How are we feeling this morning?”

Aubrey turned her head and blinked her eyes a few times, “I’m okay. Just cut to the chase Doc, how bad is it?”

Still right to the point.

“Well Aubrey, when you initially inured your knee, your LCL was strained and completely overlooked. Your ACL is fine but you have a partial tear of the LCL and will require surgery. The meniscus is also completely torn.”

I watched the tears form in her eyes, I knew she wanted to cry.

“But my ACL isn’t injured again, so you won’t have to completely cut me open?”

“Here,” He pulled a business card out of his pocket, “Dr. Sobieski is a friend and great orthopedic surgeon. He did wonders for my daughter when she broke her ankle.”

“Thank you Dr. Vernon.” I shook his hand. “We really appreciate it.”

“You’ll be able to go home today. I wrote you prescription for more painkillers, I would try to get to Dr. Sobieski’s office as soon as possible. Your back will be fine. The ER doctor said the re opened wounds would heal fine and didn’t require many stitches.”

Aubrey breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed the doctors hand, “Thank you.”

He chuckled and placed his other hand on top of hers, “You’re welcome. Call Dr. Sobieski and get that knee looked at.”

Brian came in as the doctor left the room. He pulled a seat up next to the bed.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. Got to see an orthopedic surgeon for my knee, but everything else is fine.”

“Listen, about last night,” Brian started but Aubrey cut him off.

There was a fire in her eyes and venom filled her voice, “Don’t start with it Brian, I’m really not in the mood. I am in pain, a little high out of my mind on painkillers, and to top it off I will have to have surgery on my knee again.”

She paused and took a deep ragged breath, I knew she was holding in her anger, “I can’t deal with everything right now.” She put her hands to the sides of her face and ran her fingers through her hair, “All I want is to just kick back and wait for everything to calm down.”

“Aubrey, I know,” Brian began, at this point I excused myself into the hallway to let them work their problems out. I pulled my cell phone out along with the card Dr. Vernon gave me, figuring that if I made the appointment it would take a little pressure off of her.

I walked the long corridor towards the parking lot, the phone kept ringing and ringing. I hung up and crossed the lot away from the hospital. I dug my cigarettes out of my pocket and re-dialed the surgeons office. Nothing. Maybe it was too early. I phoned my brother instead.

“Do you know what time it is?” Matt yawned into the receiver.

I shrugged, “Not really.”

“How is she?”

“She’s good. Brian is with her right now, I’m just going to have her stay with me for the time being.”

“Really?” Matt sounded skeptical and just from his voice I could tell he had that look on his face that screamed that I had two heads.

“Yeah. It’s probably for the best, from what I understand Michelle pushed her and she fell down the stairs. I haven’t really asked what happened.”

“Still, what happened to all those years of you hating her and being ‘she just left all of us, no explanation’ or ‘that bitch’ blah blah blah.”

Matt was speaking the truth, I hated her for years. I hated that she just left all of us behind. Especially me. We had a falling out, I did some things that I am still not proud of, but I still had love for her. I realized it this morning when I was watching her sleep.

Way to sound creepy Zack.

“It’s in the past Matt. Can you come and pick us up?”

“Yeah,” he yawned again, “I’ll be there soon. Want me to pick you guys up anything for breakfast?”

“I‘m not hungry and don‘t think she is very hungry. Will you bring a spare t-shirt, she has nothing clean with her.”

“Alright, I’ll be there soon.”

The line went dead and I stuck the phone back in my pocket. I threw my cigarette on the ground and snubbed it out with my toe. I walked back across the parking lot to see Brian exiting the hospital. From the look on his face, it seemed that their talk didn’t go well at all.

“Hey man, what’s going on?” I asked casually.

Brian let out a large exasperated sigh, “She is pretty pissed right now. Mostly at Michelle. I made her cry. I don’t know what to do.”

“Give her time man.”

“What about you two, you seem all hunky dory.”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I wouldn’t say that. We barely have talked. I mostly have been sitting and holding her hand or talking to the doctors.”

“Is she okay at least?”

“She’s fine, for the most part. Worried, a little scared about her knee. I am going to call the orthopedic surgeon and get an appointment for them to see her. Matt will be here soon and I am going to take her back to my place, try to get some food into her. Do you want me to bring her back to your place?”

Brian hissed, “Not a good idea right now. Michelle is still fuming. Speaking of which, I need to get back home.”

Before I could even ask what happened, Brian bolted across the lot to his truck. I wanted to know why it happened and why Michelle hated Aubrey. What did Aubrey do to make Michelle hate her so much? Back upstairs Aubrey was flipping through the channels on the TV, it was obvious that she had been crying. All I wanted to do was hug her and tell her everything was going to be all right, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to even touch her, to hold her.

“Are you okay?”

“I would be if you guys stopped asking me if I was okay.” She barked at me then got a look of immediate remorse. “I’m sorry.”

She twiddled her thumbs, “I’m sorry for snapping. When can we go?”

“Soon as the doctors give us the final okay and when Matt gets here.”

“I think I should go to my aunt and uncles until everything blows over at Brian’s place. I wish I could go back there. I just want to cuddle with my cats.”

“You can come stay at my place, its not an issue, I’ll even go get the cats, Ichabod won’t mind them.”

“I have three cats.” She chuckled, “They aren’t very friendly towards dogs.”

“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.”

She just nodded her head and smiled at me, “Thank you for everything. I didn’t expect this from you.”

My heart sank deep into the pit of my stomach, “I didn’t expect this from you” rang in my ears.

She had every right to think that of me, after what I did to her, after the way I hurt her. I felt a pain resonate in my chest, I turned away from her and put my hand where I felt it. I heard a knock on the door and looked over at my brother, shaking away the feelings of hurt.

“Matty!” Aubrey squealed, she held out her arms and flexed her fingers, motioning for him to go to her. Matt leaned down and gave her a hug, “It’s so nice to see you. Thank you for bringing us last night.”

“What happened?” He was concerned.


“I fell down the stairs last night, re-injured my knee but all is well.”

The nurse came in to the room and told us that she could go home.
We collected her belongings and the nurse helped her change into the t-shirt Matt brought. The nurse gave us a bag with extra dressings for her wounds and care instructions, plus a pair of crutches then they fit her in a temporary knee brace We helped her into a wheel chair, I watched Matt wheel her towards the front of the hospital, she was patting his arm and had smile on her face. I was oblivious to what the nurse was saying to me, only replying with a nod of the head or an yes.

The car ride was mostly Matt and Aubrey poking fun at each other. They were always childish when they were in close proximity of each other. I ignored their antics and concentrated on my thoughts. Matt pulled into the driveway next to my car. He got out in a hurry and opened the passenger door. Aubrey wrapped her arms around his neck and he carried her up to the door, I followed with all of her things.

Once inside, Matt placed her gently on the couch and covered her with a big blanket that hung over the back. She thanked him and closed her eyes.

“It’s strange having her back,” Matt commented as we walked into the kitchen.

“I know,” I replied, thinking about her, “She is so different. I always imagined her coming back and being the same, plain jane athletic girl. But she isn’t. She still is gorgeous.”

“Aww.” Matt placed his hands over his heart, “You still like her.”

I looked at the ground, “I never stopped.”

Matt shook his head, “What happened between you two? What did you do to make her leave?”

“Something awful.”

“Like?”

“I don’t like talking about it. I don’t like thinking about it.”

Matt walked up to me and pat me on the shoulder, “I’m going to take off.”

He left me standing there. Shame was all I felt. I hurt her so bad, yet she was here, on my couch, acting like nothing ever happened. Maybe she was pretending or hiding her feelings really well.

She should hate me.

Notes

I want to thank everyone who has read this so far. I have the next few chapters done, I am just editing them and making sure they are all good.

I want to send a special thanks to:

LadyRevenge
DaniVengeance
MoMo_92
KWally2
g0ldenheart_rebelfist